


Be Still and Know I Am

by therebelliondies



Category: Hunger Games (2012), Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-10-05
Updated: 2013-04-27
Packaged: 2017-11-15 17:09:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 88,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/529596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therebelliondies/pseuds/therebelliondies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After receiving a life-altering call from home, Katniss returns to the tiny rural town in Illinois. She doesn’t expect old feelings for Peeta Mellark to arise when he walks back into her life but she slowly comes to realize that she wouldn’t be able to survive this without him.</p><p>Warnings: Character death, Sexual content.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

**March 25, 2012**

 

            Katniss is walking across dead, brown grass of the University of Minnesota’s quad on a rare, warm early spring day when her phone rings. She frowns; normally no one calls her at this time of day since Prim should just be getting out of school and her mother has a shift at the hospital. The screen flashes a picture of her mother’s face though and she hits the button to answer.

            “Mom?”

            “Katniss.” Her mother’s voice crackles a bit as a breeze rushes through the quad and Katniss turns her head, “Katniss, you need to come home. It’s Prim.”

            Katniss isn’t sure she hears anything her mother says after that, spinning on her heels and darting back across the grass, the day suddenly seeming too cold even with the sun beating down happily against her tan skin.

            She packs in a haze, grabbing things and haphazardly throwing them into a bag. It’s early evening by the time she manages to throw the duffle bag onto the passenger seat of her banged up 1994 Ford Taurus and start the car, waiting as it struggles to turn over before roaring to life.

            Katniss doesn’t stop until her fuel gauge flashes empty, pulling over in a speed trap town just past Madison, Wisconsin at a station named Bob’s Gas and Liquor. She left Minneapolis around five so that should put her back in Fairbury, Illinois around two in the morning if she doesn’t hit any traffic.

            Once she pulls out onto Interstate 39 again, she turns up stereo more as a means to drown out her worried thoughts than to keep her awake. The cassette in the player is one that Prim made her for her eighteenth birthday and currently We Built This City by Starship is blaring through the speakers. Prim always loved to dance around the house with Katniss to this song while their mother was working the night shift.

            “Katniss,” she would shout over the song, “one day we’ll both make it out of here and this will be our anthem.”

            Katniss would always laugh and shake her head. There are better songs than this one out there with more meaningful lyrics but she wasn’t going to begrudge her baby sister a theme song. The song brings tears to her eyes now and she blinks furiously to clear her vision.

            By the time she pulls into the driveway, it’s nearly two thirty but the yellow porch light is still on. The house looks just the same as when she left it nine months ago, the white paint peeling off the old wood siding and the screen door hanging slightly off kilter because of the hinge that’s still loose.

            Katniss climbs out of her car after killing the headlights and the engine and lets herself into the house. It’s silent and empty, nothing she didn’t expect, but the red light is flashing on the ancient answering machine that her mother insists on keeping even though hardly anyone calls the house phone anymore.

            Katniss pushes the play button and throws the bag on the old, tattered couch in their living room. It’s just her mother telling her to please sleep once she gets home and to call her in the morning once she wakes up so she can get directions on where to go.

            Katniss rubs a hand roughly over her face but digs out her favorite pajama shorts and her father’s old U of I tee shirt. She doubts she’ll get any sleep tonight but knows that her mother will refuse to answer her phone until morning until she at least tries to rest.

            Once she washes her face and brushes her teeth, Katniss makes her way to the tiny bedroom in the back of the house. There are two single beds there, each pushed up against a separate wall. At one point they had been pushed together, but after Katniss left for college, Prim decided that it gave her more floor space if there weren’t two beds taking up the middle of the room. Katniss crosses the room to the bed that is made, but clearly lived in, and cuddles into the zebra striped sheets that still smell like her sweet baby sister.

            She dozes on and off but by the time dawn breaks and she can hear the Hawthorne’s cows calling out for their morning feeding, she slips out from under the covers and dresses for the day. She dials her mother’s cell phone as she locks the door of the old house behind her.

            “Katniss.” Her mother answers her voice still groggy.

            “Where are you at?” Katniss asks frankly as she starts the Taurus.

            “Saint James. Up on five east.” Her mother replies, “Room 516.”

            Katniss pulls out of the drive and heads north toward the hospital her mother works at. The line crackles between them as Katniss dreading the answer to her next question.

            “How is she?”

            Her mother shuffles on the other end of the line and Katniss guesses she’s moving out of the room before speaking.

            “Better.” She says softly, her voice slightly hitched, “They transfused her overnight and her numbers this morning are better.”

            She’s talking like a nurse. Katniss has no idea what numbers her mother is referring to, but she’ll take it as a good sign since her mother seems to.

            “Are-“ Katniss’s voice cracks and she swallows dryly, “There are tests, right? Have you gotten results?”

            She can almost imagine the way her mother must be shaking her head, “No. The doctor will be in this afternoon to talk with us about them, give us our options.”

            “So it’s not confirmed yet.” Katniss says but really it’s a question, a plea, “Prim could be fine.”

            Silence falls again as the line crackles.

            When her mother speaks again, she can hear the tears in her voice.

            “It’s possible, but it’s highly unlikely, Katniss.”

            A flash of anger burns through her at her mother’s words. How could she be so negative? If anyone was the pessimist in the family, it was Katniss and she’s not ready to fly a white flag of surrender yet.

            “I’ll be there soon.” She says by way of goodbye before hitting the end call button and tossing the phone on the seat beside her.

            It’s a half hour drive that feels like ten hours before Katniss pulls into the parking lot of Saint James Medical Center.  But even with all that time to prepare herself, her own breath chokes her when she first catches sight of frail little Prim looking out the window while laying in the hospital bed that seems to engulf her. She takes a strangled breath and Prim turns to face her, her face breaking into a tired smile at the sight of her older sister.

            “Oh, Katniss,” Prim kids, “This isn’t my funeral and it’s not nearly as bad as it looks.”

            “Prim.” She whispers before crossing the room and sliding into bed next to her baby sister, cuddling her tiny body to her own. “I should never have left you.”

            Prim snorts and picks at the edge of the sheet, “Don’t be silly. You being here wouldn’t have stopped this from happening. I still would have gotten knocked in the nose by Rory’s elbow.”

            That was how all of this started. Rory and Vick had been goofing at the end of the school day before heading home and Prim had been hit in the face by a stray elbow. It didn’t break her nose, but there was a lot of blood; enough that the school nurse had called Ms. Everdeen to take Prim to the ER. The doctors there took one look at all the old bruises and decided to run blood tests. That was when they found her white blood cells were through the roof and her red blood cells and platelets were too low. Katniss doesn’t know much about the human body but apparently the numbers had been a cause for alarm and they admitted Prim immediately.

            “Maybe I would have noticed something sooner than you or mom.”

            Prim shakes her head, “This isn’t your fault. There’s nothing you could have done.”

            A nurse comes in after a little while to check on Prim and greets Katniss with a smile. She and Prim joke, and it doesn’t surprise Katniss that her sister has already made friends. Prim was always the more friendly of the two sisters. She makes friends easily with her sweet, bubbly personality.

            Ms. Everdeen returns shortly after this and they pass the hours speaking about everything except why they’re in the hospital. Prim asks Katniss about her classes, and parties, and the boys at college. Katniss can really only answer her little sister about classes since her social life is practically nonexistent. Plenty had changed since Katniss left high school but she had not become any more outgoing and there was still only one boy with bright blue eyes who had ever managed to capture her attention. She does her best though, to satiate Prim’s thirst for teenage gossip.

            Sometime late in the afternoon, a doctor, who looks far too young to be a doctor, walks in holding a folder full of papers. He looks up and flashes a toothy smile at the three women in the room.

            “Hello there, I’m Doctor Aurelius the head of the hematology and oncology unit here. I’m going to guess this lovely lady is Primrose Everdeen.” He greets, reaching a hand to shake Prim’s. I notice the bruises then, dozens of them of varying sizes, dark against her pale skin, and it makes me sick to my stomach.

            “Poppy Everdeen.” Mother greets the young doctor, “And this is my other daughter Katniss.”

            He shakes Katniss’s hand firmly, “Nice to meet you all.”

            She couldn’t agree less.

            “We have your results back from yesterday, and I wanted to sit down for a moment to talk with you and answer any questions you might have already.” Dr. Aurelius says, looking back down to the papers in his hands and pulling a chair up closer to where we’re all seated, “It looks like Primrose’s white blood cells are at about 90,000. That’s a lot higher than normal and that does place her in the typical range for many types of leukemia. She also has a significant number of blasts in her blood, which is also indicative of leukemia.

            “So, I’m sure you want to know where we go from here…”

            Katniss can’t listen to anymore as she turns to look at Prim who is frowning, her brow furrowed tightly as she listens bravely to the doctor. Her baby sister is sick. Really sick.

            “Can I be her donor?” Katniss blurts out in the middle of the doctor’s explanation of the bone marrow aspiration he wants to have done today.

            “Excuse me?” He looks up at her kindly.

            “They do bone marrow transplants for this sort of thing, right? I want to be her donor.” Katniss explains, reaching to squeeze her little sister’s hand. She can’t protect her from this physically but she can still give her sister her stem cells.

            Dr. Aurelius nods, “Well, it’s good to hear that you’re willing, Katniss. We can test you and any other family that is interested in donating to see if you’re a match but there are other steps that we try first. Bone marrow transplants can be very dangerous so if we can find success with other treatments, we try those first.”

            Katniss nods, “You said if I was a match. How likely is it that I won’t be?”

            “Siblings are often where we find matches, but only about thirty percent of patients have a match within their family.” He explains, and Katniss nods again, allowing him to continue on with his earlier explanation.

            Katniss refuses to leave the room when the nurses tell her it’s time for Prim’s bone marrow aspiration. When they realize she’s serious, they let her stay and hold Prim’s hand. She has to look away as the massive needle is pushed through skin and bone to draw out the fluid out for testing. Prim squeezes her hand tightly, screwing her eyes shut until the entire thing is over.

 

            Over the next several days the Everdeens become a familiar presence at St. James, although Katniss isn’t sure any of the nurses were happy about this fact after she ripped into one of them when the woman refused to give Prim more pain medicine.

            Dr. Aurelius was surprisingly well connected for such a young doctor and had friends at Children’s Memorial in Chicago. He began collaborating with them immediately on Prim’s treatments and started her off on her first round of chemo three days after she was first admitted to the hospital. They were released not long after the first dose of chemo. Almost all of the treatment will be done at home or on an outpatient basis unless complications occur.

            It’s been two months now and her numbers still aren’t coming down as much as Dr. Aurelius would like to see. He started her on a new round of chemo just the other day and Prim hates it. She says the nausea is worse with this type. Just the other week Katniss sat up in bed with her all night, rubbing her back while she puked her guts out. Prim was mortified at first when she would get sick but now they have it down like clockwork. Her hair has started falling out as well and she says she wants it shaved off next week. Katniss offered to do it with her but she resolutely refused.

            “I want to be able to look at your hair. That’s what I hope mine grows back in like.” She explained with a hopeful smile. Katniss laughed. Leave it to Prim to find a positive in all the side effects of the chemo. The poison might make her hair fall out but it might also cause it to grow back in a completely different color and texture. Katniss hopes this isn’t the case but she doesn’t say so to Prim. She wants her baby sister to have as many hopes as possible.

 

…

 

**June 14, 2012**

 

            Katniss walks out of the bathroom with her backpack slung over her shoulders. Her shift at the bar just ended fifteen minutes ago and she changed out of her tight black tee shirt with the Abernathy’s Pub logo on it and into a more comfortable Minnesota State shirt.

            This is how her days usually went now. She spent her nights working the busy shift at the pub and her days by her sister’s bedside at the hospital. Her mother swears she’s running herself into the ground but how else are they going to afford all of Prim’s treatments? Even with insurance, the bills are piling up.

            “You off to see your sister, sweetheart?” Haymitch calls from the booth he likes to sit in once he’s too drunk to stand. He’s the town drunk and surly as anything, but he had offered Katniss the job as soon as he heard she was staying in town again, and she couldn’t hate him after that.

            “Yeah.” Katniss answers, pulling her phone from her back pocket as it starts vibrating, “I’ll be back for my shift tomorrow night.”

            “You take care of yourself!” He yells after her, but the door is already swinging shut as she answers her phone.

            “Mom, what’s wrong?”

            “Nothing, Katniss.” Her mother’s tired voice answers from the other end, “Nothing is wrong. Prim just woke up from a nap though, and she has a craving for cheese buns. I thought maybe you could pick some up on your way here if you haven’t left work yet.”

            “Cheese buns.” Katniss repeats and her mother mistakes it for a question.

            “Yes, cheese buns, you know, like you used to love. From Mellark’s Bakery?”

            Katniss knew exactly what her mother was talking about the first time of course. It wasn’t so much the food that she was thinking about, but the boy who happens to make the food.

            “I know.” Katniss responds after a long silence, “I uh- I’m just leaving work now so I’ll bring them with me. How’s she doing today?”

            “Not bad.” Her mother’s voice doesn’t sound too optimistic about it though. Prim was admitted three days ago when she woke up with a dry cough and fever. It’s easy for her to get sick like this because, even though her white blood cell count is high, all the cells are too immature to fight off infections. She has been receiving heavy-duty IV antibiotics to fight the infection for her.

            Katniss can tell her mother is hiding something, “What is it?”

            “They got the results for the matching back.” She says softly. Katniss’s heart jumps into her throat. Last week, Dr. Aurelius had finally agreed that it would be best to start searching for a bone marrow match. Prim’s white blood cell counts still aren’t under control and she still has blasts in her blood, both signs that the chemo isn’t working well enough according to Dr. Aurelius. She pulls into an empty parking space outside the bakery and turns the engine of the Taurus off.

            “And?” Katniss asks, her throat so tight the word comes out as a squeak.

            “Neither one of us were matches, dear.”

            Katniss closes her eyes and rests her forehead against the steering wheel.

            “I’m sorry.” She whispers to no one in particular, except for perhaps herself.

            “It’s not your fault, Katniss.” Her mother’s voice soothes from the other end of the line but she’s not having any of it. She’s the older sister. She’s supposed to protect Prim from everything, but how is she supposed to protect her from her own traitorous body? The bone marrow was the answer but it’s been stolen from her now and she’s helpless.

            “I’m at the bakery. I need to go. I’ll see you both in about an half hour.” Katniss states dully before hanging up and climbing out of the car.

            A tiny bell tinkles as she opens the door to the bright blue storefront of Mellark’s Bakery.

            “I’ll be right with you.” A man’s voice shouts from the back as she makes her way to the glass cases. She doesn’t immediately recognize the voice but she isn’t sure that she would know _his_ voice muffled through the door even if she heard it.

            It’s been almost four years to the day since she last saw Peeta Mellark and part of her had hoped she would never see him again. Things ended badly between them right after they graduated and she spent the better part of that summer avoiding Main Street so she didn’t have to see the way his muscles rippled under his work shirt or those stunning blue eyes. She had managed to avoid him completely up until today when Peeta Mellark walks into the front of the bakery and back into her life.

            “Hey.” Peeta says, his voice belying his surprise at finding Katniss Everdeen standing at the counter.

            “Hi.” She replies, nervously toeing her sneaker against the floor.

            “I heard you were back in town.” He shifts over to one of the glass cases and starts pulling out cheese buns to fill a box. She watches him for a moment before speaking.

            “I heard you never left.” She snaps, irrationally angry that he already assumes he knows what she’s here for, and even angrier that he’s right. Peeta always knew her that way, almost better than she knew herself sometimes.

            His jaw clenches but otherwise his irritation over her remark doesn’t show as he nods and keeps filling the box with cheese buns, “You heard correctly then. Small town gossip is true sometimes.”

            “What’s that supposed to mean?” She crosses her arms over her chest, glaring at the man in front of her.

            He’s a bit taller than she remembers, but he still wears his blonde curls in a disheveled way and his eyes are the same blue that she could get lost in for hours. She hazards a glance at his hands and instantly regrets it as they conjure up all the memories of how he used to touch her that she has tried to forget.

            “It means that I heard about Prim.” He says bluntly, putting away the last cheese bun before meeting his gaze with hers own. “How is she?”

            Katniss shrugs, “Okay. I’m on the way to St. James to see her now. She had an infection and they’re giving her antibiotics and watching to make sure they work.”

            Katniss doesn’t know why she tells him all of this. It’s not like she owes him information or that he really wants to know that much, but it’s easy for her to fall back into her old ways like before graduation, too easy really.

            Peeta nods slowly, as though processing through each word she has given him.  He pushes the familiar blue box full of cheese buns aside and leans his elbows on the counter so his eyes are level with hers.

            “How are you?”

            The way his eyes linger over her body before moving back up to her face sends an electric current tingling through her spine. She doesn’t want to admit to herself that he can still do that to her with just his eyes so she looks away, out the front window of the shop which faces the Cartwright’s hardware store.

            “Fine.” She mumbles, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

            “You look exhausted.” He points out but it’s not in a condescending way. It’s just in that sweet, caring way that he always used with her even four years ago. “I heard you were working nights at Abernathy’s and now you’re going out to the hospital. You can’t be getting much rest.”

            Katniss’s lips curve in the slightest of smiles, “Apparently small town gossip has gotten more reliable since I left.”

            Peeta stares at her a moment before giving a surprised laugh and pushing the box on the counter towards her, “If you ever have a spare minute, we should catch up sometime. I could come snag a beer with you while you’re on break.”

            Katniss nods but she knows she it’ll never happen. She’s too exhausted most nights to do anything other than sit down in the alley behind the pub and take a fifteen-minute powernap during her break.

            She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a wadded up five to hand to him. Peeta shakes his head, covering her hand with his and pushing it back toward her. She frowns both because she doesn’t want his charity and because of the sparks flying through her fingertips at his touch. She thought that would have gone away by now.

            “Keep the money. These are on us.” Peeta says firmly. When she opens her mouth to protest he adds, “It’s not charity, Katniss. I’ve started baking all the cheese buns and Dad would want you to test them to see if they’re as good as you remember.”

            “Does your dad still work here?” Katniss questions out of curiosity as she replaces the bill in her pocket, still a bit disgruntled that Peeta wouldn’t take her money but satisfied that it isn’t charity.

            Mr. Mellark had always been kind to Katniss and Prim when they would make a rare visit to the bakery. It wasn’t often their mother would spend the money on fresh baked bread but whenever she did, Mr. Mellark would slip the two girls shortbread cookies. He had also been like a father to her when she and Peeta dated and to be honest she had missed him just about as much as she had missed Peeta after they broke up.

            “Sometimes, yeah.” Peeta smiles at her interest, “Mostly in the afternoons since he claims he’s getting too old for the early mornings but we both know he just wants to sleep in. He’s turned over a lot of the work that goes into running this place to me now.”

            “Well, I’m really happy for you, Peeta.” Katniss smiles earnestly, and she truly is, “It sounds like you’ve gotten everything you wanted back when I knew you.”

            His eyes darken as he watches her before murmuring, “Not everything.”

            Katniss shakes her head a bit, “I have to get going. Prim doesn’t usually feel like eating so I don’t want to get there with these too late.” She holds up the light blue box for emphasis. “Tell your father I said hello.”

            She turns and is nearly out the door before Peeta’s soft voice calls after her, “It was great seeing you again, Katniss.”

            She pretends she doesn’t hear him.

 

…

 

**July 11, 2012**

            “Haymitch, I’m taking my break!” Katniss shouts over the hokey country music playing in the pub tonight. The pub’s new event coordinator, Effie Trinket, insisted on having a certain theme for each night of the week and Wednesday’s was country western, the bane of Katniss’s existence. It does bring in more customers though, which means more tips, so Katniss doesn’t complain.

            “You got it, sweetheart. Take an extra five. You look like you could use it.” Haymitch shouts back across the bar and Katniss nods though she doubts she’ll take him up on the offer.

            She checks her phone as soon as she steps out back and leans against the brick wall, closing her eyes as the automated woman tells her she has three new messages.

            One is from Gale, her childhood friend, checking in to see how she’s doing. Katniss deletes the message, knowing she probably won’t return the call. It’s not that she doesn’t want to talk to Gale, but she’d rather not spend her time talking about herself right now. It’s easier just to focus on Prim.

            The other two are her mother. The first saying that Prim’s latest counts came back today and they still don’t look good. She says Dr. Aurelius wants to talk tomorrow about taking a more rigorous approach with the chemo. The last is her mother telling her Prim is running a fever again so they’re going to the ER.

            Katniss closes her eyes and lets a deep breath out through her nostrils as she pushes the end call button. She runs a hand roughly over her face and is so caught up in her thoughts that she doesn’t hear the door open beside her.

            “I knew you were avoiding me, Everdeen, but you didn’t have to run and hide in an alley.” Peeta jokes and her eyes snap open to see his broad form standing in front of her, green striped shirt with the top button unbuttoned and the sleeves rolled up just like he always wore.

            “Apparently you still didn’t take the hint.” She quips but her voice lacks the joking tone it needs and the words come out biting.

            His smile disappears and is replaced by concern as he steps closer, “What’s wrong?” He knows her too well to think she’s just being a bitch right now. He’s too good for her, honestly, and she knows it. She has nothing to offer him at this point in her life. That’s why she doesn’t want anything to do with him, but she can’t push him away right now, not when she wants so desperately for him to hold her in his arms like he used to and chase all the bad things away.

            “Prim’s sick again.” Katniss sighs, letting her back slide against the scratchy surface of the wall until her butt hits the ground.

            “Is she going to be alright?” Peeta asks, moving to sit next to her.

            Katniss shrugs, “Probably. Mom took her to the ER and they’ll pump her full of antibiotics to try and stop it. The chemo isn’t working either.”

            Peeta’s hand finds her between them and squeezes, but he doesn’t say a word, waiting for her to say what she needs to. He was always good with words but Katniss always appreciated his ability to listen more.

            “I’m not a bone marrow match either.” Katniss lets out a harsh laugh, “I actually found that out right before I saw you for the first time last month. But it doesn’t matter anyway because if they can’t get the chemo to keep her counts down, they can’t do the bone marrow transplant.”

            She pauses for a long while before quietly adding the one fear that has been repeating in her head for weeks now, “I don’t know how to protect her, Peeta. I can’t save her from this.”

            “What can I do to help?” He whispers, his thumb brushing lightly over her knuckles in that way that makes her entire arm tingle.

            She hates herself for even thinking it. She hates the way his eyes tell her he already knows what she’s going to say. But she’s so glad he’s here, because even if it’s just for a few minutes, she knows he can chase the bad away.

            “Hold me.” She mouths and he doesn’t hesitate for a second to wrap his arms around her and pull her into his lap.

            She still fits just like she always did and her body remembers his as her hands slid over his chest to delve into his curls as she buries her face in the crook of his neck. Katniss is suddenly overwhelmed by every worry and frustration she’s experienced since returning home from college five months ago.

            Tears trail their way down her cheeks only to be absorbed by the soft fabric of Peeta’s shirt. He doesn’t say anything or make false promises that everything will be okay. He simply holds her, gently rubbing his hand over her arm and rocking her against his chest. She is so grateful for him and she will never stop owing him for this one solitary moment where she doesn’t have to be strong for anyone.

            “You’re doing everything you can, Katniss.” He whispers into her hair once she’s stopped crying and only the sniffles remain, “You’re so brave and it’s not fair that this has happened to Prim, but if anyone can get through this, it’s you.”

            “I can’t lose her, Peeta.”

            “I know.” He murmurs, rubbing a comforting hand over her back, “Let me help you, Katniss.”

            “Peeta-“

            “I know things ended badly between us before but don’t push me away now.” He pleads tilting her chin up so she is forced to look at him, “I will always be here for you if you’ll let me.”

            She lets out a deep sigh that she didn’t know she had been holding in, “Okay.”

            “Okay.” He smiles in that uneven way that she loves, the one reserved for moments like this when she lets him be the strong one for her, “You’ll allow it?”

            “I’ll allow it.” She her lips curl up slightly.

            The door bangs open beside them and Katniss jumps to her feet, brushing at the seat of her pants nervously as Haymitch’s head pokes out from the bar.

            “Sweetheart, it’s been a half hour. You coming back or not?” He asks gruffly, his arched eyebrow the only indication that he’s surprised to find her back here with Peeta Mellark.

            “Shit. Sorry, Haymitch, I’ll be right in.” She replies and the old man disappears, closing the door with him.

            “So you’ll call.” Peeta reiterates their agreement, stepping backwards down the alley that leads to Main Street.

            “I will.” Katniss promises before hurrying back inside the too noisy and overcrowded bar.

 

…

 

**July 27, 2012**

 

            “Just go mom!” Prim shouts as Ms. Everdeen fiddles with her keys at the front door, reminding her two daughters that the emergency numbers of where to reach her are all listed on the fridge.

            “Alright!” She replies before placing a kiss to the top of Prim’s shiny head and hurrying out the door to the nursing conference she paid to attend months ago that will be taking place in Chicago this weekend.

            As the door latches, Prim lets out a dramatic sigh, “Finally!”

            “Come on, Prim, give her a break. She’s just nervous about leaving you.” Katniss points out as she pulls out her phone to order pizza for delivery. Her mother had left instructions on how to cook a casserole but Katniss had no intention of attempting to burn the house down tonight by trying to cook.

            “It’s not like she’s leaving me alone!” Prim argues moving to the stereo to turn on the only radio station that we get at the house, an oldies channel that we grew up listening to. “I have you.” Prim flashes a bright smile at her older sister and Katniss returns it with her own tiny one.

            “Oh!” Prim shouts at the song that starts up, “I love this song! Dad used to sing this one with us when we were little.”

            The younger girl grabs Katniss by the wrists and pulls her out into the center of the living room, twirling her as she goes. Prim giggles delightedly and earns a laugh from Katniss.

            “But mama said, you can’t hurry love. No, you just have to wait! She said love don’t come easy, but it’s a game of give and take!” Prim sings at the top of her lungs.

            Her face is so joyful and free that Katniss finds herself singing along and dancing terribly alongside her sister. When the pizza comes, Rory Hawthorne happens to be the delivery boy, but Katniss has a feeling it’s not a coincidence that he would be the one to get the Everdeen’s order.

            “Hey, Prim!” The dark haired boy shouts over the music. Prim’s eyes widen for a moment and her hands fly to her scalp, where she normally wears a headscarf if visitors are around. She gives a horrified squeak before she darts out of the room.

            Rory’s jaw drops and his eyes widen to match Prim’s just before she ran from the room, “I- I didn’t mean to-“

            “It’s okay, Rory.” Katniss assures him, taking the pizza from him and pressing the cash into his palm, “I’ll talk with her. Thanks for the pizza.”

            “Tell her I wanted to ask her something.” He says hesitantly, scuffing the toe of his converse on the front step.

            “I will.” Katniss promises, and he shuffles dejectedly back to his car with slumped shoulders.

            “Prim?” Katniss raps lightly on their bedroom door with two fingers before pushing it open, “Talk to me, little duck.”

            She sobs loudly into her pillow for a long time and Katniss rubs her back gently, humming a little singsong rhyme as she does. Eventually Prim turns her head to face Katniss, her face tear stained and blotchy as her lower lip trembles.

            “I look like a freak.” She whispers tremulously, as though confessing it will turn her into a monster in Katniss’s eyes.

            “Oh, little duck,” Katniss murmurs, laying down beside her in the bed, “You’re not a freak. You’re beautiful and smart and kind. Just because you don’t have hair right now doesn’t make you into a freak.”

            “Rory saw me!” She laments and the tears begin flowing again, “I really like him, Katniss, and now he saw me like this!”

            Katniss brushes her hand over where her sister’s golden locks used to be and smiles, “Prim, I think he likes you too and he told me that he had something to ask you. I don’t think that you’re going to scare Rory Hawthorne off with a bald head. Don’t you remember the time Gale convinced him to let him shave his head?”

            Prim gives her a watery smile, “Yeah. That was pretty bad.” She laughs at the memory of Rory. Gale had no clue how to shave a person’s head and had left divots in what should have been a smooth buzz cut. Hazelle had been livid and told Rory he’d have to go to school like that for the week.

            “You really think he likes me, Katniss?” Prim asks hopefully, her blue eyes wide and still red from the tears.

            “I do, Prim.”

            Katniss doesn’t realize she’s fallen asleep until suddenly she wakes up cold and alone in Prim’s bed. The red numbers on the clock say that it’s almost nine o’clock as she sits up and sees the light shining out from under the bathroom door in the hallway. Prim must have woken up and needed to go to the bathroom.

            Katniss shuffles out of bed, pulling on a sweatshirt before going into the kitchen to reheat the pizza. It’s not until she hears something clatter into the sink in the bathroom that Katniss thinks anything of the length of time Prim has been in there.

            “Prim!” Katniss calls through the door.

            “It’s okay, Katniss.” Her sister’s worried voice says from the other side, “I- I just dropped something. I’ll b-be out in a minute.” Her voice cracks on the last word and Katniss opens the door without seeking permission.

            Her stomach clenches at the sight. Blood is everywhere, so much blood, her baby sister’s blood.

            “I’m okay.” Prim assures her, but Katniss can tell she’s not. Prim is so, so pale, the blood flowing freely from her nose, contrasting sickly with the milky color of her skin.

            “Come on.” Katniss says taking her by the wrist and leading her to the kitchen where she takes the entire roll of paper towels and hands them to Prim, “We’ve got to go to the hospital.”

            “No, Katniss!” Prim begs sadly as Katniss unlocks the Taurus and climbs into the drivers seat, “It’ll ruin the weekend. Mom will come running back here and I’ll ruin everything again!”

            “Prim, get in the car!” Katniss orders, her words becoming frantic. She doesn’t like the amount of blood on the used paper towels that her sister is holding. “I won’t call mom until the morning once things have blown over, just get in the car.”

            Prim does so reluctantly and Katniss turns the keys in the ignition but the car won’t start. It makes a sputtering noise and dies out every time she tries.

            “Shit!” She screams in frustration, slamming a hand against the wheel. She can’t even have one happy night with her sister and now the damn car is broken.

            “What are we going to do now?” Prim asks, her voice just louder than a whisper as though afraid asking might send Katniss into a tirade.

            Katniss pulls out her phone and dials the first number that comes to mind.

            “Hello?” Peeta’s groggy voice answers from the other end.

            “Peeta.” Katniss breathes the name, already calmer after just hearing his familiar voice.

            “Katniss?” He asks, sounding far more awake this time, “Is everything okay?”

            “Can you come to the house?” Katniss asks and she can hear him stumbling around his room, probably jumping into a pair of pants or digging for a shirt to put on. “Prim needs to go to the ER and my car won’t start.”

            “I’ll be there in ten.” He says, and she hangs up before he can say anything else. Prim doesn’t ask anymore questions as she continues to pull off fresh paper towels to press to her nose.

            His headlights turn into the driveway seven minutes later and he jumps out of the tan SUV almost before throwing it in park, leaving it idling as he crosses to the two women waiting for him.

            “Peeta!” Prim says in a shocked tone.

            “Hey, Prim, we’re going to get you to the hospital as fast as we can.” Peeta assures her as he opens the side door for her.

            Katniss climbs into the passenger seat without a word and Peeta peals out of the driveway, heading north toward St. James. No one speaks for the thirty-minute journey that Peeta makes into twenty. His hand finds Katniss’s and pulls it over to the center counsel, his fingers brushing her knuckles lightly as if to remind her he’s still there with her.

            The doctors rush Prim into the ER and Katniss goes with her while Peeta parks the car. Before he returns, the doctor is preparing to put in nasal packs to stop the bleeding.

            “I know how you get around all this stuff.” Prim waves her hand to indicate the hospital and medicine in general, “Go find Peeta.”

            Katniss barely makes it out the doors of the ER before Peeta comes barreling around a corner with a worried look. He slows when he sees her there, arms crossed across her chest in a familiar sweater that’s far too big for her. She knows he must recognize it; he gave it to her after a bonfire near the end of their senior year, and she never gave it back. To this day she has never owned a more comfortable item of clothing.

            “Is everything okay?” Peeta asks as he approaches her at a more human pace.

            “It will be.” Katniss says trying and failing to offer him a reassuring smile, “They’re putting nose packs- these strips of gauze- in her nose to stop the bleeding. I got kicked out because she didn’t want me to pass out.”

            “Some things haven’t changed then.” Peeta jokes, reaching up to tuck a bit of hair that managed to escape her braid behind her ear. “Still squeamish at the sight of anything outside of the body that should be inside.”

            Katniss gives a dry laugh but a smile tugs at her lips because she knows it’s true. It’s always been that way with her. Prim and her mother are the ones that can cope with gore. Katniss would rather look at just about anything else.

            “Thank you.” Katniss says softly, looking up at him to see that same tiny smile he always seems to wear no matter what and the small lines at the corners of his eyes from laughing so much, “For coming to get us. I know it’s late and you have early mornings at the bakery-“

            He shakes his head, “It doesn’t matter. Dad said he would open when I called him on my way to your house. I said I wanted to be here for you, Katniss, and I meant it.”

            She’s not sure why she does it. Maybe it’s the adrenaline coursing through her system. Maybe she’s exhausted. Or maybe it’s simply because he’s Peeta and she still has so many feelings left for him that she’s been trying not to admit.

            Katniss leans forward, closing the already small gap between them, and tilts her head just as his lips catch hers. The familiar fire flows lazily through her body as his lips move gently against her own. Her body still remembers him and it’s as if those four years apart aren’t there to separate them anymore; it’s as if she never left.

            They break apart when a group of nurses push through the doors a few feet away, but Peeta doesn’t let her go, his hands having found their way to hold her hips.

            “I should go check on Prim.” Katniss says softly, unsure of what else she could say to explain what just happened, and Peeta nods mutely as he follows her through the doors.

            They both sit with Prim while she receives several units of platelets after her counts came back low. Prim chats with Peeta animatedly about anything and everything. Katniss can’t help but notice how at ease he is, even in this horrible place, laughing lightly and joking with her seventeen-year-old sister. Her heart swells in her chest and she’s afraid she might do something stupid like cry, but somehow she finds herself laughing along with Prim at some story Peeta is weaving about his brothers and a one hundred pound bag of flour.

            Sometime in the wee hours of the morning, a nurse wakes Katniss with a sympathetic smile. Dr. Aurelius has gone over Prim’s latest counts after the transfusion and decided that she was safe to discharge home now.

            The sun is just rising by the time Prim is actually discharged from the hospital and they make it back to Fairbury. Peeta pulls into the driveway and carries a half asleep Prim to bed. Katniss follows him back to the door he leaves and he gives her an exhausted grin.

            “What?” She asks, wondering what on earth he could find to be so happy about after a night like last night.

            “You kissed me and you meant it last night.” He murmurs playfully as his hands pull her hips closer to his so he can bend to whisper in her ear, “Real or not real?”

            She smiles in spite of her exhaustion. It’s a game they used to play. He knows she’s not one for words so he would always say what he thought she was thinking and then pose the question.

            “Real.” She manages to answer before his lips claim hers.

            This kiss is different than the one in the hospital. That kiss had been reserved and slow and sweet. This one is hot and demanding, making up for lost time as his tongue brushes her lip, sending shivers through her body. Her fingers lace through his soft curls as she opens her mouth to him and lets his tongue brush hungrily against hers, pouring fire into her soul as he does.

            She doesn’t want this kiss to end and she doesn’t think it will as Peeta pulls her closer, pressing his body into her own with a guttural moan. His hands roam over her sweatshirt- his sweatshirt- just brushing the side of her breasts, sending a spear of heat darting between her thighs.

            They have no intention of separating but her phone begins blaring an overly, upbeat song, and Katniss pulls away breathlessly to look at the screen. It’s her mother. Katniss shoots him an apologetic smile and he presses one last sweet kiss to her forehead, mouthing that he would see her later, before heading out to his SUV.

            Katniss lets out a heavy sigh and prepares to face her mother’s wrath. By now she’s almost certain the matron of the Everdeen clan has received word from the hospital that Prim was there, and she is no doubt furious with Katniss for not calling. But as she watches Peeta pull out of the driveway and head toward town, she knows she did the right thing. Her mother needed a break and she never would have stayed in the city if Katniss had told her what was going on.

            She presses the answer button and doesn’t even get the phone to her ear before the yelling starts.

 

…

 

**September 9, 2012**

 

            Katniss isn’t sure how this all happened so quickly. One day she was helping Prim pick out a dress for homecoming that she thought Rory would like and the next Prim was in the hospital, hooked up to all kinds of tubes and machines.

            She has pneumonia.

            Katniss never thought that this could be what that meant. When she coughs, Katniss has to remember not to wince. It sounds so awful and no matter what antibiotics Dr. Aurelius gives her, she can’t seem to kick the infection.

            It’s not just the breathing that has Katniss worried now though. It’s the way her skin seems too tight against her bones. It’s the dark circles under her beautiful baby sister’s eyes. It’s how she hardly ever wakes up anymore, and when she does she’s too tired to be the bubbly girl Katniss remembers. It’s that Dr. Aurelius said the chemo still isn’t doing the trick; that her white blood cells are maintaining a steady level while her body is starting to shut down.

            She’s asleep now, wheezing quietly as the oxygen monitor pings softly another machine administers concentrated oxygen through a mask.

            “Little duck,” Katniss whispers, taking her sister’s hand that feels too cold, “please don’t leave me.” Her words are choked as the tears threaten to escape her eyes. She still can’t stand the thought of losing Prim. How can the world go on without such a bright spot of hope in it?  Katniss isn’t sure hers will.

            “Hey.” Peeta calls softly as he walks through the door with a brown bag as well as familiar blue box from the bakery.

            Katniss swats at the tears in her eyes, “Hey.”

            He presses a kiss to her cheek as he settles down beside her and sets the food on the windowsill. This has become normal to her. Stealing moments and kisses with Peeta in the parking lot or a deserted corner of the hospital or even now as his lips gently find hers while Prim is asleep beside them.

            “Long day?” He questions when they pull apart, resting his forehead against hers.

            She nods mutely and he brushes at a rogue tear from her cheek.

            “I brought deli turkey and cheddar to put on fresh rye bread.” He says, knowing that she’d rather her attentions be diverted for a moment rather than trying to talk about everything. “Think you can eat?”

            She nods again, not trusting herself to speak as he throws together two sandwiches. She nibbles at the bread once he hands it to her, but it just tastes like cement, getting caught in the back of her throat.

            He glances up at her sympathetically, “You can save it for later if you want.”

            Katniss replaces the sandwich on the paper plate he brought with him, “I’m sorry.” She says as the tears start escaping again, “I’m a real mess today.”

            Peeta puts his sandwich down, opening his arms to her, and she slides into his lap just like she always has when things get really bad.

            “Shh. Don’t apologize, Katniss.” Peeta murmurs, pressing kisses to her hair as she buries her face in his shirt and sobs, “It’s okay. It’s okay to cry, sweetheart.”

            She cries even harder at his words. How can he be so sweet to her when she has so little to give him? He’s always bringing her food and closing the bakery early to drive here with her. Katniss realizes she’s taking and taking, but she can’t name a single thing she’s giving back to him.

            Peeta holds her while she cries until her eyes dry up. She lets him untie her braid and run his fingers through her hair while she hiccups in the aftermath of her episode. And after she calms back down into silence, she lets him keep an arm around her waist while she rests her head on his shoulder as he alternates feeding her bites of a sandwich and taking bites himself.

 

…

 

**October 2, 2012**

 

            “Primrose Everdeen, was one of the bravest girls I ever met…” Katniss can’t focus on the words Rory is saying as he places a tiny yellow flower on the casket in front of him.

            Her mother is beside her, sobbing silently into a handkerchief, looking like a ghost she’s so pale against the black of her dress. Katniss can’t cry. She can’t feel anything other than the numbness that Prim’s death has left inside of her. Peeta’s hand is at the small of her back but she hardly notices until he presses against her, urging her forward now that everyone else at the ceremony has spoken.

            Stiffly, as though she’s a robot controlled by someone else, Katniss makes her way to place the primrose on her baby sister’s grave.

            “Prim- Prim was the best baby sister that I could have asked for. I loved-“ Her voice cracks and she takes a deep breath, meeting Peeta’s blue eyes as she does, “I loved her more than anything else in this world and she was so very, very strong. I’m proud to call her my sister and if I could ever be a fraction of the person she was, I will be able to do her name justice. Goodbye, my little duck, I’m so sorry.” Her last sentence comes out as a whisper and Peeta steps forward to guide her back to her seat.

            The wake is held at the Hawthorne’s ranch and Katniss thinks if one more gossipy old woman tells her she’s sorry, she might have a mental breakdown right in the living room. She waits until everyone is distracted before slipping through the kitchen and out the backdoor into the cool autumn afternoon.

            Her feet make a familiar path towards a patch of trees along the creek that runs around the back of the Hawthorne’s property. The sound of the leaves crunching beneath her feet is a welcome distraction from the heartbreak.  She came here after her father died just before her sixteenth birthday and she thinks it seems right to be here again.

            She can hear him coming from a mile away, his heavy steps giving him away as soon as he reaches the edge of the small woods. He doesn’t say anything as he wraps his arms around her from behind and rests his chin on her shoulder, his lips brushing against her ear.

            “Tell me what to do to make it better.”

            Katniss closes her eyes against the deluge of pain that his words release as she puts into words the only thing she wants, “Bring her back to me, Peeta.”

            He holds her tightly as the primal cries she has been holding in for the last several days finally make their way out into the world, the sound haunting, like a wounded animal crying out.

            “I can’t.” Peeta murmurs into her ear, rocking her against him, “I’m so sorry, Katniss, I can’t.”

            He keeps repeating this to her over and over as she weeps against him, a broken girl. She thinks she was right when she wasn’t sure her life would go on after Prim’s ended. She certainly feels like a part of her is dead, a very huge part. All that’s left now is some weak slip of what she used to be.

            The sun is nearly set by the time she has cried herself to exhaustion. Peeta doesn’t make her walk back to the house just yet though, instead settling her body between his legs and leaning back against a tree trunk.

            The evening is silent for a long time, save for the call of the last few crickets, until Katniss finally speaks the words her mind has been screaming at her since the moment Prim died.

            “I can’t stay in this place anymore, Peeta.”

            Home used to be here. It used to be Prim. And now that she’s gone, Katniss doesn’t know where to go. She knows she can’t stand being here anymore though.

            “Sounds familiar.” His joke falls flat between them and she can practically hear his wistful look as he says it. She said the same thing to him before she left for college, but things are so different now. Her words are so much more true now. He must understand that.

            “Please don’t hate me for it.” She whispers clasping her hands tightly over his that are wrapped around her waist.

            “I understand why you can’t stay in this place, Katniss. I could never hate you for it.” He turns his hands to lace his fingers in hers, “I still have to stay behind though. I can’t leave the bakery. Maybe I’ll always be the boy you left behind.”

            “I’m sorry.” Her voice cracks as she turns to give him one last kiss; she knows this will be the last. She tries to pour everything she has left into it because, even though she’s terrified to admit it to herself, this man is the only reason she has left to live anymore after losing Prim and she knows she’s going to break his heart when she leaves tomorrow morning.

 

…

 

**November 12, 2013**

 

            It’s been a year. A year since Prim died and to Katniss it hardly feels like any time at all, but she’s finally ready to fulfill her sister’s last request. She could never deny her baby sister anything, even if it did take her this long to get to this point.

            Everything looks the same just as she expected it would. A year rebuilding houses in disaster areas wouldn’t change Fairbury. Katniss thinks that perhaps a nuclear bomb couldn’t change the tiny, old town but she can’t be certain of course.

            It’s after five by the time she pulls up outside the familiar blue façade and the sign is already flipped to closed, but Katniss knows he never locks the door until he’s finished cleaning up for the day.

            “Sorry we’re clos-“ Peeta stops when he sees her standing in the doorway.

            The way he stares so intently at her makes her nervous. She supposes she probably does look different. Her hair is a bit longer and her skin several shades darker from working out in the sun.

            “Hi.” She hazards breathlessly.

            His eyes darken and she momentarily wonders if this was a bad idea. Maybe she should have called him first. She realizes she’s completely off the mark when he drops his broom and crosses the room in two strides, capturing her lips smoothly as he lifts her off the ground.

            She returns his kiss, all tongue and teeth and passion, trying to show him with her actions everything she has figured out this past year. He locks the front door and blindly carries her upstairs to his small apartment over the bakery and before she really realizes it, he’s settled over her on the soft covers of his bed.

            His lips trail over her jaw and down the soft skin of her neck as his hands find the hem of her shirt and tug. She lifts up and he peels the fabric away, returning his lips to her collarbone as he unclasps her bra, tossing it over his shoulder.

            “Peeta.” She whispers softly, tangling her fingers through his hair as his lips find her nipple. She arches against him and his moan is muffled by her, the heat of it tickling her skin.

            Impatiently, his hands fumble with the button of her pants before finally releasing it and pulling them off along with her underwear. Peeta doesn’t give her time to think before one of his hands finds her throbbing bundle of nerves and presses circles around it in the way that drives her body mad with want. He still remembers how to bring her body to pieces after all these years.

            A finger dips into her wetness and she knows she’s ready for him. She’s been ready since she pulled off of I-39 a half hour ago. The thought of Peeta has always been enough for her, and she wonders how she could have ever thought this would end any differently. It was always meant to be them, together – her and Peeta.

            “Katniss.” He groans as his finger curls inside of her and she understands what he needs. She needs it too.

            Her hands pull at his shirt, un-tucking it before he rips it over his head and wrestles his pants off, taking his boxers with them. Peeta quickly moves to hover over her again but hesitates.

            “Katniss?” Her name is the question this time and she knows the answer.

            “Remind me what it’s like to feel good, Peeta.”

            It’s all that he needs before he pushes into her, pressing his face into her neck and letting out a deep, utterly masculine groan as he does. Her hands grasp desperately at his back, as she whimpers, trying to bring him closer; he can’t be close enough.

            It doesn’t take either of them long once he finds his rhythm and presses into her, hitting that spot that makes her mind go numb and building the fire inside both of them. He peppers kisses across her chest, her neck, everywhere all at once until his lips join with hers and his tongue slides, wet and firm over her own.

            His movements become faster, more frantic, chasing after something invisible but blindingly powerful. His hips thrust firmly into her and she realizes she’s just as close, a white-hot coal in her belly waiting to burst into flames. His movements turn harsh and uneven as he lets out a guttural moan garbled with her name and collapses over her. The sound is all she needs, tumbling into a fire that consumes her as she calls out his name, arching up and pulling him tightly to her chest.

            After, once they’ve both come down and Peeta has pulled them up into bed, cradling her against his chest, she presses a kiss right where his heart is. She smiles up at the man with shining blue eyes and damp blonde curls and knows that her sister was always right.

            “I love you, Peeta.” Katniss whispers, fulfilling Prim’s last wish; that she finally admit this fact.

            He smiles that boyish grin she hasn’t seen in so long- too long, “Say it again.”

            “I love you.” She repeats, louder this time.

            “I’ve waited years for you to say that, Katniss Everdeen.” Peeta says huskily before kissing her with more passion than he ever has before, sending her toes curling under the covers. “I love you too.”

            She smiles, knowing that her next question will thrill him even more, “Will you let me stay here with you, Peeta? Will you keep me?”

            The look of pure joy that washes over him is enough to keep Katniss Everdeen alive for the rest of her life. He grabs her with a deep laugh swinging her over his lap so she sits straddling his hips. Katniss squeals as his fingers brush her sides, intentionally grazing the places he knows are most ticklish.

            His eyes flash a brighter blue than she’s ever seen them before and once he catches his breath again, he whispers, “Always.”

            Katniss smiles softly, placing a hand gently against the cheek of the most beautiful man she knows, feeling him hardening beneath her once again. This is where she belongs. It took her a year to find home again, but she realizes now that his arms are her home, easing the pain and suffering of life outside of his embrace. She rolls her hips slowly against him and his groan sends heat pooling between her legs again.

            Slowly, she lowers her lips to his for a deep, languid kiss because she knows she’s staying, now she has all the time in the world to make love to Peeta Mellark, and it doesn’t sound like a half bad life. Not by a long shot.


	2. Chapter 2 The Highschool Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss and Peeta had a relationship before she returned to town in 2012. How did Peeta first approach her? How did it end the first time? And what happened in between?

**April 16, 2006**

 

            Katniss hates walking through the halls during passing period, but the principal had set the rules pretty clearly. Get to class on time, or get suspended for three days. Katniss wouldn’t mind the time off, but the mark on her record could put her out of the running for a scholarship she’s going to apply for her senior year. So she decided to buck up and deal with the stares.

            She didn’t have time to shower this morning before running with Prim to catch the bus, and she doesn’t miss Glimmer Blithe’s sneer as she turns to Clove Westfall to make some snide comment about it. Katniss ducks into the bathroom and pulls a loose hair tie out of her backpack to braid her knotty, slightly greasy hair.

            She leans her palms on the porcelain of the sink once she’s finished and looks at the girl in the mirror. There are dark smudges under her eyes that make her look older than she is. Her cheeks are hollow and her skin has a sickly pale hue to it. She looks dead, just how she feels.

            Katniss doesn’t feel like a whole person anymore, not since her dad was shot and killed by a drug dealer when he pulled the car over for erratic driving on Interstate 39 four weeks ago. Her father had been a state trooper; one of the bravest men she knew and her best friend. Four weeks. Has it already been that long? Will she ever stop feeling like someone just punched her in the gut?

            The tardy bell rings so she gathers up her bag and makes her way to class. She’s several minutes late when she gets there and Miss Trinket makes some big deal about manners and respecting your teachers, but she doesn’t send Katniss back to the principal so really she got off easy this time. Katniss sinks into her seat and hopes the other students will stop watching her if she wills herself to disappear.

            One set of eyes burns into her the entire class though. She looks over her shoulder several times and those breathtakingly blue eyes are always watching her. They duck away quickly when she turns, but she catches him in the act anyway. Katniss knows Peeta Mellark, of course. His family owns the bakery in town, and everybody knows the Mellark boys. Everyone also knows that Peeta Mellark has girls hanging off his every limb. He never really dates any of them, but Katniss hears the rumors about how many girls he takes to the back of old farmer Chaff’s grain bins.

            She ignores him, assuming that he thinks she’s just going to be an easy lay. Katniss might be damaged, but she’s not an idiot.

…

            “Hey, Katniss, ever heard of soap?” Glimmer shouts across the crowded hall after the final school bell.

            Katniss stares back at the girl, her grey eyes dull and lifeless before she turns around and walks out of the school without ever stopping to get her things at her locker. She can’t stand the idea of waiting for the bus, so she’s walking along the side of a country road when an unfamiliar, tan SUV pulls up beside her and rolls down the window.

            “Hey, Katniss.”

            She waits for the punch line of whatever cruel joke the driver is trying to make but nothing follows, and she realizes his tone doesn’t sound like he’s being mean. Katniss looks up into the same blue eyes that she had caught following her throughout the day.

            “Hi.” She says, continuing to walk, squinting into the bright sun.

            “Can I give you a ride home?”

            “No.” She states firmly.

            “Well, I have your things!” Peeta calls after her, revving the SUV to follow her.

            She stops and looks up at the boy with golden curls and a stunning smile, and she scowls.

            “How do you have my stuff, Peeta?” She demands.

            He shrugs sheepishly, “My brother Andrew taught me how to break into lockers my freshman year.”

            “So you broke into my locker?” She narrows her eyes at him and crosses her arms over her chest.

            “Yeah,” he runs a hand through his messy curls, “I heard what Glimmer said and I saw you just walk out.” He shrugs again, “It’s Friday so I figured you’d miss your stuff over the weekend.”

            “So that justifies breaking into my locker and stealing my stuff?” She snaps angrily and Peeta blushes, “That’s not the best way to try and get into the pants of the girl whose dad just died.”

            Peeta’s blue eyes widen in shock, “I- I’m not- Katniss, I just wanted to help you. I- I like you and I know you’ve been having a hard time. I just thought maybe you could use a little help- a friend.”

            Katniss frowns at the earnest look on his face. Peeta’s known as a charmer but something tells her this is real; he really did just want to help. She sighs heavily. She is exhausted and it will take at least another two hours to get home if she walks.

            “Fine.” She opens the door and climbs into the passenger seat, “But I’m not sleeping with you.”

            Peeta chuckles as he drives off in the direction of her house, “Why do you think that I’m only doing this to get into your pants? I mean, you’re gorgeous, but usually I like to at least go on a date with a girl first.”

            She sucks in a sharp breath, but when she sees the grin on his face, she realizes he’s just joking. He honestly is good-looking enough to get away with murder, but usually he’s a pretty decent guy from what she hears. He’s not one to throw his looks around to break the rules without any consequence.

            “You’re strange.” Katniss says shaking her head and turning to look out the window so he doesn’t notice the smile tugging at her lips.

            “Good strange or creepy strange?”

            “Is there such a thing as good strange?” Katniss raises an eyebrow at him, “I thought strange in high school is social suicide.” She imitates in Glimmer’s nasally, high voice. Peeta laughs lightly.

            “Well, I don’t mind that you’re kind of a strange girl.” Peeta shrugs and Katniss blushes.

            “Strange because my dad died.” She fills in the missing reason he thinks this, “Crazy is the word they’re using, I think.” The kids at school always acted like she couldn’t hear their whispers, like just because she didn’t act bubbly, her ears didn’t function, but she heard them all.

            “Nah.” Peeta shakes his head, “You were never like the other girls, even before that. You’re quiet. You don’t need to fill silences and you don’t mind being alone. You don’t have many friends and it doesn’t bother you that you aren’t popular.” Peeta wrinkles his nose, “And you don’t cake your face with all that makeup.”

            Katniss rolls her eyes, “I wouldn’t know the first thing about putting on makeup.”

            “You don’t need it.” Peeta comments so casually, it’s as though he’s commenting on the weather, not practically calling her pretty.

            Katniss blushes furiously and turns her gaze away, unsure of how to respond, “This is me.” She says, nodding at the driveway ahead.

            “I know.” Peeta smiles to himself and Katniss realizes he found this place without any direction from her.

            “Stalk much?” She questions, pulling her book bag and jacket from the backseat.

            Peeta shrugs, “It’s a small town.”

            Katniss shakes her head slowly and slams the car door, giving him a short wave as he backs out of the driveway and heads back towards town.

…

            “Thanks for the ride.” Katniss says, gathering her stuff from the backseat like she has every day for three weeks now.

            Peeta’s hand falls on her forearm, freezing her motions, and she looks up to see his eyes watching her nervously.

            “Let me take you on a date.” He says softly, but she can tell it’s really a question.

            Her stomach flips nervously. She would be lying to herself if she said that she didn’t enjoy their rides home after school every day. The promise of fifteen minutes in the car with Peeta at the end of the day is what gets her through all the stupid taunting and pitying looks.

            She cocks an eyebrow playfully, as though she’s not a complete mess of nerves right now, “Is this your way of finally getting into my pants, Mellark, trying to take me out on a date?”

            His face splits into a bright grin, his eyes crinkling at the corners, “You seem to keep bringing that up, _Everdeen_. Does it mean you want me there?” His eyes flash down to her worn, denim jeans before looking back up at her face again.

            Katniss blushes, an embarrassed laugh escaping her as she stares back at the bright blue eyes.

            Peeta laughs too, “Is that a yes?”

            “Maybe.”

            He looks surprised and confused, and she decides not to clarify which question she’s answering before stepping out of the car.

…

            The next Friday, he pulls up in her driveway to drop her off after dinner. Prim had helped Katniss get ready and her hair is down in soft curls around her face for once. She’s wearing a plum sweater dress and black tights, something Prim assured her was ‘en vogue’ but not too contrived for Katniss’s style- whatever that means.

            Peeta grabs her hand before she can let herself out for the car and he rubs his thumb over her knuckles, a hint of a smile crossing her face. They stare at each other for a while as Katniss tries to calm down her heart that’s beating in her chest like a nervous hummingbird.

            “Is this the part where you tell me you want to take me to the grain bins?” She jokes, but the words come out breathless because her heart is making it hard to take in air.

            Peeta smiles gently and shakes his head with a chuckle, “You’re too good for the grain bins, Katniss.”

            His words send her heart rate racing even faster. If she keeps going at this rate, she’ll be dead before morning.

            “Why did you even want to go on a date with the weird girl?” She blurts out and immediately wishes she could stuff a fist in her mouth, “I- I mean, I’m sure Delly Cartwright would have dropped whatever plans she had to go out with you.”

            He shakes his head and fixes her with an even softer smile, “I don’t want Delly Cartwright; I want you. I really like you, Katniss.”

            The butterflies suddenly come alive in Katniss’s stomach as he leans in closer, “What made you agree to go on a date with me?” He asks quietly.

            The words are out of her mouth before she thinks, “You don’t pity me. You treat me like I’m normal, like a person.”

            His breath is minty from the gum he’s chewing as he lets out a breath he was holding, his eyes darkening as she bites her bottom lip in thought.

            “I’ve had enough pity to last a lifetime, Peeta. I just wanted someone to be there, and there you were, a stranger asking me to get in his car, where he’s holding my stolen belongings hostage.”

            Peeta leans back and lets out a barking laugh, one that makes Katniss smile involuntarily.

            “You make me sound like a creep.” He opens his door and Katniss follows as he meets her in front of the car and takes her hand again. She finds herself leaning into him slightly, enjoying the warmth his skin sends through her arm.

            “I told you that you were strange.” Katniss points out, which only makes him laugh harder.

            He lets go of her hand as they reach the front door. The yellow light over the steps is on. Prim must have flipped the switch before she went to bed; her mother is still sunk too far into her depression to notice Katniss left for a date tonight. She’s slowly getting better now that one of her fellow nurses referred her to a psychiatrist who gave her a prescription for some antidepressants, but he said it might still be another week or so before we they see any real changes.

            “Tonight was fun.” Katniss says abruptly, surprising the both of them.

            She honestly hadn’t really set the bar high as far as expectations go. The only other date she’d ever gone on had been with Gale last year and that had been a floundering mess. Trying to add that last dimension to their relationship made everything awkward, and they both decided it would be better to just stay friends.

            With Peeta though, it hadn’t been awkward. She hadn’t felt any different with him than she did every afternoon in the car. Of course, she had been nervous and strangely giddy, but as soon as he picked her up and they started talking, the nerves went away and it was just Peeta.

            He smiles now though and leans in slowly, giving her time to push him away and tell him off, but she doesn’t. Instead her hands find the soft fabric of his robin egg blue shirt and come to rest there as his lips gently find hers. It’s her first real kiss and she can’t help but think it’s a good one. She and Gale would play bride and groom when they were little kids and peck each other’s lips but it was nothing like this.

            Peeta’s lips slide smoothly over hers, warm and soft against her chapped ones. Katniss likes it. She likes the way it makes her belly tingle, and how she can taste the mint on his breath. She likes how his hand reaches up to cup the back of her head while his other one wraps loosely around her waist, pulling her closer to him.

            It’s not until she hears two gleeful giggles that she pulls abruptly away, slightly breathless and blushing. Katniss looks to the side of the door and just catches two small sets of eyes staring out at her before they duck back behind the yellowed curtain.

            “Prim! Rue! You’d better be asleep when I get in there!” Katniss shouts through the door and the quick sound of retreating footsteps can be heard.

            Peeta chuckles.

            “Sorry.” Katniss apologizes, but he shakes his head.

            “I have two older brothers. Trust me, I feel your pain.” He leans down and presses one last kiss to her cheek, “Will you let me take you out again sometime?”

            “Next week?” She suggests shyly.

            “Yeah,” Peeta smiles, “I’d like that.”

 

 

**July 13, 2007**

            “I don’t know what you were thinking, Peeta!” Mrs. Mellark’s voice carries out from the large, colonial style house into the manicured lawn outside where about forty people from the wealthiest families in the small town stand. And they’re all staring at Katniss, or at least that’s what it feels like as she stares resolutely at the scuffed toes of her sneakers.

            “I told you to bring a nice girl with you, and you bring her! She looks ridiculous. You made our family look ridiculous!”

            Katniss winces and wishes the unnaturally green grass would open up and swallow her whole. Marvel Jacobs and Glimmer Blithe are staring; their jeering smiles clear even from across the large yard.

            Peeta says something back to his mother, but he doesn’t shout like she does and his words are too muffled to understand. Katniss glances down at the slightly faded skirt, one of the few she owns and her favorite because of the tiny green boarder embroidered on the hem. Her blouse is one of mother’s old ones and it’s slightly outdated but Katniss had thought it made a nice enough outfit for a barbeque. That’s what Peeta had called it when he invited her- a barbeque. He didn’t mention that it was an annual fundraising barbeque that Mrs. Mellark has thrown since before any of her children were even born.

            Something shatters inside the house and Mr. Mellark hurries off through the door as Mrs. Mellark screams, “She’s cheap, Peeta! She’s just a simple farm girl whose family doesn’t have two pennies to rub together since her fool of father went and got himself killed.”

            A snort of laughter rings through the party and Katniss looks up to see Marvel grinning, his face red as he tries to hold back further laughter.

            She’s had enough of this, she decides. She clearly isn’t welcome here, nor does she belong. She cuts through the yard, heading out to the road that runs in front of the Mellark’s house and heads toward Main Street. She doesn’t run though; she won’t let them see how humiliated and devastated she is.

            The walk to Sae’s isn’t a long one, but sweat begins to bead across Katniss’s upper lip in the heat. She wishes she could have driven here herself, that Peeta didn’t insist on picking her up himself after her mother was called in to pick up an extra shift. It would have made for an easier escape, but she supposes this isn’t so bad. It gives her time to blow off some steam before pushing through the squeaky glass door, a burst of cool air rushing her face, as she enters Sae’s Corner Café.

            “Katniss, what are you doing here?” Sae calls from where she’s wiping down the long counter at the front of the dining room, “I heard you were going to be out at the Mellark’s hoity-toity fundraiser with Peeta.”

            “Yeah…” Katniss fiddles with the end of her braid and can’t bring herself to look at the older woman who has known her since she was in diapers, “Something came up. Can I use your phone? My battery died before I left home and I need Gale to come pick me up.”

            Sae’s brow creases but she nods and Katniss doesn’t wait for her to ask any more questions before she ducks into the dark, tiny hallway behind the kitchen. She dials one of the few numbers she knows by heart and his gruff voice answers.

            “Gale, it’s Katniss.” She says.

            “Hey. Is everything okay?” He shouts in question over the cattle that are calling to one another in the background.

            Katniss sighs and closes her eyes, not wanting to admit he was right. Gale warned her that this wouldn’t end well when she told him Peeta wanted her to show up for his family’s picnic.

            “Katniss?” Gale asks, not because he thinks he lost her, but because he knows she’s dreading what she has to say.

            “I need a ride. Can you come pick me up from Sae’s?” She asks flatly.

            He sighs on the other end, and she knows he’s running his hand through his dark hair, disappointed that he was right after all.

            “I’ll be there in twenty minutes, okay?” He asks softly and Katniss is grateful that he hasn’t said I told you so, yet.

            “Yeah.” She hangs up the phone and goes back out to the dining room where Sae is still watching her with that cautious look, like she expects Katniss to break down at any minute. She slides a plate of peach cobbler down the counter, insisting that Katniss eat it whether or not she could pay for it.

            Katniss doesn’t put up much of a fight. She hasn’t eaten anything since dinner yesterday and peach cobbler is one of her favorites. Gale’s old pickup pulls up in front of the café just as she uses her finger to swipe the last bit of peach from the plate.

            “I owe you one, Sae.” Katniss calls over her shoulder as she walks out the door, but Sae just waves at her as though she’s talking nonsense.

            Katniss climbs into the passenger seat and Gale turns around in the road to head back the way he came. She lets her head fall back against the headrest and stares out the window as they drive into open farmland.

            “You going to tell me what happened, Catnip?” He asks as they pull into her driveway fifteen minutes later, and she heaves a sigh before turning her head to face him.

            “His mother didn’t know I was coming.” She states simply.

            Gale’s nose wrinkles at the mention of Mrs. Mellark. He always refers to her as ‘the haughty old broad’ when he’s feeling nice and less kind names when he’s not, but Katniss prefers not to think about her at all if she can help it.

            “She made this huge scene and took him into the house so she could scream at him for bringing me.” She tugs on the end of her braid, shaking her head as though she still can’t believe it happened, “Everyone could hear.”

            “And what did _he_ do?” Gale puts as much venom into the two letters as he can. He has slowly started to accept that Peeta makes her happy but he’s always ready for him to slip up. Katniss can tell he’s waiting on pins and needles for the day he gets to teach Peeta Mellark why he shouldn’t have ever messed with Katniss.

            “He was talking to her, but he was too quiet to hear. He doesn’t like to shout as much as his mother does.” Katniss says shooting her best friend a small, wry smile. “I couldn’t stand everyone staring at me, so I walked to Sae’s.”

            “He didn’t come after you?” Gale demands incredulously, his grip tightening on the steering wheel.

            Katniss rolls her eyes, “How was he even supposed to know where I went?”

            “It’s a small town. He should have found you!” Gale argues, the back of his neck turning red in a telltale sign that Peeta’s apparent lack of chivalry has pissed him off, “Little asshole.”

            “Don’t call him that.” She snaps and he looks up at her with wide eyes.

            “Don’t tell me you aren’t pissed with him, Katniss.”

            “I’m angry with him for my own reasons.” She shrugs, “Leave him alone.”

            “You’ve got to be kidding.” Gale scoffs and she shakes her head.

            “I mean it. Save it for another day.” She says, opening the door and jumping out of the truck, “Thanks for the ride, Gale, I appreciate it.”

            “Anytime, Catnip.” He replies, sounding disappointed that today will not be the day he gets to beat the youngest Mellark to a pulp. He probably would have enjoyed crashing into the barbeque and making a scene of it, Katniss thinks. Gale gets his thrills off of shit like that.

            Katniss walks up to the house and is just about to walk inside when Gale calls her name. She turns to look at him, hanging out of the window of his pickup.

            “I’m sorry today sucked.”

            She gives half a smile and nods before waving as he backs down the driveway, sending dust clouds into the air as he speeds down the road back to his farm.

…

            She doesn’t turn her cell phone on until the next morning and when she does there are five missed calls, three voicemails, and an array of missed text messages, several of which are from Peeta. Katniss quickly deletes everything from him and throws the phone back on her bed. She knows it’s childish but she doesn’t really care at the moment. It’s easier to ignore him than to deal with why she’s actually angry.

            Katniss spends the day lazing about her room, trying not to think of the boy with the bluest eyes that can make her weak in the knees with just one glance. She dabbles in some homework, wrestling with her English essay that isn’t due for another two weeks, anything to keep her mind off of him.

            Prim returns home in the middle of the afternoon from her sleepover at Rue’s house. The two girls are practically inseparable and one of them stays over at the other’s house almost every weekend. They have the same classes as well so they often spend the morning after doing homework together.

            Prim tosses her book bag onto her bed before collapsing next to it, jostling Katniss where she lies on her own bed reading _The Great Gatsby_. Their beds are pushed up against each other in the center of the bedroom, something Prim did after their father died. Katniss doesn’t mind; it makes the nights easier to bear when there’s another person breathing next to her as she sleeps. 

            “I’m so tired.” Prim moans, her words muffled by the mattress against her face.

            Katniss cocks an eyebrow and closes the book, “How late were you up last night, little duck?”

            “Ugh!” She throws the covers over her blonde hair and Katniss laughs, rolling out of bed.

            “I’m going to shower and then we can think about ordering some dinner.” She says to her sister’s half-asleep form.

            Prim waves a hand carelessly in the air.

            When Katniss gets out of the shower, Prim is fast asleep, snoring softly under the bright pink covers of her bed, cuddling the backpack she had carelessly thrown there earlier. Katniss shakes her head with a chuckle and heads out to the living room as she braids her wet hair.

            She flips on the television and starts watching a marathon of Gilmore Girls while studying her biology notes, but mostly watching the show that Prim first got her hooked on. She likes the bluntness written into the scripts even if it was a little to romantic for her liking at times. Her attention is torn away from Lorelai’s banter about Luke’s baseball cap when she hears a car pull into the driveway. She peaks out the window and her stomach leaps uncomfortably when she recognizes Peeta’s tan SUV.

            Katniss doesn’t want to wake Prim so she walks outside and meets him halfway down the driveway. She refuses to meet his gaze even though she can feel his eyes lingering on her like hot coals.

            “We need to talk about what happened, Katniss,” Peeta says bluntly by way of introduction, “Avoiding it isn’t going to accomplish anything.”

            Katniss shrugs, “I’m not great at talking. You knew that when you begged me to be your girlfriend.”

            “I didn’t beg.” He argues gently, a hint of playfulness in his tone before he sobers up, “That doesn’t matter though. I know you’re upset now and I’d really like to know why.”

            Katniss finally looks up into his blue eyes and cocks an eyebrow.

            “Okay, I know you’re mad about what my mom said, but it doesn’t really explain why you won’t answer any of my phone calls or text messages.” He points out, shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his dark wash jeans.

            “You want to know why I’m pissed at you?” She asks and he nods for her to go on, “I’m pissed because you let me walk into that party and get completely blindsided. You knew I wasn’t dressed nicely enough for that stupid barbeque. I looked like a complete idiot because you couldn’t even be bothered to give me the common courtesy of warning me that it was some extravagant fundraising picnic! You made it easy for your mom to say those things about me.”

            “I’m sorry-“ Peeta starts but there’s no stopping Katniss now that she’s started and, no doubt about it, she’s absolutely fuming.

            “I mean- I _know_ I don’t fit in with those people, Peeta. I get it; believe me. But you should have seen the way they all looked at me while your mother was in there screaming at the top of her lungs how slutty and stupid I am!”

            Peeta reaches out to try and pull her into his arms but she steps back and points a finger into his chest, “And don’t you dare for a second think I’ve forgotten how she spoke about my dad, Peeta.”

            He closes his eyes and lets the air hiss through his teeth, “I was hoping you didn’t hear that part.”

            “Trust me, I heard every bit of it until I booked it out of there.” Katniss spits, crossing her arms over her stomach, trying to hide from him how much it still hurts to talk about her father. It’s been over a year now but it still makes her breath hitch anytime she speaks about him. On days like today she would do anything to have him back.

            When Peeta opens his eyes again, they are so full of remorse that Katniss feels her resolve start to melt almost instantly.

            “Stop it.” She orders, turning her back to him.

            His shoes crunch on the driveway as he steps closer, his arms finding their way around her waist and pulling her back flush against his chest so he can balance his chin on her shoulder.

            “I’m sorry.” He murmurs and she can tell he really means it just by the way he holds her close, “My mom is awful and judgmental and…”

            “A bitch.” Katniss finishes for him.

            “Yeah,” He sighs, “I’m sorry I let you go to the party dressed like that, but I- you always look so beautiful to me. I just- I didn’t really notice that it was probably too casual.” He turns his head so his lips brush the shell of her ears when he whispers, “I was too caught up with the way it hung around your thighs to notice that my mother wouldn’t approve.” One of his hands slide over her hipbone and his fingers trace right where the hem of her skirt had ended, sending delighted, traitorous shivers running up Katniss’s spine. She can never stay mad at him for long, not when he’s unbearably sweet like this, his voice begging for forgiveness.

            “You just look so damn beautiful all the time.” His voice is husky as his lips play at the sensitive spot just behind her ear, “It’s like you’re _trying_ to kill me.”

            “Well, Gale was ready to kick your ass when he had to come pick me up.” She informs him, turning her head to give him better access as his lips move father down her neck, nibbling as he goes.

            “Mmph.” He huffs against her skin.

            She chuckles at his reaction. Peeta likes Gale well enough, but Katniss can tell it bothers him that Gale thinks he has so much authority in her life. She can’t quite explain to him why she lets Gale give her advice, or chase off boys more often than not. He doesn’t get that Gale is like a big brother, an alternative father figure for her. She loves him though, and Peeta understands that at least so he usually doesn’t make a big deal out of it.

            “I told him to back off though, so you should be safe for another day, Mellark.” Katniss says with a smile as she leans back against him.

            “Hmmm.” He mumbles against her skin, “That’s nice of you.” Peeta’s hand is slowly making its way back up her thigh now and it quickly dips under the waistband of her sweatpants. It doesn’t really come to a surprise to either of them how wet she is. Peeta quickly learned that it doesn’t take much, but what he doesn’t know is that he’s the only one that’s true for.

            “Let’s go somewhere.” His voice is gruff and heavy and it sends a wave of heat surging through her.

            “Prim’s asleep inside.” She says breathlessly, her hips grinding against the palm of his hand.

            “Leave her a note.” It’s an order, one that she doesn’t mind following and twenty minutes later they’re out in the middle of the Seeders’ farm fields in one of the runoff strips, on top of the old blanket Peeta keeps in SUV. It’s their secret spot; so far off the road you can’t hear any traffic and Katniss has dubbed ‘the meadow’ because of the array of flowers that always grow there.

            “Oh God, Katniss.” Peeta groans against her lips after she rolls her hips against his for the third time since she laid down only a few minutes ago, “If you don’t quit that, I’m going to finish before we even start.”

            Peeta sits up and peels his shirt over his head as she does the same. He quickly kicks out of his jeans and boxers as well but he stops her from copying him this time.

            His hands move down and she lifts her hips so he can efficiently shuck her pants and panties off for her, pulling off her shoes with them. Peeta Mellark is good, even at the tender age of seventeen and Katniss isn’t so innocent so as not to notice it. He doesn’t really mention his past trysts, which is how he got to be so talented at this, Katniss presumes. She knows he hasn’t been with all the girls people think he has been, but she’s also aware that he wasn’t a virgin when they first slept together.

            His hand returns to her core just where it had been while they were still outside of her house. Katniss whimpers and arches up against his rough palm, trying to grind that little bundle of nerves against him. His fingers taunt, sliding around in the wetness and spreading it slowly.

            “Peeta.” She mewls, her body desperate already to find release with him.

            He smiles and leans over her, “You’re so perfect. I hate that you heard what she said about you because it couldn’t have been further from the truth.”

            His voice is husky and his eyes dark with want as he looks down at her. Katniss squirms against his hand again, a needy whine escaping her sweet lips. Peeta bends to suck her lower lip between his teeth and tugs as he dips a finger inside of her. She lets out a moan that he breaths in as he kisses her, his tongue brushing firmly against her in time with his finger as he curls it against that spot that drives her mad.

            Then his lips are gone and the next thing she knows, the heat of his mouth covers her clit, sucking in the way he knows winds her up as his fingers continue their work.

            “Peeta!” She cries arching against him but he uses his free hand to steady her hips, never letting up for a second in his attentions.

            This is what he always does. He feels awful about his mother and the fact that anytime he brings Katniss around, it almost always ends in her leaving pissed off or upset. Peeta always finds her eventually and he apologizes, but she knows his real apology is this, to show her how much he cares about her by making her feel like this, by making her feel beautiful as she gasps his name.

            Her muscles tighten like springs, building and building with each brush of his tongue and each curl of his finger. It’s an inferno between her thighs and she knows that it’s going to consume her; that she wants it to consume her. He draws her clit gently between his teeth and sucks just as he adds another finger and it’s all she needs. The fire is released and rushes through her body, sending the coils snapping lose and her thighs tightening against him, her hips grinding into his mouth as he slowly brushes the flat surface of his tongue over her, helping her ride wave after wave of pleasure.

            Katniss’s muscles are still twitching when Peeta moves to hover over her, lowering his lips in a gentle kiss against hers. He still tastes like her, reminding her exactly what he just did to her. Her arms feel like jelly as she reaches up to card her fingers through his messy curls and he smiles softly at her touch.

            “She was wrong.” He murmurs, brushing his nose against hers as uses a hand to spread her thighs before moving between them to hover over her. His cock brushes against her thigh as he moves and she shivers at the contact, reaching out to close a hand over his girth. He groans and pushes against her as she uses her thumb to grab the bead of moisture at his tip, teasing it around. She knows it drives him wild and a tiny smile pulls at the corners of his lips.

            “She was so wrong.” He repeats in a strangled whisper.

            “What was she wrong about, Peeta?” Katniss asks him quietly as she slides her hand down his length.

            His breath hitches before he speaks again, somehow having the wherewithal to press a light kiss to her neck at the end of each sentence, “You’re perfect. You’re not cheap. You’re nowhere near simple. You’re beautiful. You made my family look real for a change, not ridiculous.”

            Katniss leans forward to find his lips with her own, and the kiss quickly turns from sweet to lustful. Peeta fumbles in the pockets of his cast off pants to pull out his wallet and finds one of the foil packages he keeps there. Katniss runs her hands over his chest, enjoying the sight of his skin pebbling behind her touch as he clumsily tears open the package and puts the condom on.

            Peeta gathers some of her moisture on his tip before finally pressing into her with a deep, masculine groan, his eyes screwed shut in pleasure. Katniss lets out a shaky breath herself, watching the glorious boy above her, his hair glinting in the evening sun. He looks like a god, like something ethereal, too beautiful to be human. His touch only assures her that he can’t possibly be of the same species as any other boy in school.

            He moves slowly at first just like he always does no matter how badly he wants her. It annoys Katniss sometimes how fragile he thinks she is, but he’s always so sweet about it and she knows he just wants to make sure she feels good. She has her suspicions why he’s so caught up on pleasing her, but she doesn’t want to admit them because she keeps telling herself that it’s just fucking, it has to be. She can’t get so caught up on Peeta Mellark that she never leaves this place.

            “Katniss.” Her name is just a breath on his lips but the way he says it makes her smile. She arches up, meeting his every stroke, as her name becomes a quiet chant in the silent meadow.

            His thrusts become faster and she knows from experience he’s getting close so she reaches down to the throbbing bundle of nerves. Peeta bats her hand away when he notices and takes over, using his thumb to circle the spot tied directly to the fire in her belly and the tightening of her muscles.

            It’s only a few minutes later that his hips jerk against hers, any rhythm he had, lost as he moans her name and buries his face against her neck, nipping and sucking the skin there while he pulses inside of her. It’s enough and she wraps her legs around his hips, pulling him tightly to her as she sings for him, shattering into a million shards, and melted by the fire he’s released.

            He pulls out and curls his body around hers, resting his head between her breasts and intertwining his fingers with hers. His thumb brushes over the tiny scar on hers from when she tried to jump the Hawthorne’s barbed wire fence once and caught her hand. Peeta sighs deeply, a completely contented sound, and they lay there watching the sunset over the fields, only the sound of crickets chirping and cicadas in the trees reach them here.

            Katniss finds herself wishing that life could always be like this, just him and her and no one else. No expectations. Nobody relying on them. They would just have each other and that’s all they would need. But life isn’t like that and she knows it, so she sits up letting his head fall into her lap. She smiles at his sleepy face and brushes his curls back.

            “I need to get back to Prim.” She whispers regretfully.

            Peeta gives a groan of protest but sits up as well, handing her her clothing and pulling his boxers on. Once they’ve folded up the blanket and Peeta has pulled his SUV back onto the road, he reaches for her hand, bringing her knuckles briefly to his lips.

            “How about we swing by Yung House and get some Chinese to eat? If you don’t mind me joining you and Prim, that is.” He offers, wearing that little smile he always does right after they have sex.

            “I’m insulted that you assume I’m not cooking for us.” Katniss says, biting the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling.

            Peeta laughs, “The day you actually attempt to cook something and don’t burn it will be the day I stop assuming that you aren’t cooking dinner.”

            “One day I’ll prove you wrong, Mellark.” She scowls.

            “But not today?” He raises an eyebrow at her.

            She can’t hold back her smile. “But not today,” she agrees as he turns onto Main Street heading toward Yung House.

 

**May 9, 2008**

            Katniss hurries to tousle the curls that Prim fixed her hair in before grabbing the clutch Prim let her borrow and walking out of her bedroom. Peeta got here early, and she rushed to get ready, but as she rounds the corner into the kitchen, she stops cold. He’s holding the letter that came in the mail two weeks ago, the magnet that Prim used to attach it to the fridge still hanging off its edge. His blue eyes look up when he hears her and meet her wide grey ones.

            He holds up the paper, “When were you going to tell me?”

            She bites her lower lip and fiddles with the clutch in her hands before shrugging.

            Peeta sticks the paper back up on the refrigerator before crossing the room to hug her, a hug she awkwardly returns.

            “This is big news, Katniss,” he murmurs against her hair, “Now we have two things to celebrate tonight. Why didn’t you say anything?”

            “I don’t know.” She says softly, “It wasn’t really a big deal.”

            He pulls her away by the shoulders with a curious look, “Not a big deal? You’ve been working for the past four years for this. I mean- Minnesota State is where you always wanted to go!”

            “I still don’t know if I can go.” Katniss explains, trying not to make a huge deal out of this because she’s not ready to face everything that it means if she’s really going to be leaving this town come August. “I’m waiting to hear whether I got the scholarship or not.”

            Peeta gives her a sympathetic look. He knows how much she’s always wanted to get out of here and go to college. She needs to get out of this town and away from the pain of her past.

            “You’re so smart though. There’s no way they won’t give it to you.” Peeta assures her cheerfully. He doesn’t get that Katniss didn’t tell him about the letter because she doesn’t like to think about the fact that she’ll most likely be leaving in three months.

            So she rolls her eyes playfully and wraps her arms around his waist, “You have to say that. I’m your girlfriend. It’s like rule one in that handbook they give you.”

            Peeta laughs, “I think rule one is that a guy has to take his girl out somewhere wonderful for her birthday, even if it’s the day after. Telling her she’s super smart is just below telling her she’s gorgeous, which you also are by the way.”

            Katniss ducks her head to try and hide the blush as it rises to her cheeks, “So are you going to tell me where ‘somewhere wonderful’ is or is it a secret?”

            “Hmm.” Peeta buries his face in her hair, “Finnick helped me decide where we should go.”

            “Is it going to be fancy?” Katniss wrinkles her nose and Peeta laughs as he presses kisses along her jaw. She knows Finnick well enough to know he’s the type who takes girls to places with cloth napkins and more forks than she knows what to do with.

            “Do you think I would torture you for your birthday dinner?” He breathes against her neck. She can feel the smile of his lips on her skin.

            “It’s not technically my birthday.” She points out, her hands trailing up his back as he sucks gently on her collarbone.

            He pulls away, his pupils slightly dilated as he grins at her, “Are you trying to make me take you somewhere you won’t like?”

            “No.” She scowls, “I’m just setting my expectations low, Mellark.”

            He laughs loudly at this and leads Katniss towards the door with a hand at the small of her back. They drive about a half and hour north, neither one saying much but Peeta keeps a hand on her knee, grazing his thumb against the smooth skin there, leaving behind a tingling feeling that she can’t seem to shake.

            When Peeta pulls up in front of a townhouse, Katniss thinks he might seriously have lost his mind. He smiles and jumps out of the SUV, running to her side to beat her at opening the door.

            She rolls her eyes as she steps out, “I have hands you know.”

            “Oh I know. Believe me.” He waggles an eyebrow suggestively at her and earns a scowl, but she melts against him when he wraps an arm around her and places a kiss to her cheek.

            “My brother Jack agreed to let me use his kitchen for tonight.” Peeta explains, “He was supposed to be out of town on business but his plans were cancelled so he’s actually here. I made him promise to stay off the first floor though.”

            Peeta pushes the door open, revealing a clean, modern kitchen and dining room. It’s the spread on the dining room table that catches Katniss’s eye though. There are several dishes of delicious looking food, all of it steaming, and Katniss knows that Peeta’s brother did more than just loan him the space. He must have kept the food warm too considering Peeta would have had to make it earlier in the day so he could pick Katniss up. Peeta, the sap that he is, even lit candles, but Katniss finds them nicer here than she would have in a restaurant. She doesn’t miss the fact that he’s arranged to make her dinner outside of his own house and she’s grateful that they won’t have to worry about his mother at all.

            She doesn’t realize that the silence between them has gone on too long until Peeta gives her a skeptical look, “Are the candles too much? Jack and I went back and forth on whether or not they were.”

            Katniss smiles and leans up to place a chaste kiss on his lips, “They’re perfect. This is perfect. Thank you.”

            “Well, you haven’t even eaten anything yet.” He jokes with a smile, “I learned a long time ago that the way to your heart is through food, so let’s dig in shall we?”

            He pulls out her chair for her and they do dig in, enjoying the lamb over rice and dried plums that Peeta knows is her favorite, although she rarely eats it. He made all of her favorites, actually, even cheese buns.

            By the time they put down their silverware, Katniss thinks her stomach might explode and Peeta suggests they move to the small couch in the corner, a coffee nook of sorts. The main living area is on the second floor but Katniss doesn’t mind sharing the small couch. She soon finds herself straddling Peeta’s lap anyway as his thumbs brush along her hipbones and she kisses him in a cloud of curls.

            “I love it when you wear your hair down.” He breathes against her lips while they catch their breath.

            “It gets in the way.” She mutters, flinging it back over her shoulder for emphasis.

            “Mmm,” he murmurs as he moves his right hand to tangle in the hair at the nape of her neck, “but I like that I can tangle my fingers in it.”

            She smiles because she feels the same way when she runs her hands through his curls, and she does so now before Peeta uses his hand to bring her lips back to his, her mouth opening to let his tongue brush slowly over her own.

            The doorbell ringing jars them from their tiny world and it is immediately followed by heavy footsteps thudding down the stairs. Katniss is still straddling Peeta’s lap when Jack comes into view. Their eyes meet and he smirks but doesn’t say anything.

            “Jack!” Peeta grumbles, “You promised you’d stay upstairs.”

            “Sorry, Peeta.” Jack apologizes, though he seems more gleeful than remorseful as he takes the pizza and hands the delivery boy money, “The smell of all your food made me hungry and I couldn’t put it off any longer. You didn’t have to stop sucking face on my account. It’s nothing I haven’t done before.” Jack winks at Katniss and she ducks her gaze. Peeta’s ears flush pink at his eldest brother’s bluntness. Jack notices his brother’s discomfort and chuckles.

            “Oh come on Peetie!” He glances to Katniss with a grin, “If she were my girl, I’d be all over that too.”

            “Out!” Peeta shouts, his cheeks flaming red, “And don’t call me Peetie!”

            “Sorry, I’m being rude.” Jack laughs as his baby brother practically dies of embarrassment. “I’m Jack, Peeta’s oldest and coolest brother.” He sticks out a hand to Katniss, which she takes with a chuckle. The situation is so ludicrous she can’t even feel properly humiliated by the position she’s been caught in.

            “Katniss.” She smiles, “You graduated the year before we were freshmen, star football player.”

            Jack grins, “Look at that, Peetie, Katniss remembers me. You’d better watch out little bro, or I might just steal her away from you.”

            “I’m sufficiently mortified.” Peeta announces and his entire, visible upper body is tinged pink, “Can you go back upstairs now, Jack?”

            “Why certainly, little brother.” Jack says with a wicked grin, “Nice meeting you, Katniss.”

            “I’m so sorry about that.” Peeta rushes as soon as his brother is out of sight.

            Katniss laughs as Peeta closes his eyes and breaths out slowly. She bends down so her hair falls around their faces and puts her lips to his ear.

            “I thought it was sort of cute, Peetie.” She chuckles, “He just wanted to check on his baby brother.”

            His hands grip her hips firmly and pull her back so she can look into his piercing blue eyes, which are dark with desire, or maybe something else. Katniss can’t be quite sure for once.

            “Do _not_ call me Peetie.” He warns her.

            Threatening. That’s what the look was.

            “Why not Peetie?” She smiles wickedly as she tries to jump away but his hands are too quick and he grabs at her wrist before pinning her back against the tiny couch as his fingers tickle mercilessly at her ribs, right where he knows she’s the most ticklish.

            Katniss squeals like a girl, something she hates doing, and laughs so hard her stomach hurts as she tries to push his hands away. But Peeta Mellark didn’t grow up in a house with two older brothers learning leniency. A hand moves to the back of her knee, another weak spot of hers and wrenches a bloodcurdling scream from her.

            “I give up!” She shouts breathlessly between laughs.

            “What?” Peeta calls out over another squeal as his hand returns to her ribcage. She manages to hold out for another minute before she shouts it out again.

            “I give up!” Katniss repeats, “I won’t- I won’t call you Peetie!”

            The tickling stops immediately, but the laughter doesn’t die right away with it. Peeta balances half on top of her while Katniss stays pinned to the couch both of their cheeks flushed as they giggle like school children.

            “Are you two naked down there?” Jack shouts and sighs heavily, “God, put a towel down at least. That couch is new!” They both burst into renewed laughter as Peeta’s ears turn pink again.

            “We should do it without the towel just to spite him.” Peeta mutters and Katniss rolls her eyes.

            “Not tonight.” She says softly, cupping his face in her hands. “Tonight I just want you to hold me.”

            He sits up on the couch again and she climbs into his lap, nestling her forehead against the crook of his neck and trying not to think about how much she’s going to miss this if she leaves for Minnesota in three months.

            Peeta tells her fairytales, the Grimm ones where there’s always some really creepy twist at the end. She doesn’t actually remember how he started telling them to her, but he knows that she likes them, at least when it’s his lips making the words she does. After he runs out of stories, she hums softly while he runs a hand through her hair, playing with the ends of it.

            They stay like that until it gets to be late, and then so late that it’s early and Peeta really should have gotten her home hours ago. It doesn’t matter though, because Katniss is happy and content for those hours in his arms and when she gets home, her mother is still working the night shift at the hospital.

            Peeta gives her a lingering kiss at the front door, “Happy birthday, Katniss.”

            “I had a really good time, Peeta.” She smiles sweetly.

            “So,” he shrugs shyly, “were your low expectations met?”

            She gives a surprised laugh, having forgotten about what she said when he came to pick her up, “Yes,” she nods, “you set the bar pretty high tonight, Mellark.”

            He chuckles and kisses her cheek one last time, “Good night, Katniss.”

            “’Night, Peeta.” She says, slipping silently through the door. She pulls off her jeans and collapses into bed, completely blissful and with a dopy grin on her face.

 

**May 29, 2008**

 

            “Peeta, man!” A familiar, bronze flash of hair makes its way through the crowd as people part to let him pass, staring at one of the most gorgeous men ever to grace the streets of Fairbury as he passes by. “Congrats on the graduation!”

            “Thanks, Finnick.” Peeta greets his old friend with a hug and several slaps on the back, “It’s good to see you again.”

            Finnick was a senior when Peeta was just a freshman and they had both helped in the bakery after schools. The two boys had grown close and Peeta had taken it pretty hard when Finnick left for Florida State on a full-ride swimming scholarship.  Mr. Mellark hadn’t mentioned to Peeta that Finnick was planning on coming back to see him graduate today so he was thrilled when he saw the older man sitting with the Mellarks after getting his diploma.

            Finnick turns to Katniss and flashes his winning smile, “Miss Katniss Everdeen, it’s been too long, but you’re looking just as stunning as usual.”

            Katniss shakes her head. She was never that close to Finnick since she hardly spoke to Peeta her freshman year but the older boy had always teased her in the hallway as he would saunter by on his way to class, pulling on her braid or calling her kitty cat.

            “And you’re still full of shit.” She bites back, but the smile on her face gives her away.

            “Such a sweet little girlfriend you have, Peeta.” Finnick jokes and as he does a group of girls from the dance team walk by, giggling and making eyes at him. He cocks an eyebrow back at Peeta, “I’m not tied down though so I’m going to go see what I can make of that.” He nods at the girls slowly making their way toward the keg.

            “See you later, Finn!” Peeta laughs, but Finnick is already too far away to hear over the poppy tune blaring from the stereo that hooks up to speakers outside the house.

            Clove Westfall’s parents agreed to let her use their house to throw a huge graduation party. Word around the school is that she found out they’re splitting and threw such a fit they would have given her anything. Katniss thinks the rumor mill probably wasn’t too far off the mark on this one because there are two kegs and roughly one hundred teenagers spread throughout the yard and house without an adult or cop car in sight.

            “You want another?” Peeta shouts over the music, pointing at her empty solo cup.

            Katniss knows she probably shouldn’t. She never really drinks and her head is already starting to feel fuzzy, but she nods anyway. Tonight is one night she doesn’t have to be responsible. Peeta’s brother, Andrew, already agreed to come and pick them up and Prim is staying the night at Rue’s house.

            “Yeah.” She shouts back. He smiles that sweet, boyish grin before walking over to the keg and heat pools between her legs as though he doesn’t always smile at her like that.

            An hour later, Katniss is drunk. Finnick has his arm around her shoulders, and she’s not sure if he’s the one swaying or if it’s her, but she can tell that her brain is far too fuzzy to be considered sober. Finnick is talking to her about some blonde swimmer at his school who apparently can bend all kinds of ways in bed. Katniss is pretty sure he’s drunk too.

            Peeta is across the yard talking to Madge and some of the other town kids. Katniss watches him over the rim of her Solo cup, trying to figure out how she’s ever going to break up with him at the end of the summer. She decided months ago that she didn’t want to bother fooling herself by saying they would do the long distance thing. That sort of relationship makes it six months at best and she knows it is better to just break up in August than to string Peeta along.

            Katniss also knows that she doesn’t want to break his heart. Because it _is_ only his heart that’s really involved in this, she tells herself. She refuses to admit that her heart is just as entrenched in Peeta as his is in her. She’s attempting to formulate a plan when he turns his gaze to her, his eyes smoldering as he crosses the short distance between them.

            “Let go of my girl, Finn.” He orders and Katniss can tell by the way he’s standing that he’s as drunk as she is.

            “How do you know she’s not holding onto me?” Finnick retorts as he takes his arm from my shoulders.

            “Because you’re the one touching her.” Peeta spits back but gives his best friend a friendly punch in the arm before pulling Katniss to him for a hug.

            He nuzzles her neck, sending tingling sensations across the skin and Katniss smiles as she lets her fingers rifle through his hair.

            His lips brush her earlobe, “You look gorgeous tonight.” He murmurs huskily, taking the lobe between his teeth and sucking.

            She arches closer to him and he pulls her hips against him. Even in her drunken state, Katniss notices how hard he is, pressing into her hipbone. The feeling sends a surge of heat between her thighs and she shivers.

            “I want you so fucking bad right now, Katniss.” He groans quietly, tilting his hips into her, hands brushing her sides as his fingers just graze the undersides of her breasts.

            She pulls away and gives him what she hopes is a flirtatious smile that says to follow her, but her lips are kind of tingly and she’s not really sure how well she accomplishes her goal. Peeta follows though and soon they’re out in the dark woods that lie behind the Westfalls’ house with only the crescent moon lighting their way.

            “Take me if you want me.” She says brazenly. Katniss Everdeen never says things like this, and she knows it must be the alcohol speaking more than her.

            Peeta doesn’t seem to care either way though. His hands are on her almost instantly and they’re everywhere all at once. He presses hot, wet kisses down her neck and across her collarbones, mumbling incoherently to himself in between each one. Katniss reaches a hand down and rubs him through his pants.

            “Oh God, Katniss.” He mutters, his breath hot against her skin as he grinds into her hand. His hands reach up to cup her breasts, kneading them through her dress and bra as best he can.

            Soon Katniss can’t take it anymore and turns away from him, putting her hands firmly on a tree trunk. She looks over her shoulder to see Peeta staring at her in a daze before he shakes his head and pulls her hips out a bit towards him.

            She hears the foil tear before his hands glide up her thighs, taking the pretty, pale yellow dress she wore to graduation with them. She can hear his harsh breathing as he pulls her panties aside and pushes into her. They’ve never done this like this before. The adrenaline coursing through Katniss’s blood and the feel of Peeta pumping into her, gripping her firmly by her hips, is almost enough to send her over the edge instantly.

            Peeta thrusts quick and deep, groaning as he does, hitting that sweet spot that makes Katniss see stars. She’s moaning along with him, making more noise than she probably should, out in the open as they are, but she can’t seem to help herself.

            Suddenly Peeta’s hands leave her hips, one splaying itself firmly on her stomach while the other reaches under her skirt and rubs the bundle of nerves through her panties. His lips burn kisses into the back of her neck and Katniss is sure she’s on fire tonight as she cries his name and shatters at his feet.

            Peeta follows not long after, his thrusts turning shallow as he moans with every movement. Katniss grins when she feels him pulsing inside of her and he collapses over her back, whispering her name breathlessly.

            “I love you.”

            Katniss freezes, hoping that she heard him wrong and knowing that she didn’t. Instantly the after effects of her orgasm fade to be replaced by anger. Anger because how could he do this to her? He has to know that this will just make things one hundred times harder, a thousand times more complicated.

            “Why would you say that, Peeta?” She asks, straightening up in spite of the groan he gives.

            “Because it’s true.” He says softly, turning her to look into his blue eyes that are as dark as the nighttime sky in such low light. “I love you, Katniss.”

            She shakes her head, her anger mounting as she does, “You’re so stupid, Peeta!”

            “W- what?” He sputters, completely bewildered. Her response was clearly not one he had imagined.

            “You’re an idiot! Why would you go and say something like that when we were perfectly fine before?” She seethes, “You know this is going to end soon so why make it more complicated!”

            “I don’t- wh- why would it end soon?” He stutters, his hands grasping at hers but she yanks them away.

            “I’m leaving for college in three months.” She throws her hands up in frustration at his idiocy.

            “I- why does that have to mean we’re breaking up? I thought we’d try the long distance thing and-“

            “Those never work out, Peeta! We wouldn’t make it six months before we we’d be over.” Katniss shouts, completely pissed that he would just assume a long distance relationship would be the simple solution.

            “Well, it sounds like it’s already not working out!” Peeta bites back in an uncharacteristically bitter tone, “If you’re planning on breaking up with me, then why don’t you just do it now? Why wait three months and prolong the inevitable?” He’s yelling and she can tell his face is red even in the dim moonlight. She can’t remember a time she’s ever seen gentle, sweet Peeta Mellark this mad.

            “Fine!” She snaps but it sounds unconvincing even to her own ears.

            “Wait, Katniss,” his hand wraps tightly around her arm so she can’t move away. He scrubs his free hand over his face with a heavy sigh, “I didn’t mean that. I’m drunk, okay. We need to talk about this and figure it out-“

            “I don’t want to talk about it!” She fumes, yanking her arm away forcefully, “I’m leaving this awful town, Peeta, and talking won’t change that. You’re staying here and I’m moving nine hours away. Your promises and I love yous aren’t going to hold me back.”

            Peeta takes a step back as though she just slapped him, and when he speaks again, his voice is heartbreakingly soft, “That’s what I am to you- a hindrance, holding you back?”

            Katniss knows it was a mistake to say that, but if it gets him to hate her she thinks it’s just as well. It will be easier for him to move on if he hates her. He’ll make a life for himself to spite her so he won’t shut down like her mother did after her father died. That was love and look where that got them.

            “Get the fuck out of my life, Katniss.” He states dully, his voice hauntingly bitter as he turns his back to her. She turns around and stumbles back towards the lights of the party as quickly as she can. She needs to get out of here. She needs to go home.

            Why does she feel like this? This is what she wanted anyway, it’s just a little early and not as clean of a break as she wanted. It’s for the best that she’s completely free when she moves away to college so Peeta will be able to meet some nicer girl who wants to stay in this town with him and have his babies. But that doesn’t explain why it feels like a truck is parked on her chest so that she can’t breathe. It doesn’t explain why she’s starting to cry as she stumbles out into the clearing, nearly tripping over a group of kids smoking pot.

            “Katniss!” Peeta’s voice echoes in the trees behind her, but she doesn’t turn around. She can’t turn around and let him see how broken she is now so instead she pretends she can’t hear him and keeps walking as quickly as she can towards the road. Pretending doesn’t stop her from hearing his last plea though.

            “Katniss, wait! I didn’t mean it! I need you.”

            The last sentence is enough to break her heart and she slaps a hand over her mouth to cover the ugly sob that escapes her throat. Not everyone is staring, most people are too drunk to notice, but Finnick is watching her with a stunned look as she crosses the yard. He takes a step towards her, but she breaks into a run, grabbing her tiny purse from a table full of discarded jackets and other miscellaneous items as she goes.

            She dials the only person she knows will come and get her this late at night. It rings five times but a sleepy voice answers.

            “I need you to come get me.” She sobs into the phone as she walks down the deserted street of the Westfalls’ subdivision.

            “Where are you?” The gruff voice asks and she can hear the jingle of keys and the dull sounds of someone stumbling around in the dark.

            “I’ll be walking towards home on Main Street by the time you get into town.” She wonders how he understands her because she’s pretty sure she’s barely coherent between her sobs, but somehow he does.

            “Did he hurt you, Catnip?”

            “No, Gale,” she replies weakly, “I hurt him.”

            Gale’s truck pulls up to the side of the road fifteen minutes later, as Katniss hobbles drunkenly along the side of the road, the stupid heels that Prim insisted she wear making nasty blisters on her feet.

            Gale throws the car into park and runs around to her. It’s not three seconds before she collapses in his arm, sobbing incoherently as he rubs a hand over her back.

            “He’s an ass.” Gale assures her, “Whatever he did to make you like this, he’s an asshole.”           

            Katniss just cries harder at his words because she knows she’s the one who did this. She made herself like this; she’s the ass here, not Peeta.

            “Come on, Catnip.” Gale murmurs, giving her a squeeze before leading her with an arm around her shoulder to the pickup. “Let’s get you home.”

…

            Katniss wakes up the next morning with the worst hangover of her life and she has a feeling that it has less to do with the alcohol and more to do with how miserable she is when she remembers everything that happened last night.

            Her mother and Prim don’t ask her what happened when she goes to the kitchen and makes herself tea. Katniss figures Gale probably gave them a heads up about last night since she knows she looks like shit and normally they would be more concerned.

            Peeta left three messages overnight and she ignores them all, turning Alanis Morrisette on repeat and laying with a pillow over her head. She feels absolutely ridiculous when she starts crying again, but she can’t stop the tears from escaping and the sobs from shaking her body.

            Her phone buzzes and Peeta’s face flashes on the screen. She wants to throw it across the room but instead ignores the call before turning the unit off and throwing it on her bedside table.

            It’s mid afternoon before Prim settles herself lightly on her bed, still pushed up next to Katniss’s, although she’s talking about moving them apart once Katniss leaves at the end of the summer.

            “Katniss.” She places a hand lightly on her sister’s shoulder.

            “I don’t really want to talk right now, Prim.” Katniss says, her voice tight, sounding like a child’s.

            “You don’t have to, but Peeta’s here and he’s asking to see you.” Her hand squeezes Katniss’s shoulder.

            “No.” Katniss sits up, shaking her head, and she can tell by Prim’s sympathetic look that she must look a complete mess. “I can’t see him. I don’t want to see him.”

            Prim purses her lips but nods slowly before slipping off the bed and closing the door behind her again. A few moments later, Katniss can hear Peeta’s deep voice shouting.

            “That’s crap, Prim, let me through I know she’s here I can hear her music.”

            Prim says something back but Katniss can’t make it out because she’s not shouting like Peeta, whose heavy footsteps are making their way down the hallway. Katniss flies out of bed, throwing herself at the door and locking it just before Peeta’s fist pounds on it hard enough to shake the walls. She slides down the door, letting her head fall into her hands.

            “Katniss! Katniss, open the door.”

            Katniss doesn’t say anything but she can hear Prim begging Peeta to leave.

            “Katniss, don’t do this. Please, talk to me. It doesn’t have to be this way. We can make it work.”

            Prim’s tiny voice pleads, “Please, Peeta, you’re just upsetting her.”

            “I’m upset too, Prim!” His voice cracks and Katniss guesses that he’s probably crying. “I don’t want to lose you, Katniss. I don’t think I can bear it.”

            His words feel like a train hitting her head on. He sounds so helpless and she can’t bear it because she thinks that’s just how her mother was when her dad died. She can’t let Peeta be hurt like that. She needs to make him hate her, so she shouts out the first thing she knows will hurt him enough that he’ll never want to look at her again. The one thing she knows he’s at least a little bit insecure about in their relationship.

            “I slept with Gale last night!”

            “W-what?” Peeta whispers through the door.

            “After I left the party, he picked me up a- and I slept with him.” Katniss is aware Prim can hear this as well but she’ll explain to her sister later. For now, she needs Peeta to believe that she was with someone else.

            “Why would you do that, Katniss?” He asks, his voice wheezing like she just punched him in the gut, and she knows he’s hoping she’ll give him some valid excuse that doesn’t exist.

            She swallows dryly and wills her voice to stay steady, “Because it’s over Peeta. We’re finished. You made that abundantly clear last night. I’m getting out of your fucking life.”

            He sucks in an audible breath from the hallway and it’s silent for a long moment before she hears him take a few steps down the hallway.

            “I won’t bother you again, Katniss. I’m sorry.” He says brokenly, “I’m sorry for barging in, Prim.” Katniss hears the front door slam softly and lets the sobs pull her under again.

            “Katniss?” Prim calls through the door worriedly, she’s never heard her big sister this broken.

            Katniss slides away from the door and unlocks it so Prim can step inside. Prim holds up a DVD case that Katniss recognizes as the second season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

            “There’s pecan ice-cream too.” She offers a sympathetic smile.

            “I’m not really hungry.” Katniss mumbles, standing up slowly, trying her best not to hiccup for air as Prim nods her head.

            “Well, I have a blanket that I’d like to share then.” She puts a skinny arm around her older sister.

            Katniss sometimes forgets that her baby sister is growing up right before her eyes and at times like this it become blatantly obvious how mature she is for her age. Katniss is always thankful for Prim but today she is especially grateful for her because she makes the horrid pain in her chest bearable.

            “I didn’t sleep with, Gale.” Katniss whispers once they’re settled on the couch under the old afghan.

            “I know.” Prim replies easily, “But I don’t think he’ll bother you anymore now. Do you want to talk about what happened?”

            “Not really.”

            “Then be quiet and watch the show.” She jokes quietly and Katniss gives a small chuckle, snuggling into the one person she loves more than anything else in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So obviously, for those who didn’t know, I decided to expand this into a series of sorts. Right now my plan is to add installments in chronological order and possibly add in a Peeta POV here and there as suggested by LibraryofBabel. Next stop will probably be during Katniss’s college years while they’re apart! I promise there will eventually be more added on where the oneshot left off but right now my mind is hopping with ideas of back story stuff so that’s where I’m going!
> 
> Please let me know what you thought and if you have any suggestions about things you'd like to read more of. I'm taking anything into consideration seeing as this was originally slated to be a oneshot so I don't necessarily have everything planned out!


	3. Chapter 3 The College Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss and Peeta are moving in separate directions now. How does Peeta get over what Katniss has done to him? What happens while they’re apart? How do they both figure out that separating was a mistake?

**June 1, 2008**

 

            “Mellark!” Peeta turns slowly when he hears his name.

            He was walking aimlessly on the outer edges of town, avoiding his mother who can hardly contain her ‘I told you sos’ after she heard from Mrs. Cartwright who heard from Delly who heard from Clove Westfall that Peeta had gotten into a huge fight at the graduation part three nights ago. He hates the way word can travel so fast in this small town.

            Peeta is pretty certain the bottom has dropped out of his life, or maybe that he got split into thirds when a freight train ran over him. Either way, he wishes he were dead, and he wishes people would just stop talking about it.

            He looks around for the owner of the voice that called his name and quickly spots _him_ the last person in this world that he wants to see right now except for _her_. A rage unlike anything Peeta has ever felt before surges through him and he stalks toward the man who is half of what ruined his life.

            As soon as Gale’s chiseled face is within arm’s reach, Peeta swings out, hitting him square in the jaw with a pleasing thud. It’s a sucker punch, Peeta knows, but he can’t be bothered to care about chivalry right now. Right now, he just wants to beat the living shit out of Gale Hawthorne for fucking the only woman he ever loved.

            Peeta swings another punch right into Gale’s gut, the air whooshing from the older, taller boy’s lungs.

            “Mellark,” Gale wheezes, ducking another punch from Peeta, “What the fuck?”

            “You bastard!” Peeta shouts, pulling Gale back into a chokehold. He didn’t grow up in a house full of boys and miss out on learning how to fight. Hawthorne probably didn’t see that coming when he decided to fuck Katniss. Oh, God, why did he think her name. The pain cuts right through his chest.

            Gale must sense his hesitation and somehow maneuvers to flip Peeta to the ground, pinning his arms down and kneeling on his chest.

            “What the fuck?” Gale sputters in disbelief, a gratifying bruise already forming on his flawless cheekbone, “I’m the one who’s supposed to be pissed off, asshole.”

            “You?” Peeta shouts, “You think that you have any right to be angry after what you did!”

            “What do you mean what _I_ did? You’re the one who fucked up, Mellark, not me.” Gale stares at the boy below him a vein popping out on his forehead, “I don’t know what you did to her, but she won’t even talk to me about it.”

            Peeta gapes at Gale. Peeta doesn’t know the older boy all that well, but he knows that Gale isn’t some spectacular actor. He doesn’t think Gale is capable of lying so convincingly, but surely he must be.

            “I already know you did it! Just admit what you did, Hawthorne!” Peeta spits, struggling against Gale’s vice grip on his arms.

            Gale snorts sharply, quickly tiring of their game, “Well, since you seem to know, why don’t you enlighten me, Mellark. What the hell did I ever do to you?”

            “You fucked her!” Peeta shouts, but it comes out as more of a wounded howl than anything else.

            “What? I haven’t fucked anyone! Not recently anyway.” Gale bites back but Peeta’s not having any of it. In a sudden surge of rage, he forces Gale’s hand and pins him to the ground in turn. Gale looks like Peeta has just completely blindsided him and Peeta thinks it’s only partly because of the change in position.

            “Don’t lie to me, Hawthorne. Katniss-“ Peeta winces when the name escapes his lips, “ _she_ told me herself that you two fucked.”

            “Peeta- wha- I- we-“ Gale sputters in shock.

            Peeta’s grip loosens at the other man’s reaction, and Gale sits up, a hand wrenching through his hair, his face pale as his wide eyes rove around, trying to make sense of Peeta’s accusation.

            “Peeta, Katniss and I never did that. I don’t know what she said, but we didn’t.” Gale looks up with horrified grey eyes, “I took her home. She was upset. We never- did she really say that? Are you sure?”

            “Am I sure?” Peeta spits bitterly, “I don’t think I misheard her when she shouted it through the door twice.”

            Gale sighs disgustedly, “Damn it, Katniss. She’s really made a mess of things this time.”

            “Why would she say that?” Peeta’s head falls to his hands as the two boys sit together, both stunned by this revelation. “If it wasn’t true, why would she lie to me about it?” Peeta’s voice cracks as he asks the question to no on in particular.

            “What did you do? You must have done something.” Gale says, an edge of anger still present in his voice. His words irritate Peeta, rubbing his already raw nerves.

            “I didn’t do anything. We had just- we were in the woods at the party and I blurted out that I loved her-“

            “Shit. You didn’t.” Gale interrupts.

            “What?”

            “You didn’t tell her you loved her. Do you know anything about her at all?” Gale doesn’t sound angry, just tired.

            “Of course I do. We dated for two years.” Peeta snaps resentfully.

            “You never really saw her mom when she was really bad though, Peeta.” Gale says softly. “That shit really freaked Katniss out right after her dad died. Her mom was like- like a shell. She was basically dead.”

            “And what’s that got to do with this?” Peeta demands impatiently.

            “She’s scared as hell to love anyone, Peeta. She’s terrified she’ll end up like her mother did. She wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but she is. I’m sure in her head she’s convinced herself that she’s doing all this for you, but it’s about her too.”

            Peeta still can’t comprehend what Gale is trying to tell him. She lied. Katniss lied to him. And Gale’s trying to make that Peeta’s fault.

            “What were you even planning on doing, when you came over here?” Peeta mumbles into his hands, changing the subject. He can’t keep thinking about Katniss right now.

            Gale chuckles a bit, “I was planning on beating the shit out of you.” He shrugs, “The situation changes things of course. You have a mean right hook by the way.”

            Peeta might laugh if he had it left in him to be happy. Instead he just feels completely heartbroken. Why did she lie? Why won’t she try to make it work? Why doesn’t she trust him?

            “So what are you going to do?” Gale questions, his voice much softer than Peeta has ever heard it, and Peeta hates it because it sounds too much like pity. Peeta never wanted Gale to have a reason to pity him.

            “What she wanted me to do.” Peeta stands, brushing the seat of his pants off carelessly and starts walking away without looking back at Gale, “Leave her alone.”

 

…

 

**June 3, 2008**

 

            “Gale, what are you doing here?” Katniss asks over her shoulder as she stuffs an orange sweater in a box destined for donation, looks down at it, and then takes it out again. It was one of Peeta’s favorites. She hopes that Gale doesn’t notice how red her eyes still are, or the fact that she hasn’t cleaned her hair in two days, but she knows he will.

            “I’m calling you out on being a total bitch.” Gale answers flatly, his grey eyes like steel when she looks up at him with a shocked expression.

            “What are you talking about?” Her fingers clench tightly around the soft orange fabric in her hands.

            “You told him that we slept together, Catnip?” He questions, but really his voice says he’s already convinced he knows the answer.

            She looks away from his disappointed look, shaking her head slowly and tossing the orange sweater back in the donation box as she grabs the purple sweater dress she wore when she and Peeta celebrated her birthday. God, is there anything that won’t remind her of him?

            “How would you have felt if he told you he screwed around with Glimmer or one of the other girls?” Gale bites, and Katniss wants to reach out and slap him just for voicing the idea.

            “You don’t even know what you’re talking about.” Katniss mutters folding the purple sweater dress into the box before her.

            “I know this is about your mom- about how screwed up she got after your dad died-“

            “It’s not!” Katniss snaps, her grey eyes flashing angrily as she looks back up at him, “Long distance relationships don’t work, Gale. I’m just saving us the time and heartache of stringing each other along-“

            “So instead you’re just throwing horrid lies around and breaking his heart!” Gale shouts over her, interrupting whatever excuse she was attempting to weave, “Well, whatever Katniss, I told him it was all a bunch of shit. I told him you’re afraid of loving someone and getting burned like that.”

            “Why would you do that, Gale? The entire point was to make him hate me so he’d let me go and move on!” Katniss demands hotly. Gale and Peeta have barely been tolerant of one another and suddenly they’re sharing secrets?

            “That’s the worst excuse I’ve ever heard, Katniss, but don’t worry, you fucked the guy up pretty bad, and he basically said he’s done.” Gale stuffs his hands in his pockets, pursing his lips for a minute before speaking again, “I’m your best friend, Catnip, and you know I’ll always love you, but you screwed this up pretty royally. You should have trusted him with the truth at least.”

            Katniss just gives an indignant huff before throwing another sweater on the top of the box before taping it shut, irritated with Gale because she knows he’s right.

            “So what are you going to do?” He asks, clearly expecting a certain answer as she pushes the box over to the corner of her room and pulls out another for summer clothes to donate.

            Katniss glances up at him and wishes she hadn’t. He looks so disappointed with her. It makes her feel like an insolent child.

            She shrugs, “I don’t know. Avoid town as much as I can and hope I make it out of here without having to talk to him again.”

            “Seriously?” He sighs heavily, “Well, I’ll tell you what I think you should do. You should talk to him and give him the real explanation; try to patch things up. You’ll regret it if you don’t, Catnip.”

            She wants to scream at him, to tell him that she already regrets it, but she doesn’t, cursing her eyes as they burn with tears. Her breath seizes up in her chest at the idea of having to face Peeta after what she said to him. She doesn’t think she could bear the way he would look at her. Gale must notice her reaction and puts a heavy hand on her shoulder, rubbing his thumb lightly over her collarbone.

            “At least write him something.” He offers quietly, “Tell him goodbye before you leave at the end of the summer, Katniss. You at least owe him that much.”

            Katniss sighs shakily but nods in agreement. She owes Peeta so much more than that.

            She spends the rest of the summer trying to come up with something to say to him that might heal the damage she’s done. Katniss has never been good with words though and she can’t seem to find the right ones now for the most important letter she’ll ever write. Instead she decides to seal away what she wrote, stowing it in the shoebox where several of her most prized possessions given to her by Peeta are stored. He never needs to read the letter because it would only make things worse. It would only complicate things and right now she thinks her plan has succeeded even if it has decimated their hearts.

            She manages to avoid Peeta all summer and she hears that Delly Cartwright has been visiting the bakery nearly every day after she works at her family’s store. Katniss’s heart aches in her chest when she admits to the fact that it sounds like Peeta is trying to move on.

            Instead of giving him her pathetic letter, she scrawls one word heavily across a piece of paper, seals it and puts it in her desk so give him when she leaves town in a few days. That one word holds so many meanings and it does a better job of summing up her feelings than a thousand others could. ‘Sorry’ is all the letter says because that’s all she truly is- sorry for so, so many things.

 

…

 

**August 5, 2008**

 

            “So you’re really going?” Gale asks as she slams the car door of the beat up Taurus she and her mother managed to scrape and save for over the summer. That with her graduation money was enough to get the banged up old car, but it ran well so that was good enough in her eyes.

            “I guess so.” Katniss shrugs awkwardly.

            She had already told Prim goodbye early this morning before Katniss insisted she go swim at Rue’s pool like she promised. It had resulted in buckets of tears and promises to call at every rest stop along the way and when she first got to the apartment. Her mother had been fairly stoic, but Katniss didn’t expect much else from her. They aren’t particularly close since her father died, if they ever were before. Gale is the last person she needs to say goodbye to.

            “You’re sure you have to leave so early?” Gale asks pulling her into a tight hug. She breathes in his earthy scent, trying to memorize him before she leaves for who knows how long. Katniss hadn’t planned on leaving this early but the open room in the apartment came up suddenly and she seized the opportunity. It would be cheaper than living on campus.

            “Yeah, the other girl in the apartment said I needed to be up there and unpacked for inspection, which is in four days.” Katniss sighs.

            “Well then, I guess this is where we go separate ways and you join the big world out there.” Gale gives her a goofy grin, but she doesn’t miss the glassy sheen in his eyes. She thinks the same look can be found in her own. He leans down and murmurs, “You can always come home, Catnip, just remember that, okay?”

            “I will.” She sniffles and swipes at a rogue tear. “We’ll still talk on the phone right?”

            “You call me if you need me.” He nods and presses a kiss to her forehead, “I promise I’ll get over my aversion to talking on phones.”

            Katniss chuckles.

            “Did you talk to him?” They both know who he’s talking about. There’s only one ‘him’ in her life other than Gale.

            She shakes her head, “I can’t face him and I tried to write him a letter but the words just didn’t seem right. It felt like it would only make things worse.”

            Gale gives a tight-lipped smile and nods, but he doesn’t push her. Instead he gathers her up in his arms, lifting her off the ground as he gives her one last, rib-crushing hug.

            “You go on now, Catnip.” He shoos her, “I don’t want you driving after dark.”

            Katniss smiles, hopping into the Taurus and giving a little wave as she backs down the driveway and heads north towards I-39. The stupid one-word letter is sitting on the dashboard and fifteen minutes later she turns around, driving back into town toward the bakery.

            She breathes a sigh of relief when she walks in and sees that Peeta isn’t working today. Although she can’t imagine that any look Peeta would have given her could be worse than the one Mr. Mellark fixes her with now.

            Katniss squares her shoulders and walks up to the counter anyway, sliding the little envelope towards him. His big, calloused hands that remind her so much of Peeta’s reach for the letter, and she can’t look up at him. His blue eyes might be darker than Peeta’s, but it’s still too close.

            “Will you give this to him for me?” She asks so quietly she’s not sure he can hear her over the hum of the refrigerated cases. “I just- I didn’t want to leave town without saying something.” She croaks out. Katniss is surprised when the hand not holding the letter covers hers gently. She looks up to find Mr. Mellark looking at her wistfully.

            “I’ll get it to him, Katniss.” He assures her with a soft smile, “Is there anything I can get for you before you go- some cheese buns maybe?”

            Katniss’s eyes fill with tears. How could he still be so kind to her after what she did to his son? She bites her lower lip to keep it from trembling and shakes her head.

            “I- I really need to get going. I was s- supposed to leave already, but I just- I needed to give him that.” Katniss stutters, her voice shaking, betraying her emotions as she backs towards the door.

            Mr. Mellark nods with a tight lipped smile as she opens the door with a jingle, “Good luck, Katniss,” he calls after her and she turns back to flash him the best smile she can manage before jumping in the Taurus and flying through town towards I-39.

            She doesn’t bother trying to stop the tears as they run down her cheeks. She wonders how it’s possible for her heart to keep shattering when she’s sure that it’s never been put back together.

 

…

 

**September 27, 2008**

 

            Peeta freezes for a moment when Prim’s small form walks through the bakery door early on a Saturday morning in late September. His heart flutters just a bit because, although most people don’t see it, the Everdeen sisters do resemble each other in many ways. They both have the same small frame, though Katniss’s has more muscle. They carry themselves proudly, and when Prim isn’t bursting with a full-blown smile, her lips curve in the same tiny one Katniss usually gives.

            “Hi Peeta.” Prim says softly now as she walks directly up to the counter.

            “Prim, hey.” Peeta’s voice shakes against his will and he grips the counter to hide the way his hands are trembling.

            He hasn’t spoken to Prim since before everything happened; before Katniss tore his heart out and Gale told him it was all a lie. Katniss has been gone for nearly two months now and he hasn’t heard a single word from her. Who’s he kidding? He hasn’t heard a word out of her since the day he went to her house to try and get her back. Peeta has thought about calling her, to make sure she’s okay, but he doesn’t. Why bother investing himself further in a relationship that he doesn’t trust anymore?

            “How are you?” The sweet, younger girl asks, and Peeta knows she really means it. Prim has an uncanny ability to care about everyone.

            “I’ve been worse.” Peeta shrugs with an ironic smile. “What brings you to the bakery today?”

            Prim blushes and looks over her shoulder. Peeta gets the impression someone wouldn’t want her to be here.

            “I- I wanted to talk to you about- about Katniss.”

            Peeta’s eyes widen and he clears his throat, failing in his attempt to maintain a neutral face, “My dad will be in to give me a lunch break at eleven thirty. Can you be here then?”

            “Yes, I’ll be back at eleven thirty.” Prim nods before she walks out the door of the bakery, leaving Peeta standing completely stunned behind the counter.

            Peeta spends the next several hours hoping that Prim might not make it back in time, or that she’d change her mine. He’s not sure he wants to talk about Katniss anymore; not sure he can handle what it still does to him. The bell rings over the door at eleven twenty-five though and Peeta knows exactly who it is without even looking

            He gives Prim a silent nod, wiping his hands off on a towel before shouting to his father that he’d be back in a half hour. The odd pair then makes their way to Sae’s café and they quickly find themselves sitting across from one another in the corner booth, both looking awkwardly at their hands after ordering lunch.

            “I’m sorry she did that to you, Peeta.” Prim blurts out first.

            Peeta gives a sad look before pointing out, “What Katniss did isn’t your fault.”

            “I know, but someone should tell you sorry since she can’t.” She shrugs delicately, watching Peeta closely with her wide blue eyes.

            “It’s not that she can’t, Prim. It’s that she won’t.” The last words have a taste of bitterness to them that Peeta isn’t fond of but can’t seem to get rid of even though it’s been months. “She had three months to do it before she left. She could have called to say it for God’s sake.” Peeta’s hand comes down hard on the table as he finishes, shaking their water glasses slightly.

            “She tried.” Prim says, her voice just slightly defensive though her face is still soft and kind, “She gave you that note-“

            “That just said ‘sorry.’” Peeta scoffs, “Not sorry for lying to you or for destroying your heart or anything.”

            “Katniss tried to do that, Peeta. She tried, but she never thought she could find the right words.” Prim pulls a crumpled envelope from the small purse beside her and smoothes it onto the table. “I found this when I was rearranging our room after she left, and she made me swear I would burn it.”

            Peeta looks curiously at the envelope. There’s nothing special about it. It was never addressed or stamped. Honestly it looks as harmless as the fly drifting around their heads as they speak. Why would it need to be burned?

            Prim gives a tiny, rebellious smile, “I’ve never listened to Katniss’s orders when they seem that silly, so I read it myself. I couldn’t burn it after that, and I couldn’t decide what to do with it. Rue and I decided yesterday that you needed to read it too, no matter what Katniss said. You look awful, Peeta- no offense- and I think this might help.”

            “Prim,” Peeta says, trying to soften the skepticism in his voice, “I don’t think it’s going to do anyone any good if I read that letter. I need to get over what happened and I can’t do that if I keep letting myself try to justify why Katniss did what she did.”

            “I get that,” the young girl agrees, “but just do this one last thing, Peeta. It might not change your mind, but it will at least help you with the facts.”

            Peeta sighs but pulls the envelope towards himself before folding it into his back pocket. What’s one more reminder of what happened in May? He can read it once then burn the damn thing.

            Prim starts to pick at the edge of the table and Peeta watches several people walk by the café window. The waitress places their food in front of them, giving them both an odd look before walking away. Prim picks up a French fry and chews thoughtfully for a moment before looking up at Peeta again.

            “Katniss never really let you see how bad things got after dad died.” She states softly, “I mean- she didn’t ever invite you into the house until after mom was a little better. The first couple of months, mom wasn’t really mom anymore. She just sort of forgot about us.” An uncharacteristic furrow forms on Prim’s brow. Peeta can’t help but think how strange and misplaced the feature looks on her.

            “I think it broke something inside of Katniss.” Prim shrugs, “Like, kids aren’t supposed to see their parents lose love and fall apart, but we did. She’s so scared to love someone that much. She’s a control freak, Peeta. She hates the idea that she would rely on someone else so much for her happiness- or just to live- and that they could take it away from her.”

            “What she did was pretty unforgivable, Prim.” Peeta’s chest throbs, his mind replaying the moment Katniss screamed through the door that she had slept with Gale, “Even if it wasn’t true, she still lied to me.”

            “I know.” Prim nods slowly, munching on a bite of her grilled cheese, “She loved you a lot, Peeta, and I think that scared her to death. I think all she could see was herself turning into mom if she didn’t stop it while she still could.”

            “She didn’t love me.” Peeta scoffs at even the idea, “She wanted to dispose of me before she ran off to college.”

            Prim shakes her head firmly, “She used college as an excuse, but she loved you. Trust me. I know my big sister. She moped around all summer. She would wake me up at night crying, and even though she never said it was over you, I could tell it was. She was devastated over what she did, Peeta.”

            Peeta decides to let the subject drop. He hates that it still hurts him to hear how upset Katniss was. She was the one who brought it upon herself. It wasn’t his fault. He’s had enough talk of Katniss to last him a lifetime, so he directs the conversation to Prim and her last year of junior high school. The sweet, younger girl chats animatedly with him for the rest of his break, as though they hadn’t come here to discuss the one woman who broke his heart.

            Prim turns to face Peeta as they exit the café at the end of his break and she smiles gently, “It was good to talk to you again, Peeta. Even if things don’t work out with Katniss I would like to stay friends.”

            “Yeah.” Peeta nods. Although he highly doubts things will ever work out with Katniss, he still enjoys talking with Prim. She’s such a genuinely vivacious person; he can’t imagine anyone would dislike spending time with her. “That would be good.”

            Prim’s smile brightens even more and she throws her arms around him briefly before backing away to cross the street. Peeta turns to head back to the bakery when he hears her shout his name.

            “Promise you’ll read it!” She yells from the front of the post office.

            Peeta waves with a nod. He’ll save it for tonight, but he will read it. Masochist that he is, he can’t help himself.

…

            Peeta has been staring at the tattered envelope for fifteen minutes now, as though he might divine what is written inside if he stares at it for long enough. The orange bic lighter that he snatched from the drawer downstairs where his mother keeps all sort of odds and ends is still in his hand from when he nearly burnt the damn letter without ever reading it. That was five minutes ago and now he’s staring at it, wondering what Katniss could possibly have written that makes Prim believe it could change things, or at least ease his bitterness.

            “Fuck it.” Peeta mutters, reaching for the envelope and ripping it open carelessly, catching the edge of the paper inside.

            Immediately he knows this letter was not one that was ever meant to be read. It’s written in the worst of Katniss’s chicken scrawl, as though she was writing it hastily and getting frustrated when it took too long. Words and whole sentences are crossed out throughout the page. He can still read it though so he does because he promised Prim and because he wants answers even though he keeps telling himself he doesn’t.

 

_~~Dear Peeta~~ ~~Hi Peeta~~ Peeta,_

_~~Gale told me to write you~~. I’m sorry ~~I lied~~ ~~I’m a bitch~~ ~~I fucked up~~ I hurt you. I knew that pretending I slept with Gale would hurt you enough to make you hate me and I thought that was what I wanted. I didn’t though- want it I mean, not really. I was ~~terrified~~ ~~happy~~ afraid when you said you loved me. I could never stay here, Peeta ~~and~~ y ~~ou saying that made me want to try and stay, which scared me even more~~. ~~I promised myself to do this~~. I swore I would get out of this town. ~~My dad and I always planned how I would get out of here, and I don’t want to fail him~~. I need to leave Fairbury and the thought of leaving you if you loved me hurt too much. It’s ~~easier~~ better if you hate me. You’ll move on ~~to some wonderful girl~~ if you hate me._

_I hear that you’re talking to Delly Cartwright. I want you to know that ~~I’m happy for you~~ I honestly do want you to move on, Peeta. I want you to be happy ~~without me~~. If I could somehow take it all back, I would have told you the truth. ~~That I’m afraid and I love~~ That I have to leave you, and I didn’t want to string you along. I thought hurting you was for the best, but I wish I could take it back. I wish we could still be friends._

            Peeta turns the paper over but that’s it. She never signed it and he thinks she probably got frustrated and didn’t finish it. His mind is still hung up on that small crossed out sentence though. Katniss had almost written it, almost written ‘I love you’ and his heart shatters into a thousand new pieces at the five letters scrawled on the paper. He can’t burn the damn thing now, and he’s so angry that he read it because this just made moving on from her that much more difficult.

 

…

 

**November 6, 2008**

 

            “We’re going out!” Johanna announces, throwing a bright yellow bag on the couch beside me as she walks through the door.

            “’We’ as in you an I?” Katniss questions, eyeing the bag like it’s a dead animal, “What’s in the bag?”

            “Yes, brainless, you and I. And that bag is holding the dress I bought for you to wear out tonight.” Johanna grins at her, “Call it a housewarming present.”

            “I’ve been here for three months already.” Katniss points out, flipping the page of her Intro to Biology textbook. Johanna simply shrugs as though that’s a minor flaw in her master plan.

            At first Katniss though she made the biggest mistake of her life moving in with Johanna. Johanna was loud, boisterous, and not afraid of making enemies. It was like getting dunked in a pool of ice water for Katniss after moving so far away from home. She had hoped her roommate would be a comfort, or at least barely there, but Johanna hadn’t been either initially.

            Katniss was appalled the first day she came home from class and Johanna was walking around without pants on. She quickly learned that Johanna and pants lived in disagreement and the former preferred them out of her life all together. The first weekend after school started, Katniss was once again appalled to find, not only a half naked Johanna walking around the apartment on Sunday morning, but also a huge, rather buff, dark skinned man in boxer briefs.

            After she got past the initial shock that is Johanna’s personality, Katniss came to realize that she admired Johanna’s spunk. And at least she isn’t one of those girls who hangs off of every guy and cries when he strings her along. Johanna couldn’t care less about emotional relationships, so long as she could get physical, which college guys seemed more than happy to do with the curvy, spitfire.

            “Sure you’ve been _here_ for three months.” Johanna agrees, “And by ‘here’ I mean exactly in that seat on the couch. You only leave for class and to go to the store when there’s nothing left in the apartment to eat. You haven’t gone out at all since you got here. You’re a freshman, Katniss, you should have gotten shitfaced a dozen times by now. You’re also hot so you should have at least fucked a few guys by now. It’s not healthy and tonight we’re fixing it.”

            “Maybe I don’t want to go to some stupid college dorm party.” Katniss argues as Johanna steps into her room off the living area.

            “That’s why it’s not a dorm party, brainless.” Johanna chucks a pair of ridiculously high heeled, strappy silver sandals onto the couch. “You remember Thresh?”

            Katniss arches an eyebrow at the girl before her. How could she forget the first half naked man in her college apartment?

            Johanna smirks, “Of course you do, that’s right. Well, he and his roommates are throwing a party at his house. That’s where we’re going.”

            Katniss still isn’t sure how Johanna convinced her to do this, even as they walk through the front door into a house that’s already too crowded and loud, the stereo blasting the latest from Lady Gaga. The dress Johanna got her was short, too short if you asked Katniss, and she keeps tugging it down to try and achieve more coverage.

            Johanna takes one look at Katniss’s face and shouts, “You need liquor. Follow me.”

            Katniss isn’t of age, but she isn’t about to refuse anything that might relax her nerves a bit. At first Johanna keeps a close eye on her, introducing her to all of Thresh’s housemates as they pass through, but eventually Johanna wanders off upstairs with Thresh. Katniss finds herself with nothing to do but drink and drink and drink until some guy with blonde hair and blue eyes walks up to her with an arrogant smile. As if she wasn’t thinking about Peeta enough everyday as it is. His blue eyes are much paler though, not nearly as stunning, and his hair is straight instead of the luxurious curls she’s so fond of.

            “Hey, there.” His eyes rove over Katniss’s body and even she’s not drunk enough to miss the lustful look in them.

            “Hi.” She replies coolly, crossing an arm over her stomach. She remembers learning something about closed off body language in her psychology class in high school, but Peeta had been in that class with her and she had always found it hard to focus, her eyes often lingering on the way his curls laid against his shirt collar.

            “I’m Cato.” He shouts over the music, which is now pumping some rap beat that shakes her bones it’s so loud.

            Katniss nods and takes a sip of her drink but her clear disinterest doesn’t send Cato away. His grin changes into one that makes her feel like she’s being hunted.

            “You going to tell me your name or will I have to work it out of you, babe?” He tilts his head, causing a shiver to run through Katniss’s spine, and not a good one. It’s like he’s playing at a game now. She also hates it when anyone calls her babe.

            Katniss rolls her eyes and leaves her spot along the wall to drift through the sea of other students around her. She thinks she’s lost Cato until an arm wraps around her waist, unbalancing her enough to pull her so her back rests against his chest.

            “Babe, you shouldn’t just leave a guy hanging like that. Not when you’re dressed like that just asking for it.” He murmurs in her hair, swaying them both to the beat of the shitty song playing and grinding his hips into her.

            Katniss pushes at his arm, furious with him for even thinking something like that. She didn’t care if she came into this party wearing a bikini, it gave him no right to put his disgusting hands on her if she wasn’t interested. Peeta never would have done this, not even after they were dating. He would have taken the hint and backed off. This Cato, jackass that he is, seems to think he’s entitled to something.

            His grip tightens around her waist as she starts to struggle against him and she realizes, even in her hazy, drunken state, this could get bad very quickly. Katniss cranes her neck and his leering face comes into view. She thinks she might be sick if it wasn’t for all the anger weighing down her stomach right now.

            “Let go of me!” She shouts loud enough that several of the people around them start to stare. He still doesn’t let go so she slams an elbow back against him. It hardly does anything against his muscular torso, but now people are really staring at the fighting couple.

            “Let go!” Katniss screams and suddenly a hand comes down over Cato’s.

            “She said leave her alone, man. Drop it.” A faceless voice orders.

            Cato lets go immediately, clearly not so invested that he’s ready to risk scandal, and Katniss takes off for the front door, without another word. She doesn’t know why she ever let Johanna convince her to do this. She slams her body into the front door to open it and stumbling down the sidewalk before collapsing on the curb. It’s freezing outside but there isn’t any snow on the ground yet and the alcohol rushing through her bloodstream keeps her convinced that she’s warm enough. She’s far enough away from the smokers on the front porch that it’s quiet here, though she can still hear the obnoxious poppy beat coming from inside the house.

            She’s dizzy and tired and her feet hurt and she wants to cry. The sudden urge to talk to Peeta overcomes her and she pull out her phone, dialing the number before she even realizes what she’s doing or how much she might live to regret it. The phone rings several times before it finally gets kicked to voicemail and that obnoxious woman’s voice prattles on before the beep finally comes.

            “Hi.” Katniss says, her happiness sounding fake even to her, “Hey, Peeta. It’s me. It’s Katniss. I just- I just needed to call you.” She sits down on the curb, curling her arms around her legs for warmth and to stop the trembling running through her limbs. Tears gather in her eyes and she blinks them away, not concerned about messing up the makeup Johanna insisted she wear.

            “I miss you.” She croaks. What did the alcohol do to her vocal cords? Or maybe it’s the tears choking her. “I miss you so much. Sometimes I can’t sleep at night because it’s all I can think about. Peeta, I want- I was never good enough for you. But I wanted to tell you that I hope you find someone- a girl who won’t make the stupid mistake I did. She’ll be funny and smart and sweet just like you and she’ll never let you go. And she’ll have your-“

            “Brainless, what the hell are you doing?” Johanna wrenches the phone from Katniss’s hand and presses the end call button, noticing the name on the screen and arching her eyebrow, “I think you’ll live to regret that one in the morning.” She doesn’t know everything about Peeta, but she knows enough to know that they dated and it ended badly.

            Katniss shakes her head, the ground spinning as she does, “No I won’t, Jo. I wanted to tell him. He needed to know that I was never good enough for him. I was so awful, Jo.” Suddenly Katniss is laying down against the curbing, trying to use her hands for a pillow as she weeps openly.

            “Shit, Katniss, how much did you drink?” Johanna’s hands pry her up from the ground, but Katniss would much rather just lay there and be left alone. The world starts spinning again when she sits up and she’s not sure she’ll be able to keep from throwing up all over Johanna’s cheetah print heels.

            “I don’t know.” Katniss shrugs, “Four- no maybe it was five rum and cokes.”

            “Lightweight.” Johanna throws Katniss’s arm around her shoulders and heaves her up from the ground, “I can’t leave you alone for two minutes.”

            “It was longer than two minutes.” Katniss points out, stumbling in these damn heels that Johanna said made her legs look like they went on for eternity.

            Johanna laughs, “Well, Thresh knows how to keep a girl going. Let’s just get you home. You got that phone?”

            Katniss nods, handing her the device and Johanna calls for a cab. Within the hour, Katniss is in bed, wishing Peeta were there to hold her as the room spins around. She leans over the side of the bed, and pukes into the garbage can that Johanna had the foresight to leave there.

 

…

 

**January 14, 2009**

 

            “Hey.” A body heavily throws itself down in the chair across from Katniss at the café and she looks up curiously. No one ever bothers her in this corner.

            She started coming to the tiny corner café over winter break when she had decided to stay in Minnesota rather than hazard the drive home through the snow and ice. Her mother had agreed reluctantly and they had skyped over Christmas and New Years to make up for her absence.

            Katniss would have rather spent her empty days reading novels in the apartment, but Johanna had taken it upon herself to have rough, exceptionally loud, morning sex anytime a guy stayed overnight. Katniss hadn’t thought it would be worth the conversation to ask her roommate to keep it down so instead she found a new place to hole up.

            Now she spends her Tuesday and Thursday mornings in the café studying and doing homework for classes. She actually finds she enjoys getting out of the apartment on a regular basis.

            “Hi?” She greets the boy across from her suspiciously after a long pause.

            She’s never seen him before; she’s certain she would remember the dark, brown eyes and shock of red hair. He also wears a smile that tells her he knows he’s attractive, which she supposes he would be, if she wasn’t still completely hung up on the boy back home.

            “So, I’ve been watching you from across the café every morning you’ve been here for three weeks now, and I just couldn’t stand it anymore.” The boy grins a winning smile at her but it doesn’t make her heart flutter like Peeta’s always could. “I just had to come over here and introduce myself.”

            Katniss stares at the boy, blinking slowly. His resolve seems to falter for a moment before the grin is back in full force and he sticks out a hand, “Darius Miller.”

            Slowly Katniss sticks her hand in his and he shakes it firmly, “Katniss Everdeen.”

            “Katniss, that’s nice.” He settles back, getting comfortable in his chair, and Katniss tries not to roll her eyes. He isn’t even planning on _asking_ if he can join her. “So what do you do, Katniss? What brings you to the area?”

            “School.” She nods at the book in front of her, eyeing the strange boy as she does.

            He nods, “Nice, very cool, what are you studying?”

            “Biology.” She answers shortly before deciding to throw the guy a bone, adding, “I want to focus on ecology though.”

            “One of those tree huggers.” He grins, but his tone indicates he’s not trying to make fun of her like so many people back in Fairbury would, “Minnesota’s a good place for that, lots of trees.” A smile tugs at her lips. He doesn’t seem so bad after all. He’s not a total ass anyway.

            “What about you?” She asks, playing with the corner of a page of notes.

            “Law enforcement.” He shrugs, “It’s a family thing.”

            “My dad was a state trooper.” She says before she realizes what she’s doing. Why would she tell him that? She barely even knows his name and she hasn’t told anyone at college about that part of her life.

            “Yeah?” He asks interestedly, “What does he do now?”

            Katniss gives him a tight smile, “Nothing.”

            He looks at her knowingly, but he doesn’t ask, which she’s thankful for. She decides this Darius guy can’t be all bad. He doesn’t pry which makes him more than alright in her book. They talk but anytime he gets close to a topic that makes her uncomfortable he steers the conversation in a different direction, as though he can sense he’s approaching dangerous territory. Maybe that’s a skill they teach him in his law enforcement classes.

            He glances at his watch two hours later and stands with a sigh, “I have to go. I have class, but it was really great talking to you, Katniss.”

            “You too, Darius.” She agrees and he walks out the café as she returns to her studying.

…

            Darius comes back every day without fail. Some days they talk amiably, but most days he does most of the talking while Katniss studies. She hates to admit that Darius sort of grew on her after two weeks. She looks around for him in the café if he is running late, the silence harder to concentrate in now that she is used to his constant stream of stories.

            One Thursday several weeks after they first met, Darius collapses into the seat across from her with a boyish grin on his face that tells her he’s about to say something that she probably won’t like.

            “Go out with me.” He says, and when Katniss looks up with wide eyes, he adds, “Just let me take you on a proper date. You know, one where I feed you decent, not cafeteria, food, and we’re both dressed in something other than sweatpants.”

            “I don’t date.” Katniss replies coldly. She had thought they were friends. She has no interest in getting into another mess like she did with Peeta. Honestly though, she’s not sure any man could captivate her quite as much as Peeta had.

            Darius shrugs with a nod and begins his daily chatter as though Katniss didn’t just shut him down. She can’t really believe it at first, but this boy seems completely unperturbed by her rejection and they honestly do just settle back into their usual pattern.

            The next week though, Darius asks again, “Go out with me.”

            “No, that’s just a disaster waiting to happen.” Katniss snaps. She has a bio exam in an hour and Darius isn’t helping her nerves.

            Darius shrugs again, going back to their usual routine. It happens the next week too.

            “Miss Katniss,” he flops down into the seat with a grin that automatically sets Katniss scowling. She knows he’s up to something. “There’s a house party-“

            “No.” She stops him with a frustrated wave of a hand, “Why do you keep asking me out? Clearly I’m not interested!”

            Darius gives his signature shrug, not at all put off by Katniss’s rude outburst, “I’m the type that typically grows on people. I figure if I stick around long enough, you’ll just slip up one day and say yes.”

            “Trust me, it would be a mistake.” Katniss mutters as she takes a sip of tea.

            He puts his elbow onto the table and props his chin in his hand with an amused look, “And why’s that?”

            Katniss raises an eyebrow before rolling her eyes, “I have a history of completely destroying relationships.”

            “Well, this isn’t a relationship, Katniss.” He replies easily in a singsong voice, “As I was saying, there’s a house party and I was thinking I could show up there and you could happen to show up there and we could do non-date things together like talk and maybe even dance if the music isn’t too shitty.”

            She tilts her head slightly, trying to decide whether to take the redhead seriously or to laugh at him. Instead she settles for a shake of her head as she focuses on the flashcard in her hand, pretending to study but really she’s thinking about what Darius said.

            He doesn’t seem set on having a defined relationship, which is comforting. She made that mistake once and Katniss Everdeen isn’t one to make the same mistake twice. She stares at the boy in front of her. He is nice enough and really funny most of the time, but she isn’t sure she’s ready to go there yet. So instead she just smiles noncommittally, and Darius starts off chattering about some English class he’s taking.

…

            “So when were you planning on sharing with me that Darius Miller is hot for some scowling, grumpy Katniss Everdeen?” Johanna asks as soon as she walks through the door.

            “How would you even have heard about that?” Katniss spits back, irritated that this news was now public knowledge, at least within the apartment anyway.

            “I didn’t have to hear it. I saw it with my own eyes, brainless. I was in need of a caffeine fix this morning and low and behold I walk into the place and there you are, cozying up with Darius Miller.” Johanna gives a wicked smirk as she throws herself gracelessly onto the futon.

            “We weren’t cozying up,” Katniss argues, a deep frown forming on her lips, “How do you know Darius?”

            “We were in the same psychology class freshman year. Hard not to notice a guy with bright red hair like his.” Johanna winks, “And I think you looked cozier with him than I’ve seen you with any guy before.”

            “We’re friends.” Katniss shrugs, picking at the spine of her textbook.

            “Hmm, that’s nice, but I also talked to him once you left.” Katniss looks up and Johanna has fixed her with a stern look, “We’re going to that party, Katniss.”

            “Because it turned out so well the last time I went out with you.” She rolls her eyes dramatically, slamming her book shut.

            “Practice makes perfect. If you fall off a horse once, you don’t swear off it for life.” Johanna stands and makes it to her room before shouting, “We’re going and that’s final!”

…

            “I can’t do this, Johanna.” Katniss whines as Johanna pulls her by the wrist towards the house where the party is already in full swing.

            “You can and you will. We’ll find the booze and you’ll be fine.” The older woman assures her, “You’ve got to get over this, whatever this is.” She flips a hand towards Katniss with a flourish indicating that she’s the problem.

            Once they’re through the door, both girls make a b-line straight for the kitchen where beer and liquor is flowing freely. Katniss mixes a rum and coke, heavy on the rum and takes two shots for good measure. Johanna fixes her with a slightly concerned look.

            “Just don’t get shitfaced. I’m not dragging you’re ass up three flights of stairs back to the apartment again.” Katniss waves her off and soon finds herself just where she was several months ago at her first party, holed up alone in a corner drinking and drinking-

            “You’re here!” Darius’s smiling face steps in front of her line of vision.

            “I’m here.” She raises her glass and takes a long swig.

            “You’re drinking.” Darius laughs and nods at the cup in her hand, “Are you set on that or would you like me to get you another?”

            Katniss downs the rest and hands him the cup wordlessly, which he takes to refill.

            “I have to say, I didn’t actually expect you to show.” He says when he returns, handing Katniss her rum and coke and taking a swig of his own beer.

            “I didn’t think I would.” Katniss scowls at him, “You brought my roommate into the mix though and there’s just no arguing with Johanna Mason.”

            “Well, I’m sorry she dragged you here, but I’m glad you came. Sounds like you two are matching personalities- both stubborn as hell.” Darius says shooting her a genuine smile that makes her lips curve just a little. “Will you dance with me?”

            Katniss shakes her head, “I’m a terrible dancer and I haven’t had enough of this,” she holds up her cup, “to make me forget how horrible I am.”

            “That’s great because I’m good enough to make up for your lack of skill.” Darius grabs her free hand, and she tries to argue but as they enter the living room any hope of conversation goes out the window. The music is blasted so loudly that the walls vibrate, and it sets her teeth on edge.

            Darius wraps an arm around her waist to keep her close, although with all the bodies packed up against them there isn’t much of a choice. Reluctantly, Katniss throws her free arm over his shoulder and lets him move them to the beat.

            He actually is a good dancer, somehow guiding her hips to sway against his. She lets herself settle closer to him, actually enjoying the contact as his thigh happens to grind between her thighs in just the right spot to send her blood boiling with want, her body’s way of telling her it’s been too long since she got off.

            It’s not long before she realizes she’s drunk. Really drunk. Drunk enough that her head lolls forward onto his shoulder mid-dance and she doesn’t even care. He doesn’t seem to mind either but slowly starts backing them out of the room.

            Katniss lets her eyes linger around the room, searching for Johanna. She should probably go home. She’s bound to get worse before the night’s over considering she was still drinking right up until she realized she had crossed the line from buzzed to trashed.

            Before she comprehends what is happening, Darius has taken her upstairs to an empty room and settled her onto a bed. She lets her face fall into her hands as he stumbles blindly to turn on a lamp. Katniss knows she should probably be concerned that a guy she really doesn’t know that well has dragged her up to a room alone, but her mind is too fuzzy to do anything about it. All she wants to do is sleep.

            “Katniss,” Darius takes one of her hands and pats it lightly, “hey are you okay?”

            Katniss wants to roll her eyes at him. Clearly she’s not okay, but she’s not going to puke either if that’s what he’s worried about. Her eyes fixate on his thin, bow lips. She doesn’t even notice that she’s leaning forward until her lips crash into his, causing him to make a surprised noise before grabbing her shoulders. He kisses her back though, and it’s- well, it’s not Peeta, but it’s not bad either. It just doesn’t spark the same fire inside her that a simple look from Peeta could.

            Eventually, they pull apart and she notices his eyes have golden flecks in them. They’re pretty, she thinks, but they aren’t blue. He’s talking to her so she focuses on his words, watching the way his lips form them.

            “I just don’t think this is the best idea. You’re drunk. I want you to remember this in the morning, Katniss,” he rambles breathlessly.

            “You should just fuck me and get it over with.” She blurts out, surprised by how clear her words are considering her state of inebriation.

            Darius’s eyes go wide for a moment before he recovers with a chuckle, “I don’t think you actually mean that.”

            “I do,” she argues stubbornly, “I need to just get it over with so I can move on.”

            “Move on from what?” He asks innocently enough but suddenly a wave of regret crashes down on her and tears well up in her eyes.

            “From him.” She chokes out before the tears start falling. All her mind can focus on is Peeta and how the arms pulling her in for a hug aren’t his and how her body didn’t know the lips she just kissed. She misses him so much her chest aches with the longing to feel his hair under her fingers and his lips on her skin.

            Johanna somehow finds them. Katniss isn’t sure if Darius left to find her or if she just barged into the room, but she’s yelling at Katniss; something about leaving her on the front steps of the apartment building. Katniss swears that she is never going to another one of these godforsaken parties again.

…

            “You need to learn how to handle your liquor.” Johanna greets when Katniss finally ventures out of her room the next afternoon.

            “Ugh.” She moans as she reaches for a coffee mug.

            “You also should probably deal with the whole Peeta thing. I mean, you broke up with him right, so you really shouldn’t be upset, like, a year later.” Johanna leans against the counter and watches at Katniss from over her coffee mug.

            “Can we not talk about this right now, Jo? I’m super hung-over.” Katniss sips at the hot, bitter liquid and grimaces. She still hates the taste but deals with it anyway under the circumstances.

            “Okay. Do you want to talk about how you confessed your heart and soul to Darius last night?”

            “I did not.” Katniss argues, an edge of horror in her voice because to be quite honest she’s not sure what she said aloud last night. She knows she thought a lot about Peeta; how much she misses him; how horrible she was to him. But surely she hadn’t been drunk enough to say all that aloud.

            “You did. All about Peeta and how you tore his heart apart and how you can’t love anyone, blah, blah, blah.” Johanna rolls her eyes at the memory, “I tried to tell you to shut up once I found you, but you wouldn’t stop.”

            Katniss groans and rubs her knuckles between her eyes. What a nightmare. Wasn’t it bad enough that she had gotten completely trashed? Why, why couldn’t she just keep her mouth shut? She liked spending mornings in the coffee shop with Darius. He’s her only friend here besides Johanna. She enjoyed the distraction, and now there is no doubt in her mind that he will suddenly disappear off the face of the planet.

            A knock at the door near dinnertime proves her wrong though. She almost slams the door in his face when her eyes land on his bright shock of hair and her cheeks flame the same color.

            “Hey, Katniss.” Darius says softly, leaning on the doorframe, watching her through the door that’s still barely cracked open, “I wanted to make sure you were okay after last night.”

            Katniss sighs heavily, letting the door swing open, “I’m really sorry about that, Darius.”

            He shrugs, “It’s okay. At least now I know where we stand.”

            Katniss starts wringing her hands nervously against one another, unsure of what to do or say at this point. Darius is the first to speak.

            “You know we don’t have to do the girlfriend-boyfriend relationship thing.” He says quietly, his brown eyes pinned to her face and watching her closely, “I mean, I’m okay without that commitment and if we decide later on we wanted that we could figure it out but for now we could just- you know.”

            Katniss arches an eyebrow, “No, I don’t actually.”

            “You know, just have fun.” He rolls his eyes with a silly smile, “I like you, Katniss. I think you’re funny and smart and hot. I liked kissing you last night, even if it was a little sloppy on your end-“

            “Excuse me?” She demands, hands going to her hips in dismay.

            He laughs like a little boy, “It’s true. You should stick to kissing only while sober. But that’s beside the point. I’m okay with doing what feels good, whenever it feels good to do it.”

            “So friends with benefits. That sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.” Katniss crosses her arms skeptically, leaning against the wall.

            “You really don’t remember my kisses though, Katniss.” He grins arrogantly, “A lot of girls would pay to have me kiss them and here I am offering to kiss you for free, no strings attached.”

            She laughs in spite of herself, rolling her eyes, “Right.”

            Darius steps forward and his lips meet hers before she has a chance to figure out what he’s doing. It takes a minute before Katniss responds but once she relaxes against him, she realizes he is actually a good kisser. Maybe not Peeta, but talented in his own regard. He pulls away, leaving her dizzy and breathless. It was nice. Peeta’s kisses were always nice, but they also left her desperate for more, not like now where she feels warm but not much of anything else.

            “So what do you think?” He chuckles, scuffing the toe of his shoe against the ground.

            “You are pretty good, I’ll give you that.” Katniss admits which sends him laughing again.

            “You want to try it then?” He offers again, appearing more hopeful this time, “We have fun with each other, any kind of fun we both agree to. No strings attached.”

            Katniss realizes already that this is destined to fail. The fact that Darius has wanted to date her so badly should act as an indicator that his feelings are clearly much stronger than Katniss’s, because he actually has feelings. She likes him as company, even as a good friend, but she’ll never like him as more than that. She’ll never love him. Still, she is lonely and she finds her body wishing Peeta were there to take care of it more and more often. Darius could be a quick, willing fix for that. So Katniss disregards all common sense and nods.

            “Sure. We’ll try it.”

 

**October 18, 2009**

 

            Delly Cartwright likes him. A lot, judging by what she’s just offered. He hesitates to say love, but he’s afraid that might be true as well. He’s been seeing her with varying frequency now since late January when his mother had forced him on a date, stating she wasn’t about to let him turn into some hermit after that simple slut left him. Peeta hadn’t argued with her, too emotionally ruined to fight a date that he figured would lead to nothing and too resigned to correct how she referred to Katniss. He realizes now that he should have stopped this earlier on. He’s been stringing Delly along without meaning to.

            Peeta stares blankly at the curvy blonde girl as she reaches over with a gentle smile and unbuttons his pants, unzipping his fly as well. The muscles in his stomach tense as her hand brushes against them. He likes Delly well enough. She’s kind and sweet, but there’s just no fire there like there naturally was with Katniss. A tiny voice in the back of his mind reminds him that this doesn’t feel right like it did with Katniss. He tries to ignore it though. It’s not as though Katniss was his first and only. He had done this with several other girls before and he hadn’t felt this… this guilt.

            Peeta let’s his head fall back against the seat as Delly’s lips close around him, willing it to feel like it did with _her_ and willing away the guilt. _She_ wanted it. He shouldn’t feel guilty for trying to move on.

            He’s never let Delly do this before in the eight months they’ve been together. They’ve fooled around enough and he’s even slept with her more times than he can keep track of, but he could never wrap his mind around letting her get this close to him. It was easier for him to get her off and finish inside her. For Peeta, there was less of an emotional connection needed to do that. This makes him feel guilt, real dreadful guilt for some reason.

            Peeta tries to clear his mind, to just focus on the sensation in the moment but forty minutes later he’s still barely staying hard and he uses his hand to gently guide Delly away. The look on her face sends a new flood of guilt through him. She’s so disappointed and he can tell she knows. She knows he’s not over Katniss.

            She gives him a sympathetic smile and settles back in the passenger seat while he buttons and zips his pants again. They sit in awkward silence, staring out at the stars and the bright moon over the wheat field they’ve pulled off next to.

            “I’m sorry, Delly.” He murmurs, his voice seeming too loud for such silence. He glances over and can easily make out the wet streaks down her cheeks gleaming in the soft light from the moon.

            She takes an unsteady breath, “I should have known. I suspected it, but I had hoped…”

            “You’re a great girl. I just- I don’t know why I can’t get past her.” Peeta whispers apologetically. Delly gives him a watery smile that only increases his shame. How could she possibly be so nice when he’s just admitted he strung her along. He’s an ass. He deserves to be screamed at.

            “It’s because you still love her, Peeta.” She says softly, fresh tears falling. “Maybe she’s it for you.”

            “She can’t be. I don’t want to love her after everything.” Peeta shakes his head, wishing he could just erase his feelings for her, that he could love Delly, a girl who actually wants to be with him, like she deserves.

            “We don’t choose who we love sometimes,” she shrugs, “I think you and Katniss were just fate. It’s hard to forget about your other half.”

            Peeta reaches for her hand and gives it a squeeze because for once he’s speechless. Delly deserves so much more than he can give her, even if he’s what she thinks she wants. And suddenly he realizes this is the same thing Katniss wrote in the letter she never gave him herself- that she wasn’t good enough for him. She had said it in the one voicemail she left him as well.

            Peeta had come so close to calling Katniss after hearing it. He could tell she was crying, that something had upset her, and it sounded like she’d been drinking too. Peeta had spent the week worried that something might have happened to her before he asked Prim to call her and make sure she was alright. God he was still in deep, even after more than a year of trying to hate her. That letter had changed things. It had given him hope. He knew now that she had loved him even if she couldn’t say it. The knowledge made the heartbreak that much more painful, but also that much more impossible to move on. Tonight he finally admits it to himself; he still needs Katniss Everdeen.

            Delly breaks into sobs despite her best efforts to contain them, and he brushes a hand soothingly over her back. Maybe he and Delly weren’t in as deep as he and Katniss were, but he’s breaking her heart now just as Katniss did to his. He could almost laugh at the irony if it weren’t for all the pain it caused.

 

…

 

**September 5, 2010**

            Katniss squirms against Darius’s hand as he curls a finger inside of her, something that normally sent her writhing with lust. Today though it just feel s strange. She tangles her fingers through his hair to try and distract herself, but it’s no use.

            “What’s up with you today?” Darius lifts his head from where he had been trailing kisses down Katniss’s stomach. His eyes are full of desire and she can feel his erection pressed against her thigh, but she just couldn’t keep doing this.

            He smiles lazily, “Are you stressed about your proposal for your independent study?”

            She shakes her head. Honestly she hadn’t thought much about the proposal due next week. She had written it up about a month ago when inspiration hit and had forgotten about it since then.

            His lips move to her neck, nipping and sucking as he grinds his hips into hers, “Then what’s the problem?” His lips brush against her skin as he speaks, sending tiny chills through the skin. But not fire, he’s never managed to give her fire like Peeta always could.

            They’ve been doing this for over a year and a half now, breaking for only a few weeks during the summer while Katniss returned home to visit her mother and Prim. To her surprise, the relationship, if that’s what it could be called, worked just fine between the two of them. Darius didn’t seem to mind that she wasn’t his girlfriend so long as he could spend time with her. She knows he still has feelings for her, but he’s never been jealous. It’s hard to be jealous when Katniss hardly leaves the apartment and never looks at other guys. She has no interest in the normal college social life.

            It had worked for her as well because there was no commitment. If she wanted him to come get her off, she called and he came running, ever so happy to oblige. If she wanted him to leave her alone for the week while she studied for midterms, he was okay with that too. Something about the freedom of it made her feel safe. She knew she wasn’t going to fall in too deep with Darius because he had no interest in pushing her towards that. They were friends with a physical relationship and so far that had been enough for him.

            But she can’t do this anymore. He’s not even aware that she heard him while he was on the phone the other morning after they spent the night together. She can’t erase the memory from her mind though.

            “I heard you talking to your mother the other morning.” Katniss admits and his lips freeze against her skin where they had been traveling along her jaw. “I think we should end this, Darius, before you get hurt.”

            “Katniss,” he breathes, raising his gaze to look me in the eyes, “my mom was just asking questions, and I needed to give her something as an answer, so I said you were my girlfriend. Telling her you’re my friend with benefits probably wouldn’t have gone over well.”

            She squirms uncomfortably and sits up in bed, “Yeah but she’s bound to ask again and then she’ll want me to visit and have dinner and attend Christmas parties.”

            “Don’t you think you’re getting ahead of yourself? She might not even like you enough to invite you to Christmas.” He teases with a chuckle, but his laughter dies when he sees the look on her face. “It was no big deal, Katniss. I’m not trying to change what we’re doing, okay?”

            “I don’t want to do this anymore, Darius.” She shakes her head sadly, “This isn’t right. It’s empty and meaningless, and that’s not fair to you.”

            “I don’t mind it though. If I don’t care, then it shouldn’t matter.” He argues, taking her hand in his, but she twists away placing her palm to his cheek.

            “You do care though. And it’s not fair for me to keep doing this with you, knowing that I’m not capable of returning it.” She says softly, “You’re such a good friend, and I want what’s best for you. Doing this with me is never going to get you anywhere. I can’t love people.”

            His brow creases, “You love your sister.” He proffers as a counter argument.

            “And she’s the only one.” Katniss nods, “I care for my mother and Johanna and you too, but I don’t love you. I can’t.”

            “Maybe if we just give it some more time, it’ll come.”

            Katniss gives a sympathetic smile and rests her forehead against his, “I think we both honestly know that’s never going to happen.”

            He closes his eyes and lets out a deep sigh. He knows she’s right, and even though he does care for her, she knows he’ll be able to move on. He finds her attractive and fun to be around, but Katniss knows she’s not endgame for him. She’s not shattering his heart tonight, simply bruising it. He had a thing for her, lust, a crush maybe, but never love.

            “Can we at least finish what we started tonight?” He asks, his trademark grin returning to his face, although his eyes still hold a bit of disappointment in them. “I’d rather not waste this boner on my hand.”

            Katniss laughs wholeheartedly and nods, laying back against the mattress so Darius can pick up where he left off before she broke her news to him. She lets him finish and when he moves to help her do the same, she brushes his hands away.

            “I think it’s a lost cause tonight.” She shrugs apologetically, “Too much going on inside my head.”

            Darius nods, though really she’s not sure he understands. Tonight she can’t stop thinking about Peeta and how badly things ended between them compared to tonight, and it was all her fault. She wishes she could take it all back, that she could ask him to take her back. But even Katniss Everdeen isn’t capable of that; she’s not that selfish.

            Six months later, she receives the call that changes her life forever. The call that drags her back to Fairbury. The call that would later lead to her walk into the town bakery and come face to face with Peeta Mellark for the first time in four years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your responses so far for this story! I’m absolutely thrilled that so many people are enjoying this AU. Feel free to follow me on tumblr at therebelliondies dot tumblr dot com. I usually post updates on new chapters and such there. As always, reviews are most welcome since I use your feedback to guide my writing in future chapters. The next chapter will probably be some behind-the-scenes type stuff that I couldn’t fit into the original oneshot!


	4. Chapter 4 After the Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We already know how Katniss was feeling, but how did Peeta feel when he found out Katniss was back in town? What happened between them in the missing months?

**March 28, 2012**

 

            He sees her running across the street, nearly barreling straight into a car that is backing out of a parking space in front of her family’s store. That doesn’t stop her though and she hurries to throw herself into the door.

            “Peeta, you’ll never guess what I heard!” Delly says breathlessly, cheeks flushed pink with excitement, ignoring the few patrons seated at the small tables throughout the bakery.

            Peeta rolls his eyes. He and Delly somehow managed to cultivate a friendship after he broke things off, reminding him once again how fucked up everything with Katniss became when she left him.

            “What happened now, Delly?” He questions good-humouredly. Peeta isn’t one to revel in gossip, but clearly Delly wants him to know what the rumor mill is putting out these days so he takes the bait anyway.

            “Katniss is back.” She says much more softly, looking over her shoulder to make sure no one else can hear her, “Prim is in the hospital and Katniss came back to be with her.”

            Something inside Peeta drops and he can’t seem to find any air in the room anymore, “Is Prim okay?”

            Delly shrugs, “I think so. No one really knows why she’s there. I didn’t hear about any accidents.”

            Part of Peeta wants to shake Delly for not figuring that out first before telling him. Now he knows he’ll be worried all day. He still talks with Prim on a fairly regular basis and she stops by the bakery every Thursday with Rue on the way home from school. Peeta hadn’t noticed anything different about her this week.

            “Are you going to talk to her?” Delly asks, pulling him from his thoughts, one of her smooth, tiny hands finding his forearm as she peers up hopefully at him. He quickly learned that Delly is a hopeless romantic, even if it means he had to break her heart in the process of ‘pursuing his own true love.’

            Peeta shakes his head, “She’ll be gone back to Minnesota as soon as Prim gets out of the hospital. You’ll see. It’s not even worth the trouble.”

            Delly gives a little frown but doesn’t argue as she takes her hand away from his arm again, “If she doesn’t leave, though, what will you do?”

            “It’s not going to happen, Delly.” Peeta shakes his head at the impossibility as he grabs an apple cinnamon muffin and hands it to her. She smiles, taking it from him daintily to pull off a piece and pop it in her mouth. She sighs at the taste. He knows they’re her favorite and for now that will keep her quiet because to be quite honest Peeta’s mind is roaring with a hundred different thoughts, tearing him in a dozen different directions.

            He wants to call every hospital until he finds Prim and rush there to make sure she’s alright. Despite the age difference, she’s become one of his closest friends in this town and definitely one of the kindest. Peeta wants to go in search of Katniss and shake her until she comes to her senses and says it was a mistake to leave him. He wants to shout at her and tell her how much she hurt him. He wants to kiss her senseless and hold her and never let her go again.

            Peeta wants to do each one of these things simultaneously, but instead he does nothing. He stays the rest of the day at the bakery until close. He preps for the next morning and cleans up shop before heading to his apartment upstairs where he leaves a message for Gale asking about Prim. He knows if anybody other than the Everdeens know what’s going on, it will be one of the Hawthornes, and if one Hawthorne knows something, they all do.

            Peeta waits for the phone to ring and when it does he has to sit down at the news. Gale tells Peeta that Prim’s doing okay right now, that they’ll start her on chemo tomorrow. When he hangs the receiver back on the cradle, Peeta heads straight to the refrigerator for a beer. He can only imagine what Katniss must be feeling right now. He nurses several beers before finally tossing around in bed for the better part of the night, trying not to think about the grey eyed girl who has returned home for the first time in a very long time.

 

…

**May 18, 2012**

 

            “Peeta!” Delly waves from the back corner of Abernathy’s Pub where she is seated in a booth with Thom and Madge. Peeta lifts his chin and makes his way through the crowded bar, dodging farmers still in their dusty jeans and boots along with the college crowd just returning home from finals.

            “Hey, Peeta.” Thom greets warmly. Peeta smiles as he takes a seat next to Madge as she quietly smiles hello.

            Delly met Thom at Madge’s annual Christmas party about two months after Peeta broke things off. Madge has had a thing for Gale Hawthorne for years, but they’re both too stubborn to admit it to one another. So she invited him and Thom to the party in hopes that they would both show, which they did and Madge introduced Thom to Delly to get some alone time with Gale.

            Thom is a quiet, unassuming guy- dark skin, black hair, and slate grey eyes- but he has the same genuine kindness that Delly does, and they had hit it off straight away. Delly had come to the bakery the morning after the party mooning about the older boy and asking Peeta what he knew about him. To be honest, Peeta knew very little at the time but he’s grown fond of Thom in the time Delly has been dating him, and he’s truly happy that they found one another.

            “Where’s Gale?” Peeta asks Madge and a tiny curl of a smile makes it to her lips at the mention of his name.

            “He had work to do on the farm.” She replies, tugging at a piece of blonde hair, “Something about a botched grain order, so he couldn’t make it.”

            “Guess who’s working here now, Peeta?” Delly says playfully, lacing her fingers with Thom’s on top of the table.

            Peeta glances around the crowded room but doesn’t spot anyone unusual working. There’s Haymitch Abernathy, the pub owner, and several women behind the bar, but no one of note. Peeta looks back at Delly with a frown, but she just points to the far end of the room where the door has just opened to admit a familiar small frame and brown braid. She scans the room disinterestedly, and Peeta ducks back into the booth before those silver eyes can find him.

            “Shit, Delly, why wouldn’t you tell me that?” Peeta snaps. The blonde girl only smiles at his anxiousness.

            “Because you wouldn’t have come if I did tell you ahead of time.” She says in her slightly singsong voice, clearly pleased with herself over keeping this huge secret.

            “She’s staying in town for more than a few weeks this time.” Thom pipes in, “Gale said so at work just the other day. Katniss isn’t going back to school as long as Prim is still getting treatment for the leukemia.”

            “Well, we can’t stay here!” Peeta says, barely listening to Thom’s words as he’s already surveying the area to see if he can sneak out the front door unnoticed. He’s spoken to Prim on the phone several times since she was first diagnosed with cancer but she never mentioned this to him, and he supposes it was probably intentional in order to avoid the childish reaction he’s having how.

            Suddenly Madge’s surprisingly strong hand is wrapped around his arm, pulling him back into the booth, “Don’t be an idiot, Peeta. This isn’t the eighth grade. You’re both mature adults now and I think you can handle being in the same room.”

            “You think wrong, Madge.” Peeta argues frantically, “I can’t- I can’t talk to her right now. I still don’t know-“

            “You know you love her, Peeta.” Delly interrupts, “Even if it’s against all of your better judgment, you can’t help it because you’re destined to be together.”

            “Destiny is bullshit.” Peeta blurts out as his anxiety reaches new levels when Katniss steps behind the bar so that she’s within sight of the booth, “I can’t talk to her right now.”

            He slips out of the booth, heading quickly for the door, “I’ll talk to you all later.”

            Once he’s outside, Peeta immediately wants to go back into the pub. Madge is right, he should be adult about this, but he can’t, not tonight after just finding out Katniss is staying in town for an undetermined amount of time. A part deep inside of him that he didn’t know still existed wants to return to ask about Prim and make sure Katniss is handling it okay. He knows she must be devastated because he knows how precious Prim is to her.

            He can’t today though, just as he couldn’t call her when he first found out about Prim. Peeta promises himself that he _will_ speak with Katniss Everdeen soon, just not today.

            He doesn’t talk to her soon though. Everyday after work he stares at the phone hanging on the wall of his apartment and everyday he manages to convince himself that tomorrow will be a better day for it. It’s another month before he sees her again and when he does she’s standing in his bakery.

            He wasn’t sure how he would handle this moment but somehow he manages to make normal conversation. At least it must be normal because she ends up smiling a little before she leaves. To be honest Peeta doesn’t remember much of what he says to her, too busy soaking in her presence to really be aware of himself. She looks awful, run down and beaten up by the circumstances that have brought her home. When his fingers brush hers as he refuses her money, the same jolt of electricity passes through her to him just like it always did, and he knows she feels it too because that familiar scowl crosses her face.

            She leaves too soon, with too much left unsaid, but he tells her he wants to catch up, and he means it, whether she believes him or not.

 

…

 

**June 26, 2012**

 

            His shadow falls across her in the early evening light pouring through the front windows and she looks up. Her heart flips inside of her chest at the unexpected sight of him, his skin burnished by the soft orange light and his hair shining as though it’s producing a light of it’s own.

            “Hi.” She greets, her voice too high and breathy to be casual. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

            Peeta shrugs as though this isn’t a big deal, as if he hasn’t been thinking about this moment all day. He had kept Delly standing at the counter, coaching him on possible topics of conversation, for nearly two hours before he decided to close up early.

            “Things were slow at the bakery, and I know this place doesn’t get busy until after eight so I thought maybe I could stop in.” He says, watching her closely because he knows this is a question. Does she want him back in her life?

            A smile tugs at her lips, “What can I get for you?” She asks, already pulling down one of the tall beer glasses.

            “Newcastle.” He replies easily and she moves to fill it while he takes a seat, “Get whatever you want too; my treat.”

            “We aren’t supposed to drink on the clock.” Katniss informs him as she hands him the glass. Haymitch happens to be walking by and hears her, giving a loud snort.

            “Sweetheart, I don’t give two shits if you’re drinking so long as you can stand behind the bar and fill orders.” The older man says with a roll of his eyes, “Come up with a better lie next time.”

            Katniss blushes deeply. Peeta can’t help but find her beautiful, still stunning even though he hasn’t seen her in four years. Perhaps even more stunning _because_ he hasn’t seen her in four years.

            “Sorry.” She mutters, pulling out another glass and filling it with sprite, “I kind of swore off alcohol a while back.”

            Peeta frowns, “Bad experience?” He still vividly remembers the voicemail she left during her freshman year. The one he had never returned.

            She nods noncommittally, “I tend to get into messy situations when I do.”

            “I guess I already knew that.” He replies before he can stop himself. The way her cheeks flame red again tells him that she knows he was referring to what happened after graduation.

            She bites her lower lip nervously, “I deserved that.” She nods slowly, sliding a finger around the rim of her glass, “I probably deserve worse if we’re both honest. I’m really sorry about how I left things with you, Peeta.”

            Peeta sighs heavily, scrubbing a hand over his face, “You were never one to do things half-assed, Katniss. And you certainly fucked it up royally before you left.”

            She offers him a tiny smile of agreement and he chuckles, both at a loss for words. The silence between them lengthens to an uncomfortable degree until Peeta makes another stab at conversation.

            “I have a lot to learn about you,” he says, leaning forward, placing his elbows on the bar, “You’re Katniss the College Girl now.”

            Her grey eyes watch his blue ones carefully, wondering if this is all just a hoax, a dream that she’ll wake up from at any moment. But no, this is far too awkward and hesitant to be a dream. In a dream she probably would have wrapped her legs around his waist ten minutes ago.

            “Not anymore.” She takes a sip of her Sprite. “I sent my withdrawal in last week. It just doesn’t make sense to pretend I might go back in the fall. This way my GPA will be waiting for me if I ever get the chance to finish my last semester.”

            “Sorry.” Peeta says sympathetically, “I know how much you always wanted to graduate from college.”

            She shrugs in reply, a sad smile playing at the corners of her lips, “It doesn’t seem to matter so much anymore with everything else. It’s more important for me to be here with Prim.”

            “What were you studying?” He asks, aware as he asks the question just how little he knows about her now, but also how much he hopes hasn’t changed.

            “Ecology.” She replies simply, a content look about her as she thinks, “I loved it, but there aren’t many job opportunities involving that here.” She smirks a bit lifting up her glass, “So here I am, working in a bar.”

            “You could probably start with a recycling initiative and shock the town.” Peeta laughs.

            Katniss laughs at this too. They both know that their town is still in the dark ages as far as environmental conservation goes.

            “Any boyfriend that I’ll have to keep my eye out for?” Peeta takes the plunge, and when she ducks her gaze, he wonders if she’s about to tell him yes, but she shakes her head. He releases a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.

            “No. I sort of swore off of that after-“ she pauses, clearing her throat, “after you. There was a guy, but we were never technically dating.”

            Peeta’s stomach twists into a knot at her words.

            “Where is he now?” Peeta questions, trying his best to keep an uninvolved tone.

            She arches an eyebrow, “Does it matter?”

            Peeta stares at her with those wide, blue eyes, and she knows it will kill him not to know. She sighs, reaching up to fiddle with the end of her braid.

            “He’s still back at Minnesota State.”

            Peeta nods but doesn’t seem all that reassured.

            “What about you?” She asks, desperate to change the subject, “Have you found a wonderful girl to take care of you yet?” She smiles softly, but it doesn’t reach her eyes as she prays he says no and wants to hit herself for being so selfish.

            “Nah.” He takes a long swig of his beer, “Though not for lack of effort on my mother’s part.”

            Katniss chuckles and tries to hide the relief that rushes through her, “So your mother hasn’t changed at all. What about the bakery? Do you still enjoy it now that you’re taking over?”

            Peeta nods, “Surprisingly, yes. I thought the paperwork might ruin it for me but now that I’ve got it figured out, it’s really not that bad. I like running a business. Gives me something to keep me busy.”

            Silence falls between them again and Katniss starts to fidget nervously, looking at anything besides his bright blue eyes as she tries to gather the courage to say what she needs to, what she’s wanted to say since she saw him in the bakery a month ago.

            “I was afraid, Peeta.” She blurts out but it doesn’t surprise him, those blue eyes watching her steadily, “I didn’t want you to be the one to hurt me because I knew you could. God, you could have if you wanted to,” she mutters to herself, “I should have known you wouldn’t, but I was too afraid that I would end up like my mom and I couldn’t do that to Prim. I couldn’t let you do that to me.” She finishes meekly.

            Peeta doesn’t say anything; honestly surprised she’s just admitted this to him after four years of waiting. Katniss downs the rest of her Sprite and he can see why alcohol would have been a problem for her in uncomfortable social situations.

            “So there you go.” She nods after a while, “Now you know that I was a coward and I ran from you in the meanest possible way, just stomping all over you like a complete bitch, like you aren’t the nicest guy I’ve ever met. I’m so sorry I didn’t trust you to not to hurt me, Peeta.”

            Her words release something inside of him, something he didn’t realize he was still holding. A bit of bitterness, mixed with a lot of hurt over how she treated him four years ago. He had thought he had moved on from that after he admitted that he still needed her when he broke up with Delly, but he hadn’t realized he was waiting for an apology containing the truth, a real verbal representation of remorse, until she provided one now.

            Peeta reaches a hand out to hers, fire caught between their touch, “Prim gave me that letter you started writing. I knew all of that ages ago.”

            “What letter-“ Katniss’s head snaps up with mortified grey eyes, “Oh my God. I’m going to kill her. Why didn’t you tell me?”

            “I was waiting for you to tell me yourself. I know I was never supposed to read it.” He shrugs, taking a long draw from his glass.

            Katniss’s face flushes red as she tries to remember exactly what she put in that letter. She had gotten so frustrated with it, none of the words seeming to fit together correctly as she wrote it, and eventually she gave up. Peeta was always the one with the words not her. She frowns, trying to think back, remembering that she confessed her fear, but she thinks she also all but wrote ‘I love you’ on the paper.

            Peeta grins as he puts his glass down, “Am I really the nicest guy you’ve ever met?”

            “Yes.” Katniss answers automatically, rolling her eyes when she sees how his face lights up. Her words shouldn’t even be able to do that to him after everything, “You don’t have much competition out there Peeta Mellark. I hate to tell you, but your type is a bit of a dying breed.”

            “And what type is that?” He asks, genuinely curious.

            “The decent kind.” She replies quietly, her eyes holding onto the piercing blue ones she’s missed so much, “The kind that keeps forgiving people even when they don’t deserve it. The kind that talks to the weird girl in school even though they hardly know each other because he knows she’s struggling after her dad died. The kind that doesn’t kick a girl straight to the curb when she walks back into his life after ignoring him like a total bitch for four years. You know, that kind.”

            Something darkens in his look for a moment before he blinks and smiles, “You’ve become a woman of more words since you moved away.”

            “That’s all you have to say to that?” She mutters, looking down at their hands, still joined on the bar.

            “Well, it’s not like those things were easy for me, Katniss, but I wanted to do them for you because I care about you.” He reaches up to lift her chin so she is forced to lock gazes with him, “I always have and I’ve come to admit that I always will, despite giving it my best shot at hating you.”

            “You should hate me.” She says remorsefully.

            “Probably.” He nods, “but I don’t. And I know what you admitted today was a big deal. I’ve been waiting for you to tell me that for years. It might have been four years since we were last together, but I doubt you’ve changed into the type of girl who wears everything on her sleeve.”

            Her lips play at a smile and he releases her chin, “Probably not.”

            Another patron sits down at the bar and Haymitch is nowhere to be found so Katniss walks over to take his order. Peeta’s eyes take in her form, lingering over the way her jeans hug her ass. That familiar heat pools in his groin that he hasn’t felt in years. He shakes his head, finishing off his beer as he does. He can’t believe he can still want her that much just from looking at her. Maybe it’s the alcohol. Or maybe some things will never change. He stays late that night, talking with her between customers until she points out that he needs to be up in four hours for work.

            By the time he leaves, he doesn’t want to walk away from her, he wants to take her home, he wants to move forward with her and protect her. But most of all, Peeta Mellark wants desperately to make her fall apart, over and over again, until she can’t remember any word other than his name. He wants her body to remember him and what he could always do to her. Just the thought is enough to make him harder than he’s been in months, and he imagines her raspy whispers, crying out his name as he finds himself release before falling asleep that night.

 

…

 

**July 28, 2012**

 

            “Katniss?” Prim calls softly through the bathroom door just after Katniss steps out of the shower. It’s nearly dinnertime and they woke up two hours ago after snuggling in her bed and falling asleep. The long night with Peeta in the emergency room while Prim received transfusions took its toll, and Peeta had carried a sleeping Prim to bed while Katniss had fallen asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow.

            “Yep?” Katniss cracks the door open after wrapping herself in a towel, grabbing lotion from the cabinet above the toilet.

            “You shaved.” Prim says, stepping into the doorway with a surprised little smile gracing her lips, “You never shave.”

            Katniss blushes because Prim is right, she never shaves unless she has a reason to and she hasn’t been wearing shorts around much this summer since most of it has been spent inside. She doesn’t really know what possessed her to finally shave, but she has a feeling it has a lot to do with a certain blonde haired man she kissed just a few hours ago and a not so subtle desire to be with him.

            “Yeah.” Katniss shrugs, trying her best to sound nonchalant. “I just felt like it. Kind of refreshing after our nap.”

            “Right.” Prim smirks, crossing her arms over her chest as she leans against the doorframe, “I knew I was right to make you get me those cheese buns.”

            Katniss’s head snaps up and her eyes narrow, “What are you talking about?”

            Prim shrugs trying to hide a mischievous smile by biting her lip, “I might have intentionally sent you to the bakery with the express purpose of making you talk with Peeta face to face. I mean, those cheese buns are to die for, don’t get me wrong, but they tasted even better knowing that my big sister was finally forced to talk to the guy she still has the hots for four years after breaking up with him.”

            Katniss scowls but Prim simply giggles gleefully as she watches her older sister apply lotion to her legs.

            “You’re a brat.” Katniss says, but her tone is too soft to be serious and Prim grins.

            “I know. But the real reason I knocked was because I was wondering if Rue could come over? She wants to talk homecoming stuff.”

            “Isn’t that still, like, four months away?” Katniss cocks an eyebrow. Starting to plan now seemed excessively early, even for her sister. Especially for her sister fighting cancer, she can’t help thinking in the back of her mind.

            “More like three, and we just wanted a fun night.” Prim shrugs, “I haven’t really gotten to see her much this summer.”

            Katniss purses her lips as she rubs lotion into her legs, “No, you haven’t have you? Yeah, it’s fine. She can stay the night if she wants too.”

            Prim smiles happily with a hop in her step as she leaves the room to go text Rue that all plans are go. Katniss is braiding her hair when a knock sounds at the door and Prim shouts that she has it. Katniss frowns when she looks at he watch; it hasn’t been nearly long enough for Rue to be here already. She slips into her dark, soft jeans and a tank top before heading out to the living room where she’s surprised to find Prim laughing with Peeta.

            He looks up, blue eyes shining when Katniss walks into the room and his smile widens, “Hey, I was just stopping by to see if you wanted to feast on pastries,” he holds up the Mellark’s Bakery box, “but Prim here was telling me she’s having a sleepover with Rue.”

            “And I told Peeta it would be great if you would get out of the house for a little while so I could pretend to be a normal seventeen year old for once.” Prim adds.

            Katniss scowls, “Prim, you know mom would be livid if I left you here alone tonight.”

            “Come on, Katniss,” Prim begs, “It’s just for a little while. Peeta offered to take you wherever you wanted. And I was just at the hospital, I’m as healthy as I can be! And Rue has her own car and she would call you if something happens. And-“

            “Fine!” Katniss relents. She trusts Rue, of course. The girl has been with Prim every step of the way since she was diagnosed. And Katniss doesn’t mind the idea of spending time alone with Peeta.

            Prim squeals happily, throwing her arms around Peeta’s neck and pressing a kiss to his cheek, “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

            Peeta chuckles returning her hug as he shoots Katniss a wink over Prim’s shoulder, “You should probably be thanking the boss.”

            Prim turns around and gives Katniss a hug as well.

            “Thank you!”

            “You’re welcome, little duck, but you promise you’ll call if you need anything at all?” Katniss asks, worry seeping into her body as she thinks about the possible what ifs. She knows why her mother was so reluctant to leave yesterday. It’s hard not to over protect.

            “Of course.” Prim assures her with an eye roll and a smile. Rue’s car pulls into the driveway and she practically shoves Peeta and Katniss out the door.

            “You two make sure you eat some of those pastries.” Peeta reminds her as they walk out to his SUV.

            Rue and Prim giggle, waving ecstatically from the doorway, each clutching a handful of teen magazines that Rue brought with her. They both walk in and slam the door behind them, and Katniss can hear them screeching happily even from where she’s standing in the driveway.

            Peeta silently heads to the SUV and unlocks it. Katniss lets herself into the car and buckles the belt, fiddling nervously with her hands in her lap. She’s not sure what to say after kissing him for the first time last night- or this morning she guesses it was. They hadn’t really had the chance to talk about what that meant. She had enjoyed it- more than enjoyed it. She had felt alive again for the first time in a very long time. But his silence now is deafening and she wonders if he regrets it. She wouldn’t blame him if he did. She hasn’t exactly been gentle to his heart in the past. Better men than him would probably send her packing.

            “Peeta, I don’t want things to be weird between us after last night.” She says softly, nervously breaking the silence, “If you changed your mind and don’t want to go _there_ again, I get it. I burnt that bridge a long time ago. I just- I do still have feelings for you.” She lets out a heavy breath before murmuring, “I never really stopped having feelings for you. But it’s important to me that we’re still friends so if you don’t want-“

            He doesn’t give her a chance to finish as he leans across the center console and his lips crash into hers, moving desperately in a kiss that’s nowhere near gentle. He sucks her bottom lip into his mouth, capturing her sigh as she relaxes into him, opening her mouth so his tongue can remember her again.

            He pulls away suddenly, settling back into his seat and leaving her dizzy from the heady kiss that ended too soon. Peeta turns the keys to the ignition and throws the car into gear.

            “I need to get you somewhere private.” He says, his husky voice sending a thrill up her spine and heat pooling between her thighs.

            His hands shake and he curses as he tries to unlock the door to the bakery, barreling through the door once he does and turning the deadbolt before dragging Katniss up the stairs behind him.

            As soon as they’re through the door, Katniss’s body is pinned back against it, Peeta’s mouth claiming hers again as his tongue ravishes her. She can’t quite believe this is happening but her body is already humming for him, the familiar, wet heat pooling between her legs as his body holds her captive against the door.

            His lips move to her jaw as his fingers dig into her hips possessively, almost painfully, “Have you been with others since me?” He asks, his voice harsh with lust as his lips brush against the soft skin just below her earlobe.

            “One.” She whispers breathlessly, “Not since the fall though.”

            Peeta’s lips brush the shell of her ear, “Why not?”

            “He wasn’t you.” She admits immediately as he takes her earlobe between his lips, sucking and pulling. Katniss whimpers and her hips push against his hands instinctively.

            Peeta lets out a growl, grabbing one of her thighs and pulling it up over his hip. Katniss takes the hint and wraps her arms around his neck as he lifts her, supporting her thighs with his hands, and carries her into his bedroom. She lets her tongue trail along his jaw, appreciating the slight, blonde stubble there. This is new; he didn’t have much of a beard back in high school.

            He tosses her onto the bed and immediately reaches to pull off her tank top and bra. Peeta pulls off his own shirt before climbing to hover over her, his lips only inches from her own and she can feel the heat of his breath caressing her skin.

            His eyes are dark, darker than she can ever remember them being; his desire is evident. She lets a hand find the trail of fine, curly blond hair that dips into his jeans and slides it over the taut muscles of his torso. They haven’t changed, or if they have, they seem even stronger than before. When her hand travels over his shoulder to twine in the curls at the nape of his neck, he resists her gentle pull to join their lips again.

            “I was with someone else too.” He murmurs, looking at her throat in order to avoid her eyes.

            Her free hand reaches up to tilt his chin, “Are you still?”

            “No.” He says quietly, his eyes guilty. Katniss could almost smack him for that look because he shouldn’t feel that way at all. She knows they weren’t together. She had wished he would find someone else and move on. She doesn’t want to fight tonight though, so instead she says the only thing she can think of that will free him of the guilt.

            “Then it doesn’t matter.” She whispers, pulling him to her again in a kiss that is made of fire, melting her shattered heart back into one piece again.

            Peeta groans as she tugs on his hair where her fingers are tangled, as his lips leave hers and trail down to her breasts. Katniss gasps and arches into the man above her when he takes a nipple into his mouth, brushing his tongue over it firmly and suckling. Her eyes drift shut as his hand finds her other nipple and teases it, rolling it between his fingers.

            “Peeta.” She whimpers, suddenly overcome by emotions she hasn’t felt since before she left Fairbury. She wants him so badly, and she knows she hurt him too much to deserve any of this, “I’m so sorry, Peeta.”

            He looks up at her, his blue eyes nearly black with lust. He reaches to undo her pants, pulling them off along with her panties, “Shut up about that,” he growls, as he pulls his own pants off, followed by his boxers, “I don’t want to talk about that right now. Tonight I just want to make you sing for me again.”

            Her body responds to his words and his tone, fire pouring between her legs and through her veins. She wants it too and he knows it. Katniss nods, hissing his name as his fingers find the bundle of nerves, working fast little circles until he has her gasping for air and writhing under his touch.

            “Peeta!” She shouts when he leans down, flicking the tip of his tongue over the tiny nub before lapping his tongue through her wetness. His mouth locks over her clit sucking hard as he dips a finger into her.

            The muscles in her stomach tense as the world suddenly becomes smaller, only Peeta and what his mouth is doing to her. She feels her walls tighten around his finger and just when she’s sure the fire in her blood will consume her he pulls away.

            “Fuck, Peeta!” Katniss moans desperately, writhing against him, a woman possessed only by the need to reach for that invisible release.

            He moves to hover over her, “Tell me what you want Katniss.” She hears him fumbling in the drawer of the bedside table.

            “You.” She mewls, arching desperately to grind herself against his thigh and he backs away when he notices.

            “None of that.” He says with a smirk, using a hand to push her hips back toward the mattress.

            “I need you.” She rasps, hands clawing desperately at his back, trying to guide his hips to hers.

            “How?” He asks gruffly, lowering his lips to suck on the skin just behind her ear as he releases her hair from its braid.

            “I need you inside of me, Peeta.” She blurts out when he nips at the soft skin.

            He tangles his fingers into her hair and moves his face just inches from hers, “I want you, Katniss, but it won’t be gentle. I can’t be gentle tonight.” The way his voice scratches is almost enough to send her over the edge when combined with the look in his eyes.

            “Take me.” She whispers breathlessly and it’s all the permission he needs, moving off the bed and pulling her by her legs to the edge of the mattress. He tears open the condom wrapper and has it on in seconds. Gripping her hips, he pushes in and they both let out guttural groans, Katniss whispering his name like a chant, wrapping her legs around his waist to pull him deeper.

            Peeta bends down, fusing his lips with hers, trying to taste as much of her a he can in one kiss, his tongue battling her own as he tugs on her hair to gain better access. They pull apart breathlessly, his eyes blazing as pulls out then thrusts back firmly, leaving Katniss gasping for air.

            “You’re mine.” He growls deeply.

            He picks up speed, gripping her hips as her nails dig into his forearms. He hits that spot deep within her, making the world smaller with each thrust until it’s only Peeta again and what he’s making her feel.

            Her muscles begin to wind back up, coiling tightly like red hot springs waiting to be released. Her walls tighten around Peeta with every thrust and she begins to wonder if they weren’t made for this, if they would ever be able to be apart again.

            “Oh God, Katniss.” Peeta cries out and she wraps her hands in his hair, tugging him back over her so she can trail hot, open kisses along his jaw and his pulse bounding against his neck, tasting the salty tang that is simply Peeta. A taste she remembers even after all this time and one she still adores. She feels him swell as his thrusts become faster and more shallow, his breath gasping against her hair as she continues to suck at the skin on the underside of his jaw.

            His hands tilt her hips up, fingers digging almost painfully into her skin there, and suddenly the new angle has her falling apart, screaming his name as he continues to drive into her with a roughness he’s never exhibited before, one she had always wished he might experiment with when they were still teenagers.

            Just as she starts to come down from her ecstasy, Peeta moans and collapses against her torso as he pulses deliciously inside of her. His breath is ragged as her hands find their way back to his dampened curls, pushing them back off his forehead.

            He doesn’t let her touch him for long though before he pulls out and kneels between her legs. She leans up on her elbows and is about to ask what he thinks he’s doing when his mouth connects with her core again, tongue slipping through the wetness. Her head falls back in ecstasy, the sensation almost too intense, her body still sensitive and twitching after her first climax.

            His tongue dips into her as his thumb finds the bundle of nerves, making soft circles around it. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Katniss registers that he must still remember she can’t stand to be touched directly there right after a climax, but she can hardly acknowledge this sweet gesture as Peeta’s mouth winds her back up igniting her body again. She can’t comprehend how it can feel even more intense this time.

            “Oh God, Peeta.” She whimpers, her hips grinding against his mouth and he groans, the vibrations of his voice sending an electric shock throughout her limbs as his mouth redoubles its actions.

            It hardly seems like any time at all before Katniss finds herself shattering around him again, her thighs clenching against him as his tongue helps her ride the waves of pleasure to mind-blowing new heights. She screams his name tonight, the first time she can ever remember actually screaming while doing this, but she can’t hold it in. Her body has needed this for too long. Her soul has needed Peeta for too long.

            Once the shocks of pleasure have passed, Peeta moves up to collapse over her, head resting over her heart, mouth swollen red and slightly breathless himself. She realizes as she feels the slight dampness on his abdomen against her thigh that he came again too while he was getting her off and she feels a pang of guilt as her muscles continue to twitch in the aftershock. She swears to herself that next time- if he lets there be a next time- she won’t get so carried away that she forgets about him in her ecstasy. He deserves better; she wants to give him more than that.

            “Mine.” He whispers against her after he regains his breath, the skin on her breast pebbling from the heat of his breath.

            “Always,” is the only word she can find inside the mush of her brain as she wraps her legs tightly around his waist, holding him as close as she can and wishing this moment never had to end.

            Eventually, Peeta climbs onto the bed and gathers Katniss to his chest. She begins to think he’s fallen asleep even with her fingers drawing tiny patterns in the fine hairs of his chest because the silence has gone on for so long, but he lets out a deep breath.

            “I wish you hadn’t run.” He murmurs. He doesn’t sound angry, and he isn’t. He spent enough time being angry the last four years. Now he’s just disappointed that so much time has been wasted.

            Katniss turns to bury her face against his chest, “I do too, Peeta. I was so afraid you’d hurt me, but I hurt me more than you ever could have. I just was so terrified you would end up leaving me; that you would figure out I wasn’t worth all the stupid fighting; that you would find some girl who loved you like you deserved.”

            “I was never going to leave you, Katniss.” Peeta says assuredly. Katniss is amazed he can say it with such confidence even now, after all she’s put him through. “We might have only been eighteen, but I was hopelessly in love with you. I only ever wanted you.”

            Katniss lifts her head to take in his blue eyes, finding such vulnerability there that she knows he’s not just speaking in the past tense when he says he loved her. She wants to say it back, but something inside her stops herself from doing it. Instead she lifts a hand to cup his cheek and presses a gentle kiss to his lips before letting her head fall to rest in the crook of his neck.

            “Who was the girl?” Katniss asks after a while, mostly out of curiosity though admittedly part of her feels a twinge of jealousy that she’s missed four years with him.

            “Delly Cartwright.” He responds easily, the hand wrapped around her brushing along her lower back as though to reassure her that he’s here with her now, in this moment.

            The laughter bubbles up and out of her before Katniss can contain it and Peeta looks at her as though she’s lost her mind, which she thinks perhaps she has.

            “You always s-said you w-would never,” she gasps between chuckles, “date Delly Cartwright. I’m sure your mother was pleased.”

            Peeta smirks, “Well, my mother was the one who set us up, but I was right all along. She wasn’t the one for me. She’s nice enough but it just- it was missing…” He trails off searching for the best word.

            “Fire.” Katniss finishes easily, watching him carefully as she does. A smile breaks out on Peeta’s face and he nods, leaning to nuzzle his face against her neck.

            “What about you?” He asks, words muffled against her skin as he blindly runs his fingers through her hair. “Who was the guy?”

            “His name was Darius Miller and we didn’t date. We just- did stuff- had fun.”

            She struggles to put into words what Darius was to her because honestly he was more than just a friend with benefits. She had come to realize this in the months after they ended the physical part of their relationship. He was what she needed at the time, someone to help her heal and to help her recognize everything she had had with Peeta. They had remained friends after she broke it off, even once Darius met Lavinia who quickly became his girlfriend. Darius was there for her to talk when she wanted to talk and he never pushed her to share more than she was ready to. But most of all, he was there to call her out on her bullshit, the things Peeta never did, and she learned from him.

            “I wasn’t ready for a relationship.” Katniss adds as an afterthought.

            Peeta snorts against her neck, “You, Katniss? I never would have seen that coming.”

            She pushes him away from her only to straddle his lap with a smirk, “That wasn’t very nice to say, even if it is true.”

            Peeta raises an eyebrow, “What are you going to do about it?”

            She rolls her hips against him, noticing how hard his cock has grown again. He groans heavily and she clamors for the drawer where he got the condom from earlier. She unwraps it and shuffles down his hips until his erection is presented in front of her. Pinching the top, she rolls the condom on, her eyes never leaving his even as she finishes and moves back into position.

            “That was fucking hot.” He mutters, his pupils dilated as he reaches for her hips, lifting her up and entering her with one thick thrust. He moves his thumb to rub the small bundle of nerves as she rides him, swiveling her hips just how she remembers he loves and is rewarded as his hips buck against her and his eyes fall closed.

            His thumb works furiously against her and Katniss feels her muscles begin to tighten, nearing her release already. She reaches down and removes his hand, intertwining her fingers with his and reaching them up over his head as she leans down and their tongues meet languidly, feeding fire with fire as her hips move agonizingly slow.

            “You had your fun, Mellark,” she mutters against his lips, “Now we do it slowly.”

            Peeta moans but doesn’t complain as her lips find that sensitive spot on the underside of his jaw and suck gently. She moves, peppering kisses everywhere she can reach, still moving slowly, ever so slowly.

            “Katniss.” Peeta pants. She can feel his muscles tense beneath her with need and she smiles.

            “Hmm.” She hums against his ear as she pulls her fingers through his tousled curls.

            “Faster. Please. You’re going to kill me.” He begs huskily. She chuckles, planting a kiss on his forehead, just between his eyes, before she leans back and works to find a rhythm. His eyes screw shut for several minutes before they reopen, wider than before, watching her body as it moves above him.

            Soon his hands are on her hips again, helping her maintain the fast pace until he pulls her down and holds her firmly against him as she feels his familiar pulsing inside of her. She leans over and lets his mouth taste her as he finds release, moaning into her mouth, his hands clinging to her ass. He squeezes at the same time as he grinds his hips into hers and it’s enough to send her already tensed body over the edge again, breathing his name like a prayer.

            When Katniss finally opens her eyes again, she notices the time on the clock, “Shit! Is that really the time?”

            Peeta glances lazily over his shoulder his fingers still tangling themselves in her hair, “I guess so.”

            Katniss groans, letting her forehead fall against his chest again, “I need to get home. Prim will be worried.”

            Peeta chuckles and she looks up at him curiously, “I think Prim knew we weren’t going to be doing much talking tonight. I doubt she’ll be concerned if you don’t show up until the morning.”

            Katniss shakes her head, “I still need to get back. I don’t like leaving her alone, especially not all night, even if Rue is there.”

            “Okay,” Peeta nods slowly a pang of disappointment crossing his face for just a moment, “But can we shower first? You don’t want to go home smelling like sex.”

            Katniss blushes but nods, slipping out of bed and padding over to the bathroom door. An hour and an exceptional amount of groping later, Katniss and Peeta climb into the car, clean and fully dressed. He pulls the SUV onto the road and takes Katniss home to her sister. Home to reality where there are enough problems and worries to drown herself in.

 

…

 

**September 23, 2012**

            Peeta walks into the house carrying a large paper bag that smells amazing even from were Katniss is perched next to Prim on the bed they’d moved into the living room to accommodate all of the machines that she has to stay hooked up to. He gives her a smile as he shucks off his jacket before walking over to place a kiss to Katniss’s hair.

            “Sorry,” Katniss mumbles, tugging at her braid, “I haven’t had a chance to shower yet today.”

            Peeta nods, “No biggie. I just got off work anyway.” He shakes his head roughly, sending a bit of flour dust into the air, earning a smile from her, “How’s she doing today?”

            Katniss looks down at Prim’s tiny figure, practically skin an bones anymore, with an oxygen mask still covering her face. Her mother had made the decision last week to bring her home and have Hospice check in every morning. Katniss had been furious with her mother, not ready yet to give up the fight. It had taken Dr. Aurelius more than an hour to adequately convince her that there was nothing more to be done. The chemo was shutting down Prim’s vital organs. She is dying and putting her through more treatments at this point would only be cruel.

            Katniss sighs, “She was up all night with the pain, but she’s been asleep for a half hour now.”

            Peeta’s hand rubs gently at the back of her neck where he knows she carries her tension, “I brought some tomato soup from Sae’s and some of the bread from the bakery. I thought I could make some grilled cheese sandwiches to go with it.” His fingers continue to work at a knot in her neck and she lets her head loll forward.

            “That sounds,” a moan passes over her lips as his thumb hits just the right spot on her neck, “amazing,” she finishes.

            Peeta pecks a kiss against her temple as he lets his hand travel down her arm to find her hand and intertwine his fingers. She lets him lead her into the kitchen, sitting on the counter while he insists on preparing dinner alone despite her protests that he should let her help.

            “Girl are supposed to like it when their guys cook for them.” He jokes, flipping over the sandwiches, one side perfectly toasted.

            Katniss rolls her eyes, a tired smile playing at her lips, “You were attracted to me because I wasn’t like most girls. That’s what you’re always telling me.”

            “Shut up,” Peeta chuckles with a gentle smile, “and let me do this for you.”

            They eat in relative silence, broken only when Katniss asks him to tell her about his day. She does that on the days that weigh her down the most. It’s nice to hear that there’s still normalcy somewhere out there in the world, even if it can’t be found in her own life. At first Peeta didn’t know what she wanted him to say, but he’s used to the request now, and tells her each bread or pastry that he made, who came to the store, anything and everything he can think of.

            When they’re both finished, Katniss shoos him from the kitchen, insistent that if he cooked she would clean up. Peeta is speaking softly in the living room when she finishes and she leans against the sink to listen.

            “She’s strong, Prim. Don’t you worry about her. She’ll hurt, but she’ll get through it.” His deep voice admits. Katniss is surprised when Prim answers, apparently having woken up while they were in the other room.

            “Promise you’ll still love her no matter what she does after?” Prim’s voice sounds so tiny among the hiss of the different machines. “No matter what she says to you, Peeta, she loves you.”

            Peeta sighs and when he speaks again his voice is choked, “I promise, Prim. I won’t let her go. You worked too hard convincing us to get back together for me to let it end like that again.”

            Prim chuckles, “You both just needed a little push. I want her to be happy again one day, Peeta, and that can only happen with you once I’m gone.”

            Katniss’s heart stutters in her chest at Prim’s words. She can’t stand to listen to this talk of what’s going to happen once Prim dies. It’s too impossible to deal with the here and now to even contemplate the future. She walks into the room and Peeta swipes hastily at his cheeks before flashing her a smile, his eyes bluer than normal with his tears.

            “Want to watch a movie with us, little duck?” Katniss asks as cheerfully as her throbbing chest will allow.

            Prim nods with a smile and they settle down to watch _X-Men: First Class_ , which Peeta rented on his way out to the house. Prim has always enjoyed a good superhero film and she makes it about halfway through before she falls asleep again. Katniss sits cuddled up to Peeta’s side, her head resting on his shoulder while he brushes a hand brushes over her upper arm.

            Katniss almost thinks she could say it after hearing him talk with Prim. But she can’t, not tonight. She wants the moment to be special when she tells him. As selfish as it is, she doesn’t want the first memory he has of her saying she loves him to be tainted by the memory of her dying sister beside them. She wants the memory to only bring happiness. It would be bittersweet if she said it tonight. So instead she buries her face against the deep orange fabric of his shirt, letting the movie and his gentle touch put her to sleep.

           

…

 

**September 28, 2012**

            “Katniss?” Prim’s voice sounds more like a croak as she whispers for her sister in the middle of the night, pulling off the oxygen mask that has become a permanent fixture. Katniss slides from where she’d been lying awake on the couch and kneels next to the hospital bed. There have been fewer and fewer lucid moments lately and everyone says that Prim doesn’t have much longer.

            “Come here.” She pats the bed beside her, scooting over to make room as Katniss joins her just as they did when they were children.

            A horrible feeling overtakes Katniss when she looks into her sister’s eyes and she starts to shake her head. Prim just laughs weakly.

            “There you go again, always telling me what to do.” She jokes, reaching a cold hand to cup her big sister’s face.

            “I can’t let you go.” Katniss sobs, unraveling at Prim’s gentle touch, begging, “Please don’t.”

            Tears to match Katniss’s flow from Prim’s eyes as well as she tries to manage a watery smile, “I don’t think I have much of a choice in the matter. I think it’s going to be soon.”

            Katniss wants to screw her eyes shut, to close it all out because it hurts to much to face, but she can’t close her eyes because she doesn’t want to waste a moment when she could be looking at her sister for the last time.

            Prim’s breathing becomes shallow and raspy, and Katniss grips her hand, probably to the point of pain, “Do you want me to get mom?”

            Prim shakes her head, “I think it will be better for her if she isn’t with me at the end.”

            Katniss agrees. Her mother has become more withdrawn as Prim has gotten worse and both sisters know they need to try and protect her as much as they can.

            “Katniss, promise me you’ll tell him that you love him.” Prim begs sweetly, smiling that same hopeless-romantic smile she’s always had. “I know you do, but you need to tell him or you’re going to lose him for good one day.”

            Katniss sobs, pulling her little sister to her in a tight hug. She feels so fragile but really, Prim has always been the strong one. She was never afraid to love, even after their father died and their mother fell apart. Katniss knows now that she might have been the one with the brave face, but she was always weaker than her little sister, too afraid of the pain of heartbreak to take the risk.

            “Promise.” Prim repeats, pulling back from the hug, her wide blue eyes searching in Katniss’s.

            Katniss nods, “I will, Prim. I promise.”

            Prim smiles so brightly it’s as though Katniss is staring into the sun.

            “Good.” She presses a kiss to Katniss’s lips, “And if you have to leave for a little while, don’t ignore him like you did before. I don’t think he’ll be able to take you back again if you do.”

            Katniss’s laugh comes out as a sob, “When did you become the expert on these things?”

            Prim shrugs but chuckles, “I got to watch my big sister screw up quite a bit. I learned from her mistakes.” She reaches up to wipe Katniss’s tears from her cheeks, “Please try not to be too sad, Katniss.”

            “I don’t think that’s possible, little duck.” Katniss brushes her nose against Prim’s.

            “Just try.” Prim’s fingers tangle through Katniss’s dark hair, “You did everything you could. Just do one last thing?”

            “Of course.” Katniss says grateful for some task, anything to do to help with the pain inside of her chest that’s making it impossible to breathe.

            “Stay with me?” Prim asks quietly, “I don’t think it will be as scary if my big sister holds my hand.”

            Katniss nods choking out her reply, “Always, little duck. I’ll always be with you.”

            Prim smiles sweetly, “I love you, Katniss, more than anything.”

            “I love you too.” She whispers as Prim’s eyes flutter shut.

            The only sounds left in the room are Katniss’s sobs and the uneven, rattling breathes of her baby sister. Katniss clings onto Prim’s tiny body until suddenly it relaxes and the sound of her breath becomes less frequent. Then one time her breath never comes and Katniss presses her face into Prim’s shirt, crying ugly, painful, heart-wrenching sobs.

            Sometime near dawn her mother wakes and finds Katniss, her arms still wrapped around Prim’s body, eyes wide and empty as though she died with her sister during the night. Poppy Everdeen somehow finds the strength to call Hazelle Hawthorne before collapsing into a heap beside her daughters.

            Katniss isn’t sure who moves her away from Prim’s body, disentangling their limbs and leading her away toward the small room they used to share in the back of the house. As Katniss walks away, she looks over her shoulder and thinks Prim could simply be asleep. She looks so peaceful, and Katniss wishes she would wake up and say it was all a cruel joke, but she knows her sister was never the cruel type.

            She wakes up in the evening, when the sun is setting outside her bedroom window with strong, warm arms wrapped around her. She stares at the empty space where Prim’s bed used to be until she can’t stand it anymore and turns her head to look over her shoulder.

            Peeta doesn’t say anything. They just stare at one another until she buries her face against his throat and breathes in time with him. It’s all she can do to remember to keep breathing right now. It hurts so much and she feels like a fish gasping for air, but Peeta’s presence is reassuring, even if only the tiniest bit. When her stomach grumbles, he sits up and untangles himself from their mess of limbs to go get them something to eat.

            A sudden panic strikes her that he might leave and never come back. Somewhere in the back of her mind Katniss realizes this is ridiculous, but the fear is real right now as she reaches out for his arm.

            “Don’t go.” She says, her voice still hoarse from crying through the night.

            Peeta frowns and seems to contemplate what to do for a moment but turns and gathers her into his arms, balancing her against his chest as though she weighs next to nothing. He settles her down at the kitchen table and presses a gentle kiss to her hair.

            “You have to eat, Katniss.” He murmurs, moving so his blue eyes meet her own, “What sounds good? I’ll make anything.”

            Nothing sounds good. She doesn’t want to eat anything right now. She’s certain it would only get stuck in her throat. Instead she reaches out to him, cupping a hand on either side of his face and pulling him to her until their foreheads rest against one another.

            She wants to say it right now. Wants to tell him she loves him like she promised Prim, but her nerves are still too raw for that word. She loves Prim and it hurts and she can’t imagine acknowledging that feeling with someone else right now. She can’t imagine how she even has the ability to love anymore with a heart so shattered. So instead she tilts her chin forward and presses a gentle kiss against his lips and hopes that he understands; hopes that it’s enough to keep him with her for now until she can bear to say it.

 

…

 

**September 30, 2012**

 

            A knocking at the door of the kitchen pulls Peeta from his late-afternoon musings. His father’s wide frame takes up most of the space until he steps inside, watching Peeta carefully.

            “Peeta, what are you doing baking cheese buns this late in the afternoon?” His father asks as he glances around the brightly lit room. Peeta looks up dazedly and glances at the large faced clock on the wall. He hadn’t even realized it was nearly closing time.

            “I needed something to do. It’s been slow since this morning.” He answers, his voice strangely choked, “What are you doing here, Dad?”

            “I got a call from Sae.” Mr. Mellark slides the ball of dough out from under Peeta’s hand and splits it in half before sliding part of it back and rolling up his own sleeves, “Said she came in this morning and you seemed pretty off.”

            Peeta rolls his eyes in frustration. He’s beginning to understand why Katniss wanted to get out of here so badly after her dad died. Sae knows what happened of course and she’s making sure that Peeta’s alright by talking to his father rather than asking herself.

            “It’s been a rough week.” He replies coolly.

            Mr. Mellark sighs, letting his knuckles rest in the dough before him, “Peeta, she’s just worried about you. We all are.”

            The older man turns to place a floury hand on his son’s shoulder, “I know how invested you’ve been the last few months. I know you and Prim still spoke even after Katniss left for school, and I know that Katniss must be leaning on you an awful lot. I just wanted to be here for you if you needed me, Son.”

            Peeta pounds his fist into the dough, trying to hold back the tears that have begun to well up in his eyes at his father’s words. He lets out a shaky breath as the first tear falls onto the dough below. His father’s hand comes to rest on the top of his head.

            “Oh, Peeta.” He murmurs, pulling the younger man away from the counter and into his chest, “It’ll get easier. You’re being so strong.”

            “She’s hurting, Dad.” Peeta says in a pained whisper as tears streak down his cheeks onto his father’s shirt.

            Peeta raises his blue eyes to meet his father’s with a lost look, “She’s hurting and I don’t know what to do to help her.”

            “Just be there for her, Peeta.” His father says, brushing a hand over his son’s curls, “It’s all you can do for her right now. Just remind her that you love her.”

            Peeta nods, reaching up a fist to brush at the wet streaks on his face, somewhat embarrassed about his momentary breakdown. His father musses his curls slightly with a gentle smile.

            “It’s okay, Peeta.” He assures him, “A man is allowed to cry. It might even make him more of a man because it means he feels with his whole heart.”

            Mr. Mellark steps into the empty front room and changes the sign to closed while Peeta collects himself again. The older man returns with a raspberry Danish, one of Peeta’s favorites.

            “Sit down and eat before you leave for the day.” His father says softly, pulling out a stool at the workbench and returning to where he’d been kneading dough before. Peeta settles on the stool, tearing apart the Danish that looks less than appealing at the moment.

            “I still have to clean up before I go, Dad.” Peeta informs him as he takes a bite of the sweet, flaky pastry.

            “I’ll do all that, Peeta. You just eat that and then go be with your girl.” His dad says firmly, cutting the dough into sections and forming the cheese buns before sliding them into the oven.

            Peeta looks as though he’s going to protest for a moment when his father’s glassy eyes fix on him again.

            “You go be with your girl, Peeta. She needs you more than the bakery.”

            Peeta nods, quickly finishing the pastry before heading out the front door to be with the girl he loves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s it for this chapter! Please review and let me know what you’re thinking. I love hearing from you all. It will probably be a bit longer before I can post the next installment since I started my job this week, but I promise there will be more.  
> I wanted to give a special shout out to Library of Babel and Court81981. You two are just the best. Your reviews always keep me motivated and help give me direction to make this story better than I could by myself.


	5. Chapter 5 After the Funeral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: After Prim’s death, Katniss leaves to travel across the country rebuilding other people’s lives while trying to deal with her own. Peeta is left in a small town, hoping that the girl he loves will return and trying to reach out to her in the small ways she lets him.

**October 30, 2012**

            “I honestly don’t know why he’s so hung up on her.” Evelyn Mellark murmurs to the group of ladies in the parlor of his childhood home. He hates when she has these bridge games. Everyone knows the only real purpose of these gatherings is to gossip, so he doesn’t understand why they insist on the charade of card games.

            “I keep hoping Delly will come home and tell me that she’s gotten back together with him, Evelyn, but she’s absolutely smitten with that Thom from the Seam." Mrs. Cartwright adds.

            His mother lets out a tiny huff of disgust, “That entire community of inbreeds is a blight on the town. They’re all the same; after one thing.”

            The rest of the women are silent. Peeta’s mother is certainly the most condescending towards the Seam, but no one in that room treats them as equals. The small community outside of town makes up the poorest group of families in the county. The majority of them don’t own businesses or any farmland. Most of them struggle to make it on the minimum wage of one parent, or two if they’re lucky and still have both parents around.

            Peeta has always found it ludicrous that the wealthier families in town look down their noses at the Seam, but his mother is not to be argued with. The Seam brings down property values after all, and their children are the only ones in the school system who act like delinquents. Peeta has tried to reason with her; to point out that there are plenty of Seam kids, like Katniss, who turn out fine- better than fine really- but she won’t hear any of it.

            “I don’t know. Madge has taken up with the oldest Hawthorne boy and he seems respectable.” Mrs. Undersee says, snapping down a card. Peeta can sense the shift in temperature even from the next room. Everyone is silent for a moment before his mother pipes in again.

            “Well, I don’t care what you say. Katniss Everdeen is the worst thing to ever happen to Peeta.” Evelyn spits the name as though it’s poison on her tongue, “He’s been moping around the house for weeks now all because her sister died and she up and left him. I never liked her and now…”

            Peeta steps toward the doorway, blood boiling and fists clenching. How dare she talk about Katniss that way- about Prim that way? Her heart couldn’t possibly be so callous as to belittle a young girl, dead from leukemia. And Katniss is _not_ the worst thing to ever happen to him, though having the woman in the next room for a mother seems like it might be at the moment. A hand closes around his upper arm though and an arm locks around his neck, pulling him through the kitchen and out the back door.

            The arm releases and Peeta stumbles across the grass, sputtering for air before turning to face his assailant.

            “What the fuck, Jack!”

            “Peeta, going in there and telling mom off isn’t going to get you anywhere,” Jack throws his hands out to the side a signal that he’s not here to fight, “She’ll just get pissed off and you’ll get an earful like you always do.”

            “Like you care what mom does!” Peeta spits bitterly. Jack’s face falls for just a moment. Both boys know what Peeta’s getting at. Jack always gotten the nicest side of their mother. He was her first and her favorite son. Really, he could do no wrong.

            Andrew was forever getting into trouble, but their mother always seemed to take it in stride. He was punished, and she bitched at him all the time, but she was never cruel.

            Peeta on the other hand, has always been her biggest disappointment. Both boys know that in Evelyn Mellark’s eyes, Peeta has rarely ever done anything right in his life. She would pick at him as a boy, pointing out every little thing he did wrong. Once he started dating Katniss, not a day went by that she didn’t remind him how inadequate she was and how much better she expected from him. Peeta has come to accept that she’ll always belittle him, but he still hates the way she talks about Katniss, especially now.

            “You know I care, Peeta.” Jack says softly, but his gentleness just irritates the younger man more. Peeta doesn’t want gentle, he wants to stuff his mother’s haughty words back in her mouth.

            “Right. Perfect Jack. You wouldn’t be perfect if you didn’t care about everyone right.” Peeta snaps, knowing his words are unfair; that his eldest brother honestly just wants to help.

            “Shut up, man.” Jack grumbles. He hates being called perfect, and they both know it. “You’ve been down for weeks and I get it, really I do, but going in there and starting something with mom isn’t going to make you feel better.”

            Peeta knows his brother is right on all accounts. Since Katniss left, he’s been going through the motions, working the bakery by day, drinking a few beers before bed, and curling up under the sheets alone at night. He feels almost numb with the loss of Prim and Katniss too once she took off. He’s trying to give her space, to be understanding and not pressure her with texts and calls. But he misses her. God, his chest throbs with the aching for her most days.

            “Yeah, well, no one asked you, Jack. So why don’t you keep your pretty face out of it and go help someone who wants it.” Peeta turns to go inside but Jack grabs his shirt by the back of his neck.

            Peeta swings his elbow back without warning and lands it against the toned muscle of his oldest brother’s stomach. Before they know it, both boys are rolling on the ground, limbs tangled in a heap, sputtering angry words with reddened faces.

            “You’re such an ass!” Peeta tries to shout, but with Jack’s chokehold, the words barely come out as more than a squeak.

            “You’re a hot-headed idiot!” Jack throws back as Peeta manages to flip the older man thereby loosening his hold. “All mom has to do is breathe her name and you’re up in arms!”

            Peeta’s words are louder this time, “She can’t say those things about her.”

            “Why does it matter what she says?” Jack seizes the opportunity and pins his baby brother to the dead, yellowed grass, “They’re just stupid words from an ignorant woman.”

            “I love her!” His words come out as a pained cry as Peeta slams his own head back against the ground, hating the way his eyes burn with tears. “I don’t want anyone talking about her like that; not after everything that she’s been through.”

            The brothers’ blue eyes meet and Jack sees just how much Peeta means what he says. It bites at the younger man’s soul every time his mother belittles Katniss. Katniss has her flaws of course, Peeta knows that better than anyone, but she’s still one of the strongest people he’s ever met and he admires her and he hates the way his mother is.

            “Peeta…” Jack trails off, searching for the right words to say.

            “Well, damn, I always miss out on all your man on man action.” A smooth voice calls from a few feet away, “Next time you call me and we’ll make it a threesome, boys.”

            “Finnick?” Peeta says as the handsome man steps up beside the two brothers, Peeta still pinned beneath Jack.

            “Hmm, lover boy?”

            “Shut the fuck up.” Peeta orders and Finnick cackles as he heads for the kitchen.

            “Yes, dear. Did your dad leave any raisin bread today? Don’t worry I’ll help myself.” Finnick says, the door swinging closed behind him.

            Jack sits back, releasing Peeta from his grip and brushing the dirt off his shirt. Peeta sits up beside him, chuckling now at the ridiculousness of their situation, running a hand through his curls in hopes that it will straighten out the mess that their wrestling match has made of them but it only makes it worse.

            “Peeta, I- I just-“ Jack mumbles, searching for the words that might help his baby brother, “You know that I love Katniss like a sister right? All of us do.”

            They both know that ‘all of us’ includes Andrew and their father, which Peeta did already know. He’s well aware that his mother is alone amongst their family in her opinions about people from the Seam. His father adores Katniss and had doted on Prim as if she was his own daughter. Jack’s words soothe something inside of him though despite the fact that they aren’t new news.

            Jack stands then, offering a hand to help Peeta up and pulling him into a hug once they’re both standing. He ruffles his hand through his baby brother’s hair.

            “Just hang in there, Peeta. Things will settle down eventually.”

            Peeta nods against his brother’s shoulder, “She promises she’ll come back.”

            Jack steps away with a grin and slugs Peeta in the shoulder, “Of course she’ll come back. No lady can resist the Mellark charm once they’ve been lucky enough to receive it once.”

            His brother’s joke earns a little smile from Peeta as he shakes his head and they make their way back to the kitchen where Finnick is surely halfway through the loaf of fresh, still slightly warm raisin bread.

 

**January 13, 2013**

 

            The sound of rubber soles squeaking on the hardwood floor is the only sound beside the rhythmic bouncing of the basketball for a few seconds until Peeta twists around and dribbles past Finnick, passing the ball to Andrew as soon as he’s in the clear.

            Andrew lines up for the shot and releases the ball in an arch just as Jack springs forward in an attempt to block the shot, but it’s too late and the ball swishes quietly through the net as Peeta lets out a triumphant whoop.

            “You dick!” Finnick chuckles, shoving Peeta by the shoulder as he picks up the ball. Peeta smirks at his best friend, jogging to keep up with him. Finnick grunts as he attempts to get a clear shot of the basket but decides to pass to Jack instead.

            Andrew comes out of nowhere though, nearly barreling into the eldest Mellark brother and intercepting the pass. Cackling, the younger man sprints back up the court and sinks another clean shot.

            “That’s how you do it!” He shouts, ruffling Peeta’s sweaty curls as he passes his teammate.

            “You two are bastards.” Jack calls from the sidelines, a water bottle halfway to his mouth, “The teams aren’t even fair. Andrew’s the only one that played in high school.”

            “That’s how we do it, baby.” Andrew sways his hips in a victory dance that leaves all three of the other men on the court bent over in laughter, “Come on, Peeta, this is your dance too.”

            Peeta shakes his head, grasping around in his bag for his cell phone, “I think you’re the only one with such a unique victory dance, Andy. I’ll leave it to you.”

            “Suit yourself, bro.” He shrugs as a group of girls walk in to warm up for an intramural volleyball game. The middle Mellark flashes a bright smile at them that sends a collective giggle through the group.

            “You’re such a douche.” Jack chuckles at his younger sibling, but Finnick and Andrew are already sauntering over to the ladies and neither of them hear his comment.

            Peeta is too transfixed by his phone to agree with his eldest brother.

**Katniss:** _I miss you._

_Sent at 12:38 P.M. on Sunday._

It’s only one small bubble, but it is the first time she’s tried to contact him in months. He almost hates himself for the way his heart thuds away in his chest, knowing it has nothing to do with the game he just played.

            “What’s up with you?” Jack asks, throwing a sweaty arm around Peeta’s shoulders and reading the words on the screen. He makes a strange sound in the back of his throat before looking at Peeta’s face, “You going to text her back or what?”

            Peeta’s bright blue eyes snap away from the screen, “Of course I am!”

            Jack holds his hands up and laughs, “Whoa there. No need to jump down my throat, baby brother. You just looked like a deer in the headlights there.”

            Peeta lets out a deep breath, running his free hand through his hair and messing up the curls, giving him the appearance of a madman, “I just- this is the first thing she’s sent since before she left. What do I say? Do I ask her how she is? Do I just shoot the breeze?”

            “You’re over thinking, Peeta.” Jack pats his shoulder sympathetically, “Do you miss her?” Peeta looks up as if the man before him has lost his mind but nods his head.

            “Then tell her that.” He tosses a towel over his shoulder and grabs his bag, “I’m going to shower. Good game today.”

            “Yeah.” Peeta agrees distractedly, sitting down on the bleachers and opening up a box to text Katniss back.

 **Peeta** : _I miss you too._

**Katniss:** _What are you up to?_

_Sent at 1:49 P.M. Sunday_

            Peeta almost laughs at the normalcy of her words. It’s as though she’s still somewhere in town, as though he hasn’t been dying for a text from her for months. He decided the week after Katniss left that he would give her the space she needed. He wouldn’t bury her in messages and memories of home when what she needed- or wanted- was to get away from all of it.

            The first two weeks were the hardest. Delly had told him she thought he was crazy for leaving Katniss alone like that. Finnick had ripped the phone from his vice grip several nights when he drunkenly decided he should just call her, fuck the plan.

            But now, here she was, finally trying to reach out to him, even in this feeble way. He has half a mind to be embarrassed by the way his fingers tremble as he types back a message to her. He’s not a middle schooler anymore after all. Honestly though, he can’t be bothered to care enough to be embarrassed. He’s just so happy she’s well enough to text him and he can’t stop grinning at the phone.

**Peeta _:_** _Just finished game of basketball with Finnick and my brothers. What about you?_

**Katniss:** _It’s storming here so we’re stalled on construction because the roof isn’t up yet. Finnick is home?_

 **Peeta:** _Yeah. His research team doesn’t start until the summer, so he decided to come home. Sucks that you can’t work today. Sorry. :(_

_Sent at 2:07 P.M. on Sunday_

            Peeta stares at the screen for a while, waiting for some reply and wondering if he should send another question back to her. He doesn’t want the conversation to be finished, but he doesn’t want to bother her more. If she wants to talk more, she’ll text him. So with an incredible amount of willpower, he heads for the showers before leaving the rec center and heading in for a shift at the bakery.

 

            “You’re sure these won’t be sour like the raspberry ones were last week?”

            Peeta tries not to roll his eyes at the old woman. She’s almost ninety-five and her sense of taste is completely off; not to mention she’s completely batty. She buys from the bakery every week without fail though so he tries to keep an even tone with her.

            “No, ma’am, these are made from sweet cherries. Tasted them myself before I made them.” Peeta assures her, beginning to box up the Danishes that she’s mulling over. She does this every week as well, and even though she hasn’t technically ordered yet, Peeta knows she will.

            His shift feels like it’s dragging on today, but the storefront finally closes in ten minutes. After that everything just needs to be cleaned and Peeta doesn’t mind the cleanup so much. It’s quiet work that keeps his hands busy, but his mind free to think. The old woman takes the pastries just like Peeta knew she would, and he follows her to the door to change the sign to closed.

            It’s one of those overcast days where there’s no snow but the streetlights come on exceptionally early even for the winter. If he squints far enough down Main Street, he can see the muddy brown of the empty fields that surround Fairbury.

            He’s just sweeping up when he hears the quiet vibration of his phone from his coat pocket across the room. A smile plays at his lips when he sees Katniss has texted him again. For a stray moment, he thinks that maybe she’s doing so well that she’ll come home to him soon. But when he reads her words, he realizes that probably isn’t the case.

 **Katniss:** _The rain here reminds me of the night my dad didn’t come home._

 **Katniss** : _I hate it._

_Sent at 3:18 P.M. on Sunday_

**Katniss** : _I wish you were here._

_Sent at 4:22 P.M. on Sunday_

            Peeta is once again unsure of what to say to her. Even when they first started dating Katniss didn’t speak much about her father. Peeta knows the story of course just like everyone else in their small town.

            Jamie Everdeen was a state trooper, a man looked up to with great respect by most of the town. Peeta still remembers how he would bring Katniss and Prim into the shop as little children and buy them sweets before dinner. He was a decent man and a good father, clearly head over heels in love with his girls.

            It was storming, rain coming down in sheets, the night that Jamie was killed. From what Peeta has heard, the car had a brake light out and was driving erratically so Jamie pulled the car over to let the driver know and write him a warning. There wasn’t a high-speed chase. He didn’t give warnings over the car’s loudspeaker. It was just another routine stop, nothing like in the movies.

            The driver waited until he walked up to the window and shot the uniformed man point blank. Somehow, Jamie had managed to make a call back to the operator before he bled out, and they managed to catch the shooter in under an hour. Apparently the shooter had copious amounts of cocaine and pot in the car and thought Mr. Everdeen was onto him.

            Peeta went to the funeral just like everyone else in town, but he felt like the only one who noticed the slight, dark-haired girl with haunted, grey eyes standing beside a withdrawn mother and a tiny, lost sister. He kept a close eye on her after that and one day a few weeks later actually gathered the courage to speak to her.

            It’s not that they had intentionally avoided talking about it, at least not on Peeta’s part, but the subject wasn’t a pleasant one and Katniss would always brush over it with a pained look so Peeta would let it go. Now here she was, bringing it up on up on her own and he’s not exactly sure what to do, so he types the first thing that comes to mind.

 **Peeta:** _I wish I was there too. You should pretend I am._

 **Katniss:** _It would be better if I could feel you._

_Sent at 5:13 P.M. on Sunday_

            Peeta groans, leaning against the counter and rereading her words. He wishes he could touch her right now, feel the soft, dark skin against his fingers, wrap her up in his arms to protect her. A faint, childhood memory comes to his mind and he smiles, typing steadily on the phone.

 **Peeta:** _You should build a fort._

 **Katniss** : _What?_

            Peeta chuckles, imagining the way he’s sure her eyebrow is arched up in question, her eyes narrowed in that way that always told him she thinks he’s crazy.

 **Peeta:** _You know, a fort, like with blankets and pillows. Jack did it for us sometimes when mom and dad would fight downstairs and I would get scared. It will make you feel safer._

 **Katniss** : _Peeta, I’m not five._

 **Peeta** : _I swear it will work. I’ll make one here too. We can pretend we’re in a cave._

 **Katniss** : _You’re insane._

            Peeta laughs, knowing he was right about the face she must be making. She doesn’t send anything else though and he hopes that means she’s too busy gathering blankets. Peeta hurries upstairs, pulling the covers from his bed haphazardly and dragging them out to the small table in the kitchen. He drapes them over its surface and grabs the pillows from the couch before ducking inside. It’s small and he cracks his head on the table a few times as he tries to get comfortable, but just as he settles back his phone lights up again.

 **Katniss:** _Okay. I’m under the stupid blankets. Now what?_

            Peeta smiles and presses the button to dial her phone number. It takes two rings before she answers.

            “Did you make a fort?” He asks without prelude.

            “Yes.”

            Her voice sounds shockingly tiny, enough so to bring a frown to his lips. The storm really must have her shaken up if she sounds this off.

            “Does it help?” He continues, figuring it’s probably best not to mention how terrified she sounds.

            “A little.” The line crackles, and Peeta swears he can hear a crack of thunder, but it might just be a slamming door for all he knows, “It helps to hear your voice too.”

            “Well, I’m under my fort too, so we can pretend we’re in a cave somewhere together,” Peeta suggests softly.

            “Where?” Katniss asks, the quiet shuffling of pillows and blankets coming from her end of the line. Peeta’s sure she’s probably nestled up in a tiny ball just like she always does when she’s upset or afraid.

            “I don’t know… Bora Bora.” He suggests, settling back against a pillow himself. His lips turn in a smile when he hears her snort softly.

            “Peeta, I don’t think there are caves in Bora Bora. It’s an island.” Her voice sounds lighter as she speaks and Peeta knows this is working at least for the moment.

            “You never know.” He defends, “Where would you like to be?”

            “How about in Washington, out west? It looks pretty there.” She reasons.

            “Okay,” Peeta agrees closing his eyes and imagining that the pillow beside him is her soft, tiny frame pressed against him, “So we’re in Washington, hopefully with some warm blankets, maybe a nice fire if you could get one started.”

            “You’re the man. Aren’t you supposed to start the fire?” She asks, her voice slightly indignant, but he can hear her joke easily.

            “Hey, you ladies are always reminding me how independent you all are. Besides we both know you’re the one with the survival skills. I’ll bake and clean for you.” He retorts playfully.

            “Fine.” She relents, “I’ll start the fire. Will you tell me about your day?”

            “There really isn’t much to tell. It was just a regular day.” Peeta explains, picturing the tiny frown on her lips and how she’s probably tugging at the tip of her braid.

            “Just tell me about it,” she pleads, her voice soft as a breath, “I just want to hear your voice.”

            Peeta’s chest aches at how childlike her request seems but doesn’t say anything before starting with his early morning wakeup to bake for the day. She chuckles when he mentions how he dropped an entire bowl of cheese filling for a batch of Danishes. She snorts when he describes the game of ball this afternoon and Andrew’s victory dance. She doesn’t speak though, letting him detail the events of his day uninhibited.

            “Then I got those texts from you and I thought my heart was about to burst I was so happy to see your name on my screen.” Peeta admits unashamedly.

            He waits for her reaction but only hears her steady, even breathing.

            “I’m sorry today sucked for you, Katniss, but you have no idea how happy it made me to talk to you again.”

            “Hmm.” She sighs, and Peeta suspects she’s already half asleep, “I missed you, Peeta.”

            “I know.” He whispers, closing his own eyes, “I can’t wait until you come home.”

            Katniss doesn’t say anything more and Peeta notices how her breathing deepens and starts to come more slowly. He knows it’s cliché as hell, but he doesn’t hang up, enjoying the soft sounds of her sleep too much to end it. Instead, he closes his eyes and starts to drift off himself, imagining that instead of the hundreds of miles separating them, she’s actually right beside him, sleeping in his fort where he can keep her safe from the storm.

            “Peeta?” Her sweet voice whispers in his ear and he doesn’t want to open his eyes because he’s sure this is all a dream. The back of his eyelids are lit up, telling him he’s slept far too late considering he runs a bakery, but he fights responsibility for just another moment, holding on to the sweet wisps of a dream where Katniss was tangled up with him.

            “Peeta.” She repeats in a sweet, singsong voice that is definitely real and not part of his dream.

            He cracks his eyes, finding himself still under the table of his apartment, alone. It takes a moment before he remembers last night and another moment before he realizes that Katniss’s voice is coming from the phone right next to his ear.

            “Hmm,” he groans, screwing his eyes shut again and stretching as much as he can in such a confined space, “Just a few more minutes.”

            “Peeta it’s almost six here. You have to be late for work.” Katniss murmurs softly. He wishes her fingers were tangled in his hair right now.

            “Two hours late. Too late to care,” he grumbles, “I wish I could hold you right now.”

            “Just pretend you can,” she says softly, but he can hear the smile playing at her lips, “I have to go. We need to be out at the worksite by seven.”

            “No,” Peeta whines, “Tell them you’re sick today.”

            She gives a breathy chuckle, “I can’t. Thank you for last night, Peeta.”

            “I would do anything for you, Katniss. You know that.” Peeta replies easily, slowly shifting out from under his makeshift fort.

            “I don’t know what I would do without you.” She sighs, “I’ll talk to you again soon, okay?”

            “Yeah.” He tries to keep the disappointment from his voice, but she hears it.

            “You’ll still wait for me?”

            Her words cause him to look at the postcard hanging on his refrigerator. It’s a simple picture of the Golden Gate Bridge, but he hadn’t saved it for the picture. He can clearly picture in his mind the three words written in her messy scrawl on the opposite side.

            _Wait for me._

The postcard had come two weeks after she left town, but it was just what he hoped for- what he needed. It was only three words but it was a promise to him that she would come back. It might not be this month or next, but she would come back to him. He had a reason to keep waiting.

            A smile tugs at his lips, “Always.”

 

**February 3, 2013**

 

            Katniss can’t move, can’t blink. Her breath is caught somewhere in her throat and all the blood in her body feels like it’s rushing through her ears. The wind catches the girl’s blonde locks, and she watches from across the street as the young girl bats the ends away from her face. The girl turns, and Katniss is certain her heart rips in two. It’s not her. She’s not Prim.

            Bam!

            “Oh my, oh dear,” a worried voice mutters above her as hands probe around in her hair, “Katniss, are you okay? Can you hear me?”

            She opens her eyes, squinting against the bright winter sun in the Louisiana sky. Beetee’s face floats above hers, his eyes zipping across her face worriedly.

            “I can hear you.” She moves to sit, but a stabbing pain shoots through her head, “Shit,” she mutters laying back down, “What the hell happened?”

            “I yelled for you to watch your head.” Nick, one of the other members of the rebuilding team pipes up, “Didn’t you hear me?”

            She didn’t. Of course she didn’t. She couldn’t hear anything when she was staring at the apparition of Prim. Tears spring into her eyes as she remembers the surge of hope she’d felt when she caught her first glimpse of the little girl. It was a visceral reaction, one that her brain couldn’t override even though she knows with her every fiber that her baby sister is dead.

            “No. Sorry.” Katniss apologizes to the mousy man. He’ll probably worry himself over hurting her for the next two weeks even though it’s not his fault.

            “Well, let’s just get you to the hospital and make sure there’s no permanent damage.” Beetee suggests, slowly helping her to stand.

            “I don’t need a hospital. I hate hospitals.” Katniss argues, trying to bat his hands away but finds herself reaching out to grab his shoulder when she sways unsteadily. Maybe she did need to have her head checked out.

 

            “You know, this seems sort of out of character for you, Katniss.” Beetee muses as she flips through a Cosmo magazine while waiting to be seen in the ER.

            She would have to agree. She’s never so much as touched one of these magazines in her life and she can’t say she’ll ever need these ridiculous sex tips.

            “You’re always so careful, very conscientious. Maybe not when you first joined us, but you seemed to be getting better.”

            Katniss frowns, “What are you talking about?”

            “Just that you were distracted enough today to get hurt. When you first got here, it seemed like only part of your mind was with us, but you’ve been better lately,” Beetee observes astutely.

            She had been better. Ever since that stormy night in California, she’d felt more alive. She could think about Prim and didn’t feel that debilitating grief, just a keen sadness. Katniss can’t really put a finger on what shifted that night, but talking to Peeta had made something click into place. Before that, she was lucky if she could get herself out of bed and to the worksite on time.

            “What happened today to change that?” Beetee asks directly. His glasses are sliding down the bridge of his nose, but Katniss decides there’s something about him that can be trusted. He’s the worker she’s been most drawn to on her team, though she really can’t put her finger on why.

            “I saw someone, no one I knew, but she looked like my little sister, Prim. She died right before I joined the team,” Katniss admits quietly, “It surprised me I guess.”

            Beetee nods, “That’s a common occurrence. There was a woman who lived down the street that would run by my house every morning. It wasn’t until after my wife passed that I noticed how much they resembled one another. It was quite distracting and it killed me some mornings to see that woman and know my wife was dead.”

            Katniss looks at the man beside her wide eyes. She never realized that she knows next to nothing about Beetee despite spending most of every day with him. He gives her a fond smile, pushing his glasses back up his nose.

            “What happened a few weeks ago? I noticed you started to talk more, seemed more engaged.”

            How could he possibly notice all these things when she barely even knows his full name?

            “I don’t know.” She shrugs, “I talked to Peeta.”

            “And Peeta is your boyfriend?” He asks innocently.

            Her stomach twists. This is the other topic that keeps her up at night.

            “I think so.” She mumbles, pressing the palm of her hand to her forehead. Her head is suddenly throbbing again.

            “A touchy subject?” He questions knowingly, sending her a sympathetic smile.

            “Not really, I guess. I’m just-“ She sighs heavily, unsure of why exactly she’s telling Beetee all of this, but he just waits, watching her patiently, “I asked him to wait for me, but I wouldn’t really blame him if he didn’t.”

            Beetee nods slowly.

            “I’m worried he’ll leave me for someone- simpler, with fewer problems.” Katniss shrugs, “He’s all I have left now that Prim is gone.”

            “Have you told him that?” Beetee asks.

            “What?” Katniss raises her gaze to meet his, a furrow forming between her eyebrows.

            “Have you told him how important he is to you?” The older man asks.

            Katniss shakes her head, “I don’t need to. He understands me.”

            “Maybe he understands, but if I were him I would be dying to hear it from you,” Beetee assures her, “My wife and I always did our best to be open about our feelings. It makes life less complicated if you can just say what you feel to one another.”

            Silence falls between them because Katniss knows the older man is right and she hates it. Prim said the same thing, didn’t she? She knows she needs to tell Peeta she loves him, because she does, there’s no denying it. She’s just so afraid to. What if he leaves too?

            “Katniss?” A nurse calls out at the door separating triage from the ER.

            Katniss stands to follow her, but Beetee places a hand on her arm gently, “It’s just a thought, dear.”

            He smiles warmly and lets her go, leaving her mind buzzing in a way that has nothing to do with her possible concussion.

 

**February 14, 2013**

            “Hello?” Peeta says, tilting his head to catch the phone between his shoulder and ear while he finishes frosting the last dozen special order cupcakes for the Links twins’ birthday. The morning had been insane, with customers nonstop, so Peeta was hurrying to finish this job now before Andrew gets there to pick them up for delivery.

            “Hi, Peeta.” Katniss replies, sounding much more herself than the last time they spoke. She hasn’t called him since that stormy night when she was still working in California. She texts him from time to time, but there hasn’t been a substantial conversation in weeks.

            “Katniss, how are you?” He says warmly, setting down the frosting and leaning against the counter.

            “I’m alright.” Her voice is quiet, but there’s a calm about it that had been missing weeks ago, one that he hasn’t really heard since before Prim got sick.

            “You sound better.” He comments and she chuckles.

            “I’ve been talking with the foreman here, Beetee.” She admits and Peeta thinks he must have heard wrong.

            “Katniss Everdeen, willingly talking? Did they brainwash you out in California?” He jokes, earning a little laugh

            “Yeah, well, he’s a good listener. He’s a little strange, but he gives some pretty decent advice.”

            Peeta picks at the corner of the counter where some pink frosting has dried, “Yeah? Like what?”

            “I don’t know.” He can practically see her shrug, “Like, he told me I should suck it up and call you. I’ve been meaning to, but… every time I went to… I chickened out.”

            Peeta frowns, “Chickened out? Why were you afraid to call me?”

            “Well, I kind of made a fool of myself the last time I called you. I was being a baby, letting a storm scare me,” Katniss clears her throat nervously, “I’m also sort of afraid that you might tell me you got tired of waiting for me to come back. So yeah, now would be the time to tell me if you decided Delly Cartwright wasn’t so bad after all.”

            Silence falls between them for a moment before Peeta breaks out in a loud, healthy laughter. He hears Katniss suck in a deep breath from the other end of the line, but he can’t stop his laughter from falling.

            “Peeta?” She squeaks after he finally calms down, and he realizes it sounds as though she’s crying. He doesn’t realize that her chest feels like a fist is crushing it right now, afraid all her fears were, in fact, correct.

            “Katniss, I think Delly would smack you right about now if she were here.” Peeta runs a hand through his curls, “Delly wouldn’t have me even if I _could_ think about anyone but you for a minute. She’s happy with Thom, and I plan on waiting for you to come home until the day I die if I have to.”

            “I don’t deserve it.” She whispers back, “You’re supposed to hate me, Mellark. You’re too good.”

            “You’re so much better than you think, Katniss.” Peeta sighs, “I’m glad this Beetee character got you to call me though,” Peeta pauses before warmly adding, “Happy Valentine’s Day. If I knew your address, I would have sent you cheese buns.”

            “Cheese buns aren’t very romantic,” she teases and Peeta gives a snort.

            “And you’re the queen of romance, is that what I’m supposed to think?”

            Katniss laughs, a real, deep laugh that leaves Peeta’s belly fluttering.

            “Okay, okay. Cheese buns would have been nice, but I didn’t know where I’d actually be today,” she admits, “I’m in Texas for the record.”

            “Texas.” Peeta repeats amusedly, “Is everything really bigger there?”

            “Well, I don’t know about _everything_ ,” she laughs, easily zeroing in on his joke.

            “I missed hearing you laugh,” Peeta murmurs as she quiets down, “Beetee must really be helping.”

            “I think he is. He lost his wife a few years back, and he just gets it. He doesn’t say he’s sorry and he kicks my ass into gear when I need it. He told me if I didn’t call you today I’d be running plumbing for the next two months.” She explains then decides to add, “I _hate_ plumbing.”

            “Boy, what does it say about me if it took the threat of plumbing to get you to call me.” Peeta points out just as Andrew walks into the back of the bakery.

            “You know I didn’t mean it like that, Peeta.” Katniss says. Peeta’s sure she’s rolling her eyes now.

            “Who’s doing plumbing?” Andrew asks loudly with a deep frown, “Did something happen to the bathroom here again? Damn it, I thought we got that fixed!”

            “Sounds like you have company.” Katniss points out, “I should let you go.”

            “It’s just Andrew! You don’t have to!” He blurts out, sounding exceptionally desperate, but he really can’t be bothered to care. He’s missed talking to her so much, and he’s not sure he could go another month without hearing from her.

            “Just Andrew!” The other man shouts from the front room, “Just your brother, Peeta!”

            Katniss chuckles from the other end, clearly able to hear Andrew’s irritation at his brother’s belittlement.

            “It’s okay, really,” she assures Peeta, “I should be getting back to work anyway.”

            “Right,” Peeta sighs, hoping she can’t hear his disappointment, “Yeah, of course.”

            “Hey, Peeta?” She asks just as he moves to press the end call button.

            “Hmm.” He hums, bringing the phone back to his ear.

            “I promise I’ll call, okay? I promise I’ll call you again sooner than a month from now.” She says earnestly, causing a smile to play at his lips.

            “Okay, Katniss. I’ll talk to you soon then.” He hangs up and turns to see Andrew staring at him with a devilish smirk.

            “Was that really her?” He asks.

            Peeta can’t stop smiling like an idiot and he nods.

            Andrew arches an eyebrow, “You calling her back tonight for some sexy phone time?”

            “Man!” Peeta reaches for the nearest towel and whips it at his brother, “Shut up!”

            Andrew laughs heartily, making lewd gestures as he heads toward the front of the bakery to take care of any customers that come in. Peeta can’t ignore the growing erection in his pants at the thought however. Damn does he hope she’ll be home soon.

 

**April 1, 2013**

 

            “Did you have a good day?” Peeta asks pleasantly. She knows he’s just chilling on the couch, maybe drinking a beer, having called her as soon as she texted him that she was home for the night.

            Today was actually a really good day for her. They finished roofing a house that was torn apart by hurricane Sandy that hit New York six months ago. The family fought with insurance to rebuild but nothing went through so the rebuilding team decided to step in. They have a little towhead daughter that reminds Katniss of Prim as a baby.

            Seeing the look-alike this time didn’t hurt like it did all those months ago in California. It stung a little, but mostly she just felt a fondness towards the little girl. She enjoyed being around her and seeing her. Beetee told her it’s because she’s healing. Katniss doesn’t know if that’s right or not but she’s glad it didn’t feel like her heart was being wrenched from her chest.

            “Yes.” Katniss smiles a little at being able to say it with complete honesty, “We had this amazing spaghetti for dinner that Beetee made. The sauce was homemade, it was absolutely delicious, Peeta.”

            Peeta chuckled from the other line, “You and food. Am I going to have competition with Beetee now?”

            “No,” Katniss rolls her eyes to herself, “Your cheese buns are still my favorites.”

            “Good.” He says, the line falling silent for a few moments before she hears him sigh deeply.

            “I- I wish I could bury my cock in you right now, Katniss.” He blurts out, and her heart skips a few beats as her cheeks burn red. Peeta isn’t sure how the words escaped him, but he only regrets them the tiniest bit. At least now she knows how much he wishes he could be with her.

            “What?” She asks in shock. There are probably better questions she could have asked, but it’s the first one that comes to mind.

            “I am so damn hard for you all the time, I feel like I’m going insane.” Peeta admits, his voice an octave deeper than it has been for their entire conversation.

            “Peeta…” Katniss starts but trails off. She doesn’t know how to respond, and the heat that his words sent pooling between her thighs completely blindsided her.

            “Do you ever touch yourself when you think about me, Katniss?” He asks daringly. She swallows thickly, nodding hesitantly before she remembers he can’t see her.

            “S- sometimes.” She whispers.

            He hums deeply, “I think of you almost every night.”

            She’s silent again, stunned by Peeta’s sudden brazenness. They grew more comfortable in their sexuality over the years, especially during the months before Prim passed, but he was never quite like this with her.

            “Will you touch yourself tonight while I talk with you?” He asks in a breathy voice that tells her he’s already handling himself.

            “Peeta.” She whispers, her face still flushing even though she’s a grown damn woman, and she knows she has no need to be ashamed of his question.

            “Just pretend it’s me,” he murmurs, “If I was there, I would take care of it for you, Katniss. You want to don’t you?”

            “Hmm,” she sighs as she eases a hand down the waist of her pajama pants and under her panties.

            “Just tease yourself,” his voice says smoothly, and she can’t quite believe how wet he’s already made her, or maybe that’s just because it’s been weeks since she’s done this, “You know how I like the noises you make when I tease you.”

            His words coax a weak little moan from her lips, her fingers brushing over her heated folds. Peeta groans and she closes her eyes, trying to picture him, his large, warm hand working over his length. Her hips arch up into her hand a little at the thought.

            “Are you wet, Katniss?” She can hear the smile in his voice. He’s enjoying this far too much. She’s beginning to suspect that he never had any intention of a normal conversation when he called. Katniss makes a mental note to point that out once they’ve finished, but right now she’s damn glad that he started this.

            “Mhmm.” She mumbles, her teeth catching her bottom lip.

            “Slide two fingers in and find your spot like I always do.” He directs and she complies immediately, letting out a deep moan at the sensation of it. It doesn’t feel quite as good as his fingers, hers are slender and not quite at the familiar angle she loves, but they’re still enough to make the stars burst behind her eyelids.

            “Go ahead, sweetheart. Finish up how you like.” He encourages, his own words deep and growling, his breath grunting as he nears his finish.

            Katniss realizes she has a lot of catching up to do and pumps her fingers feverishly against the spot- her spot, as Peeta calls it- trying to keep up with him. She revels in the erotic noises he’s making on his end of the line, finding it unbelievable that just the sound of his moans could do this to her. Her muscles tighten and her belly twists blissfully as her palm grazes against her clit with each thrust of her fingers. She doesn’t notice that she’s whimpering his name with each movement.

            “Oh, shit.” Peeta mutters through gritted teeth and she can imagine him thrusting against his hand, the jets of semen falling against his stomach as he continues to pump his fist down his shaft.

            The thought has her hips lifting off the bed and grinding against her hand.

            “Peeta.” She pants, reaching her free hand down to circle her clit firmly.

            “Come for me, Katniss.” He says, his voice gravely and still breathless in the afterglow of his orgasm. It’s all she needs and suddenly the fire rushes through her veins, her muscles contracting all at once as the pleasure rips through her every fiber. It’s white hot and she’s melting and Peeta’s voice is whispering to her through it all. It’s quite unlike anything she’s experienced before and it leaves her heart aching to be with him.

            After a long silence, during which they both catch their wits and breath, Peeta chuckles, “You know when you come home I’m going to have to have my way with you.”

            “Hmm.” Katniss sighs, her body still jelly and blissful, “That’s what you think, Mellark, but really it’s the other way around.”

            Peeta snorts into the phone, “I’ll take it whichever way I can get it.”

            Katniss’s lips curve into a smile, and she wishes his arms could wrap around her waist right now; that she could feel his cock pressed against her backside while he spooned with her. Part of her wants to leave right now and drive straight through the night for Fairbury, but she knows it would end in disaster eventually. She’s not ready to be back there yet. She still has too many rough days where she barely makes it out of bed.

            Katniss glances at the clock on her bedside table, “You should be in bed,” she points out, knowing he has early mornings.

            “I am in bed.” He grumbles playfully.

            “Asleep.” She clarifies, trying her best to sound exasperated.

            Peeta sighs heavily in defeat, “I guess you’re probably right. I have to get cleaned up now too.”

            “Right.” Katniss agrees with a grin.

            “If I told you I love you before I hang up would it upset you and keep you up all night?” He asks bluntly.

            Her heart flutters against her chest, a feeling she hasn’t had in months, “No, but I’m not sure I deserve it.”

            “I decide who deserves it.” Peeta states firmly, “And you deserve every bit of my love, Katniss Everdeen.”

            “Whatever you say.” She gives in reluctantly, tucking a lose bit of hair behind her ear as she does.

            “I love you,” He says in that soft voice, the one that makes her insides melt like butter even after all these years, “I’ll talk to you soon.”

            “Goodnight, Peeta.” She says back just as gently. She wishes she had it in her to say it back, but she’s more afraid now than ever to admit it. Everyone she’s ever admitted to loving is dead. She can’t lose Peeta too. She wouldn’t be able to bear it.

 

 

**July 17, 2013**

“Peeta!” Finnick comes barging through the front door of the bakery, shocking the elderly couple who were just paying for two muffins and a loaf of rye bread.

            “Peeta, we have a situation.” Finnick says, dramatically throwing himself on the counter without a second glance at the paying customers.

            “Thank you and have a nice day.” Peeta says, giving the couple a sympathetic shrug as they turn to leave, casting worried glances back at the bronze haired boy with ‘the situation.’

            “What is you’re problem, Finnick?” Peeta demands, crossing his arms over his chest and rolling his eyes. His best friend is back in town for two and a half weeks during a break in the marine biology research he’s doing on the coast of Florida.

            “I need you to help me out. I’m calling on the Bro Code.” Finnick stands, walking around the counter to face Peeta like the adult he is instead of a two year old throwing a tantrum.

            “You sound like a douche bag when you talk like that, Finn.” Peeta informs the older man but takes the bait anyway, “What am I required to help you with?”

            “There’s this girl, Peeta, I think she’s the one.”

            Peeta actually laughs out loud, “Finnick, you say that every other month, man. What makes this one any different than the last eight?”

            “She’s just- Peeta, just trust me on this. She’s different.” Finnick clasps his hands in front of him, “Please, please help me out here.”

            Peeta sighs. He really hasn’t gotten to spend much time with Finnick yet and he knows their time is limited.

            “Fine.” He relents, “What’s her name?”

            “Well, you see, I haven’t quite gotten that far yet.” Finnick admits, a hand moving up to rub the back of his tan neck embarrassedly.

            “Are you kidding me? How the hell did you decide she was special then?”

            “She told me to fuck off,” Finnick blushes furiously as he scuffs the floor with the toe of his shoe, “I tried to pick her up, and she told me to get lost, man.”

            Peeta stares at Finnick, wondering when exactly his best friend went mad.

            “I can see why you find her attractive.” Peeta deadpans, “But really, Finn, if she told you to leave her alone, it’s probably not going to help if you keep harassing her.”

            “Right,” Finnick nods, running his hand through his hair, “That’s where you’re going to come in though, Peeta. You’ll be my wingman. You’ll make me appeal to her senses.”

            Peeta shakes his head. He has no idea how he’s going to go about fulfilling Finnick’s wishes, but he’s not about to turn him down. They are best friends after all.

            “You’re insane, but I’m in.”

 

            “Hi,” Peeta shouts over the bass that is pumping out across the club. They drove an hour to get here, but he has to admit, it’s not too shabby for a suburban scene.

            The girl he spoke to turns, her loose, brown curls flying around her face. She glances at him, confusion registering on her face before she gives him a polite smile.

            “Hello.”

            Her voice is soft even though she’s yelling and Peeta wonders what exactly Finnick said to her to make her tell him off.

            Peeta sticks out a hand, “I’m Peeta.”

            “Annie.” She replies, hesitantly placing her hand in his.

            Peeta takes a breath, gauging the girl before him for another moment. Finnick gave him a script, told him exactly how he wanted Peeta to interact, but Peeta has a feeling that plan is going to fail miserably with Annie. She’s not the average bimbo that Finnick picks up. Peeta decides to deal with the consequences later and go rogue.

            “Listen, I’m here with a friend who apparently pissed you off the other night, but he’s honestly dying to meet you and he’s really not as big of a douche bag as he appears to be. You seem like a great girl, and that’s usually not the type he goes for, but I’d really like to see him with someone decent for once.”

            Her eyes narrow, “So your friend thought he could play me.”

            It’s a statement, not a question.

            “He’s an idiot sometimes, especially when he gets nervous. I haven’t seen him get this nervous about a girl… well, ever actually. So will you give him a chance to prove he’s not an asshole?” Peeta asks, giving her his brightest smile.

            She shakes her head but can’t stop the smile from pulling at the corner of her lips, “He really sent you over to warm me up?”

            Peeta nods, and she chuckles, taking a sip of her drink.

            “Okay, which one is he?”

            Peeta points at Finnick who sees him and swaggers over. Peeta catches the way Annie rolls her eyes when she catches sight of the bronze-haired boy, and before Finnick even opens his mouth, she’s setting down the rules.

            “You get one try.” She holds up a slender finger, “And it’s only because your friend Peeta here swears you aren’t the jerk you seemed to be the other night. You mess it up and you’re out of chances, pretty boy.”

            Finnick’s eyebrows disappear behind his hair and his jaw slackens just a bit. Peeta laughs deep from his belly and pats his best friend on the shoulder as he heads for the door. Now that his duty has been fulfilled he’s going to spend the rest of the night talking with Katniss who is actually in the same time zone for once so she should be free. Peeta doesn’t know if it will actually turn into anything with Annie, but he has to say he likes her bite. Finnick needs someone who doesn’t fall under his spell.

            “H- hi.” Peeta hears Finnick say hesitantly as he walks away, “I’m Finnick.”

            Poor boy is scared shitless.

 

**September 18, 2013**

 

            “Hello?”

            “Hey.” Peeta says, sounding overly chipper. She’s lying in bed, the same thing she’s been doing all day and she’s not really in the mood to talk tonight. Her brain is muddled with too many thoughts to treat Peeta the way he deserves, and she knows it.

            There’s a long, awkward pause as she waits for him to explain why he’s calling, or to strike up a conversation.

            “So…” He hesitates as though deciding for one more moment whether to just plunge in, “I was just wondering… well, the anniversary of Prim’s death is coming up and I- I just thought- I wanted to know if you’d be coming home for it.”

            Katniss freezes her fingers gripping the phone tightly enough to turn her knuckles white. This was what she had been fearing and avoiding all day. It’s less than two weeks away now and any progress Katniss though she had made over the last twelve months seems to have disappeared. She can’t handle this pain, this grief. It’s all consuming and she had been able to shut it out of her mind until now.

            She swallows thickly around the lump in her throat, “No.”

            Even that tiny word is difficult to say, but it resonates over the line, turning into a deafening declaration. They might be states apart but she can feel his disappointment.

            “Oh,” is all he says in response.

            They both remain silent for a long minute before he takes a deep breath.

            “Are you sure?”

            “Yes.” She snaps defensively. She doesn’t need him trying to guilt her into returning to Fairbury, not when the thought of it kills her, strangles her from the inside out, “I just can’t okay?”

            “I just thought we might be able to do a small little memorial thing, maybe even just you and I if you wanted.” He suggests in a gentle tone, but it grates on her nerves anyway.

            “I’m not coming back!” She spits, her tone seething with tension she didn’t realize she was feeling. She reminds herself of that stupid barn cat at the Hawthorne’s farm that Prim named Buttercup who would spit and hiss anytime he was backed into a corner.

            “Alright, if you’re sure.” Peeta relents, but it’s hard to miss the disappointment in his tone, “I just thought maybe- maybe you’d finally come home. It’s been almost a year, Katniss.”

            “Well, I’m sorry if I’m still not over my baby sister’s death.” She retorts spitefully. She should just shut up and she knows it, but for just a moment, it feels good to yell at Peeta; it helps relieve some of the crushing pain in her chest.

            “That’s not what I meant and you know it,” Peeta replies tiredly.

            “If you’re sick of waiting, Peeta, all you have to do is say it,” she says though she doesn’t mean it. Her heart throbs at the thought of what Peeta’s response might be.

            “Katniss-“

            “I mean it!”

            It’s as though she’s possessed by someone else.

            “Glimmer or Clove or- hell- anyone else would be easier to deal with. That little fact isn’t lost on me, okay?” Katniss buries her face against her pillow, “Just be honest with me Peeta. I don’t want to find out you’re fucking someone else behind my back.”

            “God damn it, Katniss.” He mutters, his voice filled with a frustration she can’t remember ever hearing before. “Is that what you want? Do you want me to leave you alone?”

            “I don’t know!” She shouts, the words full of pain that she’s been trying to contain for months, “I don’t know what I want anymore, Peeta.”

            He gives a heavy sigh, “Well- well, why don’t you just call me when you figure things out?”

            Katniss opens her mouth to say something, to tell him she’s sorry, to ask him for forgiveness, to tell him she loves him, but nothing comes out.

            “I love you, Katniss. I just don’t know what to do anymore.” His voice cracks.

            It sounds a lot like they’re breaking up, but she can’t bring herself to ask. Her chest is too heavy and her mind rushing to fast to put together a coherent sentence.

            “Okay, Peeta.” Her words are just a whisper on a breath, but he hears.

            “Bye, Katniss.”

            The line goes dead. Her heart shatters all over again.

 

**November 11, 2012**

 

            Katniss Everdeen thought her life was falling apart when Prim was diagnosed with cancer. She finally found the courage to speak to Peeta again after four years. She thought she would surely die from the pain after Prim passed. She realized how much she had grown in the five years since she first left Peeta, surprising them both when she admitted she couldn’t stay in Fairbury instead of just running. She thought her life would never make sense again the day she left Fairbury and the only person left that she truly cared for. It gave her the chance to find out who she really was and decide for herself if she really wanted Peeta in her life.

            It’s been a year since Prim died and it still feels like yesterday to her sometimes. It took her a week after the anniversary to pull herself up by the bootstraps and grapple with the feelings she had been running from almost constantly since she first left home. She had fooled herself into thinking that she was coming to terms with Prim’s death but all it had take was the approaching anniversary of her baby sister’s death and a simple question from Peeta to break her.

            Beetee had found her curled up in bed, unable to function, and he suggested she settle down somewhere and seek out therapy. He’s the one she has to thank for the fact that she’s starting the drive home today.

            “You have everything you need, brainless?” Johanna questions from the kitchen as Katniss rolls her suitcase up to the door.

            “I think so.” Katniss responds with an uncertain smile.

            “Why are you looking at me like that?” Johanna swats a hand in the air, “If you don’t want to go, you don’t have to. I understand if you want to spend the rest of your life with me. I haven’t ever swung that way before, but I’m willing to try, babe.”

            Katniss laughs, “Thanks for the offer but I think we both know you would miss Thresh between those legs of yours.”

            Katniss isn’t positive, but she thinks she sees a slight, pink tint to Johanna’s cheeks. Her old roommate pretends not to have deep feelings for the hulking, dark-skinned boy, but Katniss has her suspicions. After all, they have been hooking up regularly for years now.

            “That head doctor got you all fixed up then, did he?” Johanna asks, underhandedly changing the subject, but Katniss lets it slide.

            “I told you, it’s not about being fixed-“

            “It’s about starting to heal, blah, blah, blah.” Johanna mocks. She and Katniss have had a few good laughs over the last month about the good doctor’s scripted messages. Katniss had to admit that the shrink did help her, but some of his lines had just been so farfetched she honestly couldn’t take them seriously.

            It hasn’t been easy. She fought with the therapist tooth and nail at first. It had taken her weeks of daily therapy to get to this point, but she knows she’s finally ready; that this was always the only answer there would ever be. Tonight she’ll drive out to Eau Claire from Johanna’s apartment, a modern space just a few blocks from Minnesota State’s campus. From there, she’ll drive straight through to Fairbury and Peeta and home, because that’s what she’s finally realized through all this therapy.

            She thought the reason she left Fairbury was so that she could deal with her sister’s death. She thought she couldn’t handle being home because Prim died there, but she knows now that she needs to be home because she needs Peeta. He’s always been her strength even before Prim died and she realizes now she was never really going to get through all of this without him. She just hopes she’s not too late; that he hasn’t honestly given up and moved on; that he’s still willing to take her in his arms and never let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so very much for your reviews. I haven’t had time to answer them all yet, but I didn’t want to make you wait any longer. I will be answering them tonight though! Special thanks to all the guests who have reviewed since I can’t reply to you all individually! Please feel free to let me know what you thought of this chapter!


	6. Chapter 6 The Final Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss and Peeta reunite after Prim’s death but there is still so much healing for them both to do. Now they must pick up the pieces, learn to trust again, and hope that the odds will begin to turn in their favor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note this chapter picks up the morning after their reunion at the end of chapter 1

**November 13, 2013**

 

            Waking up next to him is perhaps the best feeling she’s ever experienced. The sun is just cresting over the empty cornfields in shades of orange and pink. The light casts a warm glow in the dark room through the window that’s still cracked open from last night.

            Katniss realizes that this is the first time she can remember waking up with him when there wasn’t some terrible reason for it. Anytime Peeta spent the night with her before, Prim had been sick and he had been there to comfort her. This morning though, she’s at peace as he snores softly, his lips slightly parted and his face more relaxed than it ever is while he’s awake. His legs are tangled with hers under the blankets and his body is a furnace, keeping her warm against the draft of chilly, November air. His arms are still tightly circled around her waist but she’s able to free a hand to reach up and brush it through his messy golden curls.

            She bites the inside of her cheek to contain a laugh when he scrunches his nose up as though she’s tickled it. He’s beautiful. He’s too good for her really. But she loves him and she finally told him so last night. Her lips curl into a smile as she remembers the look on his face. Peeta knew all along, of course. Why else would he put up with all the shit she gives him? He’s always known her better than herself, but when she finally said it out loud, it was like an entirely new part of him came alive.

            Katniss leans forward and places her lips against his chest, right near his heart, appreciating the steady beat. She’s not sure how long she lays like that, waiting for Peeta to wake up, but when he does he lets out a heavy, contented sigh, his thumbs skimming over her sides, leaving goose bumps in their wake. She traces a nail around his nipple in return and watches her touch elicit the same reaction.

            “Hmmm, ‘morning.” He greets her, voice still heavy with sleep.

            She smiles, looking up to meet his blue eyes, “Good morning.”

            He stares at her for a long moment, contemplating something in his head. She can see the gears turning back there, and she’s in no hurry for anything this morning so she waits.

            “Last night,” his lips curl into a little smile at the mention of it, “you told me you love me. Real or not real?”

            Katniss stretches her body against him, pressing her toes against his so that she can reach her lips to his own in a gentle kiss. They both have morning breath, but really she couldn’t care less. This moment is still perfect.

            “Real,” she murmurs against his lips, “I love you, Peeta Mellark. You’re all that I need.”

            He shifts against her and she becomes acutely aware of his erection pressing against her thigh. She moves restlessly, letting her leg brush against his length, her heart fluttering at the way his eyes nearly roll into the back of his head.

            His hands move to still her hips, “I love you, Katniss. We still have to talk though. Last night I let myself get carried away because seeing you- it does things to me, but-“

            Katniss stills his lips, pressing two fingers to them, “I know. We will.”

            She doesn’t say anything else as she licks her hand before letting it trail down his chest to wrap around his cock. Peeta hums deep in the back of his throat and closes his eyes, a hand reaching up to tangle in her hair and hold her close.

            God, how had she managed to live without this for a year? Just to have him touching her again is enough to send her heart soaring, and to hold him in her hand again and draw these noises from his mouth leaves her feeling whole.

            His hips push gently against her hand with a mind of their own as she caresses his length. It’s quiet in the room save for Peeta’s heavy breathing and the sun is the only other being privy to this moment, casting a glow around the room that leaves Katniss convinced that Peeta is made of sunlight itself. She could live in this moment forever.

            She feels him swell in her hand, hardening with each stroke, and she knows he’s getting close.

            “Katniss.” He murmurs, his eyes still closed but his hand covers hers and pulls it away from his erection, intertwining their fingers.

            “What?” She asks softly, confused as to why he’s decided to stop her now.

            He chuckles and cracks his eyes open again. He shifts, pressing her back against the bed before lowering the sheets as he slides down to rest between her thighs. She arches an eyebrow. Honestly, she’d thought she would just finish him off and they would eat some breakfast; they do need to talk after all, but clearly Peeta has other plans, and who is she to argue with him?

            He smiles at her reaction before lowering his lips to trail slow, lingering kisses along her inner thigh. She shivers, possibly from the chilly air in the room, but she thinks it has everything to do with the way Peeta’s lips burn against her skin. He lets his tongue brush against her skin between kisses and a groan falls from her lips. It’s sweet torture for her because they both know where she’d rather have his mouth.

            He reaches a hand up to rest over her stomach, holding her down on the mattress as though he knows what is about to come next. His blue eyes flash up to meet her grey ones just before he lowers his mouth to kiss her heated folds, letting his tongue drag slowly through the moisture. She tries to arch her hips into his mouth, but his hand keeps her from doing so, eliciting a desperate whimper.

            His tongue presses against her slit, up towards her clit where he punctuates his attentions with a kiss on the little bundle of nerves. She lifts her legs so they rest over his shoulders, pulling him closer to where she needs him. Peeta gives an appreciative hum as he continues his work and it sends jolts of electricity through every fiber of her body.

            He sucks her clit between this teeth and her thighs quiver around him, his blonde curls tickling her skin. It’s all so much, too much, to feel and it leaves Katniss a whimpering mess as she tangles her hands in his hair. Peeta devours her, his tongue working her into a frenzy, the tip of his nose grazing her clit as his tongue dips inside of her, eliciting an involuntary gasp from her lips every time it does.

            “Peeta. Peeta!” she pants quickly, somehow finding it in her to sloppily push him away by his forehead. He looks up, blue irises just thin rings surrounding pools of black desire, “I need you.”

            “In a minute,” he murmurs with a wicked grin as he lowers his mouth back to the scorching heat between her legs, his tongue probing against her slit.

            “Oh!” Katniss’s head falls back against the bed and her fingers tighten in his hair, tugging him closer and pushing him farther away at the same time. Her thoughts are fractured. She can’t form an entire sentence before his tongue presses over her clit again sending any thought she had flying from her grasp like paper in the wind.

            “Peeta. Fuck,” she cries out, her muscles beginning to tighten, working towards that moment of pure, burning bliss.

            “Don’t come,” his breath feels cool against her heat, “I want us to go together.”

            “Peeta.” She mewls pathetically, but she’s too far gone to care, “I need you, now. I can’t-“

            “You can, Katniss,” he murmurs, his lips brushing against her, his words caressing the fire he’s created there as he leans in to suck on her clit again before sliding his flat tongue through her folds.

            Katniss cries out incoherently, her thighs clenching against him and grinding his face into her. If she were in the right state of mind, she would probably be embarrassed by the roughness of it, but all she can think about now is her quickly approaching climax and how she thinks it’s next to impossible for her to hold it off a second longer. Peeta’s doesn’t let up though. He groans against her when she rolls her hips against his mouth and resumes his attentions more vigorously.

            He doesn’t stop until she’s crying out his name with every breath and she swears her entire body is made of fire. She’s half out of her mind with need and nearly shouts at him as he lowers her legs from his shoulders and walks to his bedside table. He fumbles around for a minute, his hands shaking as he opens the package and rolls on the condom. He wants her with every cell in his body, and she sends his heart soaring when she reaches out her hands to him, tugging desperately until he settles between her legs again.

            She helps guide him into her, as if he needs any help at this point, but he appreciates the sentiment and her touch. They each let out a heavy groan at the exquisite feeling of his entrance and Peeta leans forward to capture her lips, his tongue probing slowly around hers, her taste still lingering on his lips, capturing the tiny gasps she makes as he starts to move. She’s so hot and wet. He knows she’s close. He made sure of it because he’s certain he won’t last long, not this morning, not after she gave him that hand job.

            Her hands are grasping at his hips, trying to guide his pace, which he is all too happy to allow since she seems determined to go fast and hard this morning. His hand finds her breast, thumb grazing over the pert nipple before he pulls it into his mouth.

            Katniss gasps his name, fire flooding every corner of her body as he continues to thrust deep and fast. There aren’t words for this. This is just her and Peeta and fire. Nothing can describe this. He’s melting her soul back together, molding the pieces into a different shape than before, but it’s beautiful just the same.

            He swells inside her and groans against her skin. It’s all she needs and her body is clenching against him as they both cry out, each one stealing the soul of the other before falling limp against one another. She brushes a hand over his hair, both of them in a daze and speechless, but he can’t stop grinning at the girl in his arms, his girl.

            They’re both caught so deep in one another that they don’t notice the door to Peeta’s apartment opening right away. By the time it registers in Peeta’s head what that sound means, it’s too late, and he barely gets the sheet thrown over them before the bedroom door swings open.

            “Peeta, what the hell? Is that Katniss’s car out fr-“ Andrew’s eyes nearly pop out of his skull when he takes in the scene before him, “Fuck!”

            He claps a hand over his eyes, turning and nearly knocking his head on the door as he walks out, his face redder than the sunrise was an hour before.

            “Shit.” He curses once he’s safely on the other side of the door, “Well, welcome back, Katniss.”

            Laughter bubbles up from her belly and sounds foreign in the tense room, but she can’t stop herself. It’s just so ridiculous. For as bold as Andrew always acts, his face turned the color of a tomato the second he realized what was going on.

            “Thanks, Andrew.” She calls through the door.

            Peeta swears under his breath as he slips out of bed, crossing to the dresser and pulling out clean boxer briefs and a pair of sweats. Katniss doesn’t move to dress just yet, reveling at the tight muscles in his legs that give way to the curve of his ass. Damn, Andrew for interrupting.

            “Enjoying the view?” His voice holds laughter in it and she looks up to find the familiar sparkle in his eye.

            “Mhmm.” She hums, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth.

            He chuckles and leans forward, using his thumb to tug her lip free only to pull it between his own lips in a heated kiss. Peeta breaks away with a mischievous grin.

            “We could go for round two and keep Andrew waiting just to torture him.” He murmurs, earning another bout of laughter from her.

            “I think we’ve already traumatized him enough, Peeta.” She slips from under the sheet, gathering her clothing from the ground where Peeta had tossed it last night. Peeta runs a hand lightly against her spine, pressing a kiss to her cheek before tugging a random tee shirt over his head on the way out of his room.

            “What the hell, Andrew, you’re just walk into my place without knocking now?” Katniss hears him mutter from the other side of the door and shakes her head with a little smile.

            “Ahh, I’m sorry, man,” she can almost see him running a hand through his hair just like Peeta always does, “I mean, how was I supposed to know she was back? Did you know she was coming home?”

            “No.” Peeta says softly, “She just showed up yesterday right after close.”

            “You didn’t waste any time did you, baby bro?” Andrew’s stifled laughter is still audible through the walls. Katniss leaves the safety of the bedroom as soon as she’s dressed.

            “He didn’t, not that it’s any of your business, Andrew.” She jokes, laughing at Peeta’s bashful look, “You also interrupted breakfast, and I’m starving.”

            “Good thing you’re sleeping with the baker then, right?” Andrew stands and crosses the room to give her a hug, “Glad to have you home, Katniss.”

            “Thanks,” she returns his hug.

            “Well, I’ll handle the bakery for the day,” he steps away and awkwardly stuffs his hands into his pockets, “I guess I’ll leave you two to… whatever.” He and Peeta both shift uncomfortably, suddenly finding the floor fascinating.

            Andrew steps up to Peeta, gives him a firm clap on the back, and makes his way across the room, leaving out the door to go open the bakery downstairs. Peeta looks to Katniss once the door is shut, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck and glancing up through long, golden lashes. Her stomach growls loudly, and she places a hand over her belly with a sheepish glance.

            “Breakfast?” Peeta asks with a joking smile.

            “Only if you’re cooking.” She jokes as he holds out a hand for her to take and follow him to the kitchen.

            She sits on the counter, swinging her feet and humming to the song on the radio while Peeta pours pancakes on the griddle and watches the frying bacon as well.

            “Are you going to put chocolate chips in those?” Katniss questions as Peeta moves to flip the pancakes.

            His lips quirk up in a smile as he wordlessly opens a cabinet, pulling out a bag of chocolate chips and tossing some on each bubbling pancake. He sets the bag down and she takes the opportunity to pop a few in her mouth. Peeta doesn’t look up, shaking his head slowly, trying to conceal his quiet laugh.

            “Hmm.” She hums appreciatively as she chews, leaning over and pressing a quick kiss to his lips when he looks up.

            “You know you’re an adult right?” He asks as his tongue darts out against his bottom lip, “You probably should have outgrown chocolate chip pancakes by now.” He laughs, turning the stove burners off and throwing the pancakes and bacon onto two plates. Peeta hands her one and leans a hip against the counter next to her, noticing that she’s grown quiet.

            “There are a lot of things I probably should have outgrown that I didn’t.” She mutters, picking at the pancakes on her plate and avoiding his gaze, “I’m sorry I didn’t come home when you asked me to. I was in a bad place.”

            “It was hard for all of us, Katniss.” He replies quietly, and for the first time Katniss realizes the truth of his statement, hears the pain in his words. She left him, but he was mourning Prim too. Her stomach clenches painfully with guilt. Why couldn’t she be a better girlfriend? Is she just incapable of giving Peeta what he deserves? He’s so good and she continues to tear him to pieces every time something bad happens.

            “A week after your last call, Beetee found me and told me I should get help,” she admits softly. She owes him an explanation at least as to why she’s here now.

            “What do you mean he found you?” His smooth, pale brow furrows.

            “I locked myself up in my room for a week.” Peeta doesn’t miss the dark look in her eyes when she adds, “I turned into my mom. I couldn’t bring myself to do anything, Peeta. It just hurt so much. I missed Prim too much to bear.

            “I was a complete mess by the time Beetee came to check in on me. I hadn’t showered in over a week. I wasn’t eating. I just laid in bed staring at the ceiling all day, stuck in this circle of whys and what ifs.

            “I know it sounds like I was crazy, like I could have just gotten over it if I tried harder,” she scrubs a hand roughly over her face and Peeta can see her frustration as she does, “But it was really bad. I always blamed mom for how she was after dad died. I was wrong. I would probably still be stuck if Beetee hadn’t helped me, if he hadn’t sent me back to Minnesota for therapy.”

            “You were in Minnesota?” Peeta arches an eyebrow in surprise. He supposes he shouldn’t be. It’s not like he’d kept tabs on her after that last phone call. In fact, he’d done everything he could to keep from thinking about her. It was too hard to still be concerned about her when he couldn’t do anything for her.

            “Yeah. I was seeing a therapist,” Katniss finally lifts her gaze to meet his. Peeta is surprised to find worry there that melts his heart. She’s terrified he’ll think less of her now that she’s finally admitted it to him, “A colleague of my old college roommate.”

            Peeta wants to reach for her hand, to tell her that he doesn’t think differently of her now that he knows, but something stops him. Katniss is the type of girl who will think he’s saying it out of pity. He’ll be able to show her. It will take time but she’ll understand eventually. Katniss sighs heavily before continuing.

            “Anyway, she worked with me on dealing with everything. It all happened so fast, you know? One day Prim was there and it felt like the next day she was gone. There was a lot there, going on in my head, that I didn’t even realize until she pointed it out.”

            “But you’re back now?” Peeta’s brow furrows in that way that Katniss knows means he’s not quite sure of something, and she can’t honestly blame him for feeling that way.

            “Yes,” she’s the first to reach for him, pressing his hand between each of hers, “I’m not going anywhere now. I’m still not over Prim, but I need to be somewhere that I can really heal.”

            She hesitates before adding, “I need to be with you- if you still want that, I mean. I know you said yes last night in the heat of the moment, but I’ll understand if you’ve changed your mind now.”

            Katniss recognizes just how quiet and weak her last words were. She hates how it sounds on her ears, but it doesn’t matter. Peeta needs to know. He needs to know that she was hurting, and she understands that she’s hurt him so many times. He needs to know that she doesn’t blame him if he doesn’t want to risk that again.

            “So you’re not seeing a therapist anymore? What if the same thing happens again? What if it gets worse?” He questions.

            It stings a bit, like his words snapped right against her heart. She wonders if that’s the only reason he even gave her the time of day when she walked into the bakery yesterday. Was he worried that she was a danger to herself? Did he think that he needed to save her?

            “No,” her voice sounds too breathy, “We’re going to schedule weekly phone calls so I can keep working on everything with her.”

            She sets her plate down suddenly and slides down off the counter, fidgeting anxiously with the ends of her hair. She can’t stay here, not if he’s only doing all of this out of pity. He’s already saved her too many times and she doesn’t need him to do it again. She might need help getting through the loss of Prim, but she’ll figure out a way to do it on her own if she has to.

            Katniss won’t look at him again as she starts edging out of the room. Peeta is still trying to understand the sudden shift in her mood, the coolness that he can almost feel on his skin. He recounts every word he’s said to try and figure out what’s upset her, but he can’t figure it out.

            “Peeta, I’m sorry I came here like this,” her voice quivers and he frowns, but she doesn’t see since her eyes are still fixed on the floor, “I should have called. I shouldn’t have just- well, not assumed- but hoped, I guess, that you would still be here waiting for me.”

            She swears her body is about to disintegrate into dust from the pain as she reaches for the doorknob. Her mind is already reeling with questions. What is she going to do now? She hadn’t thought this far ahead. She’s lost everything now.

            “Katniss.” His voice calls sadly from the kitchen as she yanks the door open, but she can’t look at him, not with the tears swimming in her eyes like they are. She doesn’t want him to see her like this.

            “Katniss, for God’s sake.” Peeta’s exasperated voice curses right behind her at the same time as an arm snakes around her waist, pulling her back through the door and shutting it, “Give me a damn minute to comprehend everything. For once in your life just be patient with me, okay?”

            He pulls her to him so her back is against his chest, burying his face against her hair. Katniss reaches up to swipe at her teary eyes, her body shaking with the effort of trying to hold back her sobs.

            “I don’t want you to leave.” Peeta murmurs against her hair, his warm breath sending shivers through her that she hopes disguises her trembling, “I just think we need to take things slow. Last night and this morning were amazing, but we really need to work back up to that.

            “I still love you. I just need time. Can we do that?” Peeta asks softly, letting his fingers brush against her waist as he waits for her reply. She can’t answer though, her throat choking on unshed tears. She takes a shaky, halting breath and Peeta notices, finally turning her to face him, placing a palm against each of her cheeks.

            “Hey,” he frowns deeply, a look foreign to his normally relaxed and happy features, “What’s wrong?”

            Katniss tries to shake her head but Peeta’s hands hold tight, tilting her chin up so their eyes meet.

            “Please, talk to me.”

            “I thought you were going to tell me you didn’t really want me anymore.” Her hands move up to rest against his chest, feeling for his heartbeat, “I didn’t know what I was going to do. I need you, but after everything… I don’t deserve you.”

            “Oh, Katniss.” Peeta pulls her head to rest against his chest, “We’re all just a bunch of fuckups. You’ve made your mistakes, and yeah they sucked, but I’ve made some too.”

            Katniss snorts disbelievingly against his shirt, “Name one.”

            “I told you to get out of my life,” Peeta’s hand reaches up to brush over her hair, “I believed you when you said you slept with Gale. Even after I found out the truth I didn’t contact you for years.”

            “None of that would have happened if I didn’t fuck it up first,” Katniss points out, causing Peeta to sigh heavily.

            “It doesn’t really matter now anyway. It is what it is.” Peeta assures her, “We’ll start fresh this time, okay? What do you say, can we try it?”

            “Taking things slow?” She asks, her grey eyes wide and vulnerable. Peeta nods, giving her a gentle smile, “Yes, that sounds good.”

            “That’s my girl.” Peeta chuckles, “Now are you going to come and finish breakfast? I know you can’t possibly be full.”

            He holds out a hand to her, which she takes without hesitation, laughing because he’s completely right. She’s still starving and the half-eaten plate of pancakes getting cold in the kitchen is calling her name.

 

**December 6, 2013**

            “You’re late, Katniss.” Haymitch calls from behind the bar as the dark haired girl pushes through the front door bringing a burst of cold, winter air with her.

            “Sorry.” She calls back offhandedly. They both know that he’s not actually a real stickler about punctuality. It would make him a hypocrite if he was and the bar is almost always empty at this hour anyway.

            Katniss had stopped by the bakery on her way into town and Peeta had insisted on making her a smoked turkey cheddar sandwich on fresh, dark, rye bread, one of her favorites. She also hopes that Haymitch doesn’t notice how swollen her lips are since Peeta also insisted that he didn’t want any payment other than her kisses.

            “You too busy with the baker to make it work on time?” Her cheeks flush as she walks back behind the bar. Busted.

            “That’s what I figured. Boy’s been walking on clouds since you came back to town again,” Haymitch laughs, taking great joy in the way her blush fans out to the tips of her ears, “Listen, it’s none of my business except we have a bachelor party coming in and we’ll be swamped within the hour. I need you to start hauling the PBR in from the back cooler.”

            “PBR?” She repeats skeptically, “Why the shitty stuff?”

            “They’re cheap bastards, that’s why.” Haymitch snaps, “I had to buy cases of the crap. I sure as hell don’t keep it here unless I know I’m going to have a party that loves it.”

            Katniss doesn’t argue further, knowing that Haymitch has a love affair with beer and he hates the customer that asks him for whatever is cheapest. Katniss has never been a huge fan of beer and would never claim to be a connoisseur but she knows PBR is about the worst tasting one around.

            An hour and a half later, they’ve run through half of Haymitch’s stock and Katniss remembers exactly why she hated almost every aspect of high school.

            “Hey, bartender!” A sloppy, drunk frat boy calls from down the bar. Katniss rolls her eyes and saunters over, “I was just talking to my friend here and he thinks with a scowl like that you must be a pro at sucking a guy off. What do you think? Is he right?”

            Katniss opens her mouth to tell him to fuck off or get out of the bar when a large, familiar form walks up behind the man, taking a tight grip of his shoulder, “I think if you keep talking to her like that, I’m going to throw you outside on your ass.”

            “What man is she you’re girlfriend or something?” The drunk man chortles along with his friends.

            “No. She’s my sister.” Gale’s eyes flash with a burning fury that sends the men scurrying to take back what they said earlier. Less than a minute later, they’re making their way to a table in back with their tails between their legs.

            “My brother, huh?” Katniss arches an eyebrow as Gale settles onto one of the now empty seats, “I wasn’t aware we’d suddenly become related.”

            “You’re as good as, Catnip.” Gale grins, “How are you? I haven’t seen you in a while.”

            “Pretty good.” She nods, a content smile pulling at her lips, “What can I get you to drink?”

            “Whiskey on the rocks.”

            She reaches behind her for what she knows is his favorite brand of whiskey and grabs a glass, “What brings you in here tonight?”

            His grey eyes meet hers and he shrugs bashfully earning a confused look from Katniss. He ducks his gaze after a moment, staring at the amber liquid in his hand.

            “Madge will be here in a minute and I wanted to tell you first,” Gale mutters just loud enough to be heard over the boisterous bachelor party.

            “Tell me what?” She asks in amusement. Gale normally isn’t this shy and he has her intrigued now.

            When he finally looks up again, his eyes are filled with a deep, boundless happiness that she’s never seen before, “I asked Madge to marry me.”

            “What?” She shouts, dropping the towel she was using to mindlessly wipe down the bar while they talked, “Gale, are you kidding me?”

            His cheeks burn red and he looks away, “Don’t be mad, Katniss. I wanted to tell you, but it all kind of happened pretty fast. I went to Thanksgiving with her and her family and it was just… it was right, you know? And her family was great and she was so beautiful. Then she told me she was pregnant-“

            “Gale!” Katniss shouts again, looking at her best friend in disbelief.

            He shrugs bashfully, “We both were drunk one night and, well, apparently I don’t know how to properly use a condom when I’m drunk.”

            “You’re going to be a dad?” She questions in shock and Gale chuckles, rubbing a calloused hand over the back of his neck.

            “Yeah, I am. Her family knows and now you know.” He flashes a happy grin, “We’re getting married at the county court house next week and I’d really like it if you could be there.”

            Katniss throws her arms across the bar in an uncharacteristic show of emotion, pulling him to her in a rib-crushing hug, “I’m so happy for you, Gale.”

            “Really? I was afraid you’d be pissed.”

            “Well, I wish you weren’t an idiot and knew how to wrap it up, but I’m glad it’s with Madge and that you two love each other.” She pulls away to look her best friend in the eyes, “You want the baby, right?”

            “Sure.” He nods, a content smile replacing his earlier grin, “I mean, I always thought we would wait a few years, but this is okay too. Madge is excited and we always wanted to have a family. This just speeds things up.”

            Tears prickle in her eyes as she looks at the man who was once just the boy next door, “You tell me the day and time and I’ll be there, Gale. I wouldn’t miss it.”

            He lets out a breath that neither realized he was holding and smiles earnestly, “I never thought I would be this happy, Catnip.”

            Katniss smiles and laughs with him because he really does look happy, and it’s been so rare in his life to feel like this. Madge walks through the front door of the bar not ten minutes after Gale broke the news, looking around the room and smiling shyly when she sees the two Seam children at the bar.

            “Did you tell her yet?” Madge asks softly, a pleasant smile tugging at her lips, her cheeks still rosy with the cold.

            Gale nods and Madge turns hesitantly towards Katniss.

            “Congratulations, Madge,” Katniss smiles, reaching over the bar to give the blonde girl a hug, noting the pretty ring that looks as though it were made for her finger.

            The couple wanders over to the dance floor after a paying customer pulls Katniss away a little while later. She looks up and catches a glimpse of their smiles, the simple happiness that they look at each other with.

            Her mind flashes with a future, one she had never honestly taken the time to imagine before, always too preoccupied with everything else going on to think so far in advance. Peeta is there, still smiling, looking at her in that way he only ever does for her. There are children too, beautiful little children that are a mixture of them both. It causes a shiver to run through her spine, pulling her mind from its daydream. It is a strange thought, but not altogether unpleasant. Perhaps one day they will reach that place together. Prim was always certain they would and Katniss is just now beginning to think that maybe her baby sister was right.

 

**December 20, 2013**

            Peeta glances up from the counter where he was filling out inventory forms, breaking into a smile when he sees Katniss standing in the doorway wearing the familiar black shirt with Abernathy’s Pub logo screened on it.

            “Hey!” He greets, but his smile falters when he notices the way she’s wringing her hands, “What’s up?”

            Her hand moves to the end of her braid and fiddles nervously, running it between her fingers as she steps up to the counter. Her eyes are glassy, eyelids slightly puffy as though she’s been crying.

            “I was, um,” she scratches her nail along the edge of the counter, “I was wondering if we could visit Prim tonight.”

            Peeta can’t help the way his eyes widen. She hasn’t so much as hinted about visiting her sister since she’s been back, so it was just about the last thing he expected to hear now.

            “A-are you sure?” He reaches for her hand, stilling her fingers where they’re still picking at the counter.

            She shrugs, “If you’re busy, I can go on my own. I just thought it would be better for you to be there.”

            “No!” He says a bit too loudly, quickly pulling the papers off the counter and putting them away before she can change her mind about this, “No, I’m not busy. I’ll just close up early so we can get out there before the sun goes down.”

            Katniss gives him a silent nod and he hurries in back to make sure all the ovens are off for the night. Cleaning can wait for now.

            “Is that all you have to wear?” He nods at her, indicating the t-shirt from work that she’s still wearing. Peeta can see the tiny flakes of snow dusting through the sky outside and knows it’s far too cold for her to be walking around in only a tee-shirt.

            “Yeah,” she gives a wry smile and nods, “I didn’t think I’d be outside longer than it takes me to walk into the pub.”

            “Let me just grab you a jacket.” He says, hurrying upstairs and returning a few seconds later with one of his hooded sweaters, grabbing his own coat on his way out the door, “That’s the warmest thing I have. If you want my coat, you can have it, but you’ll swim in it.”

            Katniss shakes her head before quickly pulling the sweatshirt on, which she also swims in, but the elastic in the sleeves at least keeps them up on her arms.

            “It’ll be okay. It’s really not that cold out.” She assures him, pushing the bakery door, setting the small bell tinkling as Peeta switches the sign to closed and locks up, following her to the old, beat-up Taurus she has still managed to keep running even after all these years.

            The ride is quiet, save for the puttering engine and the Cher song on the radio playing softly in the background. It’s a short drive made longer by the silence between them. Peeta can feel Katniss tense with each passing moment though and by the time they pull into the small cemetery, her knuckles are white from clenching the steering wheel so hard.

            The silence in the car once she cuts the engine is stifling. His hand finds hers where they’ve come to rest in her lap and she looks up at him with a grateful glance, as though he ever could have left her to do this alone.

            “Are you ready?” He murmurs, brushing his thumb along hers, hoping it gives her some source of strength no matter how small.

            “No,” her voice is soft, timid, so very unlike her, “I don’t think I ever will be. I need to do this though.”

            Peeta nods and follows her lead as she steps out of the car, reaching for her hand once they meet up again before the make their way towards Prim’s grave. Her hand tremors in his, though how much is from the cold and how much is from the nerves it’s hard to say.

            Prim’s headstone is a small grey slab of stone perched under an old maple tree. In the summer it’s beautiful, but in the grips of winter, it looks lonely, abandoned, cold. Katniss pulls her hand from his and crosses her arms over her stomach as she walks a bit ahead of him.

            He hangs back just a bit, giving her a moment along with her sister after such a long separation, but he can still hear her intake of breath as she steps up beside the stone. The snow is starting to fall harder now, coating the brown grass in a powdery dusting. It doesn’t stop Katniss from settling onto her knees before the stone, placing a hand over Prim’s name etched there.

            Peeta walks up behind her as quietly as he can, but he’s certain she can still hear every step as his shoes crunch on the frozen grass. He kneels down beside her, putting an arm around her shaking shoulders.

            “Did you put them here?” She asks, staring at the small bouquet of yellow, silk primroses.

            “Yeah.” He answers simply, tightening his arm around her shoulders and drawing her closer to him, “When it got too cold for real ones, I got those. I didn’t like the way the real ones died so quickly in the cold.”

            “You never told me that you visited her.” She whispers, her fingers brushing gently over the cold headstone before she drops them to her lap. Peeta notices the tears streaking down her cheeks and leans in, resting his forehead against her temple.

            “I didn’t know how to bring it up. I was afraid it would upset you,” he admits, “I came every week while you were away.”

            She pulls her head away to look him in the eyes; her grey ones swimming with unshed tears as she quietly asks, “Why?”

            “I miss her too, Katniss.” Peeta answers, trying to fight against the wave of pain that washes over him thinking about Prim, “I owe her a lot- everything really. We were friends. I thought of her as a little sister.”

            Katniss reaches up, tangling her hands in his hair and pulling his head down to rest her forehead against his. She had never really thought about what Prim’s death meant to Peeta. She had noticed that they had grown closer and she knew they kept in touch even when Katniss and Peeta weren’t speaking. Katniss had chosen to try and heal alone, but she had never given Peeta a choice.

            “I’m sorry.” She mouths, sniffling both because of her tears and the cold shock of winter air that’s beginning to kick up as the sun goes down.

            “It’s over now.” He replies. He can’t deny that it was hard for him to deal with Prim’s death alone and Katniss’s leaving only added to it, “You know we owe her for getting back together? Both times really.”

            Katniss frowns. It had never really occurred to her, but he’s right, “She gave you that letter.”

            “She did. I honestly probably never would have spoken to you again if it wasn’t for that letter and Prim convincing me that it was all just one huge, stupid mistake.” Peeta chuckles softly, “She told me you loved me. She would visit every week, and eventually she convinced me to at least think about giving you another chance if the opportunity ever arose.”

            Katniss lets out something between a laugh and a sob, “Which it never did- until she insisted I buy her cheese buns on my way to the hospital. Damn her.”

            Peeta gives a choked laugh and Katniss notices for the first time that he’s crying as well as he reaches up to brush his thumbs over the wet streaks on her cheeks.

            “I would like to think you’d thank her for that now.” He jokes, earning a wobbly smile from Katniss.

            “I guess I would,” she agrees, a ghost of a smile flitting across her lips.

            “She told me not to give up on you. She made me promise.” He confesses. Katniss doesn’t think she’s ever seen his eyes so blue as they are right now, filled with tears.

            Katniss smiles weakly, “She made me promise to finally tell you I love you.”

            “She had it all figured out way before we got our shit together.” Peeta chuckles, but it sounds almost like he’s wheezing through his tears.

            “I still miss her every day.” Katniss wrings her hands together, a deep, painful frown etched into her face as though it’s permanent, “I don’t know why it had to be her, Peeta. She was so good.”

            He knows there isn’t any arguing with this. Prim was one of the few souls he has ever met who was truly good deep down in her very core. It was Prim who helped him make it through those years after Katniss left him. Prim brought them back together. Prim never gave up hope that Peeta and her sister could be together again, could be happy. Peeta can’t find any words and they fall into a long silence as the snow starts to come down more thickly, whirling around them in the wind that blows off the empty fields.

            “It should have been me,” Katniss whispers, reaching up to swipe at the fat tears escaping down her cheeks.

            “Don’t say that, Katniss,” Peeta says fervently, pulling her tightly to his chest, “She wouldn’t have wanted it that way; you know she wouldn’t.”

            “It just doesn’t seem right.”

            “I know. I know, sweetheart,” his fingers work tiny circles into the small of her back through his sweatshirt, “It was never going to be fair. Sometimes life just isn’t.”

            They sit there in each other’s arms for a long time, the sky slowly dimming as the sun sets behind the wall of grey snow clouds. It’s not until Katniss can’t feel her fingers anymore that she slowly stands, stumbling back down the hill with Peeta’s arm around her shoulders.

            He doesn’t ask to drive, simply plucking the keys from her pocket and settling her into the passenger’s seat. Neither one of them says anything on the ride home and Peeta cuts the engine in front of the bakery before Katniss finally speaks up.

            “Thank you,” she murmurs, staring at her still numb fingers folded in her lap, “For being there. Thank you.”

            “You never had to do any of this alone, Katniss.” He tells her softly, “I’ll always be here for you.”

            Her grey eyes are still swimming with tears when she looks up at him and reaches for his hand, “I want to be there for you too. I know I haven’t always, but I want to try.”

            He presses a chaste kiss to her forehead, “You are now. Come on. I’ll make some dinner before you head home.”

            They both exit the car and reach for each others hands once they walk around the vehicle, “I love you,” she reminds him quietly in the soft snowfall.

            “I know.” He assures her, his hand squeezing hers as the walk into the familiar warmth of the bakery.

 

 

**December 31, 2013**

            Katniss steps out of the bathroom, pulling nervously at the hem of the lacy overlay on her red dress. Peeta’s face breaks into a smile when he sees her, but she doesn’t notice, too busy fidgeting with her dress and then her hair and then her jewelry.

            “You look beautiful.” He tells her softly as he stands up from the old couch in her living room, brushing the creases from his slacks.

            Katniss glances up as though she forgot he was even here and rolls her eyes, “You always say that.”

            “Because it’s always true.” Peeta chuckles, circling her waist with his arms before leaning down to place a sweet kiss against her lips.

            “Do I really have to do this?” She whines, squirming in his grip.

            “No,” Peeta shakes his head, “You don’t, but you can’t be afraid of my mother forever, Katniss.”

            A pretty little scowl forms on her face, “I’m not afraid of her. I just don’t like her.”

            “Either way.” Peeta relents, “I’d really like it if you would go to the party with me. And Jack is dying to see you.”

            “Fine.” Katniss says with a heavy sigh, “But you’d better not leave me alone with her, Peeta. She’s awful.”

            Peeta simply nods, moving to guide her out to his waiting SUV. It had taken almost a week to convince her that she should come to his mother’s annual New Years Eve party. There are always dozens of people there and he presumes that will keep his mother busy most of the night with things other than Katniss’s presence. The girl beside him doesn’t seem so convinced though.

…

            “Katniss!” Jack’s voice calls from behind them two hours into the party. So far everything has gone smoothly. Katniss stuffed her face with the finger-foods lined along the walls of the parlor and everyone who has spoken with her has been civil.

            Her silver eyes light up as she turns around to see the oldest Mellark brother approaching. Beside him is a petite, strawberry-blonde wearing a smile to match his own.

            “Hi, Jack.” Katniss says with a smile, accepting the bear hug he offers.

            “How’s Peetie’s sweetheart doing?” The older man asks, reaching to elbow Peeta playfully.

            “I’m alright.” She answers easily and, for once, she really does mean it. The party is going better than she had expected it to, and although she still has her day-to-day issues, things seem to be settling down.

            “That’s great to hear.” Jack grins, tugging the girl’s hand beside him, “I wanted you to meet Savannah.”

            The petite girl smiles and reaches a hand out, which Katniss takes, “It’s so nice to finally meet you. Jack has told me so much about you.”

            Katniss smiles politely, but she hasn’t heard anything about Savannah. Jack steps in, recognizing Katniss’s lack of knowledge about the other woman, “Savannah and I met at work a few months ago. Peeta hasn’t had much of a chance to get to know her either.”

            Peeta looks like he’s about to start a conversation, but David Mellark steps into the room and spots his eldest and youngest son.

            “Peeta, Jack, will you two come and help me in the kitchen with the beignets?” Mr. Mellark calls from the doorway. Both men nod, Peeta giving Katniss a reassuring smile before following his brother into the kitchen.

            Savannah is a sweet, polite girl and makes easy conversation with Katniss. Savannah grew up in Seattle and moved here for work about three years ago. She’s fascinated to learn about Katniss’s major and they quickly fall into a conversation about possible opportunities for a girl from the Midwest with a knowledge of ecology.

            “Do you think you’ll ever finish your degree?” Savannah asks easily as she hands Katniss a glass of wine and takes one for herself from a tray passing by.

            “I-“

            “Oh, Savannah, don’t be silly. Jack must have mentioned to you how girls from the Seam can be.” A voice says from just over Katniss’s shoulder with false sweetness.

            Katniss turns even though she already knows exactly whose voice it is. Evelyn Mellark glances at Katniss with a disdainful look before turning her attention back to Savannah with a bright smile.

            “Katniss will be just like all the other girls from _that_ part of the town. She’ll never get a college degree like you,” Savannah’s jaw slackens slightly but Evelyn doesn’t stop, “I’m surprised she hasn’t already managed to get herself knocked up actually. She’s back now though, so the third time is a charm right, dear?”

            Katniss looks away, cheeks flushed, hands clenching at her sides in anger. Half of her wants to reach out and slap the matron of the Mellark family, but she knows Peeta would tell her it isn’t worth it. It would only prove Evelyn’s point that the Seam produces a lower caliber of people. Savannah at least has the decency to stay silent as Evelyn chuckles to herself.

            “I would never use Peeta like that,” Katniss mutters, still unable to meet the other women’s gazes.

            “But you already have, haven’t you?” She replies in a bitter tone, “First you ran off to college where I’m sure you slept with half the campus if you’re anything like your mother. Then you come back and expected him to take you back and do everything for you until you ran off again and left him behind! He’s a stupid boy but he’s my son and I won’t have you doing the same thing to him all over again!”

            Evelyn’s voice had been escalating with each word and by the last one, she is shouting loud enough to bring the rest of the party conversations to a standstill. Everyone is watching them now, staring at Katniss who is frozen in silence, too furious to form a coherent sentence and too ashamed to fight back. At the core, this is all about how much she hurt Peeta, and she knows Evelyn is right about that.

            “What’s going on?” David asks as he walks back into the room from the kitchen, Peeta and Jack following closely behind.

            Peeta doesn’t need anyone to explain though. The way Katniss refuses to look at him tells him all he needs to know. Making his way through the crowd, he steps up beside her and reaches for her hands, which she quickly slips behind her where he can’t touch them.

            “We were just teaching Savannah about the culture of Fairbury,” Evelyn answers easily.

            The back of Peeta’s neck flushes red almost instantly. He knows without Katniss saying so that his mother has been horrible again. Reaching a hand out to brush back a loose bit of hair, Peeta tilts her chin up so she is forced to look at him.

            “Please, whatever she said, you and I both know she’s wrong,” he pleads when he sees that she’s already shut down, her grey eyes closed off and removed as she stares up into his blue ones.

            “I- I don’t-“ Savannah stutters speechlessly. Peeta knows that she’s probably never seen this side of his mother. From what he understands, Savannah is the type of girl that Evelyn Mellark thinks is worthy of her sons.

            “And what culture would that be mother?” Peeta demands when Katniss still doesn’t respond, “The one where you think you’re better than everyone else because you have money?”

            “Peeta Mellark.” She warns, her lips pursing tightly, “Don’t you dare talk to me like that.”

            “I _will_ talk to you like that because you deserve it.” A quiet whisper runs through the crowd of guests watching the exchange.

            “I was only telling the truth!” She points a shaky finger towards Katniss who still hasn’t moved since Peeta spoke to her, “That girl has done nothing but hurt you since you started dating in high school. She’s worthless! What will she ever become without any degree? You deserve to get out of here Peeta; you’re a Mellark! She’ll be here the rest of her life, popping out the children of some poor, drunk schmuck who breaks his back just to make ends meet.”

            “Well, you know what mother?” Peeta spits, his ears turning red along with the rest of his face as he tries to contain a fury that has been building for the last eight years, “Katniss and I have done a lot to hurt each other over the years, but at least we still love each other unlike you and dad. I was just as much responsible for whatever suffering we’ve endured because I let it all happen without a fight-”

            “Peeta, stop.” Katniss squeaks softly, but it’s too late now. He’s already furious and this outburst has been coming for years.

            “She’s always loved me for whatever I am, which is more than you can say.” Peeta spits venomously, eliciting several shocked looks from around the room, “And now, we’re leaving so I wish everyone a Happy New Year and I’m sorry for interrupting the festivities.”

            Peeta grabs Katniss’s hand rather forcefully and drags her towards the door at a quick pace, but not before his mother manages to shout after them, “Has she even told you she loves you yet, or are you still just assuming, Peeta?”

            They climb silently into Peeta’s SUV and he drives them back to her dark, quiet house. It’s a long moment after he puts the vehicle in park and cuts the engine before he clears his throat.

            “I’m sorry she said that,” he pulls a hand roughly through his hair, “I really thought she would at least be a decent human being with everyone else around.”

            “She was right-“

            “No, she wasn’t!” Peeta cuts her off, his words full of fury and disappointment that Katniss would even give his mother’s words a second thought.

            “Hear me out, Peeta.” Katniss says softly, picking at the cuticle on her left thumb so she doesn’t have to look up at him, “It might not have been the nicest way of saying it, but I have hurt you. I’ve hurt you a lot. And where am I going really? Am I seriously going to be working as a bartender for the rest of my life?” She shrugs dejectedly, “You _do_ deserve more than that.”

            Peeta reaches for her hand and she doesn’t try to pull away when his warm fingers twine with hers, “I don’t want more than that. I love you and that’s all I need.”

            “Your mother will never be okay with that,” Katniss argues, but Peeta can see a smile tugging at her lips.

            “Fuck her.”

            She finally gives him a genuine smile and his heart starts to thud against his chest again, unfrozen from the fear that she was going to try and run again. His thumb rubs tiny circles into her hand for a minute as he basks in that beautiful smile that seems to make everything right in the world again.

            “Come on.” He says, tugging on her hand, “Let’s get you inside. It’s getting cold now that the engine’s off.”

            Peeta walks her up the front steps and waits while she unlocks the door, keeping a gentle hand pressed against her back as though to reassure himself that she’s still there. Katniss turns to him once the door swings open and she flips the lights on.

            “Peeta?” His blue eyes bore into her, causing her blood to race through her veins and the air suddenly seems much warmer than it did a few minutes ago.

            They haven’t slept with each other since that first day after she got back in town. Peeta wanted to take things slowly and while Katniss misses having sex with him, she realizes that this was something they needed. They needed to take time to learn how to trust each other again.

            Tonight she doesn’t want to see him leave though.

            “I do love you,” She murmurs, leaning up onto her toes and pressing a warm, gentle kiss to his lips, “I wanted you to know that for sure. I love you and I have for a very long time even though I couldn’t say it.”

            Something warms and softens in his blue eyes, making him appear that much gentler as he leans forward, pulling her to him in a kiss so deep that it makes her toes curl in her shoes as her fingers dig against his shirt.

            “I know.” He says breathlessly once they pull apart, “I love you too, Katniss. Happy New Year. I’m sorry tonight sort of sucked.”

            Peeta presses one last kiss to her forehead before turning to leave back down the stairs. Her heart begins to race and she realizes she desperately wants him to stay longer.

            “Peeta?” She calls after him before she realizes she’s thought it, “Will you stay?”

            He turns, a tiny frown creasing his brow, “Katniss, I don’t think I’m there yet.”

            “I know,” she nods quickly, “I just- I’m hungry still. Do you want to eat?”

            Peeta’s frown is quickly replaced by a grin as he pushes his hands into the pockets of his slacks and slowly makes his way back towards her, “Depends. Do you actually have anything to eat in the house?”

            She lets out a puff of air that turns to steam between them, “Of course I do. What are you insinuating, Mellark?”

            “Nothing at all,” he grins as he follows her into the warm interior of her house.

            “Sit.” Katniss orders as she pulls off the heels that are killing her feet, tossing them carelessly into the corner near the door, “I’ll cook.”

            Peeta arches an eyebrow as they walk into the kitchen, “This I have to see.”

            “Shut up!” She chides, swatting at his arm as he settles in at the table.

            Katniss pulls down the familiar blue box and sets a pot of water to boil before turning and catching a glimpse of the amused look on his face.

            “Macaroni and cheese?”

            Katniss rolls her eyes. She knows full well if they were at Peeta’s apartment he would make some delicious gourmet meal, but she attempts to defend herself anyway.

            “I need to buy groceries this week, first off,” she informs him evenly, “and secondly, this is Kraft _character_ macaroni and cheese, which everyone knows is, like, ten times better than regular.”

            Peeta shakes his head and laughs under his breath as Katniss pulls out a bottle of white wine that she opened the other night, pouring them both generous glasses.

            “Trying to get into my pants by getting me drunk, Everdeen?” He questions before taking a long swig.

            “Always.” She retorts with an impish smile before draining the pasta, mixing in the cheese powder, and pouring the entire pot into a big bowl.

            She digs out two forks and hands him one, letting Peeta take the first bite of her creation. He chews thoughtfully for a moment before humming appreciatively to himself.

            “So?”

            “You’re right.” He shovels another forkful into his mouth, “Characters do taste better.”

            “Told you.” Katniss says with a smile before digging in herself.

            Peeta finishes eating first, watching her quietly with a little smirk as she continues to shovel pasta into her mouth.

            “What?” She asks between bites, as his hand finds her knee rubbing the bare skin lightly.

            “How can you possibly eat that much?”

            Setting down her fork, Katniss glares at him, “I’m hungry.”

            Peeta laughs, reaching forward to catch a stray bit of cheese sauce on her lower lip, “I love it that you like to eat.”

            Suddenly, she becomes acutely aware of his hand now slowly trailing up her thigh, and she’s no longer interested in the giant bowl of pasta in front of her. She’s hungry for something else entirely. Slowly, she slides her way onto his lap so she’s straddling him and doesn’t waste any time in finding his lips for a heated kiss. She breathes in his moan as his hands find their way to her hips bunching up the red fabric of her dress as he presses her hips into his.

            Katniss gasps, pressing a hand against his chest to move away, “Peeta.”

            “Hmm?” His voice sends electricity rushing through her skin from where his lips are now pressed against her collarbone. She reaches down between their bodies, unfastening his belt before he seems to come back to consciousness, “What are you doing?”

            “What do you think?” She asks giving a cheeky grin as she continues to undo his pants, rubbing a hand against him.

            “Shit.” Peeta hisses, arching up against her.

            Leaning forward, she takes the swell of his bottom lip between her teeth, sucking gently at it as she weaves her fingers through his hair. Peeta’s hands tug at her hips, grinding her against his length with a friction that sends heat pooling between her legs.

            “Peeta,” she murmurs, scraping her nails down the front of his shirt as she slides off his lap and onto her knees in front of him. Peeta’s cock twitches as he watches her cheeks flush red before she quietly tells him, “I want to suck you off.”

            Peeta swears he must be dying the way his heart races when he looks at the smoldering heat in her grey eyes. His mind rushes with a thousand thoughts all fragmented together so he can’t form a complete sentence. He wants to tell her she doesn’t have to; that they probably shouldn’t. He wants to wrap his fingers in her hair and guide that pretty mouth over his length; he wants her to remind him that he’s hers. Her slender fingers tug at his pants, pulling them down past his hips when he lifts up from his seat.

            She forces herself to maintain eye contact as she licks the palm of her hand and takes the smooth length of his cock in her hand, biting back a smirk at the way his eyes roll into the back of his head.

            “Oh, shit, Katniss.” He hisses through clenched teeth as she leans in, licking the underside of his cock, licking at the small bead of precum once she reaches the head and letting her tongue flick over his slit lightly.

            She can’t contain the shivers that run through her spine as his fingers weave through her hair, pulling it loose from the braid she’d fastened it into earlier in the evening, his hand moving to palm the back of her head. Something about seeing him like this, so completely at her mercy, makes her wetter than she can recall ever being before.

            Peeta thinks he might be in heaven when her pink, little mouth descends over his length, encasing him in wet warmth that leaves him panting to catch his breath. His brain is melted, Peeta’s quite certain of it. But then those grey eyes look up at him, bobbing as she continues to move over his length, swirling her tongue over his head, he thinks he doesn’t mind melting if it’s because of her.

            “Katniss?” Peeta’s voice squeaks, barely recognizable as his own, and he doesn’t even know what he wants to ask her.

            She looks up at him and his heart stutters against his chest again. She lets out a low hum that sends splinters of pleasure coursing through his entire body. Peeta knows he’s only minutes away from exploding into a thousand pieces.

            He lets out a low, guttural, incoherent sound as his hips rise up to meet her mouth as she continues to suck, gliding her tongue over the hot, sensitive skin while her hand works at the base where her lips can’t reach. With her free hand, she suddenly reaches to gently tug at his balls, sending blinding, white stars bursting behind his eyelids.

            Peeta mutters a string of obscenities and words that neither of them understand as his cock swells. He tugs desperately at her hair, unable to voice in words that he’s about to come, but Katniss gives her head the tiniest shake, sucking at his head for good measure. Fire burns through his core, pulsing through his cock as Katniss swallows each spurt of semen, watching the way his face goes slack and his jaw drops in the throws of pure bliss.

            She waits until his muscles start to relax before she lets him go, tucking him neatly back into his slacks before crawling into his lap again, listening to his ragged breathing and watching his swollen lips still parted as though stuck midsentence.

            “I love you,” She murmurs, pressing her lips against the juncture of his jaw and his neck.

            Her words seem to summon him back to her. He blinks slowly, looking at the girl in his lap with fascination, wondering how in the world the night his mother almost ruined turned into this. His lips break into an easy smile as he wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her back to his chest, burying his nose against the messed brown braid that his fingers had been tangled in only moments before.

            “Katniss Everdeen,” he murmurs, pressing an open mouth kissed against the curve of her neck, “You will be the death of me one way or another. I swear.”

            She laughs quietly, quite pleased with herself for turning their New Years Eve around. His lips find her shoulder, his tongue brushing lightly over the soft, smooth stretch of skin.

            Her blood courses through her, burning at her veins, rushing through her ears in a hushed murmur, reminding her of everything Peeta’s touch can do to her without even trying. She lets her head fall back against his shoulder as his lips leave tiny, fluttering kisses over every inch of skin they can reach.

            His hands move slowly, sliding over the soft fabric of her dress, exploring her body as though he’s never felt it before. And maybe he hasn’t. She has changed so much since she returned home, since everything. His fingers probe, brush, caress everywhere they move. Katniss quickly loses herself in the feeling, the gentle touch, the simple knowledge that he wants her, maybe even needs her, as much as she does him.

            Peeta’s teeth nip at her neck as a hand reaches up, tilting her head to meet him in a kiss, one with a heat she’s missed, a slow, gentle burning. He doesn’t pull away when she breaks away from air, instead resting his forehead against hers, letting their noses brush. It’s a sweet moment, one Katniss wishes she could live in forever.

            He slides a hand over her thigh, his palm finding its way to the front of her panties. One brush against her gives enough friction to send her gasping, wiggling in his lap, lips parted, breath shaky.

            “Peeta, you shouldn’t,” Katniss murmurs, turning around to fully face him.

            His blue eyes meet hers, asking without words why one earth he should stop, but instead he jokes, “I owe you one.”

            She shakes her head, “No.”

            Pressing her palms to the curve of his jaw, Katniss stares at him for a long moment, “You don’t owe me anything. I broke the rules.”

            “Hmm,” Peeta sighs as she slides her hands back into his hair, her nails scratching gently at his scalp in the way she remembers he likes, “What rules?”

            She laughs gently, “The ‘taking things slow’ rule.”

            “Fuck that rule,” he growls, eyes turning dark as his pupils dilate.

            “I like that rule,” Katniss argues, then makes a face, “Well, maybe not ‘like’ but I think it’s worthwhile, Peeta. It’s been less than two months since I came home.”

            Peeta notices the flash of pain that darts through her grey eyes before she looks up at him again. He closes his eyes, letting out a deep breath, “You’re right. I should go.”

            Katniss climbs back to her feet, straightening out the overlay of her dress as he buttons and zips his pants as he stands. They make their way to the front door wordlessly, his fingers twined loosely with hers. She gives him a hesitant smile, which he returns brightly as he swings the door open on it’s old, creaky hinges.

            Just before he steps outside, Peeta tugs her hand, pulling her to him in a warm hug, one that smells of spices and earth.

            “I don’t want to go,” he murmurs into the hair at the top of her head.

            “Will you stay?” She asks softly, her words vulnerable as she murmurs them into his shirt.

            He doesn’t answer, merely guiding her a few steps backwards and locking the door behind him before walking beside her to her mother’s bedroom, which she has now claimed as her own. It’s easier to be in here than it was for her to rearrange her childhood room- the one she always shared with Prim.

            Peeta strips down to his boxer briefs as soon as Katniss starts digging through her dresser for pajamas. He slips under the covers and smiles, watching her slide out of her dress, appreciating the perfect curve of her ass before she pulls flannel shorts and an old t-shirt on.

            “C’mere.” He mumbles, pulling the covers up so she can join him, which she does without any hesitation, curling into his chest and tangling her legs with his.

            Katniss lets out a low, sweet sigh, one that sends his heart clenching. He’s missed this closeness more than he realized. She can’t remember any place she’s felt safer than she does in his arms.

            “I love you,” Peeta whispers once he thinks she’s already asleep, “I don’t think I could survive without you again.”

            He lets out a surprised noise when her hand reaches up to tangle in the hair at the nape of his neck, “I’ll never run from you again, Peeta. I promise.”

            Something releases inside of him as he drifts off to sleep beside her. They’re words he desperately needed to hear though he never consciously realized it. She’s staying. She promised this time. She’s not going to leave him. She loves him. And God knows, he loves her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is. The long awaited reunion. Thank you all so much for your support thus far. You all are wonderful readers and I adore hearing what you’re feeling and thinking. From here on out the story will progress into the future. Next chapter will most likely feature Darius, Johanna, and maybe even a little Thresh.   
> Also, I haven’t replied to reviews yet but I will be working on that now that this chapter is posted!


	7. Chapter 7 Growing Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Katniss and Peeta start growing back together. But it takes a tragedy to make them realize just how much they need one another to survive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry for how long this chapter took. Real life just got way out of hand. I hope you’ll find this worth the wait though! Also, I know I didn’t get to respond to most of the reviews on the last chapter, but you should all know I read each and every one and I appreciate them so much.

**February 20, 2014**

            Peeta pulls into the gravel drive, smiling at the sight of her beat-up car parked crooked in the small space. Her mother used to reprimand her all the time for taking up the entire driveway with the tiny sedan.  Usually no one is around to mind anymore, so Katniss doesn’t make any effort when she gets home late from Abernathy’s Pub.

            He makes due now, parking halfway on the brown, frozen grass of the front yard. She’s not expecting him tonight. He’d planned on joining his family for dinner, something Katniss politely but adamantly refused to take part in, but his mother unexpectedly cancelled, apparently having caught the flu or some other bug.

            As he approaches the house, he can already hear the music blaring loudly from inside. It’s the classic radio station, the one that the Everdeen sisters have always insisted on listening to, even after several top 100 stations became available in the tiny town. He doesn’t see the point in knocking since he’s pretty sure Katniss will never be able to hear him over the poppy beat permeating the air.

            The door is unlocked. It almost always is. Once the door is open he can hear her, the sweet notes of her voice bringing a thrill to his spine. He hates that she’s so shy about singing and wishes Katniss would sing to him every day. Somehow her voice transforms the music and makes his heart stutter. She’s magnificent; there’s no other way of describing her.

 

_It’s a sacrifice working day to day_

_For little money just tips for pay_

_But it’s worth it all_

_Just to hear them say that they care_

            He finds her in the kitchen, her hips swaying in that overly dramatic way that people do when no one is watching. Damn does he love those yoga pants. His eyes are drawn to the soft curve of her ass, the narrow taper of her waist. Peeta bites his bottom lip to keep from laughing as she swings the washcloth in her hand, sending bubbles flying across the kitchen as the refrain starts up. In his opinion, Katniss doesn’t have enough of these types of moments. The greater part of her life has been too serious to allow for such a carefree girl. But that makes Peeta love these rare moments all the more.

 

_She works hard for the money_

_So hard for it honey_

            She does a cute little shimmy and her braid swings around her shoulders as she continues belting out the lyrics. Peeta can’t bring himself to interrupt her little show, so he leans against the wall, arms crossed over his chest, an amused grin spreading its way across his lips. He can’t take his eyes off of her, his heart thudding elatedly against his chest. He’s convinced he will never get his fill of her and he doesn’t regret it one bit.

 

_She works hard for the money_

_So you better treat her right_

 

            She spins as the song winds up, her yellow polka dot socks allowing her to turn slickly on the tiled floor. It’s not until Peeta’s applause breaks the silence that Katniss actually notices him standing there. Her eyes widen and her cheeks flush almost instantly.

            “Peeta!” Her voice is hardly a squeak as she reaches up to tuck a loose bit of hair behind her ear.

            He grins brightly, pushing off the wall and sauntering over to her as another song starts up on the radio, “Don’t stop now. I was enjoying the show.”

            Her cheeks flush even brighter, though it seems impossible, as Peeta steps forward, his hands finding her hips, “I love watching you like this.”

            “What?” She asks shyly, her hands resting on his biceps as he leads them in a slow dance together, “Dirty? I haven’t showered yet today.”

            “Carefree.” He replies simply, lowering his head to nuzzle his nose against her neck, “And in these pants.” His hands slide back to cup her ass, eliciting a delighted shiver from her. Katniss tries to hide her smile, but fails quite miserably.

            “I love these pants.” Peeta murmurs before placing a gentle kiss against her neck.

            She snorts softly, the puff of air tickling the downy curls at the back of his neck, and his heart swells against his chest. He’s loved her since they were children but having her so close, wrapped in his arms, still never gets old.

            “What are you doing here?” She inquires after they’ve made several circles in the tiny kitchen, “I thought you had a family thing.”

            Peeta straightens up so his eyes find those beautiful silver rings he’s so fond of, “Mom had to cancel. She’s not feeling well.”

            Katniss nods, reaching up to wrap her hands around his neck, burying her fingers in the soft curls of blond hair, “I can’t say I feel too badly about that.”

            “No need to. She’ll get over it and reschedule another time.” Peeta smiles before pressing his lips lightly to hers, “I thought we could do a date night.”

            Katniss arches an eyebrow, “I have to shower.”

            He chuckles, “I thought maybe it could be a date night in. I’ll go pick up whatever food sounds good and I can rent a movie on the way-“

            A knock sounds at the backdoor quickly followed by the sound of squeaking hinges.

            “Catnip,” the deep, masculine voice calls as footsteps make their way into the kitchen, “I brought the booze. You’d better have a deck of cards. We’re having an impromptu poker night…”

            Gale’s excitement trails off when he catches sight of the scene in the kitchen. Disappointment washes over him and he scuffs a shoe at the floor. There are still remnants of snow on the treads indicating that he most likely walked through the fields between their houses in order to get here.

            “Ah, damn.” He mutters, setting two six packs on the table, the bottles clinking softly as he does, “I should have called first.”

            Peeta loosens his grip around her waist and steps away, her hands falling from his hair with a shy smile, “It’s alright.” She assures her oldest friend.

            Gale shakes his head, “We’ll just do it another time-“

            “No you won’t.” Peeta argues. They’ve maintained a tentative friendship since everything with Prim happened. The way Peeta was there for Katniss and the entire Everdeen family earned a lot of respect in Gale’s book. Peeta can tell something’s bothering the other man now. Gale needs his best friend tonight and Peeta isn’t going to deny him that so he can have a movie night with Katniss. There will be other nights for just the two of them.

            “You’re going to call up Thom and whoever else and I’ll go to the store for more supplies. We’ll make a night of it.”

            Something sparks in Gale’s eyes at his offer, a newfound admiration in his gaze.

            “You sure?” Gale’s gaze flicks between the couple before him.

            Katniss nods with a knowing smirk, “Need a night away from the wife?”

            Gale laughs, pulling out a beer and popping the top, “I love her, but she’s driving me crazy trying to decide between eggshell or butter cream for the baby’s room. I told her they looked exactly the same and she told me she would appreciate an empty house for the night.”

            Katniss shakes her head ruefully and Peeta laughs, clapping the other man on the back as he heads out to the grocery store for junk food and to give Gale time to vent to the other Seam child.

            Two hours later, Peeta is a little buzzed and not at all getting the hang of poker. It doesn’t help that he has just about the worst poker face known to man. Katniss dropped out of the pool for a round in order to give him some pointers and her chin now rests on his shoulder so she can see his hand, her arms wrapped around his waist.

            He ups the ante and Katniss chuckles, her fingers caressing his abdomen, right around his navel, making it extremely difficult to concentrate even if he did know what he was doing. Her lips brush his ear when she whispers, “You’ll lose all your money betting like that.”

            A growl escapes from deep in his throat, “Maybe it’s the little devil on my shoulder distracting me.”

            She presses her lips to the skin just behind his ear, causing his cock to twitch traitorously. Her hands drift lower under the table and she knowingly cups the growing bulge in the front of his jeans. His eyes roll back into his head as her touch sends sparks of pleasure shooting through his groin.

            “Hey!” Thom calls from across the table while he takes a swig of beer, “You two stop playing hanky-panky under the table and pay attention. How am I supposed to win all your money if you’re too busy getting off?”

            Peeta’s cheeks flush but Katniss just laughs, straightening up and heading to the kitchen for more Doritos. Peeta worries that one day Gale and Thom might show their protective sides and decide to give him a beating, but tonight doesn’t look to be that night as he goes all in and the two other men nod appreciatively.

            The sooner he ends this game, the sooner he gets to be alone with Katniss again.

 

 

**March 13, 2014**

 

            “Hey, Katniss, looking good.” Andrew calls from the front counter of the bakery as she walks in.

            She rolls her eyes, “I feel like an idiot,” she replies, spreading a hand over the pale, pink, tea-length dress that Madge bought for her and insisted she wear, claiming that she would live vicariously through Katniss since her belly is now too swollen to even contemplate fitting into a dress like this.

            Today is the baby shower and it’s being held at this little teahouse a few towns over. Katniss has never attended a tea party before and she’s pretty sure she has absolutely no desire to start now, especially if it involves wearing a dress like this.

            The dress is pretty enough she supposes, but it just feels strange, like she’s trying to impress a bunch of rich, older women, which she supposes she is since most of Madge’s family will be there. In all honesty, Katniss figures that’s really why she’s in a bad mood about all of this. She couldn’t be more thrilled for Gale and Madge but she hates trying to socialize with the wealthier residents of Fairbury, especially after the New Year’s Eve debacle.

            “Well, you look hot,” Andrew grins, “Very ‘Upper East Side.’”

            Katniss gives him a skeptical look as she makes her way around the front counter, “Do you even know what that means?”

            Andrew shrugs and laughs but doesn’t argue. He knows about as much about fashion as Katniss and they are both well aware of it. She rolls her eyes, pushing through the doorway into the kitchen where Peeta has the radio playing while he ices cupcakes with a gentle bob of his head.

            He doesn’t hear the door swing shut so she takes advantage, carefully sneaking up behind him, wrapping her arms around the narrow taper of his waist. Jumping slightly, he chuckles before letting out a deep hum of approval from the back of his throat.

            Katniss leans up on her toes and manages to perch her chin on his shoulder, “Hi.”

            “Hey.” His greeting is raspy and she can hear the smile in his voice as she presses her lips to the curve of his neck

            Her lips brush the shell of his ear when she asks, “If I blow off this baby shower, do you think Gale would hate me forever?”

            “Probably not forever,” Peeta admits, “But if he’s anything like you he can hold a grudge for a long time.”

            Katniss unwraps her arms from him, giving him a playful shove, “Rude.”

            Peeta chuckles anyway as he leans over the cupcakes again, deftly placing the finishing touches on the frosting. They are beautiful, all yellows and greens- Madge and Gale decided they wanted the sex to be a surprise just like the baby was.

            “But seriously, why don’t you want to go?” Peeta questions after a long moment as he reaches to switch out the bag of green frosting for a pale yellow one.

            “You mean besides the fact that your mother and all her dearest friends will be there?”

            He gives a little snort that makes Katniss smile while he shakes his head, his messy curls falling into his eyes as he continues piping frosting, “Don’t they usually do assigned seating or something at these sorts of things? Just don’t sit by my mother and you’ll be fine.”

            Katniss rolls her eyes. If only avoiding Evelyn Mellark could be that easy.

            “Besides, you’re going so you can support Madge, right?” He tilts his head just enough so one blue eye meets hers, finding the deep scowl on her face and smiling in response.

            “Yes.” She grumbles reluctantly, reaching out and swiping a finger through the frosting on the cupcake nearest to her like a petulant child. Peeta watches her with an amused gaze but he doesn’t say anything.

            Once her finger is licked clean of the green and yellow confection she arches an eyebrow, “Aren’t you going to reprimand me?”

            Peeta chuckles with a shake of his head before turning back to the task before him, “You think I didn’t make extra just so you could eat some before the party? I’ve known you forever, Katniss. I know you can’t resist food when it’s sitting right in front of you.”

            “Ass.” She retorts, but picks up the already ruined cake and peels the wrapper off. Peeta laughs heartily as he tops off the final cupcake and turns to the sink to wash away all the excess sugar that made its way up his arms.

            Katniss is still stuffing her mouth full of the delicious, vanilla treat when he pulls his apron over his head, leaving him dressed in his favorite, holey jeans and worn white t-shirt. She eyes him as she chews thoughtfully, admiring the way the soft cotton pulls tightly across the span of his shoulders. She loves that shirt.

            And suddenly it’s there again, the heat that never really seems to go away, at least not lately. She wants him. More than almost anything, Katniss wants to be with him, but he’s not there yet and she doesn’t want to push him. She owes him that much at least; to give him time to sort through everything she’s put him through.

            But the look he gives her now makes her wonder if he isn’t done figuring things out. Peeta doesn’t speak as he approaches her, rounding the counter where he’d been bent over, frosting cupcakes only moments earlier. His eyes darken as their pupils take over, his breath unsteady in his chest. He wants her closer. They’ve been too far apart for too long.

            Her heart skitters against her chest like an excited child, one who’s been told she can have that very thing she’s wanted most for ages now. His hands find her waist, bunching the soft, pink fabric beneath his palms as he tugs her body to his. He really doesn’t need to pull her closer, truth be told, because their bodies are like magnets, but Katniss doesn’t mind the initiative anyway. He guides her wordlessly away from the counter where he’d been working to a clean one along the wall of the room.

            She moves smoothly, letting his hands guide her as his lips find her neck, sucking softly in that way that turns her knees to jelly. Her squeak of surprise earns a throaty chuckle from him when he lifts her onto the counter. Her fingers tangle against his curls, forcing his lips away from her skin so she can meet them with her own.

            Peeta lets out a deep groan, his fingers digging into her hips as he sucks her bottom lip between his teeth. She whimpers involuntarily, her nails scratching gently against his scalp, her legs wrapping around his hips to pull him closer.

            His breath comes in short puffs against her skin as his hands begin to roam over her curves, a thumb brushing her nipple through the soft fabric of her dress, a palm cupping her ass. All the while his lips show her no mercy, not that she’s asking for any while his tongue dances against her own, her breath and his becoming one. She’s made of molten lava, being molded by a man made of fire himself.

            She isn’t truly aware of his hands until one is suddenly brushing against the thin, white panties she’d donned this morning. She cries out at his touch but his lips are there, swallowing the sound before it has a chance to make it into the world. In another moment, his fingers push the material aside, slightly cold as they probe against the heat of her folds, already wet from Peeta’s earlier attentions.

            His thumb finds the bundle of nerves as though there’s some internal compass guiding him even though he’s blind with her dress still draped over her. She moans when he presses small circles against the throbbing skin. His touch is feverish, hurried, like  there might never be enough time in the world for this. Her entire body is charged with electricity at his touch, her fingers tingling with need. Katniss knows she’s not far off; with Peeta she never is.

            Her hips thrust against him as he presses two fingers inside of her. He growls somewhere deep in his chest as he leans back just far enough so their eyes can meet, thin blue rings against boundless pools of want, “Katniss.”

            It’s one word, low and breathless, but it sends a shiver through her spine as her body works itself against his hand, seeking release under his doting watch. He uses his free hand to slide her hips into a slightly different angle and suddenly she’s seeing stars, falling apart around him, holding onto him for dear life in hopes that she won’t fly away.

            “Peeta.” She moans softly against the white cotton shirt she had been admiring only minutes earlier.

            He presses his lips to her temple, holding her tightly to his chest as they both regain what composure they can. He lets out a breathy chuckle before admitting, “I’ve been wanting to do that for weeks.”

            Katniss smiles against his neck, breathing in the scent of sugar and vanilla that laces his skin along with the musky scent underneath it all that is simply Peeta.

            “Why didn’t you?” She questions, laughter dancing in her words while she weaves her fingers in his hair.

            He shrugs because no other answer would be honest. For weeks now he’s been trying to decide how to advance their relationship again. He’s been running over every possibility he could think of to take that step forward, but nothing seemed right.

            “So you wait to get me off until I have a baby shower to be at in a half hour?” She laughs. Her underwear are ruined of course, but this wouldn’t be the first time she’s gone commando because of Peeta Mellark. His timing is impeccable it seems.

            “I couldn’t resist you anymore.” He mutters, his words tickling her neck as he turns to kiss the skin again, still buzzing with the afterglow of her climax.

            Katniss hums, pressing herself closer to him. Now she really wants to blow off this party but that’s going to be difficult seeing as she’s the one bringing the cupcakes.

            His fingers glide against the smooth skin of her thighs while he peppers her skin with sweet kisses. She doesn’t hesitate to wrap her legs around him again, her lips finding his collarbone and nipping the way that always drives him wild.

            “Oh for the love of- damn it, Peeta!” Andrew’s voice jars the couple apart as it echoes through the kitchen.

            Katniss turns to find Andrews cheeks flushed red, his gaze ducked and glaring at Peeta’s feet.

            “I’m getting pretty sick of walking in on you humping Katniss every five minutes.” Andrew fumes, “The least you could do is give me some kind of signal so I know not to come in!”

            “It’s not every five minutes!” Peeta argues meekly, shuffling his feet uncomfortably, the tips of his ears tinged a bright red.

            “It could have been worse.” Katniss murmurs with a smirk as she wiggles her way off the counter and gathers up the boxes of cupcakes that Madge will be expecting, “Just be glad you didn’t come in a few minutes earlier.”

            Andrew groans, pressing his palms to his eyes with a grimace, “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that. I don’t think that image can ever be erased from my mind.”

 

…

 

            “Awww!”

            “It’s so tiny!”

            “It’s adorable.”

            Katniss thinks an axe to the head would be preferable to this. Madge has been opening pastel colored gifts for over an hour now and it looks as though the pile hasn’t even been touched. Meanwhile Evelyn Mellark has been glaring daggers into her back since she stepped through the door of the quaint little teahouse. 

            This kind of thing was never for her. Prim would have eaten this shit up, but it all seems excessive to Katniss. Why is it necessary to dress up and moon over a pregnant woman who is most likely miserable with swollen feet? Plus, all they had to eat were these dainty tea sandwiches so now she’s fucking starving. Katniss pops another one of the tiny pastel mints from a crystal bowl that decorate each table into her mouth. She’s powered through about half of the dish all on her own.

            If this weren’t for Gale and Madge, Katniss would have booked it out of here in three seconds flat, right after she tossed her gift in the pile and delivered the cupcakes to the kitchen. Madge is – for lack of a better cliché – glowing. She seems truly happy, even when the older women at the party all feel compelled to rub her belly.

            Katniss is just dazing off, remembering her not-so-boring visit with Peeta this morning, when she hears her name murmured across the room. The voice is one she’ll never forget, followed by a disdainful scoff.

            “Peeta would love to have children. He’s almost twenty five now, you know.” Evelyn’s voice carries from across the room despite her lowered tone. Katniss has every suspicion that it’s not a coincidence, “She’s the problem. He’s probably terrified that as soon as she gets knocked up she’ll run off again. Peeta’s too sensitive to be caught up in some stupid custody battle and he’d give her anything she demanded. She’d suck him dry the second she could claiming everything for child support.”

            The other women at the table click their tongues and make noises of disapproval. All the while Katniss’s cheeks flush red with disgust. How could anyone believe that she’d use Peeta like that?

            “Peeta’s just so caught up in her he can’t even see.” Evelyn continues fuming, “She’s draining the life right out of him. She’s just low-bred trash and he deserves so much more than that.”

            “How about I open the rest of these after desert?” Madge calls out suddenly in a sweet voice and giggles before adding, “I’m absolutely starving.”

            The crowd of guests laughs good-naturedly as they turn back into their small circles at their respective tables. Madge waddles over to join Katniss after waving a server over and letting them know to bring out the cupcakes.

            “You didn’t have to do that.” Katniss mumbles, stuffing another handful of mints in her mouth as she eyes the blond woman. They both know that Madge would have been quite content continuing to open gifts. Katniss doubts there was anyone in the room who wasn’t listening to Evelyn’s conversation.

            “She’s a horrible woman, Katniss.” Madge assures her in hushed tones, “The only reason she’s here is because she’s part of Mama’s Ladies League.”

            “Do you think she could be right though?” She questions softly, picking at the ruffled doily in the center of the table, “Do you think Peeta’s ready to have kids and I’m just holding him back?”

            Madge frowns, displeased that Katniss even needs to ask, “No! Are you kidding me? You and Peeta work, okay? Neither one of you is holding the other back. It’s like you two are meant to be together.”

            Katniss rolls her eyes, “I think that’s the hormones talking.”

            “Probably.” Madge agrees as the server sets a cupcake down in front of her. She immediately begins to dig in, “But that doesn’t mean I’m not right.”

                       

 

**April 26, 2014**

            “Did you bring the Grey Goose with you?” Haymitch questions from behind the bar where he’s actually taking inventory of the liquor along the back wall for once. Usually that job falls into Katniss’s lap around the time she figures out half of the bottles are practically empty.

            She rolls her eyes, setting down several boxes of assorted bottle of beer that she was planning to restock in the refrigerators, “You couldn’t have asked me that before I went in back?”

            He gives a grunt and a half-hearted shrug before turning back to the array of bottles before him. Katniss shuffles over and pulls the list he’s compiled out from under his hand and makes a mental note of which liquors she’ll need to grab on the next round.

            She might not have noticed anything was amiss if there hadn’t been a pause in the overhead music as the next song started up. As it is, during the unexpected silence, she hears the first hints of a siren. The sound brings a frown to her face. Normally Fairbury is a quiet, sleepy town. It barely even has a fire and police station, both of which are housed in the same building.

            Haymitch notices her pause and looks up, “What?” He asks, clearly not as concerned about the foreign noise as she is.

            “Don’t you hear that siren?” She questions, shuffling nervously from one foot to the other. She’s been nervous around the sounds ever since she lost her father. It sets her on edge, “What do you think it is?”

             He shrugs with apparent disinterest but begins to absently clean a glass that Katniss knows for a fact she cleaned only a few minutes earlier. She turns back to the list again, preparing to go in back and retrieve the necessary bottles.

            When several sets of flashing lights zoom past the dusty front window, Katniss immediately gives up any pretense of working, going to the front door and sticking her head out in the chilly spring air to see where the vehicles are going.

            “You’re letting in the cold air with all your nosing around.” Haymitch calls from where he’s still planted next to the counter.

            “Shut up.” Katniss retorts, “I know you want to know what’s going on too.”

            It’s the fire department ambulance and the sole, small fire truck that the town possesses, both of which come to a stop a few blocks down the road. It takes her a minute to realize which building they’ve stopped in front of and another long minute to notice the clouds of black smoke rising up from the building, pouring into the street. The sight sends her heart plummeting to her toes.

            “It’s the bakery!” She shouts but she’s not sure whether Haymitch hears her or not since she’s already well out the door and running down the sidewalk.

            By the time she makes it to the front of the building, the EMTs are already wheeling a stretcher out of the storefront.

            “Peeta?” Katniss shouts frantically, pressing past the crowd passersby who have congregated to investigate the crisis at the bakery. She doesn’t hesitate to elbow everyone out of her way, breaking through the bodies just in time to catch a glimpse of Mr. Mellark, an oxygen mask over his face, being loaded into the back of the ambulance.

            “Katniss,” a voice calls out hoarsely, the word bouncing around inside her head strangely, claiming her attention as she looks up into a set of blue eyes that aren’t Peeta’s. Andrew makes his way over to her, tears welling in his eyes as he wordlessly takes her hand and pulls her toward his car, “There was an accident- some short in the ovens. Dad- he’s- he-“ His words crack as his mind searches for the words to explain what has happened, “They say there was a blast. That’s how everything went up in flames so fast. Dad’s got burns a-and they say he inhaled a lot of smoke.”

            “Where’s Peeta?” She asks frantically, her voice tight as she pulls against Andrew’s grip, already turning to head back towards the smoking building, “Is he alright?”

            Andrew nods fervently, features blank, eyes wide, clearly still in shock as he looks back at the blue façade of the bakery now marred by soot as the volunteer firefighters make their way through the building, ensuring the entire fire is out, “He wasn’t working today. He was meeting with a new supplier a few towns over.”

            Katniss breathes a sigh of momentary relief before guilt instantly washes over her for feeling this way when Mr. Mellark is clearly injured, “What about you?”

            Andrew’s blue eyes find hers but he doesn’t speak.

            “Are you alright?” She asks, reaching a hand out to run over his arm.

            He swallows thickly, his throat bobbing as he does before giving a short nod, “Fine. I just stopped in to help Dad close up. I called 911 as soon as I opened the door and there was all the smoke.”

            He bows his head as he shoves a hand in the pocket of his pants, searching for the set of keys that jangle somewhere. His trembling hands fumble with the keys to the Ford pickup he’s driven for years, cursing under his breath when he drops them and they skitter across the pavement. He bends to reach for them but Katniss beats him to it, scooping them up and placing a hand on his shoulder. She’s stunned, but as she looks into Andrews’s wide eyes, she knows they’re better off if she’s behind the wheel.

            “Let me drive, Andrew.” She pleads softly, “You’re too shaken up to be safe driving.”

            He nods mutely, proving her right simply by his easy agreement, walking around to the passenger’s side. They settle into the car, both buckling their seatbelts in silence as Katniss turns the key in the ignition. Suddenly, Andrew’s eyes fix on her, wide and terrified, as the thought finally occurs to him, “Oh God, Katniss, he needs to know. Peeta needs to know. They all do.”

            Katniss nods as she pulls onto the road and heads in the direction of the nearest hospital, the same one that she had taken Prim to a hundred times, “You call everyone while I drive. By the time we get there, they’ll already be on the way.”

            Several taps on his phone later, Andrew informs first Peeta, then Jack, and finally his mother of the fire. His voice cracks and trembles but he somehow manages to make sure everyone is informed before hanging up. She’s not sure how she remains so calm as she drives the familiar path. Maybe it’s because this is so familiar, because she’s been through this more than a dozen times before when Prim was still alive.

            The ride is silent save for the occasional sniffle from Andrew’s side of the car. Katniss doesn’t know what to say, what comfort she could provide at a time like this. She settles for silence, remembering how sometimes silence was the only comfort she could find when Prim was especially sick.

            Andrew jumps out of the car almost before it pulls to a stop in front of the ER entrance. Katniss promises she’ll meet him inside once she finds a place to park but she doubts that matters much to him at this point. He rushes through the sliding doors and disappears around a corner before she pulls out of the circle drive.

            When she finally makes her way inside, a nurse at the desk informs her that David Mellark was transferred to the ICU. A confusing twist of directions leads her up to the second floor, outside of a grey room full of beeping, clicking, hissing machinery.

            Andrew is settled next to the bed, head resting in his hands, shoulders tense. He glances up, offering a weak attempt at a smile when he hears Katniss walk through the doorway.

            “What did they say?” She asks, looking to the man in the bed who up until today was always the rock that held the Mellark family together. Her chest throbs painfully when she thinks about how devastated Peeta must be.

            “The burns weren’t so bad. It’s the carbon monoxide poisoning they’re worried about.” Andrew replies softly, as though the words might shatter the delicate balance that his father is currently in.

            His blue eyes gather tears as he looks at the man who has been his idol for years, “They think the initial blast from the short knocked him out or something. They’re not really sure yet.”

            “Andrew,” Katniss reaches for his hand and gives it a squeeze, “it’s going to be okay. Your dad is one of the strongest men I know.”

            “I hope so.” His voice cracks and he swallows against the tremors that run through the rest of his body, shaking the hand she’s holding, “He has to be okay. He has to.”

            There isn’t much left to say as they wait for the rest of the Mellarks to arrive. Katniss wishes she could do something, anything, to ensure that Mr. Mellark would be okay, but she’s experienced the hospital enough to know that that task is better left for the nurses and doctors that filter in and out of the room, checking machines and numbers.

            The sun has long set by the time Peeta walks into the room, face blanched of any color it normally holds, hands stuffed deep into the pockets of his black slacks. He’s wearing the forest green shirt that is Katniss’s favorite with the top button undone and the tie pulled loose.

            “Dad.” He murmurs reaching out to hold the limp hand wrapped in gauze at his father’s side. Katniss stands, moving silently to his side. From this close she can watch as the tears well in his eyes and spill over, they don’t stray from his father’s form though, not even as he reaches out to her and pulls her to his chest.

            His arms grip her tightly to him, so much so that it’s nearly painful, but she simply pulls closer, hoping that in being near him she can take away some of the fear and pain she knows he’s feeling now.

            Jack and Evelyn arrive not long after Peeta and for once Katniss doesn’t feel the burn of the older woman’s eyes on her back every time she moves. A doctor who looks as though he’s older than the hospital itself steps in for a quick minute once he sees the entire family has gathered.

            It’s a situation far too familiar to Katniss and it makes her stomach churn uncomfortably. She hates being back in this hospital again after so long and she half expects the old man to have the same voice as Dr. Aurelius. Holding her breath, she waits for the news that they discovered David Mellark has cancer and his time is marked.

            The doctor doesn’t say that though. Of course he doesn’t, but that doesn’t make the news much better.

            “He took in a lot of carbon monoxide while he was still in the building unfortunately. Now the EMTs got the oxygen on him quickly and his levels are going back down, but he still has a lot of it in his system. During that time, his brain was deprived of the oxygen it needs. Right now we just need to wait and see what happens.”

            “Will he wake up?” Evelyn asks in a voice far more vulnerable than Katniss has ever heard before.

            The doctor purses his lips in a tight line, a habit that Katniss quickly learned means they’re uncomfortable answering the question.

            “I can’t say for certain.” He answers softly, glancing sympathetically at all the worried faces in the room, “All signs point to yes, but it’s hard to say. There’s so much about the human brain that can’t be predicted. I do think he’ll wake up. When that will be and how functional he’ll remain, I don’t know.”

            “Functional,” Jack repeats it like it’s a dirty word, “What do you mean by that? He’s going to be a vegetable or something?”

            “Again, it’s impossible to predict with any certainty. He might have some brain damage from the carbon monoxide poisoning something we call acute hypoxia because he didn’t get oxygen like he needed.”

            The room is spinning. Her heart has suddenly frozen. Her stomach has been forced into a knot and her legs turned to stone. At least, that’s what it feels like to her. Katniss supposes Peeta probably feels something similar at the news. His tears have dried, but his face is wiped blank, something Katniss finds far more disturbing than crying. Peeta has never been one to hide his emotions.

            Jack, always the planner of the family, begins organizing a schedule between Evelyn and the brothers so that someone will be at the hospital during visiting hours each day. Peeta nods when spoken to but otherwise his dead eyes never leave his father’s face.

            “Peet, are you good to take tomorrow then?” Jack finally asks once he and Andrew settle on a schedule for the rest of the week.

            Peeta’s blue eyes snap away from his father to meet with a similar, though not as vivid set, “Yeah. Yeah, that’s fine. It’s not like I have work.”

            The room falls silent except for the beeping of the heart monitor and hiss of oxygen. Katniss reaches for his hand and his cold, stiff fingers twine firmly with hers, holding on for dear life.

            “We should get going.” She murmurs softly, using her free hand to brush at the curled, yellow locks that have fallen into his face, “Visiting hours are almost over and you need some rest before we come back here tomorrow.”

            “I can’t.” He whispers, his voice childlike and weak, “I can’t just leave him-“ His voice cracks and he can’t finish.

            “Hush, Peeta.” She whispers against his ear, fully aware that his family is watching the two of them from only feet away, “It’s not going to do your dad any good if you wear yourself ragged. He’s not going anywhere tonight. The nurses would say if he was.”

            Peeta stands slowly and Katniss climbs to her feet as well, allowing him a minute to say goodnight to his father before he bids goodbye to the rest of his family.

            “Where are you going to stay?” Evelyn asks coolly from her seat near the corner of the room when he informs them that he’s leaving for the night.

            It’s a point that Katniss hadn’t even thought of until now. She’d automatically assumed he would be coming home with her simply because she didn’t think he’d want to be alone. It didn’t really occur to her that he no longer has a home to return to until the fire department and insurance company give the okay for him to live above the bakery again.

            “With me.” Katniss answers gently, wrapping an arm around his waist and turning towards the door, “You can call if you need anything.” For once in her life, Evelyn Mellark doesn’t make a scene and lets the couple leave in silence.

            Katniss, never one to dislike silence, is ready to rip her hair out by the time she pulls Peeta’s SUV into her driveway a half hour later. He hasn’t said a word since they left the hospital and he’s still staring out the passenger window at the blanket of darkness over the surrounding countryside.

            “Peeta, come on.” She says softly, letting herself out of the car and crossing over to his side so she can tug gently at his hand and lead him inside.

            Gathering her pajamas, she shuffles into the bathroom to change and wash her face. Suddenly her entire body feels heavy, worn, old, like she’s been through this one too many times. When she returns, the room is still dark and Peeta has settled himself on the bed- his side of the bed- but he hasn’t bothered to lay down, his hands clasped tightly in his lap as he stares down at the ground.

            “Peeta.” She whispers, but he doesn’t look up. He doesn’t move a muscle.

            She walks over to him and he gives a heavy sigh. It’s the only response she gets showing that he’s still alive and he knows she’s there. It’s no use trying to talk to him when he’s like this, lost somewhere inside his mind, so she reaches out, running her fingers through the soft curls of his hair.

            Peeta shudders at her touch as she scratches her nails gently against his scalp and he leans forward, letting his forehead come to rest in the shallow valley between her breasts. He pries his fingers from one another and wraps his arms around her thighs, pulling her close to him and holding on like a toddler does when faced with separation from his mother. Katniss never stops running her hands through his hair.

            All at once, his body begins to tremble, his breath becoming ragged as he tries desperately to hold back tears. Eventually they both know it’s a lost cause and a painful, heart-wrenching sob fills the room as Peeta buries his face against her stomach.

            “I can’t lose him.” He cries, his words muffled in the soft fabric of her sleep shirt but he might as well be shouting them with the way they rip at her heart.

            “I know.” She whispers, bowing her head to press a kiss against the top of his head, “You won’t Peeta. He’ll pull through.”

            His arms tighten momentarily as another sob takes him, “What if he’s not the same?”

            Katniss shakes her head although she knows he can’t see her, “Don’t think like that. You can’t think like that.”

            He tilts his head so his chin rests on her chest and his blue eyes, made more vibrant by his tears, gaze up at her for a long minute before he murmurs, “I need you.”

            She presses a kiss to his lips before leaning back again to meet his gaze with hers, “Okay,” she whispers with a simple shake of her head.

            His arms unwind themselves from around her body, his hands finding her hips as his fingers dig gently into the soft skin. Katniss finds the edge of her shirt and pulls it over her head in one quick motion. Peeta’s eyes rove over her belly, her breasts, her throat, finally reaching up to meet her eyes, filled with concern as her hands knead circles into his tight shoulders.

            His eyes don’t leave hers as his lips trace the smooth planes of her skin, leaving hot wet trails along her belly. He runs the flat of his tongue along the valley between her breasts before latching onto her nipple and suckling gently. Her hands move to cup the back of his head, holding him against her as she lets her head fall forward, lips resting against the downy curls on the top of his head.

            His hands tug at her waist, pulling her onto his lap without his lips breaking contact. Katniss lets out a gentle sigh, clenching her thighs around him as her fingers work slowly at the buttons of his shirt.

            Peeta’s hand finds her other breast and kneads slowly, creating a slow burn that courses through her, melting away any sorrow she feels before pooling between her legs. When she finally slides her hands beneath his shirt, her palms touching his warm, muscled chest, he lets out a throaty moan against her skin that sends a shiver through her spine.

            “Tell me to stop and I will.” Peeta mumbles even as his hands find the waistband of her pajama bottoms, “I know we haven’t talked about this.”

            He’s right. They haven’t spoken about bringing their relationship back to this physical level. Of course they’ve fooled around since they decided to wait on sex, but this is another world entirely. Tonight he needs her though. She can see it in his eyes and feel it in his touch. Tonight he needs to be with her, to feel her walls around him, to keep him safe. He needs to be sure that she’s not going anywhere.

            “It’s okay.” Katniss murmurs against the soft, smooth skin of his neck before her teeth find that sensitive spot and nip. His hips thrust against hers involuntarily and he gives a guttural moan.

            His hands begin to tug frantically at what little clothing is left on her body. Katniss smiles against his collarbone as she lifts her hips, allowing him to finish undressing, the clanging of his belt the only noise that fills the small room save for their labored breathing.

            Katniss stands once her work is finished and all it takes is a sharp tug to free Peeta of his pants. Once the job is done, his hands are instantly on her waist, pulling her back onto his lap as he leans back on the old mattress. Her hips rest against his as she leans forward, her hands planted on his chest, her hair draping in a curtain of dark waves around them.

            She wants him to feel safe tonight. She wants him to know he’s loved. She wants him to know she’s not going anywhere and she’ll be with him through whatever happens with his father.  She wants Peeta to know so many things, but she can’t find the words to tell him tonight, so instead she tries to pour everything into her touch, her looks, her kisses.

            Peeta raises a palm to cup her breast while he weaves the other hand under her body, running his fingers through her heated folds, dipping inside of her just barely, just enough to send her hips bucking back against him with a whimper.

            She leans down, kissing an open mouthed trail along his neck, across his chest, eventually pulling away from his grip to make a path down his abdomen, following the trail of fine blonde hairs that continue under the band of his boxer briefs.

            He’s hard already, his erection easily visible through the taut fabric. Katniss runs a hand over it, reveling in the feel of him against her palm. She’s always loved the thickness of him.

            Peeta moans, his back arching against the bed. He’s so beautiful. In the dim light his skin almost glows. His blond hair glints in the stream of moonlight that reaches them in this small, silent space.

            “I love you, Peeta,” Katniss whispers as she pulls the last article of clothing from his body, taking him fully in her hand and working his length. He writhes against her grip, a man possessed, his eyes screwed shut in pleasure.

            His moans wakes something inside of her that she hadn’t realized was asleep and it leaves her dizzy with want, a slickness building between her thighs even as she leans down to place a kiss to the tip of his cock.

            “Fuck.” Peeta pants as she pops the head of his erection into her mouth and swirls her tongue around it, “Fuck.”

            It becomes a chant, one word repeated over and over as his hand palms the back of her head, guiding her mouth over him while her hand works at the base, preventing him from pushing too far in his ecstasy.

            By the time she pulls away, her body is pulsing for him, ready to sing at his touch. His eyes open again and meet hers, dark with desire as he grabs hold of her hips.

            “I want to taste you.” He murmurs unabashedly, his voice rough with want as he guides her up his body until her knees are even with his ears.

            A blush rises to her cheeks and she wordlessly shakes her head.

            “Please, Katniss.” He begs, his thumbs caressing circles on the inner aspect of her thighs, “It’s okay. Come here.”

            She shakes her head again, squirming against his tantalizing fingers.

            “Why not?” He questions, his eyes already on that very private place between her thighs that he knows all too well.

            She shrugs, then sighs heavily, before finally admitting, “I don’t want to smother you.”

            For the first time tonight, Peeta’s lips split into a playful grin, “You won’t. Trust me. Besides, what better way is there to be smothered?”

            Katniss laughs at his impish grin as his hands guide her hips to his face until his mouth can reach the cleft between her thighs. It only takes the first lap of his tongue flat against her folds for Katniss to forget her concerns from a moment earlier. With a breathy moan her hands find the headboard and she rolls her hips mindlessly against him. Peeta lets out a satisfied groan when she does right before he sucks her clit into his mouth sending her mind spinning out of control.

            His name falls from her lips like a prayer, soft, barely audible, and yet each syllable is the reason his heart continues to beat. His hands move to her ass, his fingers kneading while his tongue works away at her, working her into a frenzy as she begs for release, fire scorching through her body.

            And all at once, the fire explodes engulfing her as she cries out his name, reaching down to cup his head in her hands as the bliss blinds her momentarily. He shifts her hips back and she manages to shimmy back down his torso until her chest is pressed flatly against his. A lazy smile pulls at her lips as she presses sweet kisses against his jaw.

            “You’re perfect.” She whispers once her lips find his ear. Peeta gives a throaty chuckle, gathering her in his arms, nuzzling his nose against her dark hair that’s started to fall from her braid.

            He reaches up, loosening the bind on what remains of her typically neat braid and runs his fingers through the dark strands. They lay in silence for a minute, letting her find her breath again as he revels in the simple joy of her warm, soft skin pressed against his own.

            Eventually, Katniss sits up, causing his hands to slide from the ends of her hair to the small dip in her back. Peeta’s lips curl up in a half-smile, which gives way to a moan when she leans back, taking his cock in her hand before hovering her hips over him.

            His eyes meet hers in a gaze that causes her heart to stutter before she slowly lowers herself onto him. They each let out a groan in unison at the sensation of finally becoming one again. She sets a slow pace at first, soaking in the fullness of him inside of her again after so long.

            Soon it’s not enough though. She can tell Peeta needs more by the way his fingers grip at her hips, his thumbs digging firmly against the bones as he rocks her hips against his.  Katniss lets his sounds guide her, riding him at a faster and faster pace until his guttural moans become cries and his muscles tighten as he thrusts up into her.

            It only takes one, two, three more thrusts before he swells inside of her, shouting out her name as his warmth spills over. He holds her hips against his as he drags several ragged breaths. Katniss leans down, resting against him planting kisses over every inch of skin she can reach.

            She’s exhausted, her muscles melted, but gloriously satiated as though Peeta has filled her soul with a bit of the sun. His hands roam aimlessly over her body, feather light and loving, taking in every bit of her he can.

            “Don’t leave me.” He murmurs after a long silence once Katniss is already half asleep.

            She lifts her head from his chest with a frown, “I won’t, Peeta.” She assures him, finding no other words that could prove her honesty, “I promise. I’m not going anywhere.”

            His eyes well up with tears that quickly spill over, glistening against his pale cheeks, “I can’t lose you too.”

            Katniss shakes her head, “You haven’t lost anyone, Peeta. And you won’t lose me.”

            Taking his face in her hands, she presses her lips to his, pulling away just far enough to murmur, “I love you.”

            Her lips find one corner of his mouth, then the other, then his cheeks, his forehead, each kiss punctuated with a whispered, “I love you.”

            Eventually his tears subside and her kisses become less frequent as sleep tugs heavily at her eyelids. Peeta rolls them onto their sides and pulls the blankets over them, cocooning them in warmth as he tangles his legs with hers and buries his face against her hair.

            “I love you.” She murmurs softly one last time as her fingers play with the curls at the nape of his neck. It wasn’t that long ago she couldn’t say those three words at all and now she feels as though she’ll never be able to say them enough. She’s sure that they’ll never fully convince him, they’ll never really express how much he means to her, how much she needs him.

            “I need you to survive.” She whispers sweetly, realizing that this is far more accurate. Peeta has been her rock for years now and she wouldn’t know how to manage without him. She hopes that maybe she provides similar support for him, though she doubts he would consider her his rock. She’s been far too flighty over the years to be a pillar of strength for him. She’s determined to be there for him now though.

            “Stay with me, Peeta?” She means for it to be a statement, an order of sorts to let him know she wants him there with her when she wakes up tomorrow morning, that he shouldn’t go running off in his grief. But her voice wobbles nervously and it turns her words into a question.

            He reaches up, tilting her chin so their gazes meet, “Always,” is his simple, firm answer. Katniss can’t stop the smile from spreading across her lips, one that soon becomes contagious as Peeta’s lips curl sweetly as well.

            The two never consciously decide to go to sleep, but exhaustion takes them both at some point during the night and the next thing Katniss knows, she’s opening her eyes to the soft grey light of early morning, facing an entirely new, daunting day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to let me know what you think of this chapter. I love hearing your thoughts. I’m thinking there will be another two chapters or so in this story before it’s finished. Hopefully the wait won’t be quite so long for the next one.


	8. Chapter 8- Waiting For Signs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your amazing patience in waiting for this chapter. I had terrible writer's block for the longest time but hopefully the waits will be worth the results! The end of this story is right around the corner- probably one more chapter and perhaps an epilogue- so I just want to thank each and every one of you readers for taking the time to read a story that was just meant to be a oneshot for fun. So without further ado, chapter eight!

**April 27, 2014**

 

            She wakes up slowly the next morning, the sound of chirping robins floating in from outside the window that Peeta cracked open last night before they fell asleep. Something seems off though and not just Katniss’s looming worries about Peeta’s father. Something else has settled deep in the pit of her stomach, a nagging feeling, like she forgot something.

            Peeta is still fast asleep, but she can tell it’s not restful. A crease is formed on his forehead and his lips, usually curled into a natural smile, are pressed tightly together in the closest thing she’s ever seen to a scowl on his face. One of his arms is draped loosely over her waist and she slips out from under his grasp, careful not to wake him, as she heads for a shower.

            She’ll wake him once she’s finished so it will leave him less time to fret and wait before going back to the hospital. It’s not until she’s already in the shower, scrubbing between her legs that she realizes exactly what her brain was trying to remind her of.

            Last night- last night she made love with Peeta. Last night she didn’t use a condom. Although she doesn’t see it, the blood in her veins seems to have emptied out of her body and swirled down the drain along with the shower water. Suddenly, she has to reach a hand out to steady herself against the porcelain tile of the shower.

            She had been so overwhelmed, so desperate to comfort Peeta that she hadn’t even thought about protection. They’ve never made this mistake before, not in all their years spent together. Several minutes pass while she stands there, allowing the spray of water to trickle down her back while she finds her bearings again.

            Everything will be okay. She’ll just tell Peeta- but she can’t tell Peeta; he already has enough to worry about. It’s her fault anyway. She was the rational one last night and she just let everything get carried away. But what if she’s pregnant now?

            Oh, god, _what if she’s pregnant now?_ Her breathing becomes erratic as she continues to lean against the wall, panting as her mind comes up with more horrific questions she doesn’t have any answers to.

            Eventually, the water starts to turn cold so she manages to turn off the spray and wrap herself in a towel. The wide-eyed girl that stares at her through the mirror is a stranger- a terrified, idiotic stranger.

            With the water off, she can hear Peeta mumbling in his sleep. Her heart crumbles at the sound and she knows without a doubt she can’t bring this up. He already has too much on his plate. Combing through her wet hair, Katniss formulates a plan. She can be rational. There has to be a solution, some answer that will have a satisfactory outcome for everyone involved.

            She lets out a shaky sigh as she sets the brush down and begins braiding her hair back. It’s times like these that she wishes she had a mother who was actually present, maybe even involved, a mother that would help her figure out what to do about this mess.

            By the time she walks back into the bedroom, Katniss has a plan and Peeta will never have to know.

            She slides down onto the bed beside him, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing her chest to his naked back. A pleased groan from deep in his chest indicates he’s awake before Katniss leans forward and presses her lips to his shoulder.

            “Hey,” she whispers, the warmth of her breath causing Peeta to shiver.

            He turns in her arms to face her, giving her a distracted smile. “Hi.”

            Her smile mirrors his as she presses a kiss to his chest. “I love you.”

            “I know,” he murmurs, sleep still heavy in his voice as he reaches a hand up to cup her cheek, “Thank you.”

            She starts to shake her head but he stops her with the intensity of his gaze.

            “I know how hard it was for you to be there last night. I know how hard it is for you to live through this again,” Peeta says softly, the tears pooling in his eyes turning them a more vivid blue than they usually are. His voice is choked when he continues, “But I don’t know what I’d do without you, Katniss. Promise me you won’t go anywhere?”

            His question tears through her chest, but she bites her bottom lip and nods before giving him a shaky smile. “Of course not, Peeta. Why don’t you go shower and we’ll get going?”

            He nods his agreement, pecking her cheek with a soft kiss before sliding out from under the sheets and shuffling toward the bathroom. His movements almost remind her of a little boy, but that ass definitely belongs to a man.

            While he’s showering, Katniss fiddles around nervously, inspecting her wallet to ensure she has enough money. She does of course. The plan isn’t expensive, she just can’t stand the waiting.

            Peeta enters the living room a half hour later dressed in a clean shirt chosen from several he keeps in a corner of her closet along with a fresh pair of jeans. His hair is still slightly damp since he never bothers to use a blow dryer. He shrugs with a tight-lipped smile and she knows that’s his way of saying he’s ready to go.

            Katniss drives them to the hospital, reaching a hand over to comb through his hair any time they’re stopped at a red light. He closes his eyes at her touch and she can’t help but take note of the dark circles under them. Whatever sleep he got last night clearly wasn’t restful.

            She pulls into the circle drive at the front of the hospital and Peeta turns to her with a look of confusion.

            “I thought I’d give you some time alone with him while I go grab us something for breakfast,” she explains. “There’s a pretty decent bagel shop a few streets over.”

            Peeta glances sideways towards the hospital but presses his lips together and nods. He looks terrified despite his best efforts at appearing strong. Katniss has half a mind to tell him to forget breakfast, that she’ll go up to the ICU with him now, but this isn’t just about breakfast and she can’t ignore the second, more important stop she’ll be making.

            She leans across the center console and brushes her lips over the worried crease in his forehead, “It’ll only be a half hour tops. Promise.”

            He locks eyes with her and his lips meet hers in a hurried kiss. It’s not soft or particularly sweet either. This kiss is needy, desperate, reminding her of what he told her this morning while they were still in bed, that he doesn’t know what he’d do without her.

            “Okay.” He says once their lips part. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

            “Right,” Katniss agrees and he makes his way out of the car and through the front doors to the hospital.

            As soon as he’s out of sight, she lets out a shaky breath, her teeth worrying her bottom lip as she puts the car back into gear and turns out of the circle drive in the opposite direction of the bagel shop she’ll be getting breakfast from.

            Luckily, this town is bigger than Fairbury and people don’t know her. In fact, they barely even glance at her when she walks through the doors of the Walgreens two blocks away from the hospital.

            “Can I help you?” The pharmacist asks from behind the counter in the back of the store when Katniss hesitantly approaches.

            She really shouldn’t be embarrassed. She’s an adult after all, damn it. But still, she can just imagine all the disdainful looks she would get from everyone in Fairbury if they knew.

            She quickly mumbles what she needs, earning a confused smile from the pharmacist.

            “Sorry, I couldn’t quite hear you.”

            Damn.

            “I need the morning after pill.” Her cheeks redden involuntarily and she wishes she could just fall through a hole in the floor.

            “Okay.” The woman behind the counter nods, turning around and reaching for a little green box off the shelves behind her, “Did you need anything else? I can check you out here if you’re finished shopping.”

            Katniss eyes the other woman nervously. How on earth can she be so damn calm about all of this? She shakes her head firmly. “N- no. I’m good. Thanks.”

            She rings up the box quickly and Katniss presents the wad of crumpled cash comprised of the tip money she earned from her last shift at the bar.

            “Do you have any questions about this?” The pharmacist asks, watching her closely as she hands over the small plastic bag.

            “Not much to it, right?” Katniss responds with a nervous chuckle, “Take it and that’s it?”

            The woman nods, “Take it as soon as possible. It works better the earlier it’s used. There are side effects too. Make sure you read the instructions in the box.”

            Katniss is already backing away from the counter, nodding her understanding. She doesn’t think she can stand here talking about this for much longer. She’s already about to melt from the heat flooding her cheeks.

            Once she’s safely enclosed in her car, she pulls that little green box out and skims the warnings. Really all she wants to know is that the little white pill will do its job and she will have averted a potential disaster. As suspected, there’s not much to it, so she swallows the pill with a gulp of water from an old bottle she bought earlier this week.

            She sits in the parking lot for another handful of minutes, waiting to feel different, for some indication that everything is better now. Of course, there is no sign, and everything is not better. Mr. Mellark is still unconscious in a bed a few blocks away after all.

            With a sigh, Katniss throws the car into gear and heads toward the little bagel place. She doesn’t want to keep Peeta waiting in the hospital for longer than necessary. And really, there’s nothing more she can do about last night. If all goes according to plan, Peeta won’t ever need to be told about the mistake because nothing will ever come of it. It was a one time thing and she’s done everything she can to rectify the situation. Still she feels like an idiot for letting this happen, and in some very small, dark corner of her mind, she also feels rather lonely in all of this.

 

 …

 

            “Hey, Dad.” Peeta greets, bending over to place a gentle kiss to the older man’s forehead. There’s no reaction of course save for the hissing of the ventilator. Nothing seems to have changed in the several hours that he’s been gone. In fact, he probably wouldn’t even be able to guess an entire night had passed if he hadn’t spent it with Katniss. His heart flutters lightly against his chest at the thought of her, of her touch last night, of her words this morning, of the way those grey eyes always seem to figure out exactly what he needs even when he can’t figure out the words to tell her.

            The heart monitor above the bed beeps softly while Peeta pulls one of the uncomfortable, straight-backed hospital chairs up to his father’s bed, settling his bulky form onto it.

            He stares stiffly at the older man’s unconscious form for a long while, unsure of what to do or say. He wishes Katniss were here. She’d know what to do. Actions are always her specialty. Guilt roils inside of him at the thought that she only knows how to handle herself in hospitals from personal experience. She really has amazed him in the last twenty-four hours, but then, Katniss Everdeen has always been one to amaze him.

            “I really think she’s going to stay this time, dad,” he murmurs quietly, almost as a thought to himself, brushing a hand over David Mellark’s thinning blond hair. He doesn’t want the nurses outside the glass doors to hear him, but maybe his father will listen. They’re always saying in movies that unconscious people can still hear the people around them. “I know mom always says that Katniss still has one foot out the door, but- but, dad, yesterday was so hard for her and she didn’t run.”

            “Dad, wake up,” Peeta orders quietly, his voice tight with the tears he’s fighting. He clears his throat before adding, “We still need you with us.”

            He waits for any sign that his father has heard him. A twitch, a sigh, a flutter of an eyelid. But nothing happens and he hates the stab of disappointment that runs through him. It seems like admitting to disappointment is a little like giving up.

            He only has a minute to ruminate on it before Katniss slides through the doorway, a cup of steaming coffee in each hand and a paper bag pinned under her arm. She flashes Peeta a hesitant smile, her silver eyes darting toward David Mellark’s still form.

            “Hi, Mr. Mellark,” she murmurs, reaching out to brush the man’s hand with her own once she passes one of the coffee cups to Peeta. She’s silent for a long moment, observing the head of the Mellark family for a while, a bittersweet smile pulling at her lips before she turns to Peeta again.

            “I bought your favorite.”

            Peeta begins to open his mouth to argue that he’s not hungry, but Katniss isn’t about to take that as an answer, “You need to eat something, Peeta, or you’ll make yourself sick.”

            She opens the paper bag, unfurling the wax paper inside and pulling out the bagel that smells lightly of cinnamon. It’s already been cut and toasted, he notes as she spreads some peanut butter on one half, a personal preference he’s had since high school.

            “I’m going to be sick if you make me eat,” he retorts, earning an eye roll from her as she settles herself on his lap before she presents him with a bite of prepared bagel.

            “Eat.” She orders, her voice kind but firm, leaving him with little room for argument. He takes the food between his teeth, earning a quiver of a smile from her. Peeta decides he doesn’t care if he makes himself sick trying to eat, that sweet smile is worth it.

            He chews thoughtfully, watching her the whole time, letting his hands move to rest on her hips. Thank god for Katniss. Her calm presence is the only thing holding him together right now.

            Peeta lets her feed him an entire bagel bite by bite, but when she moves to get off his lap, his hands tighten on her hips. Instead he guides her to turn around so her back rests against his chest. Her stomach rumbles and he chuckles, pressing his lips against her shoulder. She reaches for what smells like an apple cinnamon bagel but barely picks at it before she sets it aside.

            “Hypocrite,” he mutters against her neck.

            She shakes her head slowly. “I feel really queasy right now. I’ll save it for later.”

            Peeta frowns, but she doesn’t say more and he’s too distracted by the nurse that walks in to ask about it further. Katniss slides off his lap and ducks out to use the restroom while the nurse updates him on how the night went.

            Things look good from what Peeta can gather from her explanation. David’s blood oxygen level is back to normal and today they’ll start testing to see if he can come off the ventilator.

            Katniss returns a few minutes later, looking slightly pale, but she smiles when he tells her about the ventilator.

            “That’s a good sign, Peeta,” she assures him. “Mom always says that coming off a ventilator is a big step.”

            He steps outside to call his mom with the update. She sounds strange over the phone and not just tired. There’s a vulnerability in her voice that was never there before. She sounds almost lonely. Peeta can’t bring himself to ask about it or offer up any comfort though. He knows it’s horrible of him, but he just can’t find that kind of compassion this morning.

            He passes the rest of the morning trying to best Katniss at Fruit Ninja and failing miserably, her cat-like reflexes completely blowing him out of the water. A respiratory therapist comes in and talks them through the test that David will have to pass before he can come off the ventilator. He doesn’t pass this time around, but they’re going to try again this evening.

            “Hey, Peetie.” Andrew calls as enters the room, shooting one of the nurses walking by a cheeky smile.

            Peeta wonders how on earth his brother could be in such a good spirits with their father lying in the bed a few feet away, but Andrew was always exceptional at rising to the occasion and the nurse is quite pretty.

            “You know I hate it when you call me Peetie,” he mutters as Andrew pulls up another chair up beside the bed.

            “And you know that I’m your big brother so I’m required to tease you,” he replies, ruffling a hand through Peeta’s hair with a grin before turning his attention to David. “Hi, dad.”

            Peeta hangs around for a little while, chatting with Andrew about nothing important, but eventually Katniss places a hand over his forearm. It’s clammy to the touch and he turns to her with a frown.

            “You alright?” He asks, taking in her pale cheeks.

            When she admits with a shake of her head that she’s not okay, Peeta realizes she really must feel like shit. Katniss isn’t one to lie down quietly when she doesn’t feel well.

            “You two should go anyway. It’s my shift now.” Andrew offers, propping his feet up on the edge of David’s bed, “I’ll let you know if anything changes.”

            Peeta offers to drive once they reach the parking lot and Katniss doesn’t even attempt to argue, handing over the keys to his SUV silently before she slides into the passenger seat and curls up.

            “Hey,” Peeta places a hand on the back of her neck and the touch earns a shudder from her. “What’s going on?”

            “Nothing,” she mumbles into her knees. “I must have caught a bug or something.”

            She doesn’t say anything more and Peeta doesn’t press her. Silently, she slips out of the car once they come to a stop and moves slowly towards the house.

            “Do you want some tea?” Peeta questions her once she’s settled on the sofa, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders.

            “I just need to rest,” she replies, her voice shaky as though she’s unsure whether or not she’s going to get sick. “You should try and get some sleep, Peeta. I know you didn’t sleep well last night.”

            “Okay,” he nods, a worried look painting his features, but he presses a kiss to her forehead anyway. He knows she’ll just argue with him if he tries to stay up and take care of her so he heads to the bedroom where he promptly dozes off, the exhaustion of the last forty-eight hours finally catching up with him.

 

…

 

            Katniss slips in and out of sleep for several hours, wishing away the nausea that seems to permeate every corner of her body and hoping the awful cramps mean that the little white pill is working. She feels like an idiot for taking the list of side effects so lightly, but she supposes a little vomit is a small price to pay.

            When she finally gives up on sleep and the waves of nausea rolling through her seem to have settled some, Katniss makes her way stiffly into the kitchen where Peeta is humming quietly to himself. All at once, the few feet between them seems too great. Silently, she steps up behind him and wraps her arms around the gentle taper of his waist. He’s warm and the soft cotton of his tee shirt feels like heaven beneath her flushed cheek.

            “Hi,” Peeta turns in her arms, weaving his fingers in the hair against her scalp, massaging gently. “You feeling any better?”

             “A little,” she smiles weakly.

            “You had me worried,” he frowns, leaning forward to press his lips against the crown of her head.

            “You shouldn’t be,” she replies softly, nestling her head against his chest, “You have better things to worry about.”

            He nuzzles his nose in her hair. “You’re just as important as my dad, Katniss. He’d never let me hear the end of it if he ever heard I was too focused on him to worry about you.”

            She chuckles softly. Dear lord does she love this man.

            The timer on the stove dings and Katniss jumps in surprise. She’d forgotten the reason Peeta was in here in the first place. He releases her and reaches for a pan on the burner beside him.

            “I made some soup- chicken and rice.” He tells her, “I thought that might make your stomach feel a little bit better.”

            Her cheeks flush, “I was going to cook for you, Peeta. You don’t have to run around taking care of me.”

            “It’s alright,” he assures her. “Jack called a little while ago.”

            Her heart skips a beat, “Any news?”

            “Dad’s awake.” His lips split into a heart-stopping grin, his excitement to tell her evident in the spark that lights up his eyes. “He came around about an hour ago now, tried to pull the ventilator tube out for himself.”

            “Oh, Peeta,” Katniss throws her arms around his neck, “that’s so wonderful.”

            “They’ve got him off the ventilator now and Jack said he was asking for something to eat as soon as he could talk again.” Peeta’s muscled arms wrap tightly around her.

            Katniss lets out a heavy breath that she’s been holding for the last two days, “We should go out there. Why didn’t you wake me up?”

            “You looked peaceful.” He shrugs. “I thought we’d eat then head over to the hospital.”

            She shakes her head. “I don’t need to eat anything. I’m still kind of queasy. I’ll drive and you can eat.”

            Katniss is already halfway out the door by the time Peeta catches up with her, a thermos of soup in one hand and his jacket in the other. They buckle up and are on the road in record time.

            “Don’t think I haven’t kept track of the fact you haven’t eaten at all today,” Peeta points out softly from the passenger seat where he’s shoveling in mouthfuls of the steaming soup. “Half of this container is yours.”

            She nods. “Fine. I’ll eat once we’re there. Let’s just get you to your family.”

           

…

 

            “There’s my boy!” David calls jovially from his hospital bed as soon as the mop of blonde curls is visible through the glass doors of the room.

            “Hey, dad!” Peeta grins, moving in to hug the eldest Mellark fiercely. “You look great.”

            “Well, you know us Mellark men have a difficult time looking bad.” He replies with a hearty laugh as he runs a hand over his baggy hospital gown before his eyes alight on Katniss standing awkwardly in the doorway.

            The entire clan is here, which of course includes Evelyn, who has been eyeing Katniss from her seat next to David since the moment she arrived. It’s not the typical, death glare that she gets from the woman, which is honestly what’s throwing her off. It’s more curious than anything, like Katniss has some new wart on her face or something else that she doesn’t know about.

            “And you brought Miss Katniss too,” David points out with a smile, waving her over to him. “Come here, dear.”

            As soon as she’s near enough, he reaches for her hand and pulls her into a bear hug like her own father used to give her when he got home at the end of a long day.

            “Thank you,” he whispers so only she can hear. Just two words, but they hold a heavy weight of gratitude that she’s not quite prepared for. How can this man still be so kind to her after everything? The suddenness of it has her eyes filling rapidly with tears. She pulls away, giving him a smile as she blinks rapidly.

            “I thought you weren’t going to be here for another hour or two?” Evelyn questions, arching a perfectly manicured eyebrow at the pair before her.

            “We weren’t,” Peeta admits with a shrug and reaches for Katniss’s hand. “Katniss wanted to get here as soon as possible when I told her about dad though.”

            Evelyn purses her lips and nods. “Well, we’re glad you’re here.”

            Katniss glances at the other faces in the room, seeing the same shock that she feels. The words are given a chilly air by her tone, but that’s the nicest thing Evelyn Mellark has ever said in relation to Katniss Everdeen and they all know it.

            “It’s good for David to have his entire family with him,” she adds as an afterthought. Katniss gut tightens at the mention of family. Perhaps she’s more a part of the Mellark name than she ever thought.

            The tension in the room eases after that and the brothers joke idly with one another, reliving the more hilarious antics of their youth with their father. Katniss remains mostly quiet, watching the scene in front of her. It’s a soothing sight to see for a girl like her, practically alone in the world as far as her own family goes.

            Then Peeta turns to look at her, his eyes alive with laughter, a smile gracing those beautiful lips that she’s kissed so often and yet never seems to get enough of. In that moment, she knows without a doubt that she does have a family. Peeta is her family. He’s all she needs and he’s willing to be just that for her.

            She reaches for his hand and laces her fingers with his, giving them a gentle squeeze as she does. She hopes he is having this same realization. She’s pretty certain he is.

 

 

**May 16, 2014**

            Katniss walks through the hospital doors nearly a month later, this time with an excited smile as she follows the signs that lead her to the postpartum unit of the hospital. She only stops long enough to ask the nurse at the counter which way suite 117 is.

            She knocks softly on the oak door. Gale’s large form greets her when it opens, a tired, lopsided grin plastered on his face.

            “Congratulations, daddy,” Katniss says throwing her arms around this neck in a tight hug that leaves them both laughing.

            “Thanks, Catnip,” he murmurs against her hair before breaking away from their embrace. “Madge is trying to get some rest. You want to meet my daughter?”

            The giddy joy in his question is enough to leave Katniss grinning from ear to ear as he disappears behind a curtain drawn around Madge’s bed and retrieves his tiny newborn. The little bundle is no more than seven and a half pounds, but in Gale’s hands she looks even smaller. They always say that a new mother glows with happiness, but they never talk about the look of utter awe that fathers have when they look at their fragile offspring.

            “Catnip, this is Cassie,” he tilts the little bundle so Katniss can see the bright pink skin of his first-born framed by thick black hair and polished off with a little button nose. The infant is fast asleep, but gives a little, contented sigh. “Cassie, this is my best friend.”

            “She’s beautiful, Gale,” Katniss says, reaching out and giving his arm a squeeze.

            “The most perfect accident I ever had,” Gale replies reverently as he bends to place a kiss on his daughter’s forehead. After a moment he turns his eyes to Katniss. “I talked to Madge a bit. And we were both wondering whether you’d be interested in being her godmother.”

            Her grey eyes widen as she takes in the man before her, her best friend, practically her brother. The tears fall from her eyes almost before she realizes she’s about to cry.

            She’s having a hard time putting together a coherent thought as she stares at the tiny bundle so she asks the first thing that comes to mind, “Are you sure?”

            Gale laughs and rolls his eyes, “Of course I’m sure. Is that a yes?”

            “Well, yeah.” Katniss chuckles, swiping at the tears still streaking down her cheeks.

            “You want to hold her?” He offers and she nods, instantly holding her arms out to take the precious bundle from his hands.

            Cassie yawns, stretching her little hands into the air as Katniss settles her body more comfortably in her arms. It’s truly one of the great wonders of the world that everyone starts out as a tiny, innocent, defenseless baby. Looking at the little girl in her arms, Katniss wonders what the world has in store for her. Will she know the suffering that Katniss has already at such a young age? Will she know the love and happiness?

            Gale coos softly to his baby girl, clearly brimming with happiness. Cassie starts to fuss a little while later and the sound causes Madge to stir from her sleep.

            Katniss smiles in greeting when the blond woman pulls back the curtain tiredly.

            “It’s probably time for me to feed her,” she says, taking the infant gently from Katniss’s arms.

            Katniss steps outside of the room to give them a few minutes alone while Madge allows Cassie to suckle quietly. She fiddles quietly with her phone, waiting for the okay to rejoin them when she hears the sound of heavy footfalls approaching.

            “Hey.”

            She turns, a smile already pulling at her lips. “Hi.”

            “So Gale’s a dad now,” Peeta observes evenly as he pulls her to him for a hug. He still smells strongly of yeast and she guesses that he came directly to the hospital after closing up the shop today. The bakery just reopened a few days ago and looks better than ever after the fire. They’re still working to refinish his apartment, but Katniss doesn’t mind the company of having him around her house all the time.  And she definitely doesn’t mind the cooking.

            “Weird, right?” She asks as they pull apart, still shaking her head a bit in disbelief before nodding at the door and adding, “Madge is feeding her right now.”

            Peeta nods, shoving his hands into the pockets of those jeans that she loves so much. He’s been wearing them more often she’s noticed. Peeta gazes steadily at the petite brunette beside him as she watches a nurse stroll by with a bottle of formula. She’s been off lately. He can’t put a finger on what exactly it is, but she’s been even quieter than usual, almost withdrawn, like she’s getting lost inside her head.

            Part of him was terrified of it at first, afraid she was going to shut down like her mother did all those years ago. He knows more than she realizes about those first few months after Katniss’s father died. But she hasn’t descended into a depression like her mother did. It’s almost as though she’s preoccupied by something but Peeta can’t figure out what.

            Even at night, when he tries to make love with her, she seems distracted, caught up in some worry she’s yet to voice to him. Though he won’t admit it to himself, his greatest fear is that she’ll leave again- this time for good- but he doesn’t know how to stop it. He can’t fix something when he doesn’t know what’s broken.

            “Are you okay?” He asks quietly as a couple of visitors pass by to enter the suit next door.

            Her grey eyes look up at him quizzically, “Sure. Why do you ask?”

            Peeta opens his mouth to answer just as the door to the suite opens and Madge sticks her head out with a smile. “Hey, Peeta! Come in; she’s done feeding.”

            Katniss watches him for another second before turning to walk inside. She’s hiding something; he can tell that much, and it kills him that she thinks she can’t talk to him. How many times would they have to go through this before she really believed that she could talk to him about anything?

            “Do you want to hold her, Peeta?” Madge questions sweetly. Her hair is slightly mussed, not coiffed in the perfect, shiny curls she usually wears, but she’s glowing regardless.

            Peeta can’t stop the grin from spreading across his face when she holds out the little bundle of blankets. He takes the baby from her arms and nestles her close to his chest. He’s in complete awe as he gazes down at her. It seems impossible that her hands could be so tiny, with such perfect fingernails. She blinks her wide, grey eyes blearily at him before giving a soft grunt as she settles back to sleep, content now that she has a full belly.

            He murmurs softly to her, quietly enough that he’s sure no one can hear what he’s saying. It’s mostly nonsense; words that he imagines would be soothing for new ears to hear. An elderly, grey-haired nurse slips into the room and Peeta finally notices how quiet the room has grown. He looks away from the little life in his hands and catches Katniss watching him, a look that he can’t quite name flooding her face before she can conceal it from him. It’s gone in an instant though before he really gets the chance to contemplate what it might mean.

            “She’s perfect,” he says, smiling between Madge and Gale both of whom look as though they might burst with pride.

            “Thank you, Peeta.” Madge grins.

            The nurse states she needs to check how Madge and the baby are doing, a subtle hint that the visitors should leave the room. Peeta takes one look at the dark circles under Gale’s eyes and decides they could probably use a short break from visitors. He knows that Gale’s family is planning to visit around the dinner hour.

            “We should probably get going anyway. You two should get some rest,” Peeta says, handing the infant to the nurse before wrapping his arms around Madge in a friendly hug. Katniss follows suit and they quietly slip from the room as Gale settles into the pullout window seat, his eyes already half shut.

            Katniss is silent on the ride home, which sets Peeta’s nerves on edge. She doesn’t even realize how quiet she’s being. She just can’t get the image of Peeta’s face while he whispered to Cassie out of her mind. And his mother’s words from the baby shower return to her as well. She can’t stop the thoughts from invading her mind, telling her that she’s not what Peeta needs. She already knows she’s not what he deserves. There’s never been a doubt in her mind that Peeta Mellark will be a wonderful father one day, but the question that begs to be asked is whether Katniss has it in her to be a mother. It’s a downright terrifying possibility. After all, it’s only been a month since her first pregnancy scare and she hasn’t even found a way to mention that to Peeta yet.

            He doesn’t suspect anything though; not that she can tell anyway. He hasn’t mentioned anything and she hasn’t hinted. She made sure to hide the doctor’s bills after she went to get a test done, which was negative, thank god. She had even put aside her mortification when the doctor suggested she start on the Depo shot ‘just as an extra precaution against another scare.’

            “What’s up with you?” He asks once they’ve finished dinner and she’s washing the dishes up at the sink.

            His strong arms wrap around her waist as he pulls her back flush with his front, nuzzling his nose against the crook of her neck.

            “You’ve been quiet ever since we got back from the hospital.” He says, his words warm and muffled against her skin. His hands sneak under the hem of her shirt, his thumbs drawing circles on the smooth skin of her abdomen, “And you’ve just been off lately.”

            It could be the concern lacing his words. It could be that she’s PMSing and overreacting. It could be the memory of Peeta’s face when he held Cassie earlier today, or those words that Evelyn Mellark said all those months ago at the baby shower. It might be that she’s so tired from keeping the pregnancy scare a secret over the last month. Or it might simply be the way his hands come to rest below her belly button, right where a child would be if there were one.

            It doesn’t really matter what sets her off though, because the tears streak down her face anyway. Her chest tightens and she can’t breath and she’s terrified that this is it. This will finally be the moment Peeta realizes that she’s no good for him.

            He notices her body tense in his arms, but he doesn’t understand why until she gives a telltale sniffle.

             “Katniss, why are you crying?” He questions worriedly.

            Katniss doesn’t cry for no reason. Out of all the times he’s seen her cry the majority have been because of some horrible loss or the precursor to her leaving him. A chill seeps into his bones at the thought of her leaving again. Maybe he was right and she’s been pulling away from him over the last few weeks because she’s planning on walking away from him again. But she promised she wouldn’t- said she couldn’t survive without him.

            She pulls away from him now however, and backs away toward the door.

            “I don’t know,” she whispers, her words punctuated by hiccups from the sobs wracking her body. “Everything is so…”

            Peeta frowns, his heart racing against his chest as he steps forward, reaching a hand out to her even as she continues to move away from him. “Everything is so what? Katniss, talk to me.” His tone is desperate, but he doesn’t see much of a point in pretending he’s not.

            As her hand hits the doorknob and pushes the backdoor of the house open, something inside of him breaks free. All this time, she was never going to stay with him. How long has she known she wanted to leave him?

            She’s still hysterical as she rushes outside and runs for the fields that surround the house. The farmers haven’t planted their crops yet, but the black dirt was tilled under just this week, so her feet sink up to her ankles in the dark soil. Katniss waits for Peeta to shout after her, for his heavy breath as he tries to catch up with her, but he doesn’t. The sounds never reach her ears.

            The sun has nearly set by the time she arrives at the familiar outcropping of trees that grows up between two neighboring fields. She hasn’t been here in over a year, not since Prim’s wake, but it hasn’t changed a bit. A cool breeze whips over the flat plains and through the trees, biting through the thin shirt she’s wearing.

            Katniss doesn’t pay her shivers any mind though as she settles in against a tree trunk, letting her head fall to rest against her knees as she pulls them up to her chest. She’s not even sure why, but Peeta’s reaction to Cassie was the last straw. Ever since her pregnancy scare, she’s never felt more alone. Today made her feel as though she made the wrong choice in never telling Peeta.

            The last of the spring robins chirp quietly in the trees above her as they settle down to sleep by the time she hears the uneven crunch of footsteps in the leaves nearby. Katniss doesn’t have the courage to look up. She knows she’ll only find disappointment in his gaze. She ran. She can only imagine what he must have thought when she left him alone in the kitchen.

            His shoulder brushes against hers as he sits down besides her, causing her skin to pebble as her nerves catch fire. Katniss wonders how it’s still possible for her body to react to him like this after all these years.

            Peeta clears his throat before leaning close to her, his breath warm against her neck as he softly asks, “Are you ready to talk to me now?”

            Katniss shakes her head but simultaneously allows her body to rest against his, reveling in the warmth radiating from him. He reaches an arm around her shoulders and pulls her closer, his lips brushing against her hair as he does.

            “When are you going to figure out that this will never work if you don’t talk to me?” he asks sadly.

            She finally looks up, her grey eyes searching his. “I think I screwed up,” she admits, her voice shaky, sounding not at all like her usual self.

            He frowns, confusion creasing his brow as he watches her, waiting patiently for an explanation. Katniss wishes she would have thought about this more before the fact. Now she’s not sure how to confess this secret she’s held close to her heart for the last month, so afraid of what Peeta’s reaction might be.

            Katniss drops her gaze, nervously picking at the knee of her pants. “You’ll be a wonderful father someday, Peeta, but I don’t know if I could ever be a good mother.”

            His breath whooshes from his chest, the heat of his breath rushing against the chilled skin of her neck. She’s still too frightened to look at his face but she can hear the shock in his tone when he speaks again. “Oh-kay… but that won’t be anytime soon, right?”

            Katniss doesn’t answer right away and Peeta’s stomach jumps into his throat. He reaches a shaky hand and lifts her chin, forcing her to look at him again. “Right, Katniss?” He waits, and she still remains silent. “This isn’t some messed up way of telling me your pregnant.”

            “No,” Katniss whispers, a tremor running through her that causes Peeta more concern than her previous reaction.

            “Katniss-“

            “I could have been!” She blurts out, her cheeks flushing red at her admission, “That first night after the fire, we didn’t use protection.”

            His cerulean eyes widen as he recalls that night. The last thing on his mind had been a condom. He had been so distraught, so lost. Katniss had been his solace, but what had he done to her? As their eyes meet now, he sees just how lost she has been this last month.

            “But you aren’t?” He questions again unsteadily, his voice giving away his uncertainty.

            “No.”

            Peeta breathes a sigh of relief. “Thank god.”

            He’s immediately taken aback by the betrayal in her gaze as she shifts out of his grasp and stands, walking a few paces before turning back around with a scathing glare. “Would it really be that terrible if I was, Peeta?”

            “No!” He retorts, immediately realizing what she must think of his response. She spent a month keeping this a secret and his first reaction is thankfulness that she isn’t going to be bearing his child. Her eyes are blazing, but beneath the fire is a hurt that runs deeper than he would have expected since she always told him she never wanted children anyway. “I mean- I just- no. It wouldn’t be bad. I’d just like to be prepared for it- to plan it. If that’s an option, I mean.”

            “That morning when I dropped you off at the hospital and went to get breakfast, I also got the morning after pill,” she says softly, her shoulders sagging as though she’s run a marathon and is completely exhausted. Peeta imagines this secret has been wearing her down from the moment she realized what had happened. “I had a doctor’s appointment two weeks ago to make sure it worked.

            Peeta stands, crossing the space between them before wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. “Why didn’t you tell me, Katniss?”

            He can’t conceal the hurt from his voice. Katniss merely buries her face against the smooth fabric of his shirt, playing idly with a button. She shrugs after a tense silence and Peeta lets his face nestle into the crook of her neck.

            “You had other things to worry about,” she murmurs, child-like as she lets her hands drift to the back of his neck and her fingers tangle in the soft curls they find there. “Your father was still unconscious. You didn’t need to worry about me too.”

            “Katniss,” the word rumbles through his chest like a growl before he continues, “you will always be my greatest concern. I love you. You shouldn’t have dealt with all of this alone.”

            “Once your father woke up, I thought about telling you,” Katniss admits uncertainly. “But it seemed like it was too late then.” Her bottom lip trembles. “I tried to let it go, but today, when you were holding Cassie, I couldn’t help but think that maybe I-“

            A sob slips past her lips and her eyes fill with tears. Peeta gathers her more tightly to his chest, but she pushes away.

            “You deserve someone who will gladly give you all the children you could ever want, not a girl who panics at the first risk of conception,” Katniss explains ruefully. 

            “Katniss.” Peeta reaches for her and pulls her back to him, holding her by the shoulders and resisting her attempts to free herself. “Katniss, stop it.”

            “You should just leave!” She shouts, shaking her head furiously. “Your mother is right! I’m no good for you.”

            “I’m not going anywhere!” He shouts back, his words deep and angry as he shakes her shoulders. His face softens when he sees her surprise at his reaction. “And you aren’t either. Do I want children? Of course I do, but that can wait. We have time. I don’t want a child with anyone other than you. I will wait the rest of my life if I must.”

            His mouth meets hers only a moment later in a kiss so desperate it takes her breath away. Her hands curl into fists against his chest as his tongue brushes the crease of her lips, seeking entrance. Katniss pulls back though, giving him a wistful look as Peeta opens his eyes to reveal thin blue rings surrounding dark pools of want.

            “I’ll never understand why you don’t hate me after everything I’ve put you through.”

            Peeta snorts, leaning forward so his lips brush against her ear. “I’ll never understand how you can’t see the effect you have on people.”

            His lips find her neck and press open kisses against the soft, cool skin. Katniss closes her eyes, allowing herself to melt against him, because now he knows. He knows, and he doesn’t hate her for her decision. He doesn’t want to leave her. His touch sets her nerves alight once more as he sucks the tender skin and holds her close. A shiver runs through her spine and she can feel him smile against her skin.

            “Will you let me take you home?” He whispers his lips brushing against her and causing another shiver to take her.

            He leans back to see her nod shyly before he takes her hand and guides her to his SUV right at the edge of the small woods. He drives them slowly back over the narrow divide of grass between the two fields before finally reaching the road and making quick time back to her house.

            “How did you know where I would be?” She questions once he parks the car and they walk next to one another towards the house.

            “You might be beautiful and fascinating, Katniss,” he smiles gently, wrapping an arm around her waist, “but you’re completely predictable when you’re upset.”

            She bites her bottom lip to hide her smile and his fingers grasp her hip a bit tighter as they walk through the front door. Peeta makes sure it’s locked behind them and guides her to the bedroom.

            “I love you,” he murmurs, settling her back against the soft, old quilt. She lays back with a gentle smile as he climbs onto the bed with her, hovering over her before pressing a sweet, lingering kiss against her lips. “I will always love you. No matter what shit you pull, Katniss Everdeen, you’ll never be rid of me. _Never._ ”

            She laughs and Peeta follows her, burying his face against her shoulder as he snorts happily. She wraps her arms around him and waits for his laughter to die down again. He turns his head, resting his ear against her chest so his blue eyes can meet hers as he smiles.

            “Kiss me.” Katniss whispers, tugging at his shirt to drag him up to her mouth. His smile breaks into a cheeky grin as he moves up her body, sucking her bottom lip between his, reaching to twine his fingers in her thick, dark hair as he does.

            When they pull away to catch their breath, Peeta doesn’t move his hands from her hair, instead letting his thumbs graze over her temples. “I’ve missed this,” he tells her softly, pressing a kiss to the tip of her nose.

            “Missed what?” She asks, her brow wrinkling in confusion, letting her hands slide beneath his shirt to draw mindless patterns along the small of his back.

            “You,” he states simply, lowering his lips to her throat so his next words tickle her skin, “being like this. You’ve been so preoccupied lately and I couldn’t figure out why.”

            “I was so afraid of what you would say if you found out,” she confesses, a tiny frown still playing at her lips. Peeta doesn’t like that frown, so he leans forward and kisses it away, leaving her shuddering and breathless beneath him by the time he pulls away, dragging his lips across her jaw and nipping at the sensitive skin.

            She gasps and he chuckles- a deep, rumbling sound that thrills her.

            “I know you were.” Peeta agrees as his hands slide under the hem of her shirt and find her breasts, palming them fondly as his lips continue to trail along her collarbone. “But you don’t have to be anymore.”

            Katniss shivers beneath his warmth, a fire lighting within her as he worships her with his every touch. A languid heat pours through her veins desperate to find some release. She tugs impatiently at his shirt and a laugh rolls deep inside his broad chest as he sits back and pulls the fabric over his head, casting it to the side of the room.

            “What are you in such a hurry for?” He grins as Katniss sits up, ripping her shirt over her head in a similar fashion.

            “I want you,” she mutters with a shy blush that creeps along the smooth skin of her neck. His stomach swoops at her words. How can she always make him want her more? He is flooded by the sudden desire, no rather, the _need_ to possess her, to remind her that she is his and that he will be hers forever too.

            His mouth meets hungrily with hers and Katniss whimpers involuntarily, squirming so she brushes against the bulge in his pants. Her hands glide along the plains of his back, appreciating the taut muscles as he presses over her, placing open kisses against her shoulder as he allows his teeth to graze her heated skin.

            Katniss’s legs tangle with his as she arches against him. His hands find the button of her jeans, unclasping them before letting his hands drift beneath the coarse fabric to cup herass. His strong hands knead as he moans against her lips. He kisses her deeply, his tongue seeking dominance over hers and Katniss watches him, eyes wide open while he does. The stubble of his chin scratches her skin as he devours her, his tongue delving against her as though she’s some elixir he needs to survive.

            All at once, he pulls away, his blue eyes dark with need as he slips down her body, pulling her pants with him as he goes. His lips meet the inner side of her thigh with such reverence it makes her want to cry. His broad palms find the back of her legs and pull them apart, gently spreading them as he continues to place kisses along her thigh until he reaches it’s end, faced with the pale green panties she had mindlessly slipped on this morning.

            He leans in, pressing his face to the thin fabric and breathing deeply, his breath hot against her already heated folds. She trembles, her legs closing against his shoulders as a hand finds the back of his head, burying her fingers in his rich, golden curls.

            Peeta brushes a hand over her panties, feeling the dampness already pooling there, and smiles. He nuzzles the soft skin of her thigh, the roughness of his jaw causing the skin there to pebble.

            “So fucking wet already, Katniss,” he mutters against her, his words vibrating through her core. “I could get drunk on the smell of you.”

            She gives a quiet moan and rolls her hips, wordlessly begging for his mouth. Peeta dips gleefully between her legs and his lips immediately lock around that hidden bundle of nerves, sucking strongly as he flicks his tongue over the tiny bud.

            “Peeta.” She cries lowly, her fingers clenching against his scalp.

            “Katniss,” he copies, lapping his tongue over her center before smiling up at her, his blue eyes alight with fire. “Tell me what you want.”

            “You.” She answers simply, closing her eyes as she lets her head fall back against the soft covers of the bed, holding his head between her thighs where his curls brush softly against her skin.

            Without another word, Peeta hooks his fingers under the waistband of her panties and tugs them down. His tongue finds her center again and slips through her folds, dipping inside of her and earning a gasp as he does. Katniss drags a labored breath, her fingers shaking unsteadily.

            “Peeta, please,” she begs quietly.

            He moves away instantly, peering down at her with a mischievous air. He kisses her slowly, the musky taste of herself still heavy on his lips.

            “What Katniss? What are you begging for?” he teases, his fingers probing gently against her hips. He lowers his lips close to her ear before he whispers, “Do you want me to fuck you? Do you want me buried deep inside of you?”

            She whimpers, unable to form a coherent response as her hands grapple at his pants, messily attempting to push them over his hips. His eyes are dark as they watch her struggle, allowing her time to push his underwear down as well to reveal his ridged cock.

            “Katniss, tell me.” Peeta commands, earning a wide-eyed look from her pretty face. She’s not used to this side of him. He has shown it so rarely in the past, but tonight he needs her to tell him.

            “I need you,” she whispers hesitantly, grey eyes peering up at him as her tiny hand wraps around the soft, heated skin of his cock.

            Peeta can’t help but thrust against her grip, struggling not to groan and collapse against her, begging her to pump that small fist over his length. He weaves his thick fingers through her dark locks, ruining the neat braid she keeps her hair in. A deep furrow creases his brow as he works himself against her hand, his eyes straining as he tries to hold back a deep grunt of bliss. Bolts of pleasure make their way through him, travelling straight to his groin.

            “Fuck.” Peeta breathes, the air passing his lips and teasing the downy hairs near her ear.

            He wants to hold out. He wants Katniss to beg him for what she wants, but he’s not sure he’s capable of such discipline. Muscles tighten in his belly and he pulls away from her grip, knowing if he doesn’t this evening will be over far too soon.

            “Peeta,” Katniss trembles beneath him, “Please. I need you in me.”

            He grins at her timid words. He wants nothing more than to bury himself inside of her and never leave. He reaches towards the drawer of the bedside table where the condoms are but Katniss stills his hand, looking up at him shyly.

            “Don’t.”

            Peeta frowns and shakes his head. “Katniss, don’t be ridiculous-“

            “I’m on the shot,” she confesses, shrugging halfheartedly. “I have been since I went to the doctor to be sure.”

            He stares down at her, blinking slowly as he realizes what this means. “Katniss, we don’t have to- we could still use one.”

            She shakes her head slowly. “I don’t want anything between us tonight.”

            Her cheeks blush the most beautiful pink Peeta has ever seen. He didn’t think it was possible for him to love her more, but it seems she only continues to prove him wrong.

            Wordlessly, Peeta presses himself against her folds, teasing her before slipping slowly inside, releasing a shuddering sigh as he does. He has never felt more whole than he does tonight. She holds his gaze as he moves inside of her, burying himself as deeply as he can. He tugs at the cups of her bra, releasing her breasts from their confinement so he can lower his mouth and suck a rosy bud between his lips, nipping softly.

            “Peeta!” she whines weakly, wrapping her arms around his neck, holding him close to her.

            He thrusts deeply, earning a moan from her that entices him to do it again and again and again. He finds her clitoris with his thumb, pressing firm circles over the small bundle. She sighs, cries, shudders, squirms. Peeta revels at the way her body responds to him, the way her legs firmly wrap themselves around his waist as he snaps his hips against hers ruthlessly. All at once, she’s chanting his name so close, tightening around him. Her nails claw desperately at his back, begging him to take her over the edge of this precipice he’s brought her to.

            He places his hands at the backs of her knees and presses them towards her chest, thrusting even deeper, grunting with his efforts as he feels her warmth clench around him. Katniss let’s out a strangled cry of pleasure, the precursor to her impending climax and Peeta pulls out quickly, earning an angry shout from her as her grey eyes snap open and she glares up at him.

            Peeta smiles, administering a line of kisses over her belly, across her chest, up her throat, until finally reaching her lips, his tongue dipping past her lips. He moves, laying down beside her and wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her so they are spooning one another. His cock brushes her backside briefly as he shimmies into position.

            Katniss opens her pretty lips to ask him what he’s doing, but he thrusts inside of her with one strong snap of his hips, turning her words into a gasp, which quickly transforms into a moan. He feels so much bigger from this position. She has always loved it and she throws her head back to rest against his shoulder in bliss now as he thrusts into her at a quick pace.

            “Fuck, Peeta,” she moans deeply, sounding like a woman possessed, which Peeta thinks she might be as she bucks her hips back to meet his every thrust. He reaches a large, calloused hand between the cleft of her thighs, teasing her relentlessly, biting softly at her shoulder.

            “Come for me,” Peeta demands, his voice gruff as he continues to drive into her. “I love you, Katniss. Come for me.”

            All at once, her back arches against him, her muscles turning ridged as she lets out a breathless cry, a hand reaching back to find his as he laces his fingers with hers. Her walls clench around him as he thrusts into her more gently, helping her ride out her climax as she lets out a tiny whimper with each movement. Peeta buries his face in the crook of her neck and with one final thrust, a wave of euphoria washes over him, to the tip of every nerve in his body. He spills over inside of her, pouring his warmth in her as his cock throbs and he pants heavily.

            His shaky hands find hers, holding her close to him as they regain use of their bodies once more. Katniss melts against him, boneless in her bliss. Peeta slips out once he softens again and she can’t help but squirm at the feel of his semen following. It’s unusual though not completely unwelcome. She immediately misses his presence inside of her, noting how empty she feels.

            Peeta rests his cheek against hers bringing one of their hands back to her belly and brushing his thumb over the taut skin. He needs to tell her; he needs her to understand.

            “I would love to have children, Katniss, but I _need_ to be with you. I want us to be ready and I want you to want our children as much as I do. I’m not going to force you into something you’re not ready for or don’t want.”

            “I’m not sure I can do it,” she whispers quietly, afraid that he might change his mind when he hears her confession.

            He just chuckles softly.

            “I know you can. If you decide you want to, you will be the best mother a child could ever hope for, Katniss. Look at how you were with Prim. You love with your whole heart. You would do anything to protect those that you care for.”

             She turns just enough so she can meet her gaze with those comforting blue eyes and she can’t help but smile. This man has so much faith in her. Maybe he’s right. Maybe she could be a mother one day, but with so much uncertainty in the world, the idea still frightens her. She’s not sure she could live through another loss like she had to with Prim.

            “We would keep them safe,” he murmurs against her hair, pressing a gentle kiss just behind her ear. Peeta knows her well enough to know her exact worry. “I wouldn’t let anything happen to you or anyone that is a part of you.”

            Katniss snuggles in closer to him with a soft sigh. Maybe she’ll be ready one day. But for tonight, at least she knows she still has him. Her heart swells against her chest as she twines her fingers tightly with his.

            “Every minute I love you more than the last,” she admits with a tiny laugh. It sounds corny, more like something Peeta would be prone to saying, but Katniss can’t deny the truth in that one simple sentence. She has never loved Peeta Mellark more than she does right now.

            Peeta doesn’t say anything in return and she starts to worry that she’s done something to upset him. Her fears are quickly quelled when she hears the deep snore that slips past his lips, tickling the wispy hairs against her neck. Katniss laughs again but pulls the covers closer, allowing her eyes to drift shut and claim the first truly restful sleep she’s had in a month. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to let me know what you think! I love hearing from you. I haven't had a chance to answer every review from the last chapter but I will be working to catch up on them tonight hopefully. Just know I truly appreciate each and every one of you that takes the time to read and leave your feedback. If you want, you can always follow me at therebelliondies dot tumblr dot com

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure if I might add more scenes in at some point in the future so I'm going to leave it open for that. There were a lot of things/details I left out for the sake of shortening this already long oneshot for PiP. Feel free to bookmark it or follow it on fanfiction where it will be posted later today.
> 
> *So there is definitely more chapters in the works now. I had too much fun writing this to leave it as a oneshot. I've also upped the rating to E because of the next chapter I've started writing and fixed the category from F/F to F/M oops.


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